Home > Breakups > Letting Go > Filling the Void in Your Life After a Breakup

Filling the Void in Your Life After a Breakup

These simple, comforting tips will help fill the void in your life after you break up with someone you love. The most important thing to remember is that you won’t always feel this way! The heaviness will lift, your spirits will rise, your heart will open up, and your future will be filled with hope and promise.

Starting over isn’t easy. After breaking up with someone you love, you feel like you’ll never be the same. And you know what? The truth is that you won’t ever be the same. You can’t just “bounce back” after a breakup. There is no “getting over” the loss of someone you love. You’re different now, and so is your life.

But, take heart! You will heal, and the empty void in your life will be filled with meaning, love, hope and laughter. No matter how much you miss your boyfriend or husband after the breakup, you will recover. You’ll never be the same – and maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe you’ve changed in ways that’ll make you stronger, happier and healthier in the long run.

In Meditations to Heal Your Life, Louise Hay offers insights that can enrich your body, mind, and soul while giving you practical knowledge to apply to your day-to-day life. That’s one way to fill the void in your life after breaking up: meditate and center yourself.

But there are more interesting and exciting ways! These tips for filling the emptiness in life after a breakup are about reaching outside of yourself instead of going farther into yourself.

Sometimes we just need a break from ourselves.

How to Fill the Void in Your Life After Breaking Up

The best way to fill an empty life is to get emotionally, spiritually, socially, and physically healthy. A void isn’t filled by just one thing – even if it’s a beautiful trip to Hawaii, an exciting new job, a move to a big city, or even a new relationship. Those are temporary measures that won’t really fill the emptiness.

I believe the best way to get over a breakup  is to look up and meet the gaze of God. The older I get, the more important my relationship with Jesus becomes. Whether or not you’re a believer, you need something deeper than what you see here on earth. To be fully alive — filled with joy, peace, love and freedom — you need to look beyond this world and your own self.

These five tips will help you look up, up, and away!

1. Give yourself time and space to heal

Ways to Fill the Void in Your Life After a Breakup
How to Fill the Void in Your Life After a Breakup

Maybe your relationship with your boyfriend or husband was the most important thing in your life. No matter how long it lasted, the void he left is empty and lonely. You’re grieving the end of a relationship with someone you loved and perhaps still love…and it takes time. Hold your heart gently, give yourself the tender loving care you need to heal, and be good to yourself. Your hurt heart will heal and you will feel good again one day! It’ll just take some time.

Instead of telling yourself he was the most important thing in your life, tell yourself that he was an important part of your life, but he wasn’t your whole life. Instead of believing your life is now empty and meaningless, tell yourself that you’re sad and lonely right now because of the breakup — but you will recover, heal, and move forward. Yes, you have a void in your life because you broke up with someone you love! And yes, you will get through this because you were created to heal and flourish in your life. 

2. Decide to make something else the center of your life

If your whole life is a big empty void because of the breakup, you’ve allowed your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband to become your main reason for being. That’s not healthy — even for long-lasting, good relationships. Don’t let any person or thing become the center of your existence, your reason for being. You are far more valuable and worthy than that.

If your whole life has fallen into a void and you feel like you’ll never get over this breakup, then you’ve made your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband the center of your life. He’s the treasure of your heart, and that gives you no power or hope.

It’s also a lie. Your life is NOT empty and meaningless after a breakup. You weren’t created to focus solely on a relationship or even a marriage with a man. God made you to blossom into who He created you to be, to heal from pain, and to find your life purpose after a loss. Now, it’s time for you to choose to make something else the focus of your life.

3. Take care of your core needs

You have “core needs” that need to be attended to. Answering the questions in 5 Things You Need to Survive a Breakup will help you grow through this pain. Believe it or not, you can become stronger, healthier, and smarter because of this experience. You can start over and be happy – even if you feel like giving up and being sad right now. Take a deep breath, and take good care of yourself. Know that your sense of humor, your intelligence, and your creativity will rise again. Allow yourself to believe that this void in your life after a breakup is just temporary.

Look around you. Right now, maybe the healthiest part of your life is external: your best friend, a close family member, even your beloved dog or cat. The healthy parts of your life now have to work together to fill the empty void in your life. After a breakup, you need to lean on external good things to get strong, fill your life, and heal. Let them carry you for now…and soon, you’ll find yourself walking on your own.

4. Train a hawk

I bet you didn’t expect a “hawk training” tip for filling the void in your life after breaking up with a guy! I recently hear a podcast interview with Helen MacDonald, author of H is for Hawk. In this book she describes how training a hawk called Mabel helped her fill the emptiness in her life. She wasn’t getting over a breakup; she was grieving her father’s death. She said she often lost herself in the training of her hawk, the hunting, the flying of Mabel. This helped her heal and move forward in her life.

One of my favorite ways to fill any void in life is to get absorbed in something new. It has to be challenging and interesting, such as training a hawk or studying to be the first woman pilot to fly around the world seven times in a row! The idea is to get out of yourself, to force yourself to stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. Instead of being consumed by your lost relationship or marriage, get lost in a new life.

5. Know that this, too, will pass

How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup was one of my most popular articles for a long time. One of the best bits of reader advice was to hold on to the fact that “this, too, shall pass.”

Yes, right now there is a huge void in your life. Yes, the breakup hurts and it’ll take time for your heart to heal. But you know what? Your heart WILL heal, and you will find love again. You are not alone! You may not feel lovable or worthy, but your feelings are not the truth. The truth is you were created by a God who knows you, loves you, and is calling you. He is knocking on your heart…and He is actually the only thing in this world that will even come close to filling the void in your life.

how to fill the void in your life after a breakup

I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets and 75 Tips for Healing Your Heart to help women heal after a loss in life. It’s an ebook, available immediately, filled with comforting quotes and helpful tips for healing hurt hearts. It’ll help fill the void in your life after breaking up with a boyfriend or husband you loved and lost. You’ll see you aren’t alone, that you will get through this, and that you might even begin to see the positive benefits of moving forward without this relationship. The tips are simple yet effective. The most important thing to remember is that you won’t always feel this way! The loneliness will lift, your spirits will rise, your heart will heal, and your future will enchant you.

This aching, empty void you feel won’t last forever. You will heal and be happy again. Turn your face upward, and open your heart to the God who created you, knows you, and loves you.

How are you feeling? Let me know in the comments section below. I welcome your thoughts, big and little. Write about your breakup, about the void you feel in your life. Writing can help you heal, and give you clarity and insight.

Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.

Need encouragement? Sign up for my weekly "Echoes of Joy" email - it's free, short, and energizing. Like me!


10 thoughts on “Filling the Void in Your Life After a Breakup”

  1. I am a 71 yr old woman, married for 43 years…in love with him for 55 years. During this time he nourished and developed a picture of his retirement being spent in Thailand. I agreed to go see what it was about 2 years ago and we spent 2 months there..Because I have never had a “dream” because of being busy raising our own 3 children and then 3 grandchildren and working full time through all of that, the discussion of where to spend our retirement was always centered around his dream. So in Nov 2018, we sold everything we had, moved to Thailand, and began our new adventure. I lasted 6 months in Thailand’s unrelentless heat (which I don’t enjoy, but he does) and missing my family. I finally told him I needed to come back to the states. I have been back here since the first of June 2019. He stayed in Thailand (our visas are good until Oct 2020) so he could fulfill his dream a while longer. In July he asked me for a divorce. He wants to be able to live his retirement years in Thailand, doesn’t want to come back to the states and since I didn’t like Thailand, he felt that we should just get a divorce. I have been devastated since July, we have video chatted with lots of ugly crying on both sides…he swears he still loves me and he is hurting because he is causing me so much pain…but yesterday he admitted he has a woman there that he cares for deeply and she cares for him and also admitted that he is not merely “seeing” her, but she is practically living with him..in fact he was video-chatting with me in the living room and she was in the bedroom…Before yesterday’s conversation he had agreed to come back to the states in the next few months to work on our relationship and see if we could figure out a retirement dream that included both of us..I was holding onto that hope..but after the discovery of the seriousness of his new relationship, the idea that he and I could salvage our marriage seems very remote..he is building a new relationship and I am in the depths of despair in a destroyed relationship. What a mess…and I am in the midst of indecision, pain, sorrow, and grief.The next few months will be difficult, but I will stay strong whichever way the wind blows….He still is planning on coming back to see if we can make it work,but every month he spends over there with her will just strengthen their relationship maybe, while ours is on hold…I am so confused…

  2. I’ve recently had to end a relationship with a woman that I wanted to share the rest of my life with. Nearly a year into the relationship she dropped something on me that was a dealbreaker. I tried to carry on with the relationship, however this thing she didn’t tell me from the start was eating at my conscience and was causing a great deal of anxiety daily. While I know I made the right choice in ending the relationship, it is still very painful. I feel like I lost a part of me that I will never get back. She was my world, I found a great sense of security when she was near and I’m having a real hard time moving on.

  3. My boyfriend and I were together for three years off and on. The way we met was not exactly the best situation. We argued a lot but always swept issues under the rug instead of talking them out. We are both strong-minded individuals so apologizing and admitting our faults was difficult for both of us. The relationship was toxic but I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to leave. It had never been this hard to leave a relationship in the past. We recently called it quits for good and haven’t talked at all. I want to move on to a better relationship. I feel empty but I know moving on quickly to someone else is not healthy. I started going to the gym to get out the house but it is still very hard. Any advice would help.

  4. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, he didn’t wan this to happen. He wanted to fix things but we have been in a bad rut for about a year. He verbally has been abusing me and wont quit bringing up things that happened before we got back together a few years ago, when he left me and got back with an ex and than found he missed me deeply, Anyway last Christmas he got me a ring after I helped buy gifts for his boys at Christmas, I didn’t want the ring since I had just bought Christmas , how could he buy me a ring after that? So he works hard in summer but winter he is laid off and he doesn’t help me out much or follow through on things he says hes gonna do, and I have to hear that I put him down about what he doesn’t do. I know I am right for breaking this off again, but I cant help to be hurt because I know he loves me deeply I just think I have to much to offer in life than to keep reading this same chapter. I live in small town and not a lot of single good men around and I feel like he may be one of the better ones. He is tall dark and handsome and has kind heart, but recently I feel I don’t even know him, I am looking for clarity to get past the next few months and to be strong!

  5. God is our biosphere. It’s the atmosphere, the forests and oceans and fellow life forms on this planet that keep us humans alive.

    There is no supernatural supreme guy in the sky that cares about us. That is Medieval nonsense. Amen.

  6. I am 24 and I was in a 10 year long relationship. My boyfriend recently broke up with me, he said he has fallen out of love. He cares about me but there is nothing in this relationship that is holding him anymore. He was my best friend and my boy friend. It has been almost 3 weeks. I was very strong in the beginning but slowly I started to spiral back. I have been crying a lot. I miss him slot and I wish I could do something to get him back. But I also know that I should respect myself and not go back to a man who broke my heart, turned my life into a living hell and most of all did not respect me enough to tell he before. He said it has been almost 4 months and just cannot deal with it anymore. How sad is that. I don’t know what to do, I try keeping myself busy but I know at the end of the day all I’m thinking about is him. I know he has moved on and that hurts even more.

    1. Hey! I’m trying to recover from a break of a 4 year relationship. Can’t imagine what you must be going through! Hope you feel fine now. Yes it’s hard to start over, but we can do this girl! My ex said the same that he doesn’t love me like before but only cares about me and I didn’t understand that. But I respected his decision to move on and I am trying to let go everyday. It’s not easy, but it’s a start!

  7. Hey my name is Kelly. I was in a relationship with a guy for two years and I love him so much. He broke up with me three different times for no reason. Five months ago he broke up with me saying that he need to go get himself together. Its like cannot stop loving this man and get him off my mind. Its just so hard to do. Can you give me your advice

  8. The most important thing to remember about filling the void after a breakup is that you need something to fill it WITH. Some women turn to other relationships, drugs, shopping, food, gambling…it’s natural to want to fill the void with something. The key is finding something healthy, good, and right!

    Rachel, I love that you said you want to get your prayer life straight. That’s the best way to heal after a breakup. I hope you’re doing well! If you get this comment, let me know if you’ve detached from your ex and moved on….


  9. I really loved my ex boyfriend and thought I was going to marry him. He almost strangled and suffocated me to death and he went to jail for a night and now we’re going to court. Even though he is a very messed up individual (and it’s a long story) I loved him in spite of it. Nobody is all bad. I am trying to just watch TV with my son. It is taking me time to get my prayer life straight but it’s better now than it was a month ago. It’s hard to detach from being so close to him. I know that things will never be ok with him. I didn’t really get to say goodbye. The last time I saw his face he was trying to kill me. That’s the hardest. The advice here is helpful. Thank you

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *