How a Breakup Can Improve Your Life


How a Breakup Can Improve Your Life

A breakup can improve your life by showing you that you’re not alone, even when you’re alone… (image by Mih J Nguyen, via flickr)

Maybe you can’t see it right now, but your breakup may be the best thing ever. These ways a breakup can improve your life are from women who have experienced the benefits of breaking up.

“What if I told you that a relationship break up can turn out to be a very good thing for you?” writes Eddie Corbano in How a Relationship Break Up Can Be Your Best Experience. “ What if I said that it’s a chance to find yourself again and examine your priorities and your place in life?”

His article about how a breakup can improve your life is very helpful; I especially love how he says, “You’re standing at a crossroads – all you need to do is make the right decision about how to proceed.”


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You have a choice. You can proceed as if this breakup is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, or as if it is a painful experience that you can grow and learn from. I know it’s easier said than done, but the earlier you start thinking of how your breakup can make your life better, the more quickly you’ll heal and find your way to happiness.

3 Ways a Breakup Can Improve Your Life

Your thoughts about your breakup are more important than any other factor in determining how you will heal.

A breakup can teach you how to love yourself

“Look at that former relationship and be grateful for that person’s role in your life and the clarity you received from him or her,” writes Stacy Slawitsky in How My Breakup Taught Me To Love Myself. “Eric was a catalyst, he taught me to love someone else, but more importantly, he inadvertently taught me to love myself.  So yes, I cry and miss the comfort of our relationship (sex was never an issue) but more so, I look forward to taking the new me out into the world, liberated, free and excited for the abundance that awaits. Because I have made it very clear that I’m worth it and I’m ready for it.”

Did you love yourself when you were in your relationship? Now’s your chance to reconnect with yourself…and more importantly, perhaps even fall in love with the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

A breakup can re-ignite your spiritual connection to a Higher Power

Did your love relationship change your spiritual relationship to God, Allah, Jehovah, or the Universe? Sometimes a man can edge God out of your life. It’s not a purposeful act on his part, it’s just something that happens when we fall in love. Sometimes we focus so much on the earthly love relationship, we forget to keep spiritually connected to God.

“Spirituality can help you heal from a bad break up by giving you the sense that Someone is looking out for you and wanting the best for you,” I write in Can God Heal You After a Bad Break Up? How Spirituality Helps. “You begin to believe that all things happen for a reason – and beyond this, that Someone is orchestrating your life for a higher purpose.”

The decision is made, and you’re free to move forward in life

Here’s one of my favorite reader comments, from a woman who stayed in a bad marriage for far too long:

“You sound like you would like to leave but you’re torn by your responsibilities to yourself, your children and even your feelings for your deadbeat husband. Take it from me (45 years married), he won’t change. If you are ready to be on your own again, you need to call a hotline for abused women. They can help you leave and be happy without your husband’s money or love without endangering yourself or your children. You deserve better than what he is able/willing to give you. Your children will be damaged by watching how he treats you. Not to mention what it will do to your self-esteem as time goes on.” – Sally, Why Do Women Stay in Loveless Marriages? 5 Reasons.

A breakup can improve your life by forcing you to move on. You may not have been able to make the decision to leave the relationship – or maybe you struggled with the decision to break up for months or even years.

Now that the relationship is over, you can recreate your life. A relationship break up is a chance for you to change the things that are holding you back. You can rebuild your life from the bottom up, and become the woman you want to be.

Who will you be, now that you’re free?


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2 thoughts on “How a Breakup Can Improve Your Life

  • Laurie

    Thank you, happysurvivor, for sharing how a breakup can make life better! When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to see that you CAN have a happy, healthy life after you break up with someone. We resist change, even when we’re in bad relationships.

    One of my favourite self-help books is Byron Katie’s Who Would You Be Without Your Story? “When you believe what you think, it’s as though you’re living in a horrible prison,” she writes. “When you question what you believe, you set yourself free.”

    What do you believe about your relationship, about yourself, about your life? What do you believe about breaking up?

  • happysurvivor

    There is so much that’s good about a break-up!

    A determination, born of fear, to make a long-failing marriage/partnership ‘work’ means we end up clinging to a cliff edge. When you’re clinging by your fingernails, there’s no room for movement – it feels as though any kind of change will loosen your grip and send you plummeting to the foot of the cliff!
    So what do you do?

    Let go. It’s as simple as that. Instead of waiting till circumstances loosen your grip and you feel like you’re falling, let go. You won’t fall. You’ll fly.

    All the relationships we live through, especially the difficult ones, imbue us with emotional depth, wisdom, self-awareness and great mental strength. Any woman who has had to bring up children against the backdrop of a destructively non-functional relationship will find independent life beyond that relationship a relief, a joyful release, a place in which to explore what’s been gained and find out how to use it to make herself happy.

    We all deserve to be happy. And to get to that place, all we have to do is find a way to stop making ourselves miserable. There are no ‘have to’s’ about relationships. What we do, and with whom is always a matter of personal choice (free will, if you like).

    So this goes out to anyone who is tempted to believe they are ‘stuck’ in a relationship – you can get out of this situation. Embrace the propect of change, start talking (even to yourself!)about your alternative future, allow yourself to take pleasure in this, start behaving as you will once you have your independence, start to slowly work it out. Because you can. And you will.