These tips for getting past a breakup will help you move forward, be happy, and heal the heartache that is lodged in your throat. You may feel like you’ll never feel good or whole again – but you WILL heal! It just takes time. And a little bit of tender loving care.
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put them back together.” ~ Anonymous. This is the most important thing you need to remember when you’re coping with heartache after the break up!
This is one of my favorite relationship quotations. Ending a relationship — and getting past a breakup — hurts so much, even when you know you’re no good together! But just because breaking up is hard doesn’t mean you should stay together.
1. Stay connected to who you are – your authentic self
Many women are confused and uncertain about how they should act with their ex-boyfriend, especially if the breakup isn’t final.
Here’s what Kathleen asked on one of my articles about relationship closure: “How do I turn things around and be a fun girl to hang out with again? I’m confused and anxious about approaching any oncoming situation, even things as small as our next phone call, and who should initiate it!” The best way to overcome this anxiety is to stay in touch with your healthiest, happiest, most authentic self. This means staying connected with friends and family who know and love you, expressing your thoughts and feelings in a journal, and staying as physically and emotionally healthy as possible.
To overcome heartache and get past a breakup, you need to stop catering to your fears, insecurities, or negative feelings.
2. Listen to what he says, but believe what he does
“It has been over a year and half since he broke up with me but he still tells me he loves me every time we talk,” says S.S. “I want him to come back to me completely but he says he can’t do that.” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back with you, believe him. He may say he loves you — and he may truly love you — but if he really wanted to be with you, he would.
If he says he doesn’t love you anymore, you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life. You must accept what he says and move on.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
3. Own your actions – you can take control of your life!
“I have been trying to get over my first love,” says S.S., on one of my articles about overcoming a breakup, on Quips and Tips for Achieving Your Goals. “But every time I decide to do that I end up contacting him or he tries to contact me.” To overcome heartache, you need to cut off contact. I know how hard it is to ignore text messages, emails, and Tweets! But you need to take control, find your inner strength, and stop responding when he contacts you or you want to contact him.
One of the best ways to get past a breakup is to take control of your life.
4. Stop focusing on what you can’t do
Maybe you can’t talk to your friends about the relationship breakup, can’t contact a counselor for help, and can’t understand why you can’t overcome heartache easily. Well, what CAN you do? What steps can you take towards getting past this breakup? Where do you want to be in one month, three months, six months, and a year? Write your goals down. Underneath each goal, write three ways to accomplish that goal. Stop focusing on the “I can’t” and “I wish” parts of life.
Instead, move forward towards the goals you can achieve! Read How to Forget Someone for help moving forward after a breakup.
5. Remember the dog-and-vomit analogy
It sounds gross, but hang in with me!
I recently read There Is a Season by Patrick Lane, about his journey through addiction and recovery. He said thinking about sad things in the past is like a dog returning to his own vomit. I love this analogy, and use it when I start berating myself for something I regret doing. Instead of raking myself over the coals, I tell myself that I’m not a dog and I refuse to go back to my own vomit…and I then think “Eeewwww…” and I move on! This is a very practical, effective way to overcome obsessive thoughts when you’re trying to get past a breakup.
Are you devastated by the breakup? Learn how to survive when you have nothing left.
Sometimes writing about your relationship and breakup helps you to process your feelings, which helps you heal. If you’d like to share your story, I welcome you below…
For more tips on overcoming heartache, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.