These simple, comforting tips will help fill the void in your life after you break up with someone you love. The most important thing to remember is that you won’t always feel this way! The heaviness will lift, your spirits will rise, your heart will open up, and your future will be filled with hope and promise.
Starting over isn’t easy. After breaking up with someone you love, you feel like you’ll never be the same. And you know what? The truth is that you won’t ever be the same. You can’t just “bounce back” after a breakup. There is no “getting over” the loss of someone you love. You’re different now, and so is your life.
But, take heart! You will heal, and the empty void in your life will be filled with meaning, love, hope and laughter. No matter how much you miss your boyfriend or husband after the breakup, you will recover. You’ll never be the same – and maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe you’ve changed in ways that’ll make you stronger, happier and healthier in the long run.
In Meditations to Heal Your Life, Louise Hay offers insights that can enrich your body, mind, and soul while giving you practical knowledge to apply to your day-to-day life. That’s one way to fill the void in your life after breaking up: meditate and center yourself.
But there are more interesting and exciting ways! These tips for filling the emptiness in life after a breakup are about reaching outside of yourself instead of going farther into yourself.
Sometimes we just need a break from ourselves.
How to Fill the Void in Your Life After Breaking Up
The best way to fill an empty life is to get emotionally, spiritually, socially, and physically healthy. A void isn’t filled by just one thing – even if it’s a beautiful trip to Hawaii, an exciting new job, a move to a big city, or even a new relationship. Those are temporary measures that won’t really fill the emptiness.
I believe the best way to get over a breakup is to look up and meet the gaze of God. The older I get, the more important my relationship with Jesus becomes. Whether or not you’re a believer, you need something deeper than what you see here on earth. To be fully alive — filled with joy, peace, love and freedom — you need to look beyond this world and your own self.
These five tips will help you look up, up, and away!
1. Give yourself time and space to heal
Maybe your relationship with your boyfriend or husband was the most important thing in your life. No matter how long it lasted, the void he left is empty and lonely. You’re grieving the end of a relationship with someone you loved and perhaps still love…and it takes time. Hold your heart gently, give yourself the tender loving care you need to heal, and be good to yourself. Your hurt heart will heal and you will feel good again one day! It’ll just take some time.
Instead of telling yourself he was the most important thing in your life, tell yourself that he was an important part of your life, but he wasn’t your whole life. Instead of believing your life is now empty and meaningless, tell yourself that you’re sad and lonely right now because of the breakup — but you will recover, heal, and move forward. Yes, you have a void in your life because you broke up with someone you love! And yes, you will get through this because you were created to heal and flourish in your life.
2. Decide to make something else the center of your life
If your whole life is a big empty void because of the breakup, you’ve allowed your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband to become your main reason for being. That’s not healthy — even for long-lasting, good relationships. Don’t let any person or thing become the center of your existence, your reason for being. You are far more valuable and worthy than that.
If your whole life has fallen into a void and you feel like you’ll never get over this breakup, then you’ve made your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband the center of your life. He’s the treasure of your heart, and that gives you no power or hope.
It’s also a lie. Your life is NOT empty and meaningless after a breakup. You weren’t created to focus solely on a relationship or even a marriage with a man. God made you to blossom into who He created you to be, to heal from pain, and to find your life purpose after a loss. Now, it’s time for you to choose to make something else the focus of your life.
3. Take care of your core needs
You have “core needs” that need to be attended to. Answering the questions in 5 Things You Need to Survive a Breakup will help you grow through this pain. Believe it or not, you can become stronger, healthier, and smarter because of this experience. You can start over and be happy – even if you feel like giving up and being sad right now. Take a deep breath, and take good care of yourself. Know that your sense of humor, your intelligence, and your creativity will rise again. Allow yourself to believe that this void in your life after a breakup is just temporary.
Look around you. Right now, maybe the healthiest part of your life is external: your best friend, a close family member, even your beloved dog or cat. The healthy parts of your life now have to work together to fill the empty void in your life. After a breakup, you need to lean on external good things to get strong, fill your life, and heal. Let them carry you for now…and soon, you’ll find yourself walking on your own.
4. Train a hawk
I bet you didn’t expect a “hawk training” tip for filling the void in your life after breaking up with a guy! I recently hear a podcast interview with Helen MacDonald, author of H is for Hawk. In this book she describes how training a hawk called Mabel helped her fill the emptiness in her life. She wasn’t getting over a breakup; she was grieving her father’s death. She said she often lost herself in the training of her hawk, the hunting, the flying of Mabel. This helped her heal and move forward in her life.
One of my favorite ways to fill any void in life is to get absorbed in something new. It has to be challenging and interesting, such as training a hawk or studying to be the first woman pilot to fly around the world seven times in a row! The idea is to get out of yourself, to force yourself to stop thinking about your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. Instead of being consumed by your lost relationship or marriage, get lost in a new life.
5. Know that this, too, will pass
How to Overcome Depressed Feelings After a Breakup was one of my most popular articles for a long time. One of the best bits of reader advice was to hold on to the fact that “this, too, shall pass.”
Yes, right now there is a huge void in your life. Yes, the breakup hurts and it’ll take time for your heart to heal. But you know what? Your heart WILL heal, and you will find love again. You are not alone! You may not feel lovable or worthy, but your feelings are not the truth. The truth is you were created by a God who knows you, loves you, and is calling you. He is knocking on your heart…and He is actually the only thing in this world that will even come close to filling the void in your life.
I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets and 75 Tips for Healing Your Heart to help women heal after a loss in life. It’s an ebook, available immediately, filled with comforting quotes and helpful tips for healing hurt hearts. It’ll help fill the void in your life after breaking up with a boyfriend or husband you loved and lost. You’ll see you aren’t alone, that you will get through this, and that you might even begin to see the positive benefits of moving forward without this relationship. The tips are simple yet effective. The most important thing to remember is that you won’t always feel this way! The loneliness will lift, your spirits will rise, your heart will heal, and your future will enchant you.
This aching, empty void you feel won’t last forever. You will heal and be happy again. Turn your face upward, and open your heart to the God who created you, knows you, and loves you.
How are you feeling? Let me know in the comments section below. I welcome your thoughts, big and little. Write about your breakup, about the void you feel in your life. Writing can help you heal, and give you clarity and insight.