It takes seconds to say hello, and forever to say goodbye. Your heart will never be the same – but you can be happy again! Here’s how to get over a man you think you can’t live without and set your heart free.
“Letting go is indisputably one of the hardest things I will ask you to do,” writes therapist Rachel Sussman in The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce. “Although I know you are desperate to recover from your ordeal and move forward, we do tend to hold on tight to our pain, our memories, and our old love feelings out of familiarity and habit. Saying goodbye to that mindset can be very scary.”
Asking “How do I get over him?” is the first step to healing because it shows you’re ready to move forward. You’re looking for specific ways to get through a breakup when you’re still in love, and you’ve come to the right place. In this article, I share practical ways to survive the end of a relationship – even if you don’t feel like you’re ready to leave him behind.
This breakup help is about getting stronger, healthier, and happier when a relationship ends – whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him. Your relationship is over, and it’s time to start focusing on activities that move you towards health and healing.
How to Get Over a Man You Can’t Live Without
Trust me: you can live a happy, healthy, productive life without him. How do I know? Because I’m living without people I though I’d never be able to breathe without. I’m actually happier and healthier now than I was before.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can’t live without him. You’ll suffocate yourself. Instead, start actively working towards getting over this man and learning how to get over him.
1. Box up his stuff – even if you don’t move it out of your home
Sometimes we refuse to let go of the past because it’s comfortable and familiar. It’s easier to stay stuck in the past than do the work it takes to move forward. Passive healing is crying, sleeping, eating (or not eating), and choosing not to try different ways to heal. Active healing, on the other hand, is finding ways to work through your grief about the breakup so you can move forward in your life.
Do you have his stuff all over your place? Here’s the first step on how to get over him: start getting rid of everything. Seeing his clothes, toiletries, books, or other items just keeps your wounds fresh. Put everything he left behind in a box, and throw or give it away. Clearing out your home, car, and workspace will help clear your mind…which will help you heal from a relationship breakup.
2. Rearrange your home – a practical tip on how to get over a man
You’re starting a new stage in your life, right? Then your surroundings should reflect your new life. You don’t need to buy new furniture or move to a new place (though some women find it easier to get over a man when they’re surrounded by new stuff); consider rearranging your bedroom, living room, and even your kitchen. Declutter your stuff at the same time; get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year or more.
“Letting go enables you to explore the world from an entirely different perspective and see how vast and exciting it truly is,” writes Sussman in the Breakup Bible. “It prepares you to rediscover yourself, and, in the process, determine what you really want from life.”
3. Find ways to stay emotionally healthy
Maybe you’re scared to be alone. Maybe you hate eating alone, going to parties alone, and attending work events alone. That’s fair – I know I’d rather be with someone that alone! You WILL find someone to be with – after you get over this man that you think you can’t live without.
One of the questions I’m often asked is “How do I get over him?” There aren’t any easy answers, and not everything works for everyone! You need to stay strong and courageous, emotionally and physically healthy.
Healing takes time. Getting over a man when you want to be together is hard, and it requires effort. But you are choosing to let go of the past because you know it’s time. If you find yourself holding on to the past, you’re normal because our natural tendency is to hold on to the comfortable, even when it’s painful and not good for us. You’re growing, though, because you are learning how to be comfortable even when you’re uncomfortable.
If your emotions are stronger than your will to get over this man, read How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.
4. Get over him by allowing yourself to grieve your way
Sometimes women hang on to their pain, their disappointment, their anger, their misery. Have you ever met someone who was bitter and infuriated about something someone did to them 10 years ago? A breakup that happened 25 years ago? I have. Sometimes we choose not to let go of the past because it’s easier to stay put. Sometimes we simply ignore our options for healing because staying put is easier than moving forward.
Healing from a relationship breakup is different for everyone, but one thing is the same: we all need to learn how to grieve the end of a relationship. This is how to get over a man you can’t live without: go through the most painful emotions. Let yourself cry, wail, and weep. Express your pain and heartache by writing in your journal, painting dark pictures, and drawing your emotions. Go for long walks, and let the tears flow. Give yourself a few minutes every day to grieve — but don’t obsess about or dwell on your breakup.
You CAN be happy without his love or presence in your life. You WILL get over him, and you CAN live without him.
5. Try different ways to get over the breakup
Some people find breakup music really helpful, while others jump into fitness classes, travel, or meeting new people to date. Some people answer the “How do I get over him?” question with other questions: “Where do I want to be in one year? Who do I want to be with? How do I want to look, act, and feel?” Focusing on your future can be the best way to get over a breakup.
Everybody heals differently. You may need to find ways to put into words and perspective the feelings and emotions you haven’t expressed to anyone – such as by writing in your journal. Or, maybe you need to stop expressing your thoughts and feelings, and start taking practical steps to moving on with your life.
Acceptance is the key. If you really want to learn how to get over a man, surrender to the fact that the relationship is over. What is done is done. It’s time for you to renew yourself, and flourish in a new season of your life! When you clutch the old, you can’t receive anything new in your life.
6. Find something else to live for
What is the purpose of your life? If you haven’t found something meaningful and fulfilling, you’ll make a man the center of your life. This is a mistake because a man was never meant to be the purpose and meaning of your existence!
A man, a relationship, a husband – those are wonderful and beautiful additions to life. Same with children, families, beautiful possessions and lives…but those things and people aren’t the reason you’re alive today.
You’re here because God created you. He loves you and wants you to be filled with freedom, peace, and joy! He knows every hair on your head, He knows every teardrop you cry, and He hears every prayer you offer. God is the reason you’re alive – not this man that you’ve put on a pedestal.
7. Remember that getting over a man takes time
Sometimes you think you’ll never get over him; other times, you feel happy and good about your future! These ups and downs are normal. Certain days — birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays — can be difficult even years after a relationship breakup.
There are no quick and easy solutions on how to stop living in the past. But, if you deliberately choose to let go of the past you will rediscover yourself. You will figure out what you really want from life, and you will plant your own garden.
How are you feeling? I welcome your thoughts on how to get over a man after a breakup that has torn your heart apart. I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to write about your experience. Writing can bring healing, hope, and insight into your life.
Help Getting Over a Man You Think You Can’t Live Without
In The Breakup Bible – The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce therapist and breakup expert Rachel Sussman reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Not only will you learn effective tips for getting over him and surviving the breakup, you’ll emerge a stronger and more empowered woman.
Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she’s conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven 3-phase process for healing from a breakup.
The Breakup Bible takes women through three stages of getting over a man when a relationship ends: Healing, Understanding, and Transformation. She offers new perspectives and advice from real, healed women at each step.
In 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart, you’ll find a wide variety of practical and personal tips for getting over a man and starting your life over again. Best of all, you’ll find hope and healing.
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, relationship experts, grief and counselors for the most thoughtful and helpful tips on how to get over a man when a relationship ends. It’s devastating and heartbreaking to let someone go – especially because it changes how you see yourself.
May you find healing and love, light and life. May your faith carry you through, and give you strength to love and live with joy again.