How to Be Strong After a Break Up


Even if breaking up was your choice, it still hurts deep. These ideas on how to be strong after a break up are inspired by strong women who survived devastating betrayals and breakups. I also share how I found strength after the worst break up of my life.

how to be strong after break upIn It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown, Lisa Steadman offers hope and guidance for women going through a break up. She focuses on the Big Break Ups – the ones that shakes us to our very cores and make us feel we’ll never fall in love ever again. Lisa Steadman tells readers that a breakup is not about being “broken”. Rather, she reminds us that a break up can be about celebrating who we are and figuring out how to pick ourselves up after the fall and move on. It’s about breaking up, not breaking down!

In How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About, Joyce said she recently realized she’s been depressed about her recent break up for longer than the relationship even lasted. She was with him for seven months, and has been heartbroken about the break up for almost a year. Joyce wants to encourage other women to be strong after a break up, and not let their ex-boyfriends bring them down. A relationship break up is part of your life, and doesn’t define who you are.


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How to Be Strong After a Break Up

Remember Winne the Pooh by A.A. Milne? Christopher Robin to said to Pooh: “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

That’s what you need to remember, too.

You are braver than you believe

After a break up, you may feel weak and rejected. Maybe you’re worried about what your friends and family will think, and you dread changing your Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “single.” You feel unattached and sad, and you may even feel like you’ll never be strong again. After a break up, you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you – even when you saw the break up coming.

The truth is that even though you feel scared and insecure, you ARE braver than you believe. You WILL get through this break up. You DO have the strength to tell your friends and family members, and to change your status on Facebook to single. You really are brave, even if you don’t feel it.

You are stronger than you seem

In What to Do After a Breakup – Emotional Healing, I share the Parable of the Tiger and the Strawberries. In it, the princess warrior didn’t believe she was strong. In fact, she felt so weak and defeated that she gave up. She decided to sit and eat strawberries while the tigers advanced. She didn’t realize that her decision to pause, take a rest, and refresh herself would save her. This is how to be strong after a break up: let yourself be weak. It sounds counterintuitive – who would think that letting yourself be weak is actually a way to be strong after a break up?

Sometimes we have to be broken before we can heal. God will heal your heart, but he needs all the pieces first. You will find your strength after you grieve. You will stand tall again, after you collapse in your weakness.

You are smarter than you think

I am 100% convinced that you know how to be strong after a break up. You already have all the tips and strategies, insights and secrets for healing after letting go of someone you love. You’ve already helped your sisters and girlfriends be strong after a break up. You know all the usual tips: declutter your house, get rid of all his stuff, take a new course, travel, read books on being strong after breaking up, find other women who survived breakups, etc.

The only problem with all those tips on how to be strong after a break up is that every women is different. And, every day is different. Some days, it’ll help to go for a run with your dogs. Other days, all you’ll have the energy to do is cry in your bubble bath. But you know you’re smart and lovable. You know you’ll find someone else. You’ve survived other disasters in your life, and you WILL survive this one.

You are more loved than you know

how to be strong after breaking up

How to Be Strong After a Break Up

This final idea for how to be strong after a break up isn’t from Winnie the Pooh or Christopher Robin. It’s from God. When my sister told me she never wants to talk to me again – the most devastating loss I ever experienced – I literally dropped to my knees and started crying like a baby. It was terrible. I still feel the pain, and it was eight years ago. Today, I’m definitely emotionally and spiritually healed from that break up. It still hurts, but more like a pinprick than my heart being ripped out.

What strengthens me is seeing myself how God sees me. He loves me deeply and fully, and is working all things together for my good. He would never let anything happen to me that He hasn’t approved. I don’t know why I have to go through this rejection by my sister, and I may never know. But I trust God.

How do you be strong after a break up?

You surrender to God. Accept that He knows what He is doing, and He loves you. Take time to see yourself the way He sees you. Sit still for a few minutes and bow your head. Do you feel how much He loves you and wants to take care of you? This break up is His way of protecting you from things you aren’t aware of. Bow your head in prayer, and give thanks for the good things God has brought into your life – and the good things He has planned for you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6.

I welcome your thoughts on how to be strong after a break up, but I can’t give you advice. You know what you need to do and where you need to go. You have the strength to get there! Dig deep, and be the strong woman you are.

Read What to Do After a Breakup – Emotional Healing for more tips on finding strength and healing after a break up.

May God bless you. May you feel His strength, love, and peace in your life.

xo


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5 thoughts on “How to Be Strong After a Break Up

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    It sounds like your gut knows what to do, Synthia, but you don’t know how to be strong after a break up! That is totally normal. We often know what we need to do, we know what our heart is telling us…but actually leaving a relationship is really difficult and scary.

    Sometimes it just takes time to get used to the idea of breaking up with a man you’ve been with for so long. And sometimes we need external support, from friends or family members or even a counsellor who can help us physically pack up and get out.

    Are there other ways you can start valuing yourself today? Small ways to love and care for yourself, so you can start learning how to take care of yourself in bigger ways?

  • Synthia

    I’ve been with my partner for 13 years, we have 3 amazing sons together. Over the years my partner have sought out other woman to confide in, the first time was 7 years ago, it was an extremely difficult time in my life and It was a long journey both mentally and emotionally , he knew what he was doing hurt me but continued his behaviour and I let him, it fizzled out but they still remained in contact. November last year I found out that for 6 months he has being lying to me, he was taking her daughter for driving lessons, going out to their house and turning to the previous woman’s daughter as someone to talk to. This rocked my world to the very core and it’s an emotional rollercoaster, he is not willing to see that the 2 woman he has given his time to are becoming emotionally attached to him and I’m afraid that one day he will never come home. He refuses to accept that keeping them in his life is tearing me apart. I feel so lost, I don’t know why I don’t value myself enough to just walk away??? My gut tells me I need to get out of this toxic relationship, that I need to take off the gloves and let God take over but it is not an easy thing to do

  • Doug

    hi, I met the lady of my dreams 3 weeks ago and we both fell for each other, fast! I asked her out last Tuesday and things were glorious. I expressed my feelings to her all the time and thought that falling in love like this was impossible, until she walked into my life. this morning she broke up with me and said it made her scared that I love her so much, so quickly. She told me on Monday via text that she loves me, I replied with the same. How does emotions change so quickly? I would really like to make things work between us and don’t know how to go about it. I wouldn’t like to scare her even more. I have a feeling she is scared of a relationship because of past experiences. can u advise me on what to do next please. I never thought that at 46 I wouldn’t know what to do but I am in that place now.