How Do You Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore?

There is no easy way to say “I don’t love you anymore” – but there are kind, gentle ways to break up with someone you once loved. These seven suggestions will help you be honest and compassionate with someone you don’t love the way you used to.

“When my boyfriend stopped calling and texting me, I realized to my surprise that I really didn’t care about him that much,” said JoJo on 5 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting You. “He was more like a habit in my life, not really someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So when he stopped contacting me as much as he used to I was hurt at first, but then I was relieved. I had to figure out how to break up with him because I realized I didn’t love him anymore. I think he realized he didn’t love me anymore either, but he didn’t know how to break up with me. We need more articles about how to break up without ruining somebody’s life or self-esteem.”

It’s true. We need more help, information, and articles on breaking up and letting go of relationships with love, kindness, and compassion. It’s also important to remember that a breakup hurts deeply – especially if you tell your partner that you don’t love them anymore. You can’t avoid hurting the person you’re leaving.

It helps when the person you no longer love is aware of the relationship problems. It’ll still be painful to break up – and you’ll both grieve your loss – but you know deep down that it’s better to let go.

But just because you know it’s right doesn’t mean it’ll be easy.

How to Break Up With Someone You Once Loved

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.

1. Face  your guilty or “bad” feelings for wanting to break up

Sometimes we stay in dead, unhealthy, or even abusive relationships long after we know we should leave. Why? For a million different reasons! One big one is that we feel bad or guilty after “abandoning” a man we once loved. Women often feel the need to take care of people – including men – and the last thing we want to do is hurt them. We forget that we’re actually hurting them more if we stay in a relationship out of obligation or guilt.

There is nothing bad or selfish about wanting to break up with someone you no longer love. It feels terrible, but it’s not wrong. Don’t let yourself become overwhelmed with feelings of guilt or self-loathing, and don’t second-guess your decision to end the relationship. Your time together has come to an end.

2. Accept that there’s no easy way to break up

The truth is that there isn’t much you can do to ease the pain of being broken up with. It hurts to be rejected, no matter the reason for the breakup. And it’s hard to let go of a relationship – especially if it’s your first love – especially when you once loved him. You gave your heart, mind, soul and body to him…and ending that relationship isn’t easy. Even when you know it’s right, it’s hard to break up with someone you once loved.

So, the first thing to do is acknowledge and accept that this is a hard thing to do. Do you feel sad, afraid, awkward, or terrible about saying it’s over? Be honest with the person you’re breaking up with. “I don’t know how to say this because it’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but there’s something you need to know.”

3. Have the courage to say good-bye face to face

The person you’re breaking up with deserves a face-to-face good-bye, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over. Closure is so important, for both you and your boyfriend. Don’t use email, voicemail, or text messages (or Twitter or Facebook or YouTube) to end a love relationship, even if you’ve only been together a few weeks or months.

Both breaking up with someone and being broken up with hurts, but in different ways. If you’re stuck in a love relationship because you’re scared or reluctant to break up, you have to on’t stay in a relationship longer than necessary. You’re just prolonging the pain for both you and your boyfriend.

Read How to Break Up With Anyone: Letting Go of Friends, Family, and Everyone In-Between if you’re scared or anxious about breaking up. Don’t resort to a text or email message – and don’t just ignore your ex! Get help if you have no idea how to break up with someone you no longer love.

In this book, relationship expert Jamye Waxman offers the perfect guide to every step of a breakup with someone you don’t love. She focuses on non-romantic breakups, but her tips will help anyone end any type of relationship. She provides strategies for disengaging from a friend, family member, community, or even former version of oneself.

4. Choose the time and place thoughtfully

Some of the worst times to break up with someone you love are before Valentine’s Day, after family funerals, on New Year’s Eve, at huge public events, and just before or after birthdays. Of course there’s never the perfect time or place to break up, but some times are certainly better than others.

Since you’re the one initiating the breakup, you have the advantage of already disconnecting from him. You’ve already started pulling away emotionally and physically; your ex may have some catching up to do. He’ll feel shocked, confused, and heartbroken. He won’t understand how you can be so cold and heartless – but you’re not! You’ve just already started to move on in your heart, mind, and soul.

To learn more about the psychological and emotional experience of thinking about how to break up with someone you no longer love, read 6 Things You Need to Know About Uncoupling After a Breakup.

5. Start “the talk” on a positive note

What do you love, appreciate, or respect about the person you’re breaking up with? What parts of the relationship worked well? This won’t take away all the pain of the breakup, but your partner will remember it later and perhaps feel a little better.

Chances are, the person you’re breaking up with will play back your conversation in his head later — and this is why it’s important to give him positive feedback.

How to Break Up With Someone You Don't Love Anymore

The longer you stay in a relationship that’s unhealthy or bad for you, the harder it is to break up with someone you once loved. If you’re involved in an affair, read How to Break Up With a Married Man and Heal Your Heart. You might find it particularly helpful to read through the comments, because you’ll meet many women who wish they would’ve broken up with their affair partners long ago.

6. Be honest about why you’re breaking up

This is the hardest part of breaking up with someone, even if you don’t love them anymore. Being honest takes courage and tact, but it’s the best “breakup gift” you can give. Before you sit down and talk, take time to plan what you’ll say and how you’ll say it. Don’t put off this discussion – and don’t put off your planning and preparation for the break up talk! The longer you avoid it, the harder the breakup will be.

Think about the reasons you want to leave the relationship, your partner’s personality traits, and how much control he has over the issue. One of the best ways to focus on the good parts of your relationship is to write a “relationship obituary” or legacy. Focusing on the good memories and the love you shared can help you say goodbye. It may even help you break up with someone you love without breaking his heart.

Don’t clutch the past so tightly to your chest that your arms are too full to embrace the present.

7. Let your boyfriend share his thoughts and feelings

Ending a love relationship can involve anger, tears, bitterness — or no reaction at all! Part of saying “our relationship is over” involves letting your partner share feelings and emotions. Remember that the initial reaction might be awkward (even scary and painful!), but it’ll soon wind down…and you both will be able to talk calmly. Soon, you’ll both be at the “letting go” stage.

It’s important to end “the talk” with words such as, “I can understand that you’re angry and hurt. This isn’t the way I wanted our relationship to work out, either. I’m sorry for hurting you.” Remember that the person you’ve broken up with is confused, hurt, shocked, and possibly angry. Allow him to say what he needs to — and don’t allow his perspective of you or your relationship to affect how you feel about yourself. He’s hurt, and he may say things he doesn’t mean.

Help Letting Go of Someone You Love

how to break up with someone you don't love

I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets and Practical for Healing Your Heart to help you cope with the loss of a relationship. It hurts to let go of someone you love – even if you’re not “in love” anymore. The pain of breaking up affects every part of your life: your daily routine, work, family relationships, friends, hopes and dreams for your future, and even your financial plans.

To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is to let go of a relationship! It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering who you were created to be.

For more breakup help, read How Do You Accept a Breakup You Didn’t Want?


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48 thoughts on “How Do You Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore?”

  1. I, too, am feeling very emotionally drained. Is it time to break up with my boyfriend and end a relationship I’ve worked so hard to establish? I’ve been with him for almost five years, living together for three. I’ve put up with his mild emotional abuse because he always apologizes and promises he’ll change. He says it’s not my fault, it’s his. He won’t talk about his feelings except to say he loves me occasionally. Mostly he’s quiet but I feel so unhappy and alone.

    I also feel depressed at the thought of another five years with my boyfriend, I can’t imagine 10 or 20. But I don’t know if it’s time to break up with him because I don’t want to just walk away from everything we invested in. House, relationships, family, friends, even some financial investments together. I don’t want to lose everything.

    How do you know when it’s time to end your relationship??

  2. I’m feeling very emotional drained, I have been with my husband 33 years and married nearly 25 years I have put up with his domestic abuse for 32 years and emotional abuse I fell poorly 4years ago and confined to a wheelchair I know he as been having an affair or affairs since I became ill I had two heart attacks last year and I know he was seeing someone behind my back I found a phone number in his phone and he denied he had phoned that number and didn’t now how it got there when I pull him about things he gets very aggressive telling me he doesn’t know what I’m talking about and decides to give me the silent treatment this can go on for a week then he will gradually start bits of talking I have ebeen suffering with bad depression since last year as well he knows exactly what I’ve been going through and he obviously mustn’t care although he tells me how much he loves me and couldn’t live without me in one breath then when I approach him he becomes very nasty so I’ve never got any answers from him .all my children are grown up and me and my husband live on our own although I see my grand children a lot I’m feel I’m going mad I don’t know what to do .he as a very bad habit at looking at other women and I feel so uncomfortable because it’s happening before my eyes but he does it if I’m sat with my back to them I’ve got very black hair but it always seems to be blondes he looks at I hate him for it , he makes my skin crawl can you please give me some sort of guidance, how do I know when to end a relationship?

  3. Came accross this while looking for help in deciding what to do. My boyfriend has become emotionally distant and is suffering from a number of circumstantial challenges involving his outter property repairs (he lives in a flat) selling (mortgage lenders that will accept disabled benefits) and buying. Also he says he will lose his income support aswell if he were to live with me. After being open to having at least one more child, if things work out well between us, he informed me doesn’t have the energy to raise another anymore, destroying my hopes, and this hurt me quite alot. I feel his ex has stolen all his best years, obtained a child bond from him leaving no more room for anymore , after a painful divorce and needing support due to her learning disabilities. I feel his has been expended due to these issues and hasn’t any ability to feel love and hope and happiness anymore, thus feel its destroying what little happiness we had. if I get upset, he closes up, he says he feels drained, when I try and talk to him. I hope that when he finally sells he will get his “soul back” and see clearly again. But there are times when I feel he is wasting this relationship away and my own hopes and desires. I am seeking God to help me know what to do. My friends hate what this is doing to me and feel I should walk away, but I don’t want to be hasty. He cannot understand why I feel resentment towards his ex! I don’t want to, but this behaviour of his is making me feel that way.

  4. Sometimes the hardest things in the world are the “most right” ones! It’s never easy to break up with someone – especially when you still love him. Even if you don’t love him anymore and you know breaking up is the best thing…it still hurts. Saying goodbye is hard.

  5. I was in a relationship for 5 years. The first three were good, we had some problems (how much weed he smoked, how often he was late, how “needy” I was), but I was in love with him. We had gone on trips (all Of which I paid for), but then at the three year mark he blindsided me and told me he had been sleeping with prostitutes the whole time. I was so hurt, but I loved him, so even though I said we should take a break from our relationship we still continued to act as we were together – I went on a few dates, and I met someone great but I stayed with my boyfriend.

    He said he stopped seeing the prostitutes, he changed his number, and he did better, he showed up more and told me he was in love with me, but as time passed I was still so angry and sad, I couldn’t stop thinking about the great guy I had met. I wanted to be with my boyfriend but it just wasn’t working for me any more, no matter how much I wanted it to. I tried so hard to get past feelings of resentment or hurt because I loved him but I couldn’t so I had to end it.

  6. Most people go through a break-up (or several break-ups) in their lives. If you’ve ever been through it, you know it can be painful even if it seems like it’s for the best. If you’re thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it’s normal to wonder: “Will things get better?” “Should I give it another chance?” “Will I regret this decision?” Breaking up isn’t an easy decision. You may need to take time to think about it.

  7. We’ll, I’ve been with my old man for 5 years, we broke up once in between but got back together six months later. We have a son together (he’s 4) and the only place I have to stay is with him. He has changed a lot just for me and says “you make my life easier,” but he doesn’t do the same for me. He has back problems, some brain damage, and severe anxiety, and he uses every doctors excuse or issue he has to reason why I have to do it all. I’ve been the only one working for four years, I clean when I get home, and take “my turn” taking care of my son. I feel so dead inside about everything. We’re polar opposites and the saying is far from true. My family hates him, I haven’t seen or heard from my grandma in probably almost a year now. His own family that we live with treat him like he’s a stranger. We’re stuck living there on my paychecks and of course, I pay for everything, including rent just to sleep on the floor. I don’t know anyone anymore and he has his fingers in all of my accounts, “relationships are to be open, nothing to hide.” I haven’t had even a chance to save money and he finds things he needs. I want to be able to say I love him still but everything anymore is like knives around him. He’s not aware of emotions, I have to ask for things like hugs or shoulder rubs. He says he loves everything about me and wants to get married, he went from being a complete jerk to getting help for his anger issues and medicine to keep his anxiety/mood calmer, all “for me” and I still can’t shake the times he had his hands on me ages ago. ( He hasn’t since 3 years now) I don’t know what to do anymore, let alone feel.

  8. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and the first year and a half was rough. I had just recently gotten a divorce and found him on a dating website. He was very persuasive, and led you to believe that you’re the one. The first couple of months were lies upon lies.. flirting with other women on social media, going on trips to see other women. He denied it to no end, then mastered the art of sweet talk and quit his job and moved into my house in a matter of months. He has 5 children, that turned into 6, and now 7. 5 if them from the same women, and 2 from different. I recently found out about the 7th through a letter in the mail from child support. He was never even gonna tell me about that one. Throughout it all I treated him like gold, was understanding and forgiving to a point. After taking care of him for the first year and a half, he now helps with money, because I only make him pay utilities and cable, so he has extra to play with. He will now spend money on me, buying things for me, and taking me out for dinner. We are leaving on a trip to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks and the trip is on him. He says hes paying for it all. I thought, well I have paid for numerous trips and its his turn. Long story short, I am so emotionally withdrawn from this relationship that i am just going through the motions. I dont know what to do or how to break it off with him. Help

  9. Okay so… everything started in January, 2018, I already knew him (he was a grade lower than me), and he asked me to dance with him in a party but since it was the first time someone asked me to dance, so I rejected him. After the party, I apologized to him for rejecting his invitation. Months after he confessed to me in Valentine’s Day, I rejected him again. One month later (March) he confessed again in a party, I rejected him AGAIN. We started vacations in June, and didn’t see each other again until September, we had a couple of problems and didn’t talk for like 3-4 weeks, I apologized for ignoring him. After my apology, he misunderstood my intentions, and thought that I liked him, but I didn’t like him. After somedays I actually started to like him, we never became boyfriend and girlfriend, because I wasn’t ready for a relationship. So after a couple of months, he started having family and mental problems. So we didn’t talk to much. But now I just can’t… I don’t feel the same way I used to feel back in October… I want to “break up” with him, even though we never became officially a couple, but I am afraid that if I tell him that I don’t like him anymore, I am going to trigger his depression again, and I’m gonna feel guilty about it. Can someone help me on how to tell him, without feeling guilty afterwards?

    p. s: I apologize for any English mistake, English isn’t my first language.

  10. There is no easy or good time to break up with someone you don’t love anymore. Breakups hurt, even when both partners know the relationship isn’t healthy or moving forward. But just because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s wrong to break up.

    I don’t know your exact circumstances, and I don’t want to tell you it’s time to break up. But, I do want to encourage you to take time to listen the still small voice that is telling you the right thing to do. The right path isn’t necessarily the easiest one, or the one that makes you happy in the short-term. The right path is one that you know deep down is right for you…no matter how hard it is.

    May you find peace, wisdom and clarity as you decide if you should break up. I pray that you find gentle words that aren’t hurtful in the long term, and that you begin the conversation from a place of love and peace. May you find guidance and wisdom from God, who knows exactly what you and your partner need, and who can lead you in the right direction.


  11. Well i been in this relationship for about 10 year in he want to jail in i had told him as long as i got somewhere to stay he can stay but now i told him i dont want to be with him any more so now he act like he dont wanna leave.

    1. the question is do you feel the same way he feelz about you? if no then dont please him and displease yourself, its painful but you just have to let go

  12. I have n boyfriend. He’s kind and caring but the problem is that he is in another school than me. We don’t see each other often. We talk but it’s more like a relationship on a phone. I want to break up with him, but I’m too scared to hurt him. And I don’t know when I’ll be able to see him again in ‘real life’ so im thinking about doing it over the phone… Can anyone give me some advice on this situation?

    1. In any way possible, try and connect with him in person to make it more mature. Be settle with him and tell him the distance is a problem, find a way to fix the distance problem and if he doesn’t participate in trying to fix it then break up.

  13. Hi
    I fell in love with my best friend, Nikolas. He made me laugh m!or than ever. I felt butterflies every time I head his name, or his name was called. I dated him for a while, but then he said he had to move…..And that was the end. Well….he never moved, and has dated 6 girls after me. All of which are some of my best friends. He’s currently dating my ex best friend(who is a b***h). BTW, my ex best friend and I aren’t friends because of him. She’s afraid I’ll take him away from her. 😡😡😩😤😭😭

  14. Thanks for being here, and sharing your thoughts on how difficult it is to break up with someone you don’t love anymore! I totally agree with you: sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. It’s painful to let go of a relationship, especially when you have a history together. You loved each other once, but if you see no way forward then there isn’t much point holding on. Sometimes you just have to move towards the future… And sometimes that involves learning how to break up with someone you loved once, but don’t anymore.

    May you find healing and peace, and may the transition to this new season in your life go smoother than you expect.


  15. Hi
    Firstly to say thank you and bless you for your time and this wonderful blog/site (sorry not very Tec minded) its great. I’ve been in a relationship now for nearly twenty years and we’ve had ups and downs like everyone. What tends to add pressure as well is financial problems. The other is a boss who is good at grooming and a wife who buckles under such in stead of saying NO. I should have left then as I was angry and hurt but I didn’t and after tripping the fool up and getting to the bottom of it she left the place/ him. He was after one thing and though I was told it never happened there was to much to say otherwise. You might think it was him firstly, and you’d be right but she changed overnight I think it was the excitement. Plus with the other problems it tipped the balance maybe. We tried to repair and get on and for a while it worked, also we were and are lucky to be blessed with a wonderful daughter. But I found it difficult to clear my mind and in under a year I’d moved out. I’ve kept close and even tried to move back in and smooth things out but 8 yrs on and I now realise I am not in love anymore. I haven’t had another relationship and there is no one else but I realise it’s no good staying together. I understand it’s not fair on her as she could and I hope would find love and be happy. I no I don’t make her happy though she says I do. So I need to say I’ve had enough and we both need to 1 be there for our daughter which we will. And 2 try to move forward with our lives, I know I’ve the advantage as I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I just hate hurting the one you’ve loved in many ways even though ive been hurt. Plus it’s not just us there is another in this who I know will be hurt. Saying you’ve had enough is difficult and unpleasant. What’s the term cruel to be kind maybe? I just no in my heart it’s time.

  16. Hey evryone im a 29 year old iv been in this relationship with my babys father forever since i was 17 about a year ago he became violent and also messing around with all types of girls ….i want out but dont know what more i can do i allready have an court order against him but yet hesitates to put him in jail because of our daughter ….i am well educated and has a very good job …i am just strugling to get this man out of my life ….he swears i will marry him …i now just live with all his doing to prevent fights i feel im locked in this cage where im afraid to do anything or say anything need advice im so tired of all this nonsense he will not leave me alone bare in mind this is a violent person and hes gang related now….

  17. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and he’s been living with me and my parents for 5 months because his dad started hitting him and threatening him. I’m only 15 and an only child and still at school. Its been very stressing and hard and we fight non stop, I thought i loved him but it seems to have faded away and I feel caged into the relationship. Him and his dad are fine now but he still lives with me. I no longer want to be in the relationship but I feel guilt tripped because he says he’s going to kill him self or self harm if I leave him and he says I’m the only one he has left. Even though he has the rest of his family and his friends. I’m never happy and I don’t remember what it’s like to be myself. I don’t know how to end things with him because I still care if he’s safe because he’s like a brother to me. Please help.

    1. I am in the same shoes as you, I’m 17 with a 21 year old boyfriend who is couch hopping in mine and my grandma’s place. He was so amazing at first then the feeling just started fading – he wouldn’t let me go out with anyone and if I did he wanted to either be with me or keep CLOSE contact with. We broke up on Thankgiving but shortly got back together, now we are fighting again. Don’t be afraid to have a back bone with your boyfriend. Tell him it isn’t repectful to live under the same roof as you and that maybe we should stick to a weekend routine because seeing your significant other every day can get exhausting and boring. Be forward because communication is key in a relationship and if he doesn’t understand or gets angry, then you should know where that leads. My ex has terrible jealousy problems, if you feel trapped just know there are people who will support your decision to break up.

  18. hi,
    My story is a little weird and different, I have been into many relationships but I always broke up with them. I love only one person that is my best friend, i never told him about it, i don’t have the guts, don’t want to lose him. we know each other from the last 6-7 years and i love him from the very first day we met. I always got into relationships and broke up as he was always on my mind. He is in a relationship now, me too, but I am not happy with my relationship and want to break up, but my boyfriend truly loves me, I don’t want to hurt him either, please tell how to break up with someone I don’t love so I can be with someone I do love.

  19. Hi , so I have been with this man for six years we have a child together and we each have one from previous relationships. I was once so I love with this man I could spend forever with him. However more and more I feel used in our relationship and that it is one sided. I work and take care of the children with everything and do most of the house work. He also works but it is a completely different shift and he never sees the family. When he is home he doesn’t want to go with us to kids events. He is very greedy with money. He insists on having spending money all the time even though we have very little left after bills each month. He pulled out of his 401k so he could have money to modify his truck. He spend $3k in a month and never once paid a bill. The kids received nothing nor myself. His ex has recently taken us back to court for child support which is normal but for some reason he is trying to find ways out of paying it. I told him I wanted to buy something with my. We have not been intimate in a very long time nor do I feel attracted to him anymore. I feel like financially he is taking us under. (The person i used to be would not let this happen. Before him I paid everything g on time or in advance and my savings was amazing) I feel I would and could survive better with out him. I feel I can not rely on him anymore because he misses a lot of work for dumb reasons (head ach. Bored,) which puts us in a pinch. My father asked me the other day when taking him to the dr. “On your bfs days off doesn’t he ever watch the kids so you can do something alone” my reply “no”. I feel like a single parent already and am so disconnected from him already I feel myself ignoring him
    How do I get out without hurting the kids!!!

  20. I’m writing because my husband is leaving me. I understand it not an easy decision to take. He tells me that he’s really hurt and doesn’t know if it’s the worst decision of his life. I respect his decision but unfortunately, we will have to live in the same home for a couple more months. He treats me kindly but constantly makes me feel that I still have to do things for him. I’m trying to take distance given the circumstances but he doesn’t seem to feel my suffering and takes my actions as inmature. I understand that he’s hurting in his way but this is so painful.

    1. Start by dicussing it out with him in person, definitely bring a friend with you for guidance and shelter if things go bad. if they get worse then definitely block him then! Jealousy and anger are terrible when it comes to break ups! Be forward with him on why you broke up with him, tell him that you once loved him the feelings chance, especially if you’re just starting adult life.

  21. Dear Sooty,

    I’m sorry you lost your husband – that’s one of the most difficult things in life to face. It sounds like you cared very deeply about your husband, you love him so much, and you’re still struggling to let that love go. I don’t think we ever really get over the death of a husband we dearly and deeply loved.

    With this new man you’ve been dating… it sounds like he is a great guy. He cares about you, and he clearly enjoys spending time with you! You’re a lovable woman :-)

    I can’t tell you what you should do about this relationship but I do encourage you to listen to your intuition. It sounds like you already know what you need to do – you want to break up with him because you’re not in love with him. But, you don’t want to hurt him or have an argument about why you’re breaking up.

    Here are my questions for you:

    What would it be like to stay in this relationship and continue struggling?

    Imagine yourself three months, six months, one year from now. What do you think you will have wished you had done about this relationship?

    What is your biggest fear about breaking up with him?

    If you’d like to answer these questions here, I’d be happy to hear from you again! But I really encourage you to take time to write down your thoughts on these questions. Often writing can help us figure out what our deepest fears and concerns are, and can help us see what we need to do with clarity and insight.

    May you find the strength and courage you need to move forward in your life – whether it’s in this relationship or not. May you be blessed with wisdom, compassion, clarity, and love for both yourself and others. And may you remember that making the right decision for you will ultimately bless other people’s lives – even if they can’t see it yet.



  22. I was widowed a few years ago. I was left with my children to raise. I met someone within a year who pressured me into seeing them. It was the ring decision. It felt good to be desired but he turned out to be manipulative and have ulterior motives. I was with him 18 months but ended it. I moved on. Around 8 months later I met a wonderful gentleman. Through a dating site. However, as wonderful as he is I am not in love with him. We have been dating and seeing each Other a couple of times a week for 9 months. As a busy working single mother that’s all I have time for. He loves me, so kind and complimentary. He is happy with our dating schedule. He is ex military and divorced with grown up children, who he rarely sees it contacts. I just feel nothing like he does and now feel like I am trapped. We don’t seem to have a deep emotional connection, well I don’t.. I know i am going to hurt him by ending the relationship. Its the cliché… Its not you it’s me… I have no idea if it’s because of being suddenly widowed and the effects of being in a mentally abusive relationship following my husband’s death, but I am also still in love with my husband. We had a good strong marriage and for the most part were very happy. There is no chemistry on my part. I can’t talk to him about it as he thinks we have the perfect relationship. I don’t want it to get to a year or 18 months As he will be more involved emotionally but I just cant see a way out. Thought about sending a letter but that is really mean. My confidence depleted over the last few years and I’m dreading there being an argument and confrontation when I do end it. Any advice?

  23. Thank you for writing about your experience – it takes courage to share what you’re going through! It’s a difficult place to be and a hard decision to make. How do you break up with someone if you aren’t sure you love him, or if you don’t know if you’re together for the right reasons?

    You sound like a self-aware and insightful woman, and you’re willing to take time to make the right decision. I can’t tell you if you should break up with your boyfriend, but I do have a few questions that might help you see your relationship differently.

    Coming up with your own answers has a much greater effect than me giving you advice – especially since I really don’t know enough about you or your situation to tell you what to do.

    How is this relationship affecting your behavior, thoughts and emotions?
    How does this relationship protect you from being vulnerable or hurt?
    How does it give you power and control?
    What would it take to make this relationship painful enough to break up with your boyfriend?
    Which path (staying in this relationship or breaking up) leads to more life, possibilities, and purpose?

    Go where the life is. Find ways to clear noise and clutter of unhealthy attachments, bad relationships, unhappy people. Listen to the still small voice of God – of divine wisdom and power! Be quiet so you can hear.

    Own up to the choices you’ve made and aren’t making. Don’t let past decisions ruin your future…you may grieve your loss, but you will be alive and growing a healthier future. You will be Blossoming.

    Here’s another article that may help:

    How to Deal With Your Fear of Being Alone

    Take care of yourself. Listen for that still small voice – for you are smarter, stronger, and braver than you know. And stay in touch! Sign up for my Blossom newsletter; I will send weekly inspiration and encouragement :-)


  24. I have a boyfriend. He loves me but the thing is. He’s my ex’s cousin. Once my ex left me for another girl after using me, his cousin came into the picture. We started talking and well he says he loves me. I don’t know what to do. At first i had strong feelings for him but the more i’m around him I feel strange. Like it’s wrong but maybe it’s just the effects still gaining on me from my ex. I don’t know honestly. Maybe time will fix these feeling I’m getting. If you know anything please help.

  25. i’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years…he really really loved me at first and i didnt show any intrest in him and when i did, everything went bad suddenly and he asked to be away from each other for 3 months…then he came back and he was so srry and promised to never leave me again… but after 3 months we fighted a lot again and he wanted to go, i asked him not to go and he stayed for 1 month or so but again he left and when he came back, he was srry again :|…. last month we had arguments and for the THIRD time he asked me to give him space for a months but again he waited for some time and then he left but came back after 4 days … the first day he was so nice and kind and the second day (which was today )he was just mad at me for stupid and really unimportant things that are not even worth talking abt let alone arguing,…im even afraid to tell him how i feel or tell him that im hurt or sad bcs everytime i do, he gets mad or makes me feel like its my fault and in the end im the one who should apologize…i dont know if i still love him or not…i wanna break up but i cant?

    1. I wonder if your boyfriend is my boyfriend??? We’ve been together “off and on” for two years as well and it’s always the same pattern….get together …. Fight … He leaves and we lose touch for weeks or months… Then he comes back out of nowhere and same routine begins. He also picks fights over the dumbest things… And his actions do not correspond with his alleged love for me. Because of this back and forth.. I fell out of love with him.

      This weekend I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do but this type of relationship is NO GOOD. Trust me…. Once I stopped giving in to his childish, unwarranted gripes and accusations, I became empowered and finally got the courage to end it.

      Life is too short and you deserve gold!!! And this guy can be a sociopath, psychopath, player, who knows. And trust me when I say this.. You will get to a point where being in your own company…all the time…will be your preference over seeing him for even just a couple of hours.

  26. Am still young, am in two relationships. I love one guy, not the other one, and want to break up with them both. Dated one for 1/2 months and the other we have been together for two years. I am afraid to break up with the first one because he really loves me but I don’t feel the same like I used to before. It’s a long distance relationship, even if he is coming back. I want to settle down with one guy but I don’t know if he too is the right one, I am really confused I want to stay loyal to whoever I date….and I want to give it a try with this new guy I know and I think I love him tooo.

  27. So, I have been engaged for two years to a girl I thought was important to me, she’s always been there for me, supported me in everything. But recently I had a very important woman come back into my life and I feel every single thing I used to feel about her. The woman I am engaged to has nowhere to go. I don’t want her being homeless. I love the other woman more than the one I am engaged to. What do I do

  28. It’s hard because of guilt. I mean, I love my bf of 3 years. But he is basically a jerk whenever I try to talk to him about relationship issues. It’s gotten to the point where I must make him promise not to show anger if I have something important to say. I walk on eggshells, I talk gently and sweetly, but he is so unapproachable that we never settle things. Of course the same arguments keep coming up because nothing is ever solved. It got to the point where I clearly stated what I needed from him in an emotionless letter. He said he ripped it up. He laughs at couple’s therapy. He laughs at me when I tell him what I need. It’s so hurtful. Yet I love him and want to keep trying. He’s taking me for granted and I know it. I feel a mixture of hatred for him and terrible guilt for wanting to abandon him.

    1. why would you feel guilt? frankly, it sounds like you have every reason to leave. he blatantly shows you he doesn’t care by laughing in your face and ripping up your letters… what’s there to feel bad about?

      he sounds emotionally abusive, and he’s doing it on purpose. pick yourself up and leave; be stronger than you want to be, and leave the man who ignores you.

  29. I was with someone for 16 years and I have ask about marriage 3 times and all 3 she said she wouldn’t make a good wife, she is 54 and I’m 47 and she has been going through menapouse. And 30 days ago to this date we were out of town and she wanted to go back home as she told me that her desire for sex was gone and she doesn’t know why..well we drove back home and I took a nap and left her house and came back 2 hr later and she told me to leave and I did and she stop answer my calls and text and told her family 2 days later that we were over, and didn’t tell me. I have spoke to her 4 times since and each time she has told or given me a different reasons for what she did. We had 4 trips set and paid for and she cancel them all saying she cannot go on a romantic trip because she doesn’t feel romantic..she still has my stuff and I have her keys and she just won’t talk to me and it’s killing me because my world has stop and I don’t know what’s going on. How to break up with someone you don’t love anymore?

  30. Hi,
    I’m married and while going through a tough patch in my married life, I got a lot of support from this guy, and we ended up liking each other. However, in a few months I realised what was happening was wrong and in the meantime, me and my husband sorted out things. I wanted to break free from the guy, but now he is blackmailing me and threatening to ruin my life, if I do so. My husband knows about this fling, and is very supportive and standing by my side. Dont know how to get rid of this guy who is turning out to be a psycho!
    Feel so guilty and stuck up!

    1. if your husband knows and supports you, what are you afraid of?

      tell the guy to buzz off. he can’t ruin your marriage, so what power does he have?

      anybody ELSE who judges you harshly for a mistake you made and already confessed to, and made amends for, isn’t anybody worth worrying about. you have the love, trust and respect of your hubby again, so… good, let him tell people! you know the truth and acted with integrity by discussing already.

      the blackmailer has no power anymore, except your fear. stop being afraid, and stop letting him run your life.

      you’re already running it just fine!

  31. I recently got a new boyfriend, we’ve been dating for a week now but I have lost interest because I never see him. I want to break up with him and I don’t love him anymore, but I don’t know how. I’m just too scared I’ll hurt him because he likes me

    1. honey if you lost interest a week in, then i’m not sure why you ever started dating in the first place.

      if your “love,” didn’t survive the first seven days, just give him a call or tell next time you see him, that you really expected to spend time together, and if that’s not gonna happen, then there’s no point.

      and i mean… it’s only been a week, lol. you’ll both be fine. :)

  32. Even if you don’t have the courage to break up with someone face to face, you have to do it! Don’t break up with someone you love over text or email.

  33. i have been in a relationship for two years he shows no interest i supports him when i talk to any males he curses and slaps me about why am i treated this way

    1. anyone who slaps you for ANY reason, is NOT worth your time and energy.

      that’s the truth. plain and simple.

      millions of people manage to find a healthy relationship, and even UNhealthy relationships, where nobody hits anybody. and you are no different.

      leave your abusive control-freak, and find someone else. despite what he says, there IS someone better for you out there, and that someone is dying to meet you. :)

  34. I’ve been dating this guy since November and just recently we became engaged. Nothing official yet. We have only told a few people. I never want to hang out with him anymore…I have changed so much and all this stuff and I just dont feel the same. I dont know what to do. I cant break his heart… but I guess I have to. I dont have the courage to do this face to face. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    1. Talk to him about it, for sure its difficult, but he has to understand you feel rushed. Hope your okay, its difficult I know. Stay strong, do what’s good for you. X

  35. Relationships Breaking Up


    Its a good process, get yourself out of that relationship you don’t want to be stuck with, you might be miserable hurting both of you..its a nice post and thank you…