After breaking up with someone you love, you will grieve. Here are the most common emotions people feel after a breakup – and how to deal with the heartbreak of letting go.
In You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, or Death, Louise Hay and expert David Kessler discuss the emotions that occur when a relationship leaves you brokenhearted, a marriage ends in divorce, or a loved one dies. With a perfect blend of Louise’s teachings and affirmations on personal growth and transformation and David’s many years of working with those in grief, this empowering book will inspire an extraordinary new way of thinking, bringing hope and fresh insights into your life and even your current and future relationships. You will not only learn how to help heal your grief, but you will also discover that, yes, you can heal your heart.
Breakups are confusing. If you know that a relationship is not going to work, why must we grieve when it ends? I guess it’s the human nature. We were programmed to protect the relationships valuable to us, and the grieving process is just a way of our mind telling us that the relationship was valuable.
The more valuable the relationship is, the worse is the grieving. You will likely experience a lot of emotions during this period. But you will find peace of mind after a break up if you know what emotions to expect. Here is a list of them.
11 Emotions You Will Feel After a Breakup
This is a guest post from Kevin Thompson, who has been helping people deal with breakups for two years.
1. Shock. If you didn’t see the breakup coming, you might be in a shock for quite sometime. You will be thinking things like ”Everything was fine a few days ago, how can this happen to me.” The good news is shock will not last for long. The bad news is shock is probably the easiest of emotions you will have to go through.
2. Denial. If you had constant fights and arguments that lead to an “almost breakup” quite often, then you are likely to be in denial after the breakup. You will probably just convince yourself that this is just another one of those situation and you and your partner will make up soon enough. Denial can last a while until reality creeps in and smacks you on the face with the fact that it’s really over.
3. Bargaining. Bargaining, more commonly known on the internet (and the world) as “Get Your Ex Back.” Don’t get me wrong, getting your ex back can be a good thing if you have a good reason to get back together. But you have to understand that bargaining is also just one of the emotions after a breakup. And getting back together just because you are going through a phase of grieving is not a good decision. In fact, you might end up regretting this decision if the relationship is not right for you.
4. Sadness. This is the phase where you just feel sad throughout the day. You get up in the morning, drag your feet to the bathroom, look in the mirror and see your pathetic face thinking, “Will I ever be happy again?” You slouch your way to the kitchen, pour yourself some cereal and manage to drag yourself to your daily activities. Sadness is not the worst of the emotions you’ll feel after a breakup. Because we all know that it will pass. What’s dangerous is obsession.
5. Obsession. You keep thinking about your ex. You stalk their Facebook, hack into their email and go over all their activities like you are working for the NSA. In fact, you go out of your way to find out where they are going for their yoga classes and you stand across the street to make sure they are not with someone else. Your day starts with your ex and it ends with your ex. You are obsessed with your ex. Obsession can be tricky business because it won’t stop until you absolutely stop all contact with your ex and delete any means of indirect communication with them (like Facebook, twitter etc.) You have to go cold turkey on your ex, even though your emotions after breaking up may feel like they’re overwhelming you.
6. Anger. Then there will be days where you will think of nothing but your ex’s faults and how they did you wrong. You will think to yourself that you are glad that the relationship is over and you will hope that they suffer for what they put you through. Even though it’s a step forward, holding a grudge against your ex is not the best way to move on.
7. Missing Them. Of course, with hate comes love – another common emotion after a breakup. You will think of all the wonderful qualities your ex had and how much you miss them. You will feel like you were and probably are still in love with them. Again, remember it’s just a phase and you should just let it come and pass like every other emotion.
8. Fear. During a relationship people start identifying themselves as a couple; they see themselves as a part of a team and after the breakup, they find themselves suddenly alone. This new life comes with fear. Of course, it’s OK to feel fear, as it is just another emotion. What matters is how you deal with it? Do you run back and hide behind the idea of getting back together with your ex, or do you face it head on?
9. Empowerment. If you start taking control of your life after the breakup, you will feel empowered and realize that you don’t need your ex to be happy in your life. When you realize you have conquered your fear of being single again, you will feel like you can achieve anything you want.
10. Acceptance. You will start accepting the fact that you two have broken up and there is no going back. Instead of looking back, you start planning forward. You start thinking about your happiness and your goals in life. You start planning a life, without your ex in it.
11. Forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that will come a long time after the breakup. But it’s something that is very essential in moving on. When you forgive your ex for everything wrong they did, you forgive yourself as well. At this time, you have truly moved on after the breakup.
For more help with dealing with emotions after a breakup, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.
About the author: K. Thompson has been helping with breakups for the past two years. He believes that some relationships deserve another chance while some relationships deserve to be ended permanently.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.