You don’t feel right about having an affair with someone else’s husband, but you can’t seem to let him go. These tips on how to stop dating a married man will help heal your broken heart. I also share encouragement from a woman who broke up with a married husband; it hurt her to walk away from him, but it was worth the pain.
This married man feels like to meet the most beautiful, perfect man for you. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted, you belong together…but he is another woman’s husband. He belongs to someone else morally and legally – even though he makes you feel like you’re “the one” for him. And yet, you know that the affair is toxic.
It’s time to reclaim your life and emotions, and learn how to emotionally detach from this relationship. Here, you’ll learn how to stop dating a married man – and even more importantly, you’ll discover ways to let go of someone you love. I also encourage you to read through the comments section below. My readers are discussing how difficult, painful, and destructive it is to keep hanging on to an affair with a married man.
Breaking Free From an Unhealthy Relationship With a Married Man
You need to heal, to set your heart free from the guilt, shame, grief, pain, and heartache. It’s a huge mistake – destructive emotionally, spiritually, physically, socially – to have an affair with another woman’s husband. You know this isn’t real love, and you know the married man won’t leave his wife for you.
Maybe you feel like he’s the only man for you because he told you that you’re the only woman he truly loves. Maybe you can’t get rid of your hope and dream that he’ll leave his marriage for you. Or maybe deep down you secretly enjoy the secrecy and lies, dishonesty and pain of having an affair with a married man.
You are not alone
Here’s what one of my readers said about breaking up with the guy she was having an affair with:
“I became involved with a married man after my divorce,” says Kay on Why Married Men Cheat – and How to Prevent It. “He told me how much he loved me, and thought we were meant to be together. He said he was going to leave his wife, but he never did. I can’t believe how much time and energy I wasted on this man. The lies, deception and constant disappointment of having an affair with a married man was awful. I admit I miss his company and the way he looked at me and the way he touched me. But I realize I need and deserve so much more! Looking back I realize how toxic it was to sit at home on holidays while he was with his family, and only see him when he was available. We never showed affection in public, and we could never spend time with friends as a couple.”
A few years ago, I wrote an article called How to Stop Cheating in a Relationship. I didn’t think anyone would read it because I thought it’d be easy to not cheat! I was wrong. Recently I’ve had some very honest conversations with my friends about dating married men, and I’ve realized that affairs are more common than I realize.
But no matter how common it is to fall in love with and date a married man, it is degrading, dishonest, and disappointing. The affair will never go anywhere, and it’s not true love. True love means you can introduce the man you love to your family and friends. True love isn’t suppressed by secrets and deception. True love does not involve lying and secret meetings, lonely nights and unhappy days.
You know what true love is, and you also know that if the married man really loved you, he’d be with you every night. He’d leave his wife for you instead of lying to you, lying to her, lying to his children, and lying to himself.
Stop lying to yourself, your friends, your family
What lies are you telling yourself? How are you lying to your loved ones? Your guilt and shame will devour you. Yes, you love this married man. You must love him, otherwise you wouldn’t be sleeping with him because you know he’s another woman’s husband. You feel degraded and used. You know it’s a toxic and painful affair – not a real relationship – and yet you keep hanging on. You hate yourself for sleeping with another woman’s husband, and you also tell yourself that you can’t break up with this married man because you love him.
You question yourself: “What if he really is different?” “What if my married man’s excuses are actually valid?” “What if he really is on the road to end his marriage for me?”
But you know the truth: he won’t leave his wife for you. This married man likes having his wife at home and you as an extra perk on the side. He enjoys the feeling of both you and her loving him. He doesn’t respect you or his wife, and you no longer respect yourself. The longer you keep cheating with another woman’s husband, the worse and more degraded you will feel….and the harder it’ll be to break up with this married man and heal your broken heart.
Remember that you won’t always feel so terrible!
After my reader Kay broke up with the married man she was having the affair with, she experienced deep grief and heartache. She was lonely, sad, and broken…and she was free. Now, she urges you to stop cheating with another woman’s husband.
“To anyone who is still involved with a married man, all I can say is end it NOW,” she says. “Yes the pain is terrible. You wonder how you can go on without him. But the sense of freedom and self-respect you’ll feel after the breakup is empowering. You’ll feel better about yourself and your life after ending the affair, and you’ll see the married man differently.”
Learn how to let go of a guy who isn’t good for you
Remember that you are letting go of a man who doesn’t belong to you. He is another woman’s husband; he stood in front of his family and friends and vowed to love her forever. Don’t keep holding on to the affair; it is toxic and destructive. You know it’s time to go, or you wouldn’t be here! Remember that breaking up with a married man will be painful and sad, but it’s better for you in the long run. You’ll need to grieve the end of the affair, but you will be healthier and happier in the long run.
This married man is not free to love you the way you were created to be loved. You’re participating in a destructive affair that is darkening your soul and spirit. It’s not romantic, sexy, or charming to help a married man cheat on his wife. You know this. You’re here because you want to break off the affair.
Expect the breakup to hurt
Breaking up will hurt, but you will find true freedom and authenticity – and you will create a better life for yourself! You’ve been hurt and used. You thought your affair with this man wouldn’t turn out this way. Your heart has been bruised, broken, and maybe even stomped on. It may get worse before it gets better…but it WILL get better.
Getting over an affair with a married man won’t happen overnight. You’ll grieve the breakup, and you may even regret letting him go. You’ll wish you were back together, and you’ll cry yourself to sleep at night. But, you WILL heal and move on! You will be proud of yourself that you had the courage and dignity to stop dating a married man, and you will start readying yourself for a healthy new relationship. You will stand tall and proud, and you will be happy again.
It takes strength and courage to let go – but you can learn how to get over a married man. Don’t let yourself be drawn into the darkness and hopelessness of an affair.
Cut off all contact with him, for he is another woman’s husband
Don’t accept this married man’s phone calls, text messages, Facebook popups, emails, Facetime prompts, Tweets, blog comments, or notes at work. You’re just setting yourself up to fall back into the affair. Don’t let him lie and cheat his way back into your life. You can’t be friends with him. If you work with him, you need to get another job. This is one of the best tips on how to break up with a married man: cut off all contact and leave him alone.
Decide you will rebuild your life. Focus on healing your spirit and soul, for you are at a low point in your life. Open your heart to the love of God and the healing peace of Jesus. Accept His love and grace, His forgiveness and freedom.
It’s not easy to stop dating a married man, but it’s the only way you’ll find yourself again. You can and will move past this if you accept the grace, love, and forgiveness that only God can offer. After you start to come through the grief, you will be grateful to no longer be trapped in the hell of searching for articles on how to break up with a married man. You will be free to grow stronger and healthier, spiritually and emotionally.
Stay true to yourself, even when he keeps contacting you
You want to end this affair because you know it’s wrong to cheat with another woman’s husband. You know this affair isn’t going anywhere.
Put yourself in your wife’s shoes; how would you feel if your husband was cheating on you? This may not be the most effective tip on how to stop dating a married man, but it may help you find compassion for his wife and strength to leave him.
You aren’t proud of dating a married man, and you know it’s destroying your spirit and soul. At some level, you even know how much you’re contributing to the pain he’s causing his wife and family.
If you want to be a truly joyful and peaceful, you must choose a life of integrity and respect. You must choose relationships that build you – and others – up. Choose life, light, goodness, and truth.
Remember that you’re not in love with the real man
Are you still struggling to break up with your married man? Remember that you’re not in love with the real him. You think you’re in love, but all you see are the bits and pieces he shows you. His wife knows a million times more about him than you do – no matter what he tells you about his marriage.
He’s married, which might add chemistry and excitement to your affair. But he’s not available and he doesn’t really love you. He’s a facade: you know enough about him to give you some insight into his personality and life, but you’re not involved with the real man.
You’re not picking up his dirty clothes, putting down the toilet seat, listening to him snore all night long, wondering where he goes at night and on weekends, or fighting about the credit card charges and mortgage payments. Remember that when you’re dating a married man, you see the ideal and perfect guy. You don’t see who he really is.
Start searching for what’s missing in your life
Why are you involved with him? You’re dating a married man because of something that’s missing and broken inside of you. You feel empty, and you think it’s because you love him…but really it’s because you’re empty without God’s love, compassion, grace, and peace in your spirit.
What is it in you that refuses to let him go, to accept that he’s not free? If you can learn what you’re looking for, you’re one step closer to knowing how to break up with a married man.
If you don’t feel spiritually or emotionally healthy, this is the perfect time to start looking at your own personal growth. You are deeply and unconditionally loved by God, and you were created for a purpose. Your life can be so much more fulfilling and interesting! You can be truly and deeply happy, and you will find a healthy relationship when you learn how to take care of your emotional and spiritual health.
Decide that you deserve better than an affair
Do you believe you’re worthwhile, valuable, and lovable? Do you love yourself? Sometimes learning how to break up with a married man involves a decision. You need to decide that you deserve more out of a relationship, and that a better man is waiting for you. God created you to be a partner for a man who wants to spend his life with you, and who treats you with love and respect.
No matter what he says about his marriage, his wife, and his kids – remember that you’re only getting his perspective. He is telling you whatever he wants to tell you; he wants to make it easy for the affair to continue. He wants you to keep dating him even though he’s married and even though he won’t leave his wife. He’s lying to you.
Breaking up with him will hurt. Learn how to heal after losing a man you love.
In How to Let of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart, I share valuable insights and comfort for women who want to emotionally detach from unhealthy relationships.
It’s an ebook, so it’s immediately available. It’s not specifically about breaking up with a married man or getting over an affair with another woman’s husband, but it will help you move forward in your life.
I also encourage you to read through the comments section below. You’ll see you are not alone in your pain. You’ll read other women’s stories, women who are honest and strong enough to share what it’s like to date and break up with a man who is married. You’ll also see the pain that loving another woman’s husband causes. See the destruction that having an affair causes. Learn how deep the roots of heartache and betrayal go.
Gain insight, healing and help from the insights and experience of other women to help you move on in your own life. Be prepared to face the reality that breaking up with a married man is difficult and painful – but the best thing you could do for yourself. Take a deep breath, and open your heart to God’s healing love, power, and strength.