Forgiving your husband after he cheated on you could be the most difficult thing you do in your marriage. But, difficult doesn’t mean impossible!
These tips on how to forgive him are inspired by a wife who found out her husband cheated on her with an escort.
Here’s what she says, on Should You Leave Your Husband?:
“We started marriage counseling, but it was almost pointless because he would cry to the counselor about how he was a changed man and so remorseful. Because of this the counselor saw no reason to keep seeing us. I still cry daily about the cheating and it’s been a year! I feel so stuck in my pain. My husband seems “over it”, as if it never happened. When I bring it up he sighs and rolls his eyes. I would divorce him but we have a 3 year old and a newborn. I left my career to be a stay at home mom. I have no family to go to for help with rebuilding a life. I feel stuck…I think I can’t move on because I don’t understand the reason he cheated…I have NEVER denied him nor am I closed minded about sex. So why cheat on me with an escort?!?!? I am stuck in my pain. I hate my life. But I don’t want my kids to grow up without a dad like I did. Ugg I’m so sad.”
She can’t move on, and needs to know how to forgive her husband for cheating. If you’re in the same situation, I hope these tips help.
How to Forgive Your Husband for Cheating
Go with your gut
She says she thinks she can’t move on because she doesn’t understand why her husband cheated on her. I suspect she asked him why he went to an escort, but his answer didn’t make sense to her. I wish I knew what his reason for cheating was, and why she is dismissing it.
If you don’t know or understand why your husband cheated, read Why Men Cheat. It’s a summary of the main reasons men have affairs, and includes a link to a book called The Truth About Cheating.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Is your gut is holding you back from forgiving your husband for cheating? I think it’s important to explore your reason for not being able to forgive him. But, you have to go deeper than him and his reasons for cheating.
You need to look inside yourself for the reasons you can’t forgive your husband.
What is being triggered in you?
This wife mentioned that she grew up without a dad. I did, too, and it affects my marriage and relationship with men outside my marriage in deep, subconscious ways. Sometimes the littlest things cause me to react in ways that are related to my not having a father figure. This is deep psychology – and it’s different for every woman who didn’t have a dad.
But it’s worth thinking about.
Perhaps she’s stuck and unable to forgive her husband for cheating because she has issues with men she hasn’t worked out yet. Perhaps she has trust issues from her childhood that are now majorly triggered, and she can’t just forgive him and move on.
Get individual counseling
Just because the marriage counselor and your husband pronounces the marriage healthy doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck! Go, get your own counseling. Figure out if it’s your issues that are preventing you from forgiving your husband for cheating, or if you really should leave your husband because you can’t trust him again.
I am in NO WAY absolving cheating husbands of responsibility for repairing their marriages after an affair. I think this woman’s husband is an a$$hole for not only cheating, but rolling his eyes when she brings it up. He’s not being supportive – he’s the one who created this mess, and he’s impatient with her for not being able to roll with it?! That’s ridiculous.
But, as ridiculous as it is, it is reality. It’s her reality, and I believe the best way for her to deal with it is to get individual counseling. She needs to get emotionally healthy, so she can move on with her life – with or without him.
Don’t try to forgive your husband for cheating without getting help – and an objective perspective! Read After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis A. Spring. Learn how others coped with cheating, and how they moved on to be happy and healthy.
If you’re not sure if your husband is cheating, read 11 Signs of a Cheater.