A “Do I love him?” quiz can’t address your specific relationship questions. Here are the most important signs of compatibility, to help you recognize true love.
- Find yourself attracted again and again to troubled, distant, moody men – and nice guys seem boring
- Obsess over men who are emotionally unavailable, addicted to work, hobbies, alcohol, or other women
- Neglect your friends and your own interests to be immediately available to him
- Feel empty without him, even though being with him is torment
Love isn’t just a feeling. If you’re focusing on your heart and emotions while asking ‘do I love him?’, then you’re looking in the wrong direction. Making smart relationship decisions is about recognizing the signs of compatibility, which is what we’ll do here…
“Do I Love Him?” 8 Ways to Know
In Are You in Love? 8 Signs of a Serious Relationship, I share how I knew I loved my husband. It’s good to learn what helped other people answer the ‘do I love him’ question.
Equally important is to remember that we all give and receive love differently. That’s why reading about the love languages is helpful – you’ll learn how you respond to love, which can help you know if you love him.
You’ve spent at least a year with him
The best tip on how to know if you love him is time. You can fall “in love” within hours, but those first feelings of infatuation and attraction aren’t true love. The first question you need to consider (after the do I love him question) is how long you’ve known him.
If you haven’t know your boyfriend for at least a year, you’ll have a more difficult time knowing if you love him. The more you know him, the easier it’ll be to decide if you love him.
You accept that his “cute quirks” will irritate you
Here’s a weird quirk: one of my boyfriends would get ice cream all over his chin when he ate with a spoon. I can see getting ice cream all over your face when you eat a cone…but with a spoon? It was weird the first time I saw it, and I immediately knew I could never eat ice cream with him again.
What are your boyfriend’s odd or cute quirks? They get old and annoying fast. You know you love him if you’re aware of his weaknesses and you’re prepared to live with them forever.
You know he won’t change
The third best tip on how to know if you love him is whether or not you want to change him. Instead of asking yourself “Do I love him?” ask “Can I commit to this man the way he is right now for the rest of life?”
Don’t expect your boyfriend to change, no matter how much he loves you. He is who he is, and if you truly love him you’ll accept him as is. Damage noted.
You and he have compatible life plans and goals
At the beginning of this article I said that a “Do I love him?” quiz can’t address your unique relationship questions. This is because there are hundreds of personal factors to consider in any relationship, which quizzes don’t cover.
However, a Compatibility Test for Couples is a whole different story! A compatibility test will help you see your relationship objectively. This is different than learning how to know if you love him. It’s about your relationship
You know what love is
Ah, the most important sign you love him…you understand what true love is. Hollywood movies and Netflix TV shows don’t tell you what true love is. They’re romanticized, idealized versions of love (except for movies like The Story of Us, which captures marriage relatively well).
I grew up with a single mother and no dad. I had no idea what love in a marriage was like, so I got counseling. I wanted to be emotionally healthy before I started thinking about how to know if I loved my boyfriend. When you’re thinking about your relationship, as “Do I know what love is?” That’s a great step towards knowing if you love him.
You had good relationship role models
It’s much easier to know if you love someone when you grew up surrounded by healthy love. Here’s a great quote from Bishop Steven Neil: “Love that lasts is 10% emotion, 20% understanding, and 70% will.”
When you ask the “do I love him” question, are you focused on your heart and emotions? Be careful. Your heart may love him to pieces, but your head knows lots of things that your heart refuses to see.
Your Spidey senses aren’t tingling
What are your gut instincts telling you about your boyfriend? Be honest. Take 10 minutes and write down everything that worries you about him. Maybe he lies, spends too much time with his friends, borrows money and doesn’t repay it, flirts with other girls, bullies people.
Listen to your Spidey senses; they are trying to protect you. They want you to be happy.
If you’re not sure how he feels about you, read Does He Love You? 7 Signs Your Marriage is Over.
You and he have similar beliefs about God
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with Jesus. You were created by God for a reason! You were meant to be here on earth at this exact time, born into your specific family, reading tips on How to Know if I Love Him at this particular time in your life.
Stop for a moment. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes, and connect with God. Do you feel His presence, His love for you? God is love. The closer you are to Him, the easier it’ll be to learn how to know if you love your boyfriend. God will direct and lead you…but you have to be willing to ask and follow.
My prayer is that you find love that lasts. I pray for peace and joy in your relationship. May you be patient and take your time as you think about how you feel about your boyfriend. I pray for love to enter your life fully and completely, and for you to know what love is. May you seek God’s presence every morning, and feel His love all day and night.
What’s your answer to the “Do I love him?” question? I welcome your thoughts below, but I can’t offer advice. Writing can bring clarity and insight, so I encourage you to share your ideas.