When He Doesn’t Love You the Way He Used To…

If you can’t stop the words “he doesn’t love me” from running through your brain and breaking your heart, you are not alone! I struggled with lovesick grief for too long. Here’s how to accept the pain of rejection and start growing forward. He may not love you anymore, but he can’t stop your heart from healing or your spirit from rising again.

“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns,” writes Tara Brach in Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. “We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”

In Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach describes how to break from the trance of unworthiness that is holding you back. Are you in a trance of unworthiness? If someone you love says he doesn’t love you anymore, you may feel unworthy and unlovable. The solution – the escape – is to learn how to start reconnecting with who you really are and what it means to live fully.

These suggestions in this article for accepting that he doesn’t love you are not about getting him back. Rather, they’re about getting YOU back. This is God or the Universe’s way of nudging you or even pushing you to grow into the woman you were always meant to be. It’s your chance to turn the pain of him not loving you into the possibility of creating a whole new life for yourself.

How to Accept That He Doesn’t Love You

When He Says He Doesn't Love You

Start small

If he says he doesn’t love you anymore, your self-esteem and confidence has taken a big hit. You may begin to doubt yourself, to wonder if you’re smart, funny, lovable, or valuable. You may think nobody will ever love you again. What is something small you can do today, to start believing in yourself again? Reach out to people who love you. Connect with God, and feel the deep vast ocean of His love for you. Walk in the forest, and remember the times you felt strong, valuable, hopeful, and happy. Learn how to take care of yourself, how to pamper yourself after a breakup.

Get a dog

I’m not kidding! Dogs are full of unconditional love, acceptance, and joy. They don’t judge, and they’ll never ever stop loving you, no matter what. Have you experienced the love of a dog? It doesn’t matter how often your boyfriend or any guy says he doesn’t love you. If you get a dog, you’ll overcome the pain of the ‘he doesn’t love me’ thoughts.

Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve

How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex has been one of my most popular articles for years because “he doesn’t love me” is something so many people experience! I suggest scheduling a time to obsess. If you can’t bear the thought of not thinking about the relationship breakup, then set a specific time to let yourself learn how to accept the pain of rejection. I’d suggest 15 minutes at the beginning or end of the day – and maybe a 15 minute stint at lunch, too. During your grieving time, you must sit and do nothing but think, wail, cry, and obsess about the fact that he doesn’t love you. After a few days of this, you’ll find it boring to sit and do nothing but think about your ex.

Remember that everyone experiences rejection – sometimes daily

As a freelancer, I had to learn how to deal with rejection as a writer. As a woman who didn’t get married until she was 35, I had to learn how to accept the pain of many rejections of many men who didn’t love me. Saying “he doesn’t love me” was something I did often…and eventually I married a man I love very, very much. I’m glad all those other guys said they didn’t love me, because it freed me up to marry Bruce.

If you’re grieving the end of a long relationship, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.

Be aware of the downward spiral of defeat and depression

If you don’t deal with this rejection in healthy ways, you’ll set yourself up for depression, anxiety, fear, and even different types of addictions. Take care of yourself, my friend. Don’t let the “he doesn’t love me” blues turn bitter, or grow into an serious emotional health issue that will be difficult to overcome. Accept that he doesn’t love you – and trust God that He has someone better in mind.

Focus on renewing yourself

You can’t change how he feels about you, and you can’t make him love you. Learn how to deal with rejection by focusing on you – what you want out of life, who you want to be, and how you can help others. When your boyfriend doesn’t want you in his life anymore, you need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and take stock of your life.

What can you control and change? You can take charge of your health by exercising and getting emotionally healthy. You can take control over your work, school, social, and spiritual situation. You can volunteer, travel, read, dream, experiment, experience, grow, learn, love, and live! You can use the pain of “he doesn’t love me” and turn it into an opportunity to recreate your whole life.

I welcome your thoughts on how to accept the fact that he doesn’t love you. I can’t give advice, but I invite you to share how you will make your life better – and how you won’t let “he doesn’t love me” ruin your future.


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4 thoughts on “When He Doesn’t Love You the Way He Used To…”

  1. Hanna, who can you talk to about your marriage? It’s important to have someone to confide in, who can help you figure out how to move forward without your husband’s love. Moving to a new country is difficult, and it can be difficult to make friends – in addition to adjusting to a new culture, people, and maybe even a different language!

    Have you made connections with anyone in your community, church, or even through the toddlers’ activities?

  2. We have two toddlers. We have migrated in new country and everything is going well. But I feel and know that my husband stopped loving me a long time ago. He does not love me and actually he might even hates me. It is so painful and I don’t know what to do. I just want to be loved for who am I and I want my children to be grow up happily. I am so depressed and anxious now. But really try to look perfectly happy. I am sure that every body who know us thinks that we are the big happy family. But I can say that no matter how hard it try I just can’t stand a pair of being the hated one for who am I by whom I actually really love. I need to just accept the fact and be happy anyway. I am trying. But I need a help.

  3. seriously!!!! get a dog!!!!!! I want a husband, not a pet. Ive seen men and women alike get sooooooo focused on their pets that they withdraw from human contact. And then when they want human companionship, the pet usurps all attention, focus and priority.