Some marriages change for better or worse as soon as the honeymoon is over, while other couples change slowly over time. These tips for coping with changes in your relationship will help you move forward in peace and love.
“My husband and I were together for 13 years and married for 8,” says Danielle on Is Your Marriage Over? 6 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore. “We started out as friends. There was no question when you saw one of us, you saw the other. But as time went on, after we got married….I realized something was different. My husband changed and I changed too, I have to admit. We grew apart. I left him and decided it initiate divorce proceedings because I didn’t think I could learn how to cope with changes in our marriage. Now, looking back, I realize I made a mistake. This was three years ago and I want to reconnect with my husband but I don’t know how. We don’t have the same relationship of course. I just want to say that if you think your marriage is over, don’t rush to separate or divorce too quickly.”
I really appreciate Danielle’s comment and the wisdom she’s gained. She learned how painful divorce is, and to avoid making impulsive decisions – even if you think you and your husband are changing too quickly. It’s normal and even healthy for marriages to change over time! The trick is making sure you and your husband stay connected throughout your changes. Here are a few tips to keep you connected and Blossoming as a couple…
If you don’t think you’re married to the right man, read How to Know if Your Husband Still Loves You. But remember that articles like these aren’t necessarily an indication that you’re headed for divorce! These are just guidelines, to help you see your marriage in a different light.
How to Cope With Changes in Your Marriage
The most loving thing you can tell your husband is that if you had the choice to do it all over, you’d choose to marry him again. And, this is an important thing for you to hold on to! You and your husband were brought together by God for a reason, and your relationship is sacred.
The best way to cope with changes in your marriage is to believe – deep down in your heart – that you’re with the right man.
Expect your husband to change
I know I’ve changed in the nine years I’ve been married. I also know that people resist change, which means that my husband might not happily embrace all the changes he’s seen in our marriage! There have been less stressful changes (such as adopting a couple of dogs) and more stressful changes (going back to university to get my Master of Social Work degree). Thankfully, my husband is getting pretty good at flowing with change – but his nature is to resist it. This is normal human nature, to resist change.
If you don’t think you can handle the changes in your marriage, read 4 Ways to Blossom When the Man You Married Isn’t the Same.
Don’t expect your hubby to change the way you think he should
You can’t change your spouse or convince him to make the changes you’d like to see.
It’s important to be aware of the fact that changes in marriage happen, but sometimes they’re out of our control. Sometimes men change in ways we dread, such as becoming alcoholics or cheaters. Other times, husbands change for the better. You can’t control the changes that you and/or your husband experience – but you can control how you respond to and cope with changes in your marriage.
Embrace changes in your marriage
Even the worst, most terrible changes might actually be good news in the long run. There is always a silver lining, even if your husband becomes ill, loses all your money, or leaves you for another woman. Resisting the changes that happen in your marriage make it more difficult to cope; accepting and even embracing changes helps you cope easily and gracefully.
How do you feel about these tips for coping with change in marriage? Feel free to share your experience. Are you changing, or is your husband? Writing about your feelings is a great way to work through your emotions and get a handle on what you think and feel. I welcome your thoughts below – I can’t give advice on how to cope with marriage changes, but I am a good listener.
If you’re struggling to cope with changes in your marriage, read 6 Reasons to Stay Married.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
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