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The Importance of Time for Getting Over Your Broken Heart

You won’t get over your broken heart, but you will get through the pain. Here’s why time is so important when you’re healing, and how to make time go faster so you feel better sooner!

“I’m really struggling to get over my breakup,” says Paulette on 8 Ways to Heal a Broken Heart. “I’ve always defined myself by my relationships, and now I don’t know who I am. I”m trying really hard to heal but I know I was wrong to be involved with him. I wish it never started, but it did. And now I need to learn how to get over the breakup. I think my expectations are too high, we just broke up last week and I want to feel better. but I have a lot of negative expectations and thoughts about my future, instead of being positive. When will I feel better?”

She’s already taken the first step towards getting over a broken heart: she’s writing about her feelings and expressing her honest thoughts. This is huge – especially on that particular article. Not many women are brave enough to share their thoughts and emotions! So, Paulette is already on the right track: she’s being honest about her expectations and writing down her fears.

Sharing your feelings in writing will help you see both yourself and your broken heart more clearly. You may also feel the comfort and peace only God can bring. But — here’s a caution — but don’t obsess, complain about how the breakup happened, or get stuck in the past. Write about your loss, but have a purpose. Figure out your role in the relationship and breakup. Sort through your feelings, and think about ways of creating a better relationship next time.

To get over a broken heart, you need to work through your feelings of loss, disappointment, pain, anger, or frustration…and you need to focus on your future.

And, trust time to help heal your heartbreak.

5 Ways Time Will Help You Get Over a Broken Heart

You CAN move on and be happy again, especially if you trust and believe. Here’s one way to look at it: Believe that a breakup is a blessing from God. It’s just His way of letting you know that this relationship wasn’t meant to be — and this wasn’t the right man for you.

If you’re a believer, you might enjoy 10 Tips for Healing a Broken Heart From Women in the Bible.

Time helps you see your breakup differently

If you can look at your breakup as a blessing, you’ll heal your broken heart faster. I know it’s easier said than done – but the truth may be that you’re better off without this relationship in your life. Accept and surrender. That really is the best way to move on when your heart is broken, even though it feels painful and difficult. Take a deep breath, and know that this breakup happened for a reason. Let him go, for he wasn’t yours.

Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Allow yourself to believe that not only will this pass, you will experience greater things to come! The more time you give yourself to heal, the faster you’ll notice changes in your heart and soul. Have faith, and know that you will be happier, stronger, and healthier tomorrow. Just get through today, and you will feel better tomorrow. I promise! Especially if you do these things that helped me forgive and forget after a breakup…

Time allows you to see your ex boyfriend in a new light

What did you believe about your ex boyfriend that wasn’t true? Maybe you thought he was ready for a relationship, but he was actually scared of intimacy, or commitment, or getting married. Maybe he said he loved you and he wanted to spend more time with you, but he never followed through. Maybe he lied to you, or betrayed you. He didn’t show you his love by putting you first in his life.

Time helps with healing a broken heart by helping you see your ex boyfriend in new and different ways. And, time can help you look at this breakup as a new beginning in your life – a chance to heal and learn how to be happy alone. After all, if you can’t be happy alone, then you can’t be happy in a relationship.

Time gives you a new perspective

“I need this guilt and pain to just go away,” says Callie on 7 Ways to Pick Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart. “I can’t even be happy anymore and it’s been four months, normally after a relationship breakup I’d be getting fine by now, but this is a tremendous hurt for me.”

There is no “normal” amount of time for healing a broken heart – it takes some people years, while others can bounce back more quickly. To get over a breakup when you still love him, focus on what you love about yourself, your life, and your future. Allow time to change your perspective of you and your life, so you can heal from the ground up.

Time allows you to visualize your best life

To forget your ex boyfriend and heal after a breakup, you need to let go of the fear that you’ll never find anyone else to love you. I’ve stayed in bad relationships because I was scared I’d never find anyone else, that I was unlovable, that I was too old to start over, that I wasn’t good enough for true love. This wasn’t true for me – and it’s not true for you.

How to Forget Your Ex Boyfriend“After such happiness [in my last relationship], I don’t know how to let go and be happy again,” says Anna on my article about dealing with the fear of being alone. “I don’t believe I can find anyone else who will want me and treat me the way he treated me again, I don’t want to. How do I get through this?”

You forget about a breakup by telling yourself that your ex isn’t your last chance at a happy love relationship. You give yourself time to heal your heart and move on.

Time allows you to heal your heart and soul

Usually, relationships don’t work out because of both partners’ actions, personalities, or beliefs. It’s not often one partner who causes the breakup.

To forget about your ex boyfriend when you still love him, take time to consider your part in the relationship. Don’t drown in guilt or shame; just accept that your actions may have contributed to how your relationship turned out. Learning how to pick up the pieces of your broken heart is about gaining insight into your own personality.

Here’s what Callie says: “I nagged about receiving some attention from him every now and then, and that’s what led him to leave. I was never mean or hurtful but I just wanted him to try to make it work and I was willing to compromise in any way.”

Callie was willing to look at the part she played in her relationship — but this doesn’t means she caused the breakup! She’s just gaining insight into her personality and life, which can help her start a new and healthy relationship.

In 7 Tips for Letting Go of Toxic Relationships, I offer specific strategies for forgetting an ex boyfriend after breaking up.

How has time changed your perspective of the breakup? Is it helping you heal your broken heart and move on? Share your comments below — writing is one of the best ways to process your emotions and work through your tangled thoughts. I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to just be honest about what you think and feel.

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8 thoughts on “The Importance of Time for Getting Over Your Broken Heart”

  1. In re-reading my last comment to you, Maria, I think I asked a dumb question. If you knew what would help heal your broken heart, you’d do it! So asking what you think would help you heal seems silly.

    Unless…maybe make a list of all the things you’ve tried, that haven’t worked. Searching the internet, letting time pass, comparing the time it takes you to heal to the time it takes other people to heal their broken hearts, taking medication, going to counseling….you mentioned those things in your comments.

    So, what haven’t you tried? Maybe the secret to getting over your broken heart is in something you haven’t explored yet.

  2. Dear Maria,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts here! It takes a lot of courage and strength to talk about painful subjects, especially when they’re so close to our hearts.

    Your husband betrayed you, and he betrayed his wedding vows. He cheated, and then he left you for the other woman. It is unbelievable, how he could be so thoughtless. I don’t know how some men – especially ordained ministers, men of God – behave like that. It’s against everything they’re supposed to stand for!

    And I think you’re right. Time does NOT heal a broken heart. I recently heard that it’s what you do with the time that passes that truly heals a broken heart, not just the mere passage of time.

    What do you think would help heal the pain you feel?

  3. “The breakup was a God’s blessing “: that has to be the stupidest thing I have ever found on my searches for peace. My ex-husband , who is an ordained minister, was having an affair with “his sister in Christ ” inside our church. After 27 years of marriage, he married her after only 2 months of our divorce. What kind of God would allow this?

  4. Iam in a complex dilemma I dated this other guy that I thot was meant for me but four months down the line I am now seeing his darker side he isn’t that nice he hardly has time for me and when I try talking things with him he says I talk too much

  5. “Time heals all wounds “,I hear that a lot. I must be doing something wrong, for my pain seems to get worse by the day. 10 years ago, my husband of 27 years of marriage, a Baptist Minister, divorced me in one month and less the 2 months later married my friend, our sister-in-Christ and my friend.
    Like many nights, tonight I am drowning in my sorrow and tears. And again I look for a solution for this situation in the internet. Most cases I read about are either much shorter time relationship and grief time of weeks or months.Lots of the cases say they even got over their ordeal in less than 3 years. And that makes me think there’s something wrong with me. How can I feel worse today , 10 years later,than I felt the day he told me about her? Why do I even feel suicidal? Why does the question “How could a Man of the cloth, and a Christian friend do that to me?” keeps torturing me?. Years of therapy and antidepressants are not even putting a dent on the issue. Time has been meaningless to me.

    1. You haven’t accepted the truth that life is not fair!
      We dont have all the answers
      We make do with what we have!
      Am a Christian but i never got the answer for why i lost my child but I have come to accept that there are many I answered questions this is because I want to blossom!have closure by accepting you may never have the answer

  6. The best way to get over a break up is to resurrect a dream from you past! What have you always wanted to do, accomplish, or become? Do it now – put all that negative energy and pain into something that makes you feel happy and passionate.

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