How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

You may feel surprised – and heartbroken – to find out that your ex is in a new relationship. Here are three ways to cope when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend.

ex boyfriend has a new girlfriendThis is what K says on 5 Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Breakup: “What hurts me the most is the fact that he already replaced me. I just can’t stop thinking about what he and his girlfriend are doing. How do I get over this? I didn’t think he’d be in a new relationship so fast. I’m still getting over the fact that he’s my ex :-( ”

Healing from a breakup – and learning how to cope when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend – is different for everyone. What works for me (or your sister or best friend) may not work for you – especially if you’re surprised and devastated that your ex is already in a new relationship. You need to try different things to help yourself heal and move forward. These tips will help if you focus on grieving and healing – not staying stuck in the past…

The more surprising his behavior is, the harder it may be for you to cope. That is, if you’re completely shocked that your ex is already in a new relationship, then you may have a more difficult time accepting it. On the other hand, if you knew he was a player – or if he cheated on you – then you may not be surprised that he’s already dating.

When you were with him, did he tell you how much he loves you? Did he swear he’d never leave you or fall in love with someone else? Then his new relationship is heartbreaking – and my heart goes out to you.

But remember: you are stronger than you think, braver than you realize, and tougher than you know! You WILL survive this, and you will love again.

3 Ways to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to try to put them back together.

My first tip is the most important one, which is why I’ll probably repeat it at the end of this article. Sometimes we need to hear things more than once before they sink in! Also, it takes time and practice to learn ways to stop feeling hurt and stuck in the past, and heal emotionally.

1. Don’t take your pain out on yourself after a breakup

When you find out your ex is dating someone new, you may feel unworthy, unlovable, fat, dumb, ugly, and useless. You loved him so much – you can’t stop thinking about him – and he’s loving a new girlfriend. It hurts, and you need to accept your loss and grieve the pain.

The most important way to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to take care of yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind, and compassionate to yourself. Don’t take your pain out on your own body by overeating, drinking, drugging, shopping, cutting, sleeping around, or using other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Crying is good, and so is sleeping and eating healthy foods. Listen to your mom’s advice when you’re mending a broken heart. Be good and kind to your body, your mind, your spirit.

2. Remember that he may not be over you

Just because your ex has a new girlfriend – or he went on a few dates with someone else – doesn’t mean he’s over you. Just because he’s marrying another woman doesn’t mean he loves her more than you!

Don’t take your ex’s new relationship personally. Your ex boyfriend is doing what he needs to do, he’s making choices for his own reasons. His actions may have nothing to do with you, or they may have everything to do with you. You may never know what he’s thinking or feeling – so don’t take his new relationship personally. Some people cope with a breakup by immediately jumping into a relationship with a new girlfriend, other guys take longer to heal. It’s possible that your ex boyfriend chose not to feel the pain of a broken heart, and is replacing you with a new girlfriend.

3. Take this breakup as a sign your relationship wasn’t meant to be

If your ex already has a new girlfriend, then he’s not the guy for you.

ex has new girlfriend

When Your Ex Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend

He’s shallow-hearted, immature, and not ready for a committed, loving relationship with a woman. He got over you so fast because he falls in and out of “love” at the drop of a hat. Do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with a guy like that?

Resisting the loss of your relationship – your boyfriend, your husband – is more painful than simply accepting it.

I know it really, really hurts that your ex already has a new girlfriend. My heart goes out to you. But you need to take it as a sign you weren’t meant to be with him, and find ways to move on with your life.

Help for healing

You might try writing a breakup letter to help you heal. Put yourself in the role of wanting this breakup, needing to be free from the relationship, and genuinely wishing your ex the best of luck with his new girlfriend.

How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New GirlfriendIn It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life – for Good!, Lisa Steadman describes how fabulous moving on can be after a breakup. She says a breakup is not about being “broken”, but rather a chance to celebrate who you are. You can learn how to pick yourself up after a fall and move on. It’s about a breakup, not a breakdown.

What do you think – how will you cope now that your ex has a new girlfriend? I welcome your comments below, but can’t offer advice or counseling. Feel free to share your story, though, because writing can bring insight and healing in your life.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes on healing and moving on:

When you deny your story, it defines you. When you own your story, you get to write a brave new ending. You get to say it was horrible and I was in lots of pain …… and then I got help and this is how the story ends.

How will your story end? Not with you in pain, learning how to cope because your ex is in a relationship with a new girlfriend. Tell a better ending.


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62 thoughts on “How to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend”

  1. My boyfriend of 2 years told me his not happy and he loves me but not IN love with me anymore feels like im dying I love this man dearly cant eat sleep feels like im been stabbed the pain im goin though. Its been a week no contact but he but up photos of work friends on socail media. Yet he never but one photo up of us or me And im 99% sure he fancies a work friend 22 years his junior as most photos he put up were of her. Its tearing me apart cant stop thinking is he with her. Am I even a thought in his head. He never really goes on social media but now I noticed his on it most of time. I really want him back we been though loads together good and bad I stuck by him when no one else did. My heart is breaking in two. HELP

  2. well I was with my ex 20yrs and he came home and said he was seeing someone and I just lost it this heartache is just to strong to try and heal I just do not understand how he could do this to me he is not the man I know,i have been reading a lot here and it helps I just want to know why is he seeing her when I thought he loved me….

  3. I’m pregnant and left me for another girl while 6 months pregnant, and they moved in together. Recently I saw him with another girl, not the one he moved in with.. And I’m still pregnant what do I do

  4. None of this has helped. I’m just sad and hope to find a new love also and be happy again. No break up letters No hurting myself Its just sad and hard to go through the feelings I have cause they last a long time, have to wait and see if life will be kind to me to? I need to stop checking out her profile on face book & seeing her post pictures of them doing things I’m only hurting myself mentally. When your in your 50’s life isn’t as easy to find love as you think. :(

  5. I left a narcissist alcoholic after 4 years of verbal/mental abuse. It was a year ago yesterday. In that year we still talked & I helped him through some bad times with court & death of his father. I knew Id done the right thing, but now he’s seeing someone & I feel hurt. Hes called almost daily up till this week & now no answer & it is painful. Why? I know why I left, so why does it hurt? He has called drunk to chat and I can’t stand his drinking or his language, additude, or behaviors then, but not communicating hurts. Why? I feel hurt & sad that I may be broken inside. Something wrong with me that I didn’t treat him poorly as he did me. That I was there through terrible times for him even as ex’s, but feel bothered or disrespected now is confusing & I’m mad at myself for feeling hurt. He lied. He cheated. I had solid proof. He put me down daily for 4 years. The end came a year ago after he was so drunk Halloween that I was asked to get him away from a friend’s party. On the drive home he called my kids the N word ( they’re bi-racial). I packed & left after we got home. So why?! Why does it bother me! Just feeling broken.

  6. After almost a 5 year relationship, my boyfriend decided to break up with me on the 4th of July. I was and still am devastated. We work together. Not just like a big office space and were in there somewhere. We have to work side by side almost 5 times a week. It kills. After about a month and a half we started hanging out once or twice a week. We would text. Two weeks ago I went on vacation with my family. I came back to work to find out that he is now hanging out and staying the night at a girls house….that we work with. I couldn’t believe it. I still can’t. I’m trying with all my might to get through each day. It is so hard.

    1. Same thing here..5 year relationship that abruptly ended end of April..started texting and hanging out again, then bang, new girl in the pic in the last 2 weeks.

  7. Your article is short but very poignant and helpful! Thank you for sharing it to the world. I broke up with my ex more than 3 months ago. I initiated it after finding out he had been flirting with other girls, including his exes. We were long distance, which already put a strain on our new relationship. I couldn’t get over it and it went downhill from there. I lost trust and respect for him and we’d fight over the phone often. We were when we were together but once separated, the problems resurface right away. I was just miserable and decided that the best way is to just end it. I’m still recovering from the breakup, even though, initially, I thought I’d be able to get over it rather quickly (since I dumped him). I tried to be friends with him but the communication between us wasn’t the same anymore: he would sometimes ignore my calls or takes days to reply to my texts. When I turn my back and stop talking to him. He would initiate contact out of the blue. It was like removing a scab from a wound which prevents it from ever healing. Now, after seeing a picture of him and his new girl (his ex, who happens to be the girl he left to be with me in the beginning), I convince myself that it really truly over and that he is dead to me. Anger is not the answer though and as you’ve mentioned in your article, it’s best to just accept it as it is. Not taking things personally is another helpful advice. I know his issues and therefore understand his decision (and right) to get back with her. But most of all, I will not let this breakup bring me down and make lose anymore precious time and brainpower. I get to decide what the ending will be. And at least for now in my head, the future is looking bright.

  8. I was with Nick for 5 months. I thought he was my soul mate. We instantly fell for each other. We love spending time with each other and making plans for future. We even started talking about marriage and what we wanted talking about tattoos and starting a company planning our life together. About three months into the relationship the jealousy started he accuse me of cheating on him when I went to work when I was training somebody that I knew prior and I reassured him that nothing happened he got mad. He began to drink more and more at night and proceeded to call me names that he said was cute and that he meant it out of love and the names were a little slut and little w****. Then we got into an argument after we decided to go out and have a night to ourselves about him and my daughter, my daughter doesn’t have a dad and he said he would in time step in that role. He said he would never do that he took it back we got an argument and I slept on the couch. The next day we argued again and he told me that he would never be there and he didn’t like my daughter and I told him to get out and do you want to do with him. We then decided to work it out at the advice of his parents they beg me to work it out with him and my family and I still you can make mistake and I forgave him the next day after that he began to drink more and more and started hitting the table and getting very angry. We started yelling at each other and I told him to get the hell out of my house and he called me a c*** and I did call the cops as he was driving have you been drinking two glasses and had a son with him. Within about a week we worked it out I took the blame as me being mean and malicious and everything else it was on my shouldersI took the responsibility and carry the burden. then I found out at my doctors appointment that I had cancer. He agreed to come back and help me through this time and that he loves me still wanted to be a family planned our future again. Went down to Tulsa Oklahoma to Cancer Treatment Centers of America the second day he left me there by myself and told me I was a mistake of his life and that I didn’t deserve to be down there and he never loved me. Just five days after he left he was moving into his new girlfriend’s house. I did let her know what he did to me. She proceeded to harass me calling me names he threatened me. So not only do I have to go through this alone I have to deal with a broken heart after I gave that man everything I supported him take care of him take care of his son I did everything for him for 5 months.

    1. Hey! I feel for you! But please PLEASE just think of yourself now and your healing process. No man deserves that you waste your life with them, especially not a man that treats you like this! He really does not deserve it, from what you told us. So think about curing yourself, think about your daughter and the little things you have in your life that have potential to mAke you happy! Men… there are lots of them! As my sister says: ” Men are like buses… if you miss one, you get the next one!” (In Portuguese it works better cause we use lose instead of miss). Seriously though… just concentrate on yourself and I guess me and everyone else who read your post is sending you lots of strength and are wishing you get better soon!

    2. I hope your doing well with the cancer & my heart goes out to you. I was told earlier this month my uterine biopsies came nack with cancer. The oncologist scheduled a complete hystorectomy right away & I had surgery the 24th. My ex called & even cried that he loved me & wanted to be there, to help any way he could. Not only was he not at the hospital, but it’s not a full week after yet & he’s newly seeing someone. He called drunk for an hour yesterday knowing I cant stand his drinking & never cared to ask how I was. Now today no answer to call or text which tells me its date night with the new one. It’s horrible. It’s painful. It’s terrible he left you in that position at that time. I truly hope you’ve beat it all.

  9. It is so painful. I am not a youngster. My guy was recently separated from a 20 yr relationship with his wife when me met. I say separated, well, they were separated by living in different countries, she had decided she wanted not to be with him, but she kept changing her mind. In the time we were together, almost a year, he was never over her. And she wouldn’t allow him to be over her. I decided to stop contact, test him. Worst decision I could have made, this man cannot be alone. At 3 weeks I contacted him but was rebuffed. My heart was slowly breaking. I was so faint hearted, I should have pursued him. At 5 weeks I got a text from him, let’s meet and talk. We met on what would have been our 1st anniversary. He wanted to know I had gone silent I wasn’t honest. I said it was because I felt he needed space. But really, I was very insecure about the soon to be ex wife, and my intuition told me that maybe there was someone else, another Polish woman. He told me how great I’d been, helped him heal from the heartbreak of his wife. I alluded to my fear that he had found someone new, but he was too gutless to tell me. 2 hours later he took me to the place we had first met at, and he finally told me. I was in shock. He must have got with her within a couple of weeks. I guess, he got with me within 3 months of being separated from a long marriage, why would I be surprised? It didn’t sink in. I kissed him, he kissed me back. We kept kissing, and more. He told me he was making a choice. Stupid me for not kicking him into touch as soon as he said that. He deluded me for another couple of hours, as he left he pretended to be sad. Never heard from him again. The issue I have is, the wife knows about the new girl, has mentioned her on Facebook. they’ve been together less then 3 months. I was with him for 11, he avoided mentioning me, friending me even, didn’t want to upset the wife. I have gone through the grief, now I am furious. No contact from hiim, like I never existed. I am ready to let rip with the new girl, tell her that he behaved very dishonourobly with me the last time we met, did something which might be considered infedilikty. The arrogant wife who hautned our relationship, who has made me as invisible as he has, I want to hurt her too. Advice welcome.

  10. Hey, there. I was wondering, is your ex still with his girlfriend, rn? And if they’re breaking up, did he text u or something? Im in a same position rn, and I don’t know what I should be doing. Thanks.

    1. Be careful and keep your distance from your ex if he’s texting you bcs they broke up. He could be contacting you bcs he is feeling sad and lonely and wants some attention. This doesn’t mean that he wants to get back together – that’s why you should tread carefully.

  11. Ok the same here. I’m 30 years old and my ex has a new girlfriend…
    I was in relation for 5 and downs.. he said he loved me..he promised alot to me… in may was the best month the best bday with him..
    We had sex. And he knew it was the 1st time with him.. and after it 4 days later he broke up with me… it was hard for me
    I was having hard time crying all time.. and i was facing hard time bcs i had anal health issue from him..and went to hospital many times..and he knew and never did ask.. so it was so hard for me to accept all of it… i was alone.. in pain and heartbroken…
    I had the worst 3 months ever in pain and alone.. and afterwards i started to find pics with girls.. just 4 days ago a pic hugging a girl and tday with her and his sisters… that means he introduced her …. which he was goin t do so with me… im soooo hurt
    after wt he put me through how easy he has a gf???! I almost cried a lot
    Its so painful…
    Im sooooooooo sad of seeing pics
    And i knw wt every girl is going through here
    Its soooo painful after memories and saying will never leave…. to see ur ex with another woman…
    I decided to deactivate my fake accounts i never want to see him again and move on
    We never deserve such pain as this.

  12. What would it feel like to be free of those feelings of grief, heartbreak, pain?

    Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture yourself free and happy. Not because of a man, not because your ex boyfriend isn’t in a new relationship, not because of his life choices.

    What would it be like if your happiness and joy wasn’t dependent on another person?

    It would be amazing. Your peace of mind, joy, and emotional health could come from…where? If it didn’t come from a man, where would it come from?

  13. Me and my ex were together for 6 months. I found out he was cheating on me the whole time with another girl. I obviously ended things even though I didn’t want to but knew it was for the best. He begged me back, turning up to my house, writing me letters, sending me 100 emails a day, even hysterically crying down the phone to me. Until one day it all just stopped. Then 2 days later I heard he has been seen with the girl he cheated on me with. Two months on they are still together and I am still distraught about it. I am finding it so hard to let go. I make sure I don’t go on his social media because it will hurt me more seeing them together. I am trying so hard to let go but I just can’t. All I do is think about them together and what they would be doing now, or if he is truely happy with her, or even if he thinks of me when he’s with her. This is so hard. I’ve tried everything to move on, but I just can’t seem to let him go.

    1. I know the feeling, my ex broke up 4 months ago and jumped into a new relationship straight away and they’re still together. We live in a small town and we see each other around from time to time which makes it harder to move on. Sometimes I do wonder what they’re doing but I know these aren’t healthy thoughts and that I should focus on myself. Nicole, for our sakes we need to let it go and let them live their lives and mind our business. Our relationships are over, they’re in the past and we need to be our own best friends and just concentrate on our own happiness and lives. Thinking of you and sending you and all the other lovely ladies here positive vibes. These guys don’t deserve all the thought and mind space we’re giving them. Life is too short to focus on the guys that aren’t good fits….:)

  14. My ex and I dated for over a year and then one day about 9 months ago he just walked up to me and said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He didnt say anything more and then just walked away and left me crying. I was entirely confused because just two days before we were cuddling at his house and he told me that he loved me and would never hurt me. However, despite my confusion, I decided to suck it up and be the bigger person and try to talk to him. But no matter what I tried he refused to talk to me. He started dated one of my friends a month later and she broke up with him when she noticed that he only wanted to talk to her or be with her when I was going to be there. A few weeks went bye and I was in a car accident. It was pretty bad and I was hospitalized for over a week. One day he came in to see me at the hospital while I was sleeping but I woke up because i heard him crying at my bedside. I pretended to be asleep because I had no idea what to say, but when the nurse came in later and asked him to leave because visiting hours were over he kissed me on the forehead and said that he was sorry. Then he left. A few days later when I returned to school I tried to talk to him but he still refused. Then that night he texted me to ask if I was ok and I asked him why he dumped me. He told me that he didn’t want to talk about it so we just texted all night catching up. We talked for a few days (But not in person) until all of a sudden he shut me out again. It’s been a few months since we last talked and I want to be mad at him for being a jerk but I still love him. I feel like everything I do is slightly change because of him, like if I know he is going to be somewhere I have to wear that shirt he loves on me. And what I say and wear and think revolves around him. But he just got a new girlfriend and I don’t know how to cope. I feel like Im gonna throw up all every time I see or hear about him or her and I cry myself to sleep. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried letting go but nobody tells you how hard it is.

    1. I relate to this. I’m so sorry. Getting shut out is the hardest thing in the world. That’s what happened to me. Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years. It just started to fall apart and I wanted to talk things through but he just wanted to pretend everything was fine and refused to talk. Many arguments later…we broke up. Now he told me he’s in a new relationship but still loves me, wtf? I’m sick whenever I think of him with his new girlfriend. My heart is busted. Moving on is almost impossible. I can’t think of him any other way but as my boyfriend. My mind cannot handle the reality.

  15. Okay so me and my ex broke up about 8-9 months ago, but he was my first love and everytime I get in a new relationship or he does, after we break up we start talking back to each other. He has a new girlfriend and now I’m not in a relationship. But I think he’s really moved on. Although before he got with her he told me how much he loved me and how I’m still his everything no one will change that but I put myself in a difficult spot where I feel like he’s moved on and just stopped loving me. I really need someone to talk to. And I haven’t cried yet but it still hurts me.

  16. i am suffering because my ex has a new girlfriend. the comments here make sense. we were in a relationship for about 15 months. ( i am a bi femme) i broke up with her 2 days ago, last night she sent me a lot of msgs. I don’t want her back. but am sad she has a new person in her life.

  17. I broke up with my ex in April. We were dating for 5months. We talked a few times. But, now, almost three months later, he has a new girlfriend. He’s been talking to her since June. I was doing so well until I saw a post on Facebook. Then, I became upset. I still feel that a part of wants him back. But, i don’t think that I have a chance. Plus, he wants to be acquaintances.

    1. Hi, I can tell you from my experience, NEVER accept to be his acquaintance. It’s a ploy to make his moving on easier without him looking like the bad guy.
      It hurts. Even my ex moved on quickly and that’s why I am here reading this article.
      But what the writer said here is so true: if he can fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat, do you really want this guy?
      We deserve to be with someone who will love us the way we love him, no more, no less.

      And as far as being friends with the ex is concerned, what purpose does it serve? You don’t want to steal him from another woman. What good is he then? He didn’t commit to anyone.
      Be selfish and stand up for yourself.
      My ex begged me to be friends, but I told him, it’s either a relationship or nothing. If he can be selfish enough to not commit, why can’t I be selfish enough to not be friends?

      Stay strong. Just be glad he moved on after the break up. My ex moved on while we were together.
      The hurt eventually goes away. I am feeling a lot better and so wil you.
      Good luck.

  18. me and my ex broke up on 4th of july .. his sister was the one to tell him to break up with me all because she didn’t trust me for no reason . so he did and later that night he already had a new gf .. they put eachothers name on there ig bio but he didn’t do that to me . idk but that made me mad . soo that had me thinking that he didn’t care and actually loved me at all .

  19. Hi, I am a guy but I can relate. I was the one who let my ex go out of sheer anger. Its been a month and a half now and she’s already moved on with another guy. They are talking , kisses and slept togethor already. It really hurts to know how fast she was able to move on. Everytime I have attempted to talk to her I just got the cold shoulders. She is a very nice and sweet person, so those cold shoulders I have never seen before. We were together for almost a year, and she started dating this guy on what would’ve been our 1 year anniversary.

  20. We only dated for three and a half months, less than 3 weeks of being in an official relationship. But I fell in love with him and spent about 6 months trying to get over him. He started dating someone new a year after we broke up (so he’s not rebounding or shallow). We’re best friends and he was mad that I had a hard time accepting it because we didn’t date for that long. But he loves her in the same amount of time it took me to fall for him. I just want to be happy for him, I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

    1. I had a similar experience. We were dating for three months but only being in an official relationship for like three weeks, even though he said we were in relationship when he didn’t really say anything about girlfriend and boyfriend. We met online, he gave me lots of promises which i even didn’t expect, like we would marry, have four children and i would join his family dinner. while the truth is i never went to his house, never know any of his friends…we are even not friends on FB.

      He broke up with me via text and later on he suggested being friends. I spent another 45 days to feel better and text him in a friend way and he replied me in four days. We kind of kept messaging off and on , and i found it’s meaningless so i didn’t ask him any questions and try to end up our conversation. While he just kept asking me questions, about my study, and my plan for post study. i told him my complete plan sincerely two weeks ago, i was open to him again, but he didn’t reply my text anymore.And last night, i stalked his FB, and found he updated his new relationship on 19 of June.
      i felt so sad, betrayed, unfair and angry. I felt he betrayed me because he said he won’t date after breakup, and now I have to cope with him having a new girlfriend. I felt unfair and angry, because i was always so sincere and open to him, i so trusted him even in post breakup, but he never gave me OFFICIAL relationship and he gave another Asian girl Official state after two months of our breakup! (ps. I’m asian and he is not).How come could he treat me so badly? I sent him last message said i was so wrong to trust him and wish i had never met him, although i don’t really feel so.
      His words keep popping in my mind which makes me so sad and i feel like i can only survive if i don’t think any of him, our passing time and his new girlfriend. I really want to get over him and move on, I don’t want to experience post breakup phase anymore when i was so so heart-broken and felt i couldn’t survive it. Hope we can find a way out.

  21. My ex and i broke up after 2 years living in relationship. We used to stay together until he went back to his hometown for his internship. The only day i went out with some of my friends, he got angry insulted me like sh*t and told me to break up. I just did it. We broke up and i thought i moved on. I was dating a new guy 1 month after the break up, but then soon i realised that i still love my ex. And i cant get over him. All memories and everything is related to him. Then later i came to know he was going out with a girl and slept with her too in a space of 3 weeks.

  22. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 2 years. He broke up with me around the beginning of April. He then messaged me the day before my birthday (May 7) and he was being all flirty and wished me a happy birthday from then on we were talking for a about a month and we would she each other and flirt and out of the blue he stops messaging me so a week later I asked him why we stopped talking and he said he didn’t see why we should continue to talk well I found out he was talking to someone else and now they started dating and they are going to Great America together as a date which is were we would go all the time. Ugh and we have friends in common so I have them on Snapchat and they will post pictures of them all the time and it just hurts me .

  23. hello, i was with my ex for a few months, fell in love, moved him in my apartment, only to find out, he watched alot of porn, drank a lot, was disrespectful. I would put gis clothes out, every week, then take him back. Now he is gone, and about to move in with his new girlfriend he has been with for two months. this hurts so bad. He got drunk called me asking can he come back a few days ago, now he is back with his new girlfriend, he is playing mind games with me. I just want to move on without still loving him, the way I do. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat,

  24. Thank you.hearing any advice helps.time makes it better,but it’s still not ok.i was,with my ex fiancee for a year and a half.we were “soulmates”…his mom wanted her with her bff which was also her best friend at the moment.odd,sick family.he left and came back 3 times in 2 broken up by text in november.i saw them a month later and he told me he was having a baby and moving to colarado(i went crazy and bad stuff happened)scrolling through ig a night ago,I saw a pic of them.brought back everything and confirmed my nightmares.shes not pregnant’s hard to wish happiness to people who are hell bent on attempting to destroy helps to think of all the bad instead of the good times.idk.good luck to all you ladies out’s a pain I wish on noone Ever.i do believe in karma though…

  25. Hi, don’t know where to start! I was with a guy 13 years ago. I was 21 yrs old, young innocent, happy go lucky girl! I meet a local man who is charming and handsome and was going through a seperation with his wife! He was my first love, we clicked, it was passionate and I was immediately in love! He ended up ripping my heart out and sticking it in a blender!! I found out he was a player and a Coke head and more! I was heart broken and took me years to get over him, 18 months post this he suddenly became very good friends with my brother, which was hard as I still was stuck on him and he clearly was still into me (although nothing ever happened) but he was still a big part in my life!! Years later when he was much older, had children, and undeniably a brilliant daddy!! He came off the drugs we somehow got into a relationship, which was like a fairytale!! We took things slow, nothing contrived, I felt respected and not once did I doubt whether he liked me or not! I felt like all my dreams came true!! After 8 months of building me up, spending 3-4 nights a week with me he blurted out that we were “just spending time together”! I was mortified and quite rightly walked which was the hardest things to do! Not once did he try to fight for me or try to sit me down to talk!! It turned out that he got back into the drugs again and got back to his old self! It was the worst year of my life, I felt like I was in a very bad dream I couldn’t wake from! After 14 months of him giving me signals and playing head games I see he has changed his FB profile with him with a girl and it feels so crushing, especially as I am the one who is single and not over it!

    Yes he is with someone else but in a way I kind of feel he can’t hurt me anymore so best foot forward, feel positive again, get the universe on your side again and don’t let someone like that ruin your life. Best revenge is success and keeping your integrity!

  26. Carlos Rosario and Me were together for 3 days then He left me . . . in September . February . . . we were together for 2 days and then left . He officially broke up with me on February 20th . My 1st relationship . after Rejection or Using from guys and kissing 11 ugly guys I had experienced my very 1st relationship .

  27. My and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago. We were together for 3 years and have a 10 month old son and also im pregnant with his first daughter. I moved to another state with him but found myself depressed and no help with the baby. I moved back to be woth my family until i could have the new baby then i was going to move back with everythinf in place. But after one week of me being gone he found a new girlfriend. He still tells me to come home but he wont leave her until i do. My heart is hurting and i cant eat. I just want to be happy and move on. I know we can still be together but my home is here and his home is there. I dont know what to do or how to cope anymore its affecting my daily life and is draining me.

  28. Me and my ex was dating 6yrs, we broke up but tried being friends and still seeing each other. During this time he started hanging out with his best friend everyday and always said nothing is going on between them. Also during also this I was always hoping that we would get back together… he always said that it might happen. Then 3 days ago he tells me his now dating his best friend and I have to see pictures of them happy together. Each day feels like my heart is being ripped out. Not sure how to get pass this and over him.

    Please anyone with advice, let me know.

    1. hi constance. its hard i know, However much i say will not makethe pain go away that quick
      but rest assured, what i will say will put your mind in a diffrent state
      Dont think of him as the only person on the planet, you deserve better than that
      remember how you was before you met him? You was smart Butterfield happy and you still are
      You havent lost him, he lost you, the woman he wanted the woman he saw and chased
      you are still that woman.

      funny thing is, as much as we think our partners are the best thing ever, just remember you havent met all the men in the world, their are millions upon millions of men who will totaly make your ex seem average and to be honest boring as hell…..

      we stick to what we know and think thats the best it gets, but trust me, you havent seen anything yet, their are people out their that would and could lift you off your feet by simply telling you a few things about their lifes

      its the deference between someone seeing lions at the zoo and someone who has lived and touched lions in the wild

      which one of those is far more an exciting life?

      talk to me, im cool, relaxed funny, smart and yes im boring with humor with it :)

    2. Hey constance.I kinda have a similar ex fiancee is with his mom’s bff and his ex.he swore they were only “friends”.not so.the only thing I found to help is do not look at any social media,photos’s hard not to,but it will make dealing with it better.the saying “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”.delete,block,ignore!it snore wish I never stumbled upon my ex’s new gf’s page.try to avoid makes it so hard to get over wishes,and prayers to you!!

    3. I can completely relate to you. Am in the same situation however, I’d been with my ex for 4 years. We wanted to make things work so stayed friends and thongs were going well I thought we’d get back together… but 3 months down the line he told me he’s been seeing someone for work for the past 6 months. It hurt me alot as his words and actions seemed as thought we’d work things out. Now his gf keeps messaging me asking me questions, I feel she’s insecure and doesn’t trust me but getting back to my the point. It’s hard and trust me I know. You’ll have good days and bad days. Try to spend them others, it won’t be easy but if God brings you to it (this hardship your facing) He can get you through it.

      If you need to talk just let me know. X

  29. At first it hurt so much. Then i realized that i deserve so much better than an ass that cheats on me and has the guts to tell me that it was distance. Then spreads rumors to my friends that go to his school, but i couldn’t care less… i found the best guy ever and i cant wait to be with him, he makes me so happy, but at the same time, you must be happy with yourself before moving on. Trust me. Thank you ex, for opening my eyes =).

  30. I am 16 years old, and my ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. He was my first kiss, and I lost my virginity to him. I have mental problems, and he couldn’t handle it, so we broke up, but then I wrote him a letter, and begged him to take me back. He did, but then a couple weeks later, I got jealous of one of his good friends (girl), who hung around alot. I was threatened, and got upset with him, and it annoyed him. I told him I’d deal with it, but then on the way home, I saw the two of them at the station. I then tried to talk to him, and panicked and kept messaging him, but He pushed me away. I was an idiot for doing that. The next day it was all silent treatment from him, until class finished, then we broke up. It was honestly the most gutwrenching, painful experience of my life. And it only got worse when I found out he was hanging around that girl and the group, who convinced him to smoke and do weed and crap. Because I still care So much for him, it kills me. So now, it’s 6 months since, and I was an idiot and after long periods of time not talking, I asked him back. He bluntly rejected me, and then told all his friends. Last night I just found out that girl I was threatened by, and him are sexually mucking around. My heart was stabbed by many large knives, and it was so tough. Well the bonus is that I was his first at everything, and that he’ll never forget about me because he also lost his virginity to me, but I am sick to my stomach because he really wants to be with this girl, and chases her like a lost puppy. I honestly feel so worthless and that our relationship meant nothing to him. I dont love him, I dont want to care still, but I dont know why it still hurts so much. I honestly just want to move on, more than anything.

    1. Look im 17 and im going through a similar situation, we were together for 2 years he took my virginity and my first everything and i took his virginity. We broke up less then a week ago and he’s been talking to this girl since we broke up, he was hanging out with her the night before he even broke up with me. I was crushed and now all i hear is him talking about her and how amazing she is and honestly i dont know how to cope with this either, i found this because i dont know how to handle this and i still love him and i miss him a lot, we were a big part of each others lives and i thought he was different. He obviously didnt care about me as much as i thought. I found out things happened between this girl and my ex boyfriend the night we were still together. I feel like thats a big reason we are no longer together. If you ever want someone to talk to just email me cause i know how you feel and you can keep me updated with how things are going

      1. yeah id like to talk, break up is hard, even though i have my own thoughts and can give out the advice its hard taking your own advice during this time

    2. i assume he’s also 16 or something around that, well i guess you can’t expect much of a maturity from a guy that age. I confessed to my love interest who had claimed he really cared for me and i was someone really important to him that once i had tried to commit suicide, at first he was really concerned and so on but mostly due to concern whether i did it because of him or not, because we had on/off realtionship for four years and he wondered if it happened during on of these off moments. And then he said he’s not sure if he should have kept in touch with me because i scared hell out of him. So i told him not to contact me anymore. I blocked him on fcb and for the first month my process of freeing myself from him went smoothly but all of a sudden i felt excrutiating longing for him and i unblocked him and i found out he was just posting cheery infos on his wall and he seemed unconcerned about me and he apparently had started dating some girl. And no matter how heavily i rationalise everything and keep convincing myself if he had found a girlfriend so soon then he apparently hadn’t cared for me in the first place it just hurts and i happen to bearst into tears everyday when i think about it. I guess every concern just wears out with time so i just need to wait. I am 30 this year and it hurts a lot, i imagine what it’s like to be 16 when it’s your first love and so on. Thanks for this site, i guess i just needed to express my feelings in a writing form somewhere, i hope it brings me some relief.

    3. S.C, I relate to your story so deeply. I was sixteen when I fell in my first love. He was my first, I was his, I have mental problems (anxiety, depression, perfectionism, there’s a list lol), there was a girl best friend I felt threatened by, we broke up and they wound up dating, I was demolished. He and I still communicated, he decided he still loved me, we got back together. That became a six-year roller coaster of off-and-on, wasn’t in love but he is a great person and only love I’d ever known. He was my best friend, but we fought all the time. I knew myself enough to admit that I didn’t love him and wanted to step out into life and find my true happiness. And I could not love him the way he deserved.

      Fast forward. I’m 24 now, and telling you from the future of where you’re at right now, it’s all worth it. You will be happy. Deeply, truly, unbearably happy.

      Since then I’ve dated a few people and learned more of what I want in a relationship. More importantly I’ve spent a great deal of time alone, being single and getting to know myself without the (self-imposed) pressure of what someone else might want me to be. I discovered flaws and strengths and the best discovery is that I have a very strong, pure heart. I love deeply and passionately. I want to spread love and happiness and peace through my life. I am a good person.

      You seem very intelligent and introspective, which are two traits I find highly valuable in a person. Even your mental issues are sources of strength, frankly they make you genuine. That is beautiful. Embrace them and love yourself fully for everything you are.

      The time when we’re getting past a breakup is very difficult. I’m working on it now and I’ve read many an article, which is how I got here. lol But even that gets easier to do. It’s a mental exercise, and like physical exercise, it comes more easily the more you practice. Talking to trusted family and friends has gotten me through many hard times, and has built up my relationships with those people. If you’d like to talk, I’d be happy to be an ear. :)

      Best wishes.

  31. My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago, we were together for a year…three weeks after our breakup he got a new girlfriend…Before the break up everything was going fine, we had alot of fun, we were the “perfect” couple, he loved me, I loved him, we planned a future together until a week before he broke up…that last week was aweful, he avoided me, when we texted he was always fast to finish, and he ignored me when we were together…When he ended things, I was so heart-broken that I didn’t know who I was anymore and he didn’t even give me a reason…he was so cold…I didn’t know who that person was…and now he’s with her and I hate her, even tough she seems like a nice girl…I have to see them everyday, because we go to the same school…I don’t know what to do…

    1. I’m going through the same as you, and it’s exactly the same story as your, and it hurts even more when I saw him with the other girl and posting pictures together I felt disappointed and honestly I understand you more than anyone could.

    2. I’m in the same situation
      My ex is dating my best friend and I have to everyday kissing in front of my face
      My laughs at me when I watch them kissing because I am now single?

  32. My ex and I broke up 5 months back after 6.5 years of relationship. His parents had accepted for our marriage and my parents were slightly hesitant. And out of nowhere, he suddenly said that his parents are no against it and when I asked him about his stand, he said he can’t go against them. He did not give a try of even convincing them. A month before all this drama, I saw him being close with a girl from his office, who he knew since a month only and they were constantly over phone enquiring about each other’s actions, health, whereabouts and family members. When I had asked him about why is he so much over phone with her when I have come to spend time with him, he said that she is married and it is only friendship and asked me not to misunderstand. He also told the girl that I am not comfortable with their closeness and that he will talk to her after our meet. I was slightly shocked at this behavior, still believed his words. After we broke up, in another 4 months, he got engaged. To my surprise, she was the girl with whom I saw him being close. I still don’t know what went wrong where, how and why. And sometimes still blame me that I would have done some mistake which made him move away or is it really that his parents did not agree made him move. Whatever be the reason, how can someone forget a girl in 4 months who was with you in your ups and downs for last 6.5 years and love someone else ? Just not able to get over all these things.

  33. Me and my ex boyfriend just broke up after 9 months of dating, we had an extremely shaky relationship and broke up about 5 times. He has a new girlfriend and has been purposely hurting me to “forget me” he texted me to tell me how he and his new girlfriend just went on the best date and kissed and how he doesn’t love me and got rid of everything I have ever given him. I got scared that he was going to be gone forever and I texted him and told him how I felt about everything and how much I still cared for him. He went on Skype with me, flipped me off, said F you, and blocked me from all social media and even text and calling. When someone only tries to hurt you, you have to realize that you need to let go. It’s hard, it still hurts so badly but you have to move on. He does not deserve to have someone like you in his life if he treats you that way.

    1. Amen!! I’m so glad you realized that his douchebag behavior is totally his own choice. You clearly have a good heart, he’s clearly immature, he doesn’t deserve the love you have to give.

  34. Me and my ex bf broke up almost a year ago , its 11 and a half months now , and it was the second time he broke up with me after us getting back together after the first broke up. Just a few hours ago he changed his profile picture with his new gf and the feelings that got me are sucks. Well I’m not too surprised because he had cheated on me twice , even the first time he cheated he almost marrying someone else (even the marriage plan was canceled) while we were still together, can you imagine how awful I was hurt when I found out about that ?? We’ve been together for more than a year and happy, theres not a single hint that he’s cheating , what a perfect lies and acting ! And after 6 months of the first breakup I stupidly took him back again after a call because I believed in every story and reasons he told me. We started over as friends but then we became lovers again but 3 months later he broke up with me (again). About 2 months later I found out that he has cheated ( again ) while we were together (again) , and thats the reason he broke me up. But then it didn’t work out well with that girl that he was cheating and he tried to have me back , but I was too hurt and still extremely in pain to have him back , I wasn’t strong enough and too scared of getting the same hurt for more. I decided I have to protect my own heart. But then just a few hours ago seeing that he has already moved on and he got a new gf really makes me feel a mixed emotions and it hurts me more to know that I’m officially replaced , idk its different from being cheated, because when he cheats we were still together , but now that we were not together anymore and he got someone new.. I can’t see him falling in love with someone else , it hurts. Being replaced is sucks. I don’t know how to get over this. I never loved someone as much as I loved him. People said the one that you loved the most is also the one that can hurt you the most. Its true..

    1. You seem to only value yourself as much as he values you. Recognize that he is a separate person with separate perception, and it seems to be poor quality. You acted from the heart and that is big. Your mistake is in being willing to accept whatever love you can get from someone who doesn’t value you enough. You’re willing to accept love less than a person deserves, and that’s not healthy for you. I know the desire for a person who said they loved you all these ways to follow through, but if they’re not capable, that’s their weakness. His inability to see your worth does not reduce your worth. Your inability to see your worth doesn’t reduce your worth either, only your happiness. Fact is you built a strong love, just for someone who doesn’t deserve it. So be proud of how strongly you can love, and share that love with someone who deserves it. And more importantly, in the meantime, give yourself that love.

  35. PRIORITY : SURROUND OURSELVES WITH FUN ! Even if that means neglecting things we’re not supposed to because we need to feel mentally happy I say this bc I have a crap ton of school work to do but I cant get it done or focus F IT! I need to put makeup on write songs do any little thing that FEELS GOOD so I dont become sadder. We are allowed a vice here and especially now just dont let that vice become a habit. Splurge in fun and fun people asap!

  36. @April @Jamie @JonEku. Im going through the same things. You are not alone……It’s really tough knowing how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend because though I have to complete unreal amounts of work to complete this semester to avoid withdrawal status on transcript Im getting kicked out of grad school (failed my quals twice) too.

    We lived together and still work together (awkward but cordial) he was an amazing bf of 3 yrs…like really just a great loving supportive committed man.. He even got me a ring. Then went Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde during my 2nd qual exam/birthday and cheated. I broke up with him. He’s bipolar 1 and I’ve stuck it out with him even while he was hospitalized. I have been incredibly betrayed he wanted me out the house. I moved out a month ago and he’s already got a diffrent woman (not the first he cheated with) staying with him from out of town. He’s even disrespected me in front of her calling me all kinds of names and threatened to get a restraining order against me in front of this strange woman and I absolutely never bother him. I just went to pick up mail because we were trying to be on good terms but the new womam was there and I didn’t know bc he refused to answer me about his relationship status bc I wouldve surely stayed even further away to avoid the hurt .

    WE HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG PEOPLE OUR EXES ARE JERKS AND SELFISHLY SATISFYING THEIR NEEDS AT THE EXPENSE OF OURS (yes they loved and may still love us) Trying to stay tough. I say all of this as I sob day to day moment to moment thats normal it extremely hurts especially coupled with my depression and coping with my failures outside of the relationship but the feeling must go away bc everything in life is temporary. LETS STICK IT OUT MAYBE JUST MAYBE SOMETHINGS GREAT ARE TO COME. We will think about his/her new partner and your our old ones a lot and how they are just having a blast together but screw them.

    We will find excitement and happiness again maybe not tomorrow but sometime I have to feel this. And sure enough those two may play perfect on the outside but will encounter LIFE at some point too.

  37. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Sometimes the process of grieving a breakup — and healing — is three steps backward and one step forward. It’s important to give yourself time to heal your heart, especially if you were together for a long time.

    Yes, you have to be strong when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend…but you also have to allow yourself to be weak. Healing is about processing your sad and angry emotions.

    How do you heal? By expressing your feelings. Writing is an excellent way to work through your emotions. If you’re creative, then art therapy can be a great way to heal.

    Now, I ask you: how do YOU heal from pain? How do you take care of yourself when you’re sad, lonely, scared?

  38. Hey me and my bf broke up about a month ago after 4 years together…he said he didn’t love me anymore which really hurt..I just wanted to try and contact him but in the process I find out he has a new gf now I feel really low like I did at the start of the break up.. I still really love him and its broken me to see him with someone else. How do I get over this.. :'(

  39. My ex bf and I just broke up, but the one who said the end was him first. He said he doesn’t love me anymore, he has no goals or any courage to move on. He seems like he tired of everything so he wants to focus on his career right now, and blah blah… I have his Facebook, but try not to check on him like everyday, because I know that he never talks about what’s going on everyday. However, I still have the password for his gmail, so I logged in and saw the messages between my ex and his new girl, my heart was broken so bad. I can’t believe in what I see, until now, I wish it’s just a normal conversation, but it’s not. The way they talked was the same when my ex started to date me. I felt hopeless of thinkin about getting us back together. There’s no hope. And we just broke up for 1 week only. I’m telling myself that I have to be strong, move-on. No matter what. But it’s hard, right now i really want to hit into his face. I couldn’t sleep since I saw those messages. It’s like I’m tortured myself. I don’t know what to do now. How can he move on so fast just after a week of breaking? He’s a jerk to me. He was my first ever….

    1. dont think of how he can move on so fast
      i know its hard and your thoughts come quicker than your judgment
      but try ok jamie, you must move on, you will be just fine

      if it makes you feel better, every person on the planet has experinced breaking up in bad ways

      YOU DESERVE BETTER AND YOUL GET IT .. .why you ask? because you are showing you care and have morals and those things alone will bring to you the person you so want for real

      Youl be just fine, i promise you that, yes im a stranger promising you that and yes i can do it with out dought

      feel good do not take him back, but ofcourse thats upto you, but take back your pride ASAP

      thank me another day :) not that i want a thank you..

      wanna hear a joke? jus tpromise youl laugh regardless lol

  40. I am distraught. I supported her while she was sick and she seems to be feeling better. Lately she’s been hinting at wanting to see me then telling me over the weekend she had fun on this date. Meanwhile I’m stuck trying to meet other women but they can be so judgmental. I really don’t feel I deserved this.