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How to Break Up With Someone You Love But Can’t Be With

Love isn’t all you need to save a relationship. These tips on how to break up with someone you love will help you see your relationship in a different light; they’re inspired by a reader’s comment on my article about dating someone who is married.

“I know I need to let him go,” says Page on How to End an Affair You Want to Continue. “If we were meant to be together, he would leave his wife. I am crazy to continue this. There were so many things that bothered me. This affair has eroded my soul, my confidence and my self-esteem. I tried to break up a few times but could not do it. I would not call or text for a few days then I would run back to him, thinking something would change. How do you break up with someone you love?”

There is no doubt that breaking up is hard to do – especially if you’re still in love with him! But the very fact that you’re searching for tips on how to break up with someone you love means that you know you need to let go. And that is where you start.


Regardless of the reason you can’t be with someone you love, these tips on how to break up will help you see your relationship in a different light.

Breaking Up With Someone You Love

If you feel like you can’t live without the person you’re in love with, then that person is the most important thing in your life. This is a huge mistake! Any time something is the most important thing in your life, you are setting yourself up for pain, loss, and grief.

Examine your reasons and motivation

In her comment, Page said she prayed to God about her relationship with a married man. When she examined her heart and motivation for being with him, she realized she had to end the affair. She was able to look at her motivation and reasons for dating him, and come to the conclusion that she couldn’t be with him.

Is your relationship filled with peace, joy, and light? If not, you know it’s time to break up. Let go, and look for a love that is healthy and good. One of the healthiest ways to break up with someone you love is to look at your reasons and motivations. If you can see yourself more objectively, you might find the strength you need to let go.

Look at your relationship from a different perspective

Imagine telling your daughter, son, mother, best friend, or coworker about your relationship. How would they react? Are you eager to share the news of your love, or are you ashamed?

If you’re ashamed of your relationship, then you don’t need to know how to break up with someone you love. You need to figure out the cause of your shame. Then, talk about your shame with the person you’re in love with. The breakup may come naturally. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy, but if you’re ashamed of your relationship then you might be able to let go with grace and acceptance.

Stop relying on your emotions to dictate your actions

Your heart isn’t a reliable tool. Making decisions because you’re “in love” and passionate and drawn to someone won’t bring you a solid, healthy relationship. Your heart is full of jealousy, immaturity, unmet needs, egocentric yearnings, unhealthy desires, and emptiness. Is your relationship is based on your heartfelt emotions? Maybe that’s why you need to learn how to break up with someone you love. You can’t follow your heart through life.

Your heart and emotions are one part of your life. Your brain, your gut instincts, and the Holy Spirit through your relationship with God are the other four parts of the healthiest life. If you’re solely relying on your heart and emotions in this relationship, then you’ll never fully understand how to let go of someone you love. Rather than trusting love or your heart to make the right decisions, be a whole person. Be guided by your whole mind, body, heart, and soul.

Find peace

How to Break Up With Someone You Love
How to Break Up With Someone You Love

Your relationship isn’t bringing peace or joy to your life. If it was, you wouldn’t be searching for tips on how to break up with someone you love! Love isn’t all you need to build a strong, healthy relationship filled with peace, joy, and unity. Love is a lovely feeling, but it’s not strong enough to carry you through the worst times. Unless, of course, you see love as action, commitment, and a conscious decision to act in ways that support your relationship.

A peaceful relationship involves two people who are 1) available and 100% committed to their relationship; 2) focused on a common vision for their life together; 3) spiritually and emotionally healthy; and 4) willing to work through relationship problems together.


If you need to distance yourself from someone you love because of an emotional health issue such as depression or extreme anxiety, read How to Break Up With Someone Who is Depressed.


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