How to Tell a Guy You Want to Date Him – Without Scaring Him Off


You like him and you think he maybe possibly probably likes you…but he hasn’t asked you out on a date yet. Frustrating! These five tips on how to tell a guy you want to date him are assertive, yet nonthreatening.

“I really like this guy at work and he’s a Christian, which is important to me,” says Zora on What You Need to Know About Dating Outside Your Faith. “But he hasn’t asked me out. I think he’s interested in me, too, because he often stops by my desk. We work in different departments, so there’d be no issues around workplace dating. How do I let this man know I’m interested in dating him, without scaring him off?”

I hear you! It can definitely feel awkward to figure out how to tell a guy you like him and want to date him. You don’t want to chase him, appear too eager, or – worst of all – send signals that you’re desperate to start dating him. So, how do you signal your interest to a guy without scaring him off?





These tips aren’t about playing games, being coy, or even flirting with a guy you want to date. Instead, I encourage you to plant yourself on the solid rock of authenticity, joy, confidence, and truth. Know who you are and what you want out of life – including your dating life.

Focus on Blossoming into the woman God created you to be, and everything else will fall into place.

5 Tips for Telling a Guy You Want to Date Him

It’s important to know what your dating and relationship goals are, because this will help you connect to men honesty and authentically.

“I know a woman who just wanted to get married,” says Dierdre in 8 Easy Ways to Make Your Dating Life Better and Brighter. “She thought she was unlovable and a husband would give her happiness. She married, but she was still yearning for someone to love her. He wasn’t able to make her feel lovable; she was as unhappy after she married as she was before. The idea of being married to anyone was the prize. She assumed a lot about being married. Happiness is an inside job, and no husband can make you happy or change your life for the better. Know that you are lovable. Be your authentic self, the person God made you to be; find your soulmate within and the person that resonates with you will find you.

1. Ask yourself why you want to date this guy

What is attracting you to him? Be honest about why you want to date him, and what your motivations are. This is important, because your reasons for wanting to date him will become evident to him. He’ll know if you want to date him for honest, sincere, and trustworthy reasons…or if you want to date him because of what he can do or get for you.

Shallow reasons for wanting to date a guy are: his appearance, financial income, career, or possessions. Unhealthy reasons for wanting to date him are: a recent breakup that left you brokenhearted and lonely, a fear of being alone, or a desire to get a hot guy so you feel better about yourself. Check your motivations before you worry about how to tell a guy you want to date him. If you don’t, your motivations will betray you and scare him off.

2. Be clear on your intentions or goals for dating

What are you looking for in a relationship? Stay focused on what you want out of life, and you’ll find it easier to share your dreams with a man.

Instead of worrying about how to tell a guy you want to date him, spend time clarifying your goals for your life. Who are you, where are you going, and why do you want to go there? Are you interested in dating because you’re bored or lonely or desperate? Are you in a good place to date a new man? Can you commit to a relationship for healthy reasons? Figuring out your dating intentions or goals will increase the chances that you connect with a guy who is good for you, and who is looking in the same direction. It also reduces the possibility of hurt feelings or confusion later in your relationship.




Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.



3. Be honest about who you are – be real

Now, we start getting into the real tips for telling a guy you want to date him without scaring him off! Of course you don’t want to say, “I want to date you because God told me you’re the man I need to marry.” But, there’s a big difference between dating to get to know a guy because you’re ready to consider marriage, versus dating to have fun while you finish college or travel through Europe.

How to Tell a Guy You Want to Date Him

5 Tips for Telling a Guy You Want to Date Him – Without Scaring Him Off

Share who you are with this guy you want to date. You don’t have to actually be on a date with him to tell him how you feel about being single! Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. For example, if you’re still struggling to let go of a past relationship or feel too vulnerable to commit to anything more than a walk in the park, be honest with both him and yourself.

Are you distracted by thoughts about whether this guy wants to date you? Read 7 Signs He Wants to Be More Than Friends With You.

4. Blossom into the woman God created you to be

The healthier you are emotionally and spiritually, the less it’ll matter if this guy does or does not want to date you. If you know who you are in God – if your self-image is rooted in Jesus’ love for you – then you can come right out and tell a guy that you want to date him! You won’t be afraid of his reaction because you know who you are.

If you are a woman who is filled with the joy, peace, freedom, and love of Jesus, then you won’t fear rejection. You’ll find creative and authentic ways to tell a guy you want to date him, and you won’t worry about scaring him off. You’ll find ways to have fun with this life God has given you, and you’ll walk boldly into your future.

5. Ask the guy you want to date to go somewhere fun with you

Finally, here it is: The best tip on how to tell a guy you want to date him – without scaring him off – is to ask him to go somewhere interesting with you.

You don’t have to say, “Will you go out on a date with me?” Instead, tell him you have tickets to a ball game or a dog show. Find an adventurous group hike or bike trip. Your city has fun events happening all the time; why go alone? Yes, it requires courage and faith to step out of your comfort zone and actually ask a guy out – especially if you’ve been struggling to figure out how to tell him you want to date him! You’re in a vulnerable spot, and you could get hurt.

But you could get happy.

If you don’t know what to talk about when you’re dating guys you really like, read 10 First Date Conversation Starters.

How do you feel? I bet you want to keep searching for tips on how to tell a guy you want to date him, because you’re scared that asking him out will scare him off. Am I right?



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6 thoughts on “How to Tell a Guy You Want to Date Him – Without Scaring Him Off

  • Laurie Post author

    I wrote this article knowing that it’s easier to give dating advice than to actually take it! It is scary to ask a guy out on a date, and the fear of scaring him off is real. But, honestly, if your self-image and identity is founded on Jesus, then telling a guy you want to date him is a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things!

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Mohammad,

    I was in the “friends zone” for 15 years, until I finally met my husband! Now, I believe there’s not much you can do to get out of the friends zone when you’re dating. If you don’t connect with a woman, then you don’t connect…and you can’t force it to happen.

    And, it’s a myth that the jerks get all the dates or all the women. Keep being a nice guy, keep being yourself, and keep meeting women. You’ll eventually meet someone to love, and who will love you back for who you are.

    I guess my best advice is to BE YOURSELF, and don’t worry about the rest. Enjoy dating, and date as much as possible…and you’ll eventually be dealing with the problems a love relationship brings! 🙂

    Laurie

    .-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…10 Tips for Impressing a First Date by Cooking Dinner at Home =-.

  • Mohammad Draxler

    Greetings from Sweden. This is a nice blog. Does anyone have any advice about staying out of the friend zone with women? I’m really tired of women telling me they just want to be friends. Perhaps I’m being too nice?

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Houston,

    Thanks for your comment — I’m glad Quips & Tips for Love Relationships is helpful!

    I don’t know if you’re being too nice to the women in your life. Instead of thinking about how you’re appearing to them, I encourage you to be yourself. Let your true thoughts and personality come out, and you will meet the woman of your dreams. Do things you love to do, spend time with people who interest you, and you’ll eventually connect with someone you really like…and who really likes you.

    And remember, it takes time to meet someone you want to be in a serious relationship with. Enjoy dating — and keep being nice to women!

    Good luck — I hope you connect with someone soon, and that I run into you again here.

    Laurie
    .-= Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post…Small Talk Tips to Help You Stop Being Shy on First Dates =-.

  • Houston Cyfers

    Greetings from Singapore. This is a helpful site. Does anyone have any advice on staying out of the friend zone with women? I’m really tired of girls telling me they just want to be friends. Maybe I’m being too nice?

  • AussieExpat

    Hello Laurie,

    Thanks for your time in providing useful feedback. I particularly like the part about your last point – knowing where your responsibility begins and ends. . . the other points are very valid and practical too!

    I would add. Only do what you want (not necessarily what others suggest you might need), because it feels right for you. This may mean being open to new ideas or possibilities, if and when the time feels right.

    Having said this, I don’t think we can control what others think. Even when I am very honest and direct with what I cannot offer right now, some people still don’t get it.

    It’s great though when you can connect with people you respect. Hence, why I simply choose to place myself out there… Even if I am not sure if I am completely ready for a relationship.

    That’s me!

    Again, thanks for your article.

    AE