After losing someone you vowed to spend your life with, you’re now searching for ways to fill the void after divorce. These five suggestions will give you something to hold on to through the dark nights.
These suggestions are inspired by a man whose wife recently left him. He has a young son and a big house, and feels lost and alone. He asked for tips on how to heal after a shocking disclosure from a spouse.
“My wife of five years just came back from a deployment and asked for a divorce,” said Sam on How to Take Care of Yourself After a Divorce. “I kind of seen something coming about two months ago. At that time our conversations got shorter. When she left for work I was left in a house that I really didn’t want because I didn’t think we could afford it. My son and I got into a routine to keep us from getting too bored, but I felt alone waiting on my wife. When she got back she had to stay at a hotel for two weeks because of military reasons. Long story short, on the third day back she ask for the divorce over the phone and I was devastated. When she finally was able to come back to the house she closed me out of everything and told me to get out two days later. It’s been three weeks of not sleeping and feeling a lone or being in my routine. I guess what I’m asking is how do you fill the void she left me with? Please help me try and fill the loneliness.”
What advice have you already received about filling the void in your life? I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below. Often the answer is already inside you, and you just have to dig it out.
Learning how to cope with being alone is different for everyone. My tips are inspired by my own experience with relationship breakups; I’d love to hear what helps you get through the dark nights after getting divorced.
5 Ways to Fill the Void in Your Life After Divorce
My suggestions are in the form of questions because you need to do the work. There aren’t any easy solutions, and your answers have to come from your heart and soul. You can search the internet for all sorts of tips on how to fill the void in your life after divorce, but the only real answer comes from inside you.
1. Recall how you found meaning in your life before your marriage
It’s natural to feel an emptiness in your heart even when you’re married and surrounded by a family who loves you. We were created to be in relationship with more than our fellow humans. We were created with a God-shaped void in our hearts and souls, and the only thing that can fill that void is Him.
Your divorce may be highlighting the void that was always there. You may have been distracted from it because of your spouse, kids, relationship problems, and your marriage breaking down…but there was always an emptiness in your soul.
Think about how you filled the void in your life before your divorce…will those activities, people, or things help you now?
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2. Be aware of what deepens – not fills – the void in your life now
What doesn’t work to fill the void? Maybe you’ve tried food, sex, shopping, gambling, drugs, alcohol….and nothing worked. Maybe you’ve even found healthy tips on how to fill the void in your life after divorce, such as exercise, travel, volunteering, and working.
But you’re still empty. Again, it’s not your divorce that created the void in your life. The breakup is simply making the void more obvious. You’re no longer distracted by your relationship problems, and you’re not blaming your feelings of emptiness on your spouse.
3. Give yourself time to grieve the divorce
“My fiancé of three years just ended things suddenly,” says Em on What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore. “He tells me he isn’t happy, so he can’t make me happy. He doesn’t love me anymore. He doesn’t want to try and work things out but does still want to be friends and would like me to still go on the holiday with him. He wants us to have plenty of time to talk about how we can go forward as friends. He isn’t even giving me a chance to fight for him and try to rekindle our love. I feel like we’re getting divorce even though we didn’t formally get married. Now I feel a huge void in my life. How do I fill it? How do I move on?”
The heart breaking, soul crushing pain of being left by a spouse takes time to heal. Lots of time. There is a grief process after a marriage ends, and it won’t happen overnight. But, there are some things you can do to speed up the healing process and start moving forward in your life.
The key is learning what helps YOU heal. My faith and trust that God knows what He is doing surpasses any fear, disappointment, and heartbreak I feel. What can you do to fill the void in your life after this divorce?
4. Surrender – and accept the power to change your life
If you don’t think you can do anything, if you feel like you’re stuck and hopeless, then you can learn how to fill the void in your life after divorce until the end of time. But you won’t actually do anything about it because you don’t think you have the power to change.
When you feel powerless and beaten down, you need to plug in to a constant source of power, peace, and joy. God is my power source. I believe He’s the only power source that never runs out of juice. You can tap into other types of “power” (drugs, shopping, food, etc) but that’ll never satisfy you. It only increases your appetite and makes you more conscious of the void in your life. After divorce, that void just got bigger.
May you surrender to the reality of your divorce. May you accept that for some reason this marriage wasn’t to be. May you find ways to be strong even as you search for ways to fill the void after divorce. And, may the sting of loss and rejection fade – and your heart be filled with peace that surpasses all understanding.
5. Consider how faith has helped fill the void in your life in the past
“Don’t keep the faith that you’ll be reconnected with someone you love, or that you’ll live happily ever after, or that he’ll change,” says a wise old woman in How to Keep the Faith When Love Hurts. “Instead, keep the faith that God loves you and is offering you a free, rich, deep source of life, light, and healing. When you’re trying to fill the void after divorce, keep the faith that the most awesome and overpowering source of healing, freedom, and energy is yours. All you need to do is look upwards and receive.”
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of filling the void in your life after divorce. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings of missing him.
“There are far better things ahead than what we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis.
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