It’s never too late to learn how to find a good man – even if you’re in a bad relationship right now! You can share my five tips for finding a good guy with your single girlfriends…or file them away for future reference. Because you just never know.
On 10 Qualities of a Good Man, David says “A good man takes the time to understand the secret desires and passions of his spouse and finds ways to help her live out those desires to make life interesting.” And Dee adds that a good man is responsible, truthful, a good listener, a planner, employed, financially conscious, and God fearing Biblically.
Have you thought about your definition of “a good man”? We all have different ideas. My idea of a good man includes stability and responsibility, which I thought were boring qualities when I was in my teens and 20s! Even into my 30s, I thought steadfastness and loyalty were ho-hum. I was looking for excitement and chemistry. If you’re the same way, then maybe you’re not quite ready to learn how to find a good man. Maybe you need a few adventures first.
5 Ideas for Finding a Good Man
What is stopping you from finding a good man? Take a moment to consider what’s holding you back. Maybe you live in a city or community where “there are no good men.” Maybe you don’t even believe a good man exists!
You’ll never learn how to find a good man if you believe he doesn’t live near you or exist at all. So, your first step is to become aware of your beliefs. And your second step is to change how you think about finding a good man.
1. Be willing to be surprised
A good man doesn’t show up in a sleek tuxedo wearing a sign around his neck (“I’m a good man”) offering a bouquet of flowers. (If he does, then watch out! A guy like this wants to trick a girl like you).
My favorite movie about finding a good man is Crossing Delancey. It came out in the 80s, I believe, and it was about a sophisticated New York literary editor falling in love with a guy who sold pickles for a living. She didn’t want to be with him because she looked down on his job…and she really didn’t know how to find a good man. She was attracted to an offensive, selfish, egotistical famous author who cheated on her.
You may know what you’re looking for in a man, but don’t limit yourself to your own imagination. Instead, open your heart and mind. Be willing to be surprised.
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2. Trust you will meet the right guy at the right time
Do you believe that a good man will appear when you’re ready? “Girl, I’ve been ready for 15 years,” I hear you saying. “That’s why I’m searching for tips on how to find a good man! I’m tired of trusting, waiting, being patient. I want to see some action!”
In 4 Reasons to Wait Until You’re 35 to Get Married I describe how I found a good man for me. I actually met my husband 17 years before we got married, because I wasn’t ready to commit. I’m so glad I waited; we’ve now been happily married for 11 years.
It wasn’t easy to wait, and I didn’t plan on getting married when I was 35 years old. I thought it was taking forever, and I didn’t trust that a good man would appear when the time was right. I was impatient and scared! But I was also hopeful…and I really did deep down believe that God would hook me up with the right guy at the right time.
3. Go where good men congregate
It’s not just about figuring out how to find a boyfriend – it’s about living an interesting, full life as a happy single woman! Go places you think good men hang out (and of course this depends on your definition of a good man).
Here are a few places you WON’T find a good man:
- Gambling at the race track or casino
- Drinking at a nightclub or bar in the middle of the afternoon
- Drooling over women at a bar for “gentlemen” at any time of the day
- Searching online for “a good woman” on distasteful forums or websites
- Screaming at his ex-wife in divorce court
- Trying to convince a parole board to give him one more chance in a state prison
This is generally speaking, of course. As I writer I can make up a dozen reasons why you might find a good man drunk at a casino in the middle of a workday or pleading for mercy in front of a parole board! But my point is still valid: these are not places you should actually be looking to find yourself a good man.
4. Balance patience and action
One of my favorite things about God is that He requires both action and prayer.
He doesn’t just sit back and watch us do all the work, whether we’re learning how to find a good man or hiking the Grouse Grind in Vancouver. Nor does God micromanage every situation we encounter – or tell us exactly what to do! God gives us wisdom and strength, power and freedom. He encourages us to take active steps towards whatever it is we want to achieve, and simultaneously requires us to rely on Him every step of the way. I love it!
Do tend to be “too patient”? For example, do you wait at home for a good man to find you – or do you trust that he’ll pop into your life at the right time? Or maybe you’re too impatient – almost aggressive – in your search to find a good man. Maybe you jump into relationships too quickly, or commit yourself to men before you actually get to know them.
If you’re not sure what you’re looking for in a relationship, read 8 Signs of the Perfect Boyfriend for You.
5. Get your own house in order
You’re being careful and thoughtful about learning how to find a good man – and I admire and respect that! Good for you. Too many women jump impulsively and thoughtlessly into relationships that were full of red flags and warning signs. I’ve done that several times, myself.
But it’s important to remember that part of finding a good man is learning how to be a good woman. Do you respect, love, and value yourself? Are you emotionally and spiritually healthy? Is your body fit and strong? Is your mind sharp and clear? Are you free of addictions, obsessions, destructive habits, and negative attitudes?
Good, emotionally healthy men are looking for good, emotionally healthy women. Can you give as good as you get?
What to Do Next
Read Straight Talk No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man by Steve Harvey if you want more encouragement and information about men, dating, and relationships. He describes what motivates men and provides tips on how women can use that knowledge to get more of what they need out of their relationships. Harvey also shares invaluable information about how to minimize nagging and maximize harmony at home – as well as dating tips for women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond.
Tell me one positive step you can take to find a good man today. Or, make a list of action tips! Or – and this is my new favorite thing – pretend you’re teaching your little sister how to find a good man. What advice would you give her? Write it down. Take your own advice.
What are your thoughts about finding a good man? While I don’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share what you think about how to find a good man.
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