You may feel surprised – and heartbroken – to find out that your ex is in a new relationship. Here are three ways to cope when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend.
This is what K says on 5 Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Breakup: “What hurts me the most is the fact that he already replaced me. I just can’t stop thinking about what he and his girlfriend are doing. How do I get over this? I didn’t think he’d be in a new relationship so fast. I’m still getting over the fact that he’s my ex 🙁 ”
Healing from a breakup – and learning how to cope when your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend – is different for everyone. What works for me (or your sister or best friend) may not work for you – especially if you’re surprised and devastated that your ex is already in a new relationship. You need to try different things to help yourself heal and move forward. These tips will help if you focus on grieving and healing – not staying stuck in the past…
The more surprising his behavior is, the harder it may be for you to cope. That is, if you’re completely shocked that your ex is already in a new relationship, then you may have a more difficult time accepting it. On the other hand, if you knew he was a player – or if he cheated on you – then you may not be surprised that he’s already dating.
When you were with him, did he tell you how much he loves you? Did he swear he’d never leave you or fall in love with someone else? Then his new relationship is heartbreaking – and my heart goes out to you.
But remember: you are stronger than you think, braver than you realize, and tougher than you know! You WILL survive this, and you will love again.
3 Ways to Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to try to put them back together.
My first tip is the most important one, which is why I’ll probably repeat it at the end of this article. Sometimes we need to hear things more than once before they sink in! Also, it takes time and practice to learn ways to stop feeling hurt and stuck in the past, and heal emotionally.
1. Don’t take your pain out on yourself after a breakup
When you find out your ex is dating someone new, you may feel unworthy, unlovable, fat, dumb, ugly, and useless. You loved him so much – you can’t stop thinking about him – and he’s loving a new girlfriend. It hurts, and you need to accept your loss and grieve the pain.
The most important way to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend is to take care of yourself. Be gentle, loving, kind, and compassionate to yourself. Don’t take your pain out on your own body by overeating, drinking, drugging, shopping, cutting, sleeping around, or using other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Crying is good, and so is sleeping and eating healthy foods. Listen to your mom’s advice when you’re mending a broken heart. Be good and kind to your body, your mind, your spirit.
2. Remember that he may not be over you
Just because your ex has a new girlfriend – or he went on a few dates with someone else – doesn’t mean he’s over you. Just because he’s marrying another woman doesn’t mean he loves her more than you!
Don’t take your ex’s new relationship personally. Your ex boyfriend is doing what he needs to do, he’s making choices for his own reasons. His actions may have nothing to do with you, or they may have everything to do with you. You may never know what he’s thinking or feeling – so don’t take his new relationship personally. Some people cope with a breakup by immediately jumping into a relationship with a new girlfriend, other guys take longer to heal. It’s possible that your ex boyfriend chose not to feel the pain of a broken heart, and is replacing you with a new girlfriend.
3. Take this breakup as a sign your relationship wasn’t meant to be
If your ex already has a new girlfriend, then he’s not the guy for you.
He’s shallow-hearted, immature, and not ready for a committed, loving relationship with a woman. He got over you so fast because he falls in and out of “love” at the drop of a hat. Do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with a guy like that?
Resisting the loss of your relationship – your boyfriend, your husband – is more painful than simply accepting it.
I know it really, really hurts that your ex already has a new girlfriend. My heart goes out to you. But you need to take it as a sign you weren’t meant to be with him, and find ways to move on with your life.
Help for healing
You might try writing a breakup letter to help you heal. Put yourself in the role of wanting this breakup, needing to be free from the relationship, and genuinely wishing your ex the best of luck with his new girlfriend.
In It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get Over the Big One and Change Your Life – for Good!, Lisa Steadman describes how fabulous moving on can be after a breakup. She says a breakup is not about being “broken”, but rather a chance to celebrate who you are. You can learn how to pick yourself up after a fall and move on. It’s about a breakup, not a breakdown.
What do you think – how will you cope now that your ex has a new girlfriend? I welcome your comments below, but can’t offer advice or counseling. Feel free to share your story, though, because writing can bring insight and healing in your life.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes on healing and moving on:
When you deny your story, it defines you. When you own your story, you get to write a brave new ending. You get to say it was horrible and I was in lots of pain …… and then I got help and this is how the story ends.
How will your story end? Not with you in pain, learning how to cope because your ex is in a relationship with a new girlfriend. Tell a better ending.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.