Love isn’t all you need to save a relationship. These tips on how to break up with someone you love will help you see your relationship in a different light; they’re inspired by a reader’s comment on my post about dating a married man.
In Life’s Healing Choices: Freedom from Your Hurts, Hang-ups, and Habits, John Baker helps us learn how to heal after being hurt by other people, after hurting ourselves, and after hurting other people. If you’re breaking up with someone you love, you need to grieve and heal the hurt you will feel. Life’s Healing Choices offers freedom from hurts, hang-ups, and habits through eight healing choices that promise true happiness and life transformation.
On my article about dating a man who is married to someone else, Page said he didn’t want to break up with her but she encouraged him to take a job elsewhere. She said, “I also prayed to God that I would let him go and if we were meant to be together, we would still see each other. Then, for two years it became much more difficult to see each other. I think this is when I realized that I am crazy to continue this. There were so many things that bothered me. This affair has eroded my soul, my confidence and my self-esteem. I tried to break up a few times but could not do it. I would not call or text for a few days then I would run back to him, thinking something would change. How do you break up with someone you love?” – from How to Stop Dating a Married Man.
Regardless of the reason you can’t be with someone you love, these tips on how to break up will help you see your relationship in a different light.
Breaking Up With Someone You Love
If you feel like you can’t live without the person you’re in love with, then that person is the most important thing in your life. This is a huge mistake! Any time something is the most important thing in your life, you are setting yourself up for pain, loss, and grief.
Re-evaluate who God is
Is God part of your relationship with the person you love? In her comment, Page said she prayed to God about her affair with a married man. This makes me wonder how much she knows about God! The Christian God I know is forgiving and compassionate, but would not support her relationship with a man who is married to another woman. Never. So there wouldn’t be any point in praying for God to make it easier for the two of you to be together.
Is your relationship filled with peace, joy, and light? If not, then stop struggling to find tips on how to break up with someone you love. Instead, start thinking about the kind of relationship you want.
Look at your relationship from a different perspective
Imagine telling your daughter, son, mother, best friend, or coworker about your relationship. How would they react? Are you eager to share the news of your love, or are you ashamed?
If you’re ashamed of your relationship, then you don’t need to know how to break up with someone you love. You need to figure out the cause of your shame. Then, talk about your shame with the person you’re in love with. The breakup may come naturally. Breaking up with someone you love is never easy, but if you’re ashamed of your relationship then you might be able to let go with grace and acceptance.
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Stop relying on your emotions to dictate your actions
Your heart isn’t a reliable tool. Making decisions because you’re “in love” and passionate and drawn to someone won’t bring you a solid, healthy relationship. Your heart is full of jealousy, immaturity, unmet needs, egocentric yearnings, unhealthy desires, and emptiness. Is your relationship is based on your heartfelt emotions? Maybe that’s why you need to learn how to break up with someone you love. You can’t follow your heart through life.
Your heart and emotions are one part of your life. Your brain, your gut instincts, and the Holy Spirit through your relationship with God are the other four parts of the healthiest life. If you’re solely relying on your heart and emotions in this relationship, then you’ll never fully understand how to let go of someone you love. Rather than trusting love or your heart to make the right decisions, be a whole person. Be guided by your whole mind, body, heart, and soul.
Your relationship isn’t bringing peace or joy to your life. How do I know this? Because you’re searching for tips on how to break up with someone you love! Love isn’t all you need to build a strong, healthy relationship filled with peace, joy, and unity. Love is a lovely feeling, but it’s not strong enough to carry you through the worst times. Unless, of course, you see love as action, commitment, and a conscious decision to act in ways that support your relationship.
A peaceful relationship involves two people who are 1) available and 100% committed to their relationship; 2) focused on a common vision for their life together; 3) spiritually and emotionally healthy; and 4) willing to work through relationship problems together.
If you need to distance yourself from someone you love because of an emotional health issue such as depression or extreme anxiety, read How to Break Up With Someone Who is Depressed.
I welcome your thoughts on how to break up with someone you love below. You won’t get advice or counseling from me, but it may help you to share what you’re experiencing. Writing might bring you clarity and insight.
May you be filled with peace even as you think about how to break up with someone you love. Turn to God. Let His love and peace fill your mind, body and soul. Take a deep breath and remember that He loves you, He is watching over you, and He is waiting with open arms. He will heal you from this breakup if you give Him a chance. Give him your heart, your time, and your energy. In return you will be filled with peace and joy that surpasses all understanding.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell.
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