If you recently broke up with someone, you may feel anxious and scared. These tips on how to find peace of mind after a break up are inspired by a reader who is confused and unhappy.
In The Hardest Peace: Expecting Grace in the Midst of Life’s Hard, Kara Tippetts doesn’t offer answers for when living is hard, but she asks us to join her in moving away from fear and control and toward peace and grace. Most of all, she draws us back to the God who is with us, in the mundane and the suffering, and who shapes even our pain into beauty. If you want to go beyond my tips on how to find peace of mind after a break up, you will find this book invaluable.
On How to Get Over a Break Up When You Don’t Have Closure Miriam said, “I just broke up with my boyfriend last night..it’s so overwhelming. We were together for three weeks and he suddenly started to change He used to text me all day and all night. He found time in his schedule to be with me. Then he got a new job and started texting less…sometime he wouldn’t call me at all. He said he’s so busy, and when I call he’s busy talking to another woman, his coworker. Last night I got so angry I decided to let go of him. I don’t know if I did the right thing, how to I find peace of mind after a break up?”
Finding Peace of Mind After Breaking Up
There are two different types of break ups:
- Impulse break ups that aren’t well thought out
- Long, slow break ups that everyone knew was coming
Miriam’s break up was definitely in the first category. She broke up with her boyfriend on impulse. It was an emotional decision that she hadn’t thought through, which is why she’s searching for ways to find peace of mind after a break up.
In addition to the types of break ups, there are also two different aspects of breaking up:
- Being broken up with
- Initiating the break up
I can’t speak to all the possibilities here, so I’ll narrow it down to Miriam’s experience: an impulse break up that she initiated. Here are a few thoughts on how to find peace of mind after a break up that was impulsive and emotional.
If you didn’t initiate the break up, read How to Deal With the Pain of Rejection.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Give yourself time to process the break up
It seems to me that Miriam was a little hasty in breaking up with her boyfriend. I don’t know the details of their relationship – which is why I don’t give relationship advice! – but it seems like three weeks isn’t long enough to know if a relationship is viable. And, perhaps more importantly, she broke up with him in an emotional fit of anger. She wasn’t getting enough attention, she was jealous, and she has expectations that he wasn’t able to meet.
After a break up, you’ll find peace of mind if you give yourself time to think about what happened. Let your emotions cool off. Give your heart time to heal. Sit with the break up. Was it a mistake? You’ll find out if you give yourself time to think.
Ask yourself if you’re ready for a relationship
In my first tip on how to find peace of mind after a break up, I pointed out that Miriam broke up with her boyfriend in an emotional fit of anger. She made an impulsive decision to break up with him, and now she’s wondering if she did the right thing. I’m wondering if she’s ready for a relationship, and what her expectations from a boyfriend are.
Her boyfriend just got a new job, which is a stressful and exciting event in anyone’s life! It’s not easy to learn the ropes in a new organization with new coworkers. It’s actually exhausting and draining. He doesn’t have time to take personal calls at work, much less text her day and night like he did before. Instead of breaking up with him, Miriam might have stuck it out for a few days – or even a month – to give her boyfriend time to settle into his new job.
What about you? If your break up was impulsive and based on emotion, perhaps you’re not ready for a relationship. Maybe you acted out of jealousy or anger. Maybe you’re searching for tips on how to find peace of mind after a break up because you have a feeling you made the wrong decision.
If you’re not ready for a relationship, then you need to learn what love is. Read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages for clues.
Stop overanalyzing the break up
One of the best tips on how to find peace of mind after a break up is to get out of your own head. You broke up with your boyfriend. You and he both need time to heal, and perhaps even consider getting back together if the break up was impulsive. But right now, you need to stop thinking and start acting.
To stop rehashing and obsessing about the break up, you might reach out and help others in greater need than you. “Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit an elderly home, or engage in other types of meaningful work or community service,” says Preston in How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure. “Realize how fortunate you are. Let service fill your heart with love and gratitude, and come back with a new perspective.”
“It is our darkest moments that we must focus on the light.” – Aristotle Onassis.
Lift your eyes upwards
Ah, my favorite tip on how to find peace of mind after a break up: look up, and receive forgiveness and healing from God. When was the last time you bowed your head and let your heart connect with Him? There is no peace without God. True healing, joy, and freedom can only come from a personal relationship with the One who created you (and I’m not talking about your mom and dad!).
I pray you’ll find healing after this break up, and that you’ll also find wisdom to know what to do next. Maybe you need to apologize for acting on emotions and impulses when you broke up with your boyfriend. Maybe you aren’t ready for a relationship. Maybe you’re ready, but this wasn’t the right man for you.
My prayer is that you find peace of mind not only in this break up, but also your life. May you have peace with yourself, wisdom to know what love is, and guidance in all your relationships.
I welcome your thoughts on how to find peace of mind after a break up, but I can’t offer advice or counseling. You might feel better if you wrote about your relationship, though! Sometimes writing brings clarity and insight, and helps us understand things better.