You can’t change him, but can you make your boyfriend fall in love with you? This is your chance to expand your life in a way you never thought possible.
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These tips on how to make your boyfriend love you are inspired by a question from a reader.
Maybe the reason he doesn’t love you the way you want is because he simply doesn’t love you the way you love him. Maybe there’s nothing deeper or more complicated than that. He just doesn’t feel the same way you do.
How Do I Make My Boyfriend Love Me?
My reader says, “My boyfriend is very closed off, he’s never said he loves me in 4 years. If I say it – it scares him away. I stay with him because I fell in love with him. When we are together it’s great, sex is great, but he can’t communicate his feelings. If I bring up us and where our relationship is headed, he says “I need some space” or “I don’t want to talk about it right now” or he’ll go MIA for a few days to a week and what I mean by that is NO phone calls, NO text, NO emails. However, you get a few beers in him and he’s all over me. One moment he wants me there all the time and the next he disappears. I believe he doesn’t know how to love or show it. I love him with all my heart and soul, I would die for this man, but to him I’m nothing besides someone he can call for a good time. I want to end the relationship because I don’t feel that we are growing together, but I fear that if he does suffer from depression and end things that – that just might send him over the edge. I want to be in a happy-healthy relationship with him and he’s the man I want to grow old with, but I don’t think he feels the same way. I feel like I’m a relationship that doesn’t even exist, and I hurt. I want to be loved and care for by him, but I have nothing left to give. Please help me to understand the man I love – why can’t he love me?” – from How to Leave a Man You Love – But Can’t Live With.
Ouch. I’m sorry! But, you told me the truth in your comment. You know the truth in your heart: you don’t mean as much to him as he means to you. I don’t think it’s a valuable use of your time to spend more minutes and hours agonizing about what makes your boyfriend tick. The bottom line is that he can’t give you the love you want.
You can’t make your boyfriend love you more
This is the bad news: you have done everything you can to make him fall in love with you, but he’ll never love you the way you want him to. You’re not alone: I’ve written many articles about this to women who are dealing with the same pain you are, such as Why Doesn’t He Love Me the Way I Love Him?
I don’t know why he doesn’t want to say he loves you. I don’t know if he’s depressed, or simply uninterested in pursuing a deeper relationship with you. Do his reasons matter? Even if you could discern why he doesn’t love you the way you want, would it make any difference?
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Stay where you are, or move on
You have two options: stay in your relationship and accept your boyfriend for who he is right now, without professing your love and making him disappear. Love him your way, and let go of your wish for a healthy, happy relationship.
Or, you can move on and pursue a life that involves being loved, respected, and treated well. A life that gives you what you deserve – and a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
The good news about not making your boyfriend love you
This is your chance to re-evaluate your life, and expand it in a way that wasn’t possible before! Your heart will break when you break up with your boyfriend, but you will be free from obsessing how you can make him love you the way you want to be loved.
You have been fighting a losing battle, and you have the opportunity to start a fresh new chapter of your life. You are not responsible for this man, and how he chooses to live his life isn’t your business. Who he loves – and why he doesn’t love you the way you want him to – is his responsibility. It’s time to take back your life, and start giving yourself the love he couldn’t and wouldn’t give you.
What do you think? I welcome your comments on how to make your boyfriend love you, but I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling.
For help moving on with your life, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
May you find peace and healing, and stop trying to make your boyfriend love you. May you see how valuable and precious you are!