You’re in love with him – and he may even be in love with you – but he’s marrying another woman. How do you cope when the man you love is getting married?

You need to let go of him and move on – and one way to do that is to read It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy is one of the most popular breakup books on Amazon. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t call him — and what he’s thinking when you do break down and call. Instead of obsessing about why the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to know how to keep your friends and not lose your job! Avoid breakup pitfalls: IMing, stalking, and having sex with your ex. Learn how to reframe reality and see the relationship for what it was.

The following tips for moving on are inspired by a reader. “I found out that the guy I’ve been dating for four years is getting married to someone else,” says Stella on Why Couples Break Up. “I love him so much and I have been crying. I don’t know what to do. I am so confused. Please help me.”

When the Man You Love is Getting Married

Different tips work for different people. For me, reading is one of the best ways to survive any trauma because it shows me that others have survived similar problems, and they’ve even written books about it and gotten published!

Other women find comfort in friends, ice cream, shopping, or even home renovation! Yes, changing your physical surroundings – perhaps by tearing down your walls or tearing up your carpet – can help you move on after a hard breakup.

The trick is to distract yourself from the pain.

Find ways to distract yourself when the man you love is marrying someone else

Instead of focusing on the fact that you can’t stop loving the man you’ve been with for years, channel your energy into something productive and good for you. Go back to school, or take a night class. Learn to play the flute, or take flamenco dance lessons. Move to a new neighborhood, city, state, or country. Start a new exercise regime, or start planning your next vacation.

The worst way to cope when the man you love leaves is to sit and cry about it. Yes, you need to grieve – but you don’t need to grieve all day, every day, for the next five years. Give yourself permission to cry a little, but then start diverting your energy to something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Accept that you and he were not meant to be together

I’ve been devastated over breakups. I’ve cried my eyes out, and thought I was going to die when the guys I loved left me. I haven’t actually stalked any of my ex-boyfriends, but I’ve gone with girlfriends to stalk their ex-boyfriends.

Now that I’m 42 and happily married, I’ve realized that my ex-boyfriends were not meant to be mine! The were not suited for me because of our lifestyles, personalities, goals, and cultures. If you’re struggling to cope with the heartache when the guy you love marries somebody else, keep reminding yourself that you and he were not meant to be together. Sooner or later, he would’ve left you – or you’d be trapped in an unhappy marriage, perhaps with kids, a mortgage, or a ton of financial debt.

To survive the pain of being left for another woman, you need to keep telling yourself that this breakup is for the best. You prolong the pain if you keep hanging on to what you can’t have.

Spend time with people who make you feel good

What to Do When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else

Some friends leave you feeling drained, tired, and listless. They’re sort of like energy vampires – they drain your spirit and soul of everything good! Other friends leave you feeling happy, inspired, excited, and motivated to change your life in positive ways. You enjoy spending time with them because you connect with them, have great conversations, and see life the same way.

And what about your ex-boyfriend – did he make you feel drained, or did he inspire you to be a better woman? Was he really good for you?

Think about the last week or two of your life. Who do you spend most of your time with? What do you talk about? Are you encouraging each other to succeed, or dragging each other down? Who you spend your time with will change your life – especially if you’re trying to cope when the man you love is marrying someone else. Choose your friends wisely.

Surround yourself with beauty

When was the last time you bought yourself a bouquet of flowers, or a beautiful ceramic coffee or tea mug? I bought a coffee mug for $20 a couple of months ago – it says Hope on it. Every morning when I reach for my coffee, I get the message: Have hope for what the day will bring – and be thankful you’re still alive!

We have lots to mourn, but we also have lots to be grateful for. For more tips on healing after a break up, read 10 Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup – Pamper Yourself!

And if you have any thoughts on moving on when the man you love is getting married to someone else, please comment below. I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share your experience.


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92 thoughts on “When the Man You Love is Getting Married”

  1. I’m married and have never wanted anything other than to have a fulfilling relationship with my husband. We have been together for 30years and he’s over 20yests older than me. Throughout our marriage he has pursued other women and I went for counselling to cope as I have 3 kids and didn’t want to divorce. In the last 2 years he has become quite ill and needs me and I was happy to do so. We have not been intimate for almost 20years.

    Last year by pure accident, a very young man in my team started to get close to me and although I didn’t find him attractive, I loved his attention and he appeared to be in love with me. For the past 12 mo this, he has changed my life with his love and he appears to adore me. I’ve felt alive and enjoy going out with him. The age difference affects me but he’s very proud to be with me and is all over me when we are out and about. He messaged me all the time and talks me through any upsets I have with work or family.

    In the last month he’s accepted to meet a girl as he has to have an arranged marriage which I’ve always known will eventually happen. Although I don’t want to change my life due to my husbands health and th children who are my life, I’m heartbroken. He has slept with girls but has never had a relationship until with me which I thought was a bit strange.

    Despite his youth he is trying hard to let me go and I desperately want to be selfish and see him but at the same time I want him to have the marriage and children as I cannot and will not offer him anything more than 2 nights a week, a few weekends away and some holidays together.

    I can’t stop crying and he cries too but I want to be strong as he needs to have a fulfilling life. He wants to see me in a platonic way still and continue our dinners etc but I feel this would affect me greatly.

    I have an opportunity to promote him to be away from my team which he does not want but for my sanity and well being, I need to cut all ties. I’m finding it very difficult. It’s affecting my work and my time with friends and family as I’m distraught that my life with resume with no physical love or happy times.

  2. My boyfriend for five years is getting married this coming 15th July to a lady who has two kids. He said he found them very cute and innocent and feel very sorry for them for not having their daddy with them. My boyfriend is a divorcee for years, he has two kids of his own whose mother didn’t grant him any rights. I am separated from my husband for 13 yrs, however, our marriage is not yet annulled.

    We were practically living happily together here abroad for the past 4 yrs and this 5th year, he got a new work assignment back to his own country. Thus, long distance. The pressures of him getting married again from his parents and family members got so intensed. I know that from his trauma on his first marriage, he is not ready into venturing it again. That’s why as understanding as I have to be, I never gave him any pressures from me as to what’s his plan for me, for us. I thought he needed time and when he clears his mind and want to settle again, I thought he would consider us, our five years of being together. But just two months back, he told they found someone for him, and that he feels it will be good and willing to venture a life with this woman with two kids, as I understand, he misses his own kids so much.

    He’s 48, I’m 39. I strongly believe we can still have our own kids.

    He got the chance to come and meet me last week, the 5 days we had was full crying moment, very devastating reality that I refused to digest. It’s very painful I have many Why’s I want him to answer. I know he’s also hurting a lot, for hurting me in this situation we are in. I said many things on my ground as to why when he come to a point that he wants to settle, why didn’t he bother to ask me if I was willing to grow old with him. Why didn’t he consider us first before considering another profile from that matrimonial site. My grief is at it’s heights. I can’t focus on my work, I would stay just in the corner of my room wondering what just happened to my life, to us. What have I done that he didn’t even look at what we have, or what are the things that I should have done to have him forever.

    Before we parted this week, i stood to fight for us, because I don’t wanna regret in the future that I didn’t do anything to fight for our love. Yes, he still says he loves me, and our times together were his best moments in life. This makes me feeling more pained. If he does love me, why can’t he stand for me.

    Today, we are messaging each other, still on the why’s and what ifs. I’m so much devastated I do not know if I am still doing right or wrong.

  3. I just found out found out the man I love is marrying another woman. He wasn’t even going to tell me. There were pictures of the proposal on his phone. When I confronted him with the pictures, he said he had no intention of marrying his new fiancee. ‘Then why be did you propose?” I asked. He said because it’s what she wanted, and he was fulfilling her dream’s. Anyway, I have allowed my feelings for this man to cloud my better judgement, and I want to take this time to apologize to myself, and forgive myself at the same time.

  4. I am really shocked by the number of women who have been through this. I wish I had come across this thread a while back, atleast I would have guarded myself and not destroy my life. I was in an unhappy marriage, had gotten into depression and this guy comes along. I left my marriage to be with him, he promised me marriage and happiness. During the two years we dated dated, he had come to my house and gave my parents his word that he won’t hurt me and he just left me last week for the sake of his mother. I gave up my marriage and my job for him. He is getting married this month to a girl of his mum’s choice in Pakistan which he hid from me and I found out from someone. I did everything for him and also his mother. The worst thing he did was end it via a text message and had no courtesy to even call. I feel so betrayed and in so much pain. I can’t even stand seeing him with another girl and I don’t even know how to ever accept the fact that he was forced into this because in the end the choice was his and his alone. I don’t even know what to do. Everyone says I got saved from getting into a family whereby his mother calls all the shots and she would never have accepted me but I was willing to take my chances. He is a mama’s boy and if he knew his mother makes the decisions for him then why did he use me like this. I have tried to reason with him, to make him not leave me but its like I am talking to a wall. Where did the guy who said he loved me go? why did he hurt me in the worst way possible because I had been very honest with him that I wouldn’t be able to love again. How can he touch another girl? how can he give her his name? why am I hurting over a guy who isn’t even crying for me? why me? I have no friends to even talk to. I need help before I think about killing myself.

    1. Hi, I am married and when I got married i had so many dreams which all got shattered when I realized that I was in a very abusive marriage both physically and emotionally. In spite of two Masters I could not get a job and then ended up having kids which was a big mistake because then I had to support them and the only way I could was to continue my marriage. After 15 years of abusive marriage, one day I met this guy online and we started talking. After that evening, I was never lonely, no amount of yelling, fighting used to impact me emotionally. Long story short we were so deeply in love, we met and there was not one single day when we never texted each other or called. Meanwhile, I had a job but never could imagine walking out seeing how deeply in love my kids were with their dad and every time I asked my son what if he had another daddy would it be ok, he stayed quite. He never could believe that his dad is capable of doing anything wrong. Yes, he agreed that his dad is a little angrier than other people but in his eyes it was okay. The man in my life was very supportive and promised me that he will be by my side. He is from a different country. I used to fly and meet him and we couldn’t imagine ever being separated or so I thought. I used to spend a lot buying him laptops, Kindles, expensive watches and what not thinking we will be together forever. He was all set to move to Canada to be closer to me. I helped him whichever way I could. Buying him a laptop was the first step. He used it to apply for his permanent residency, all the research needed, securing a job and I flew to his hometown before he thought of flying to Canada. He promised me he will be with me forever and will never desert me. He used to say your kids are mine. He bought me some gifts as well all the time we met but nothing as extravagant as what I did by spending on accommodation. Meanwhile, we even got married since this is a different country but I knew that marriage is not valid since I was already married but that happened spur of the moment. He told me that he has to visit his parents one last time before flying to Canada. Later I came to know that he got married while he was with his parents. He came here secured a much better career than he had in India and called me all sorts of names by saying you never married me legally and brought me here, I came on my own accord. I made my career on my own and you had done nothing. He had no money for any of the interviews that he was called I told him I have done whatever I could. You never once told me that you would get married. You always said that you would come here and be with me. You were coming here for me and that no other girl will take my place. Even the last day I was at the airport leaving for Canada you said I am not interested in any other girl. I don’t like any of the girls my parents wants me to marry. All I am interested is you. When he came to Canada I was the one to rush to the airport, help him with his initial accommodation, walking with him in the cold weather from pillars to post making arrangements for bank accounts, credit card, helping him in picking a phone service, looking for jobs, since he had no idea how to do all of those. He was new to the country. I used to walk with him for miles because we did not have much money to rent a car even though I had a job. I loved him a lot even then but by then I somehow had a sixth sense in me telling don’t trust him. He used my laptop that I gifted him to apply for millions of jobs.He even used to do Skype for his interviews since he had no money to flow to different provinces and then when he got what he wanted he told me he does not need me anymore that I never did anything for him. He has his wife and now he will plan his family with her and she is everything and he does not love me and I do not exist. I was devastated, heartbroken and begged at his feet but he blocked me from everywhere. I don’t know how I will ever recover from this shock and trauma. I don’t have any friend. All I have are acquaintances, office colleagues and I cannot discuss this with anyone because at the end of the day no one know what I have gone through in my marriage and everyone would consider this as extramarital. I am have been crying all day, close to losing my job. I cannot even go to a therapist because then they might insist revealing this to my husband. My husband has changed a lot in the past few years but now I cannot love him. All I remember is that how much I love the other guy. My heart breaks thinking how lovingly he talks about his wife, how he has shown me his marriage pics when I did not believe that he got married even after I asking him million times whether he is interested in any girls or planning to get married before moving to Canada and he kept saying no. His wife has already been pregnant in the first few months of his marriage, his wife has even seen my text in this guys phone and has called my work while i was in the middle of an important meeting to yell at me and I was dumbstruck. I wanted to tell him your husband married me before marrying you and promised me the world which you are not aware of even though our marriage is not been legalized but I never knew he would stab me behind my back. I just kept quite and tears rolled down my cheek. Even the guy insulted me when I called him after his wife disconnected to ask what is going on. Currently, I am going crazy. All that is keeping me from not killing myself are my kids. Believe me I will never kill myself but I cannot imagine he touched another woman, married another woman, impregnated her, took all my gifts, all my help( however little it might be) secured a career here and left me forever. Ever night I go to bed crying because only when I sleep I am at peace( the few hours I manage to fall asleep). I cannot take the pain. I have almost stopped going to work because next to my office is the Canadian Flag at the border and I remember calling him so many times looking at it ever single day in the past few years and dreaming about a life with him. How could he do this but he did it and he is very happy. I find it so difficult to love my husband. I cannot. Most importantly, it is so painful , all his insults( the man I am still in love with and got married), his verbal abuse. He even wanted to punch me when I yelled at him for deceiving me by getting married and all along telling me that he wants to come to Canada and be with me. Now he says I never did anything to sponsor him or get him permanent residence in Canada. He did all this by himself. So he does not need him. He needs family and kids and now that he has a wife he does not want me and moreover, I fight with him all the time so he does not want me anymore. Please tell me the fact that I yelled at him for getting married to him was that not a normal emotion. I know time heals but I don’t look forward to life anymore because I know I am not going to divorce my husband, there is no point anymore. I have to raise my kids and I need him for that. he has changed a lot but there are many a times my husband does get angry and want to throw me out of the house. Yes, I never paid much towards the house, I do pay for the grocery and some other stuffs related to my kids. I don’t look forward to life anymore. I thought I found this wonderful guy who would never leave me and one day I will have a life with him but what he did to me. I am completely destroyed. Please help. I know time will heal but I don’t know if I can continue holding on to my job. I am so devastated. WHere is God? Where is he? How come he allowed such a creep to be so happy. His wife is very devoted to him and loves him very much and he seemed to be so happy with her. I never harmed anyone then why did God made me meet such a low life creep. I already was suffering through my marriage. How much suffering does God wants me to endure? How long can I go on? I love him so much? How does he get to do this to me and left me like this? His verbal abuse, his betrayal, his using my money, my body. I cannot seem to get over this. Please help. Please help.

    2. Dear Anonymous
      I am in the same place as you. He is from India and live in USA. We met a few years ago and even back then his mom was making him marry. He did resist but I think he felt like he had to give in to his mom and society. He gave into family pressure and married someone else
      I am beyond devastated
      All for his mom not me!
      I can’t even stand the fact that someone else gets to be his wife. That should be me not her.
      Now I am left with all unanswered questions
      I am left to wonder if he will forget me now
      I am beyond broken
      Hang in there
      You’re not alone

  5. I fell in love with a boy when I was 13. I’ve loved him for over ten years despite forcing myself to move on in life. I’ve got three kids now and a husband but I can’t stand to learn that the guy I loved has recently married. The picture of him proposing is burned onto my heart and I wonder why God let my life unravel this way with pain and suffering? God blessed me in all things except this aspect of my life. But my life doesn’t even mean anything to me with even blessings. I wish I was dead, but my responsibilities keep me alive like a shell. Sucks.

  6. When the man you love is marrying someone else, you need to find a way to heal and move on. You have to let go of the past! You have no choice. If you try to get him back, if you contact him, you will feel terrible about yourself.

    He can’t be with you. You have to let him go.

    What “Letting Go of Someone You Love” Means

    Don’t keep torturing yourself by dwelling on the past! Move forward. Blossom in your life.

    I have a free weekly newsletter called SheBlossoms…I encourage and inspire women to grow healthy and strong, emotionally and spiritually. You may find it helpful, and you can sign up here:

    Be strong, and know that you CAN heal and be happy again.


  7. I am relieve somehow and I know applying No Contact Rule is workable when the man you love is marrying someone else.
    I have been in relationship for few years and when at time we were preparing to marry, he pregnant someone else.. It was terrible.
    Two years after, thinking God has answers my prayers, I met a guy who was employed with me in the same company. Like colleagues in the same office we gist and plan the day together for 3years. We became best friend with no relationship feelings because he was already having a girlfriend. After 3years been together, he was called by a multinational company for interview and later employed. We parted but we were still communicating very well.. When he came back from a training abroad… He declared his intention which was a struggling.
    We have different religious background, he was a deeper and I was a witness. We battle with this issue from all angles.. Both parents, tribe, religion and friends. It was really hard situation.. His parents refuse to accept me but my parents did. We battle with this issues good two extra years. We were very good as in good together. He was everything a woman will desire to be with. His understanding, his reasonings, care, generosity, kind, hospitality, so humble and respectful etc. He is good to be with. He loves me so much that I forget my past memories.. I also was there for him all the time. I love him very very much. When the issues persist among his family, he said to himself ” people think it won’t work out but he’s going prove them lie” he remembered a track in celine dion music…… Incredible….. That’s the name he called me. But Because of opposition from his family I decided to part to free him so that he can be happy with his family. It was a very hard decision.
    So we parted. We were both devastated and we both cried. Two days later, he called me and told me that I have scattered everything, he is planning to get married in the next 5moths and he was finalizing issues with her. To him he doesn’t want to bring me into a family that judge me so much and all he has ever look for is in me. That he is very sorry to put me into such situation again.
    1,2,3,4 days passed, I didn’t receive a call from him, for the first time we have stayed a whole day passes without text or call. I became scared and I called two good times he didn’t answer me. Later in the day, he called and told me he got engaged to the girl the next day I left.
    It was really terrible and horrible. I cried all night and day. It seems as if I was stamb at the back and since then he stop calling me or texting me.
    Right now I have lost trust in men and I don’t think I could ever give such to any man. I still love and miss him alot..
    I am applying the No Contact but is exhausting. I really do want to hear from him but he has refused to call… What do I do now?

    1. Dear,

      I read your story and I have a friend that is going through a similar situation now. It is a fresh thing for her so you can imagine how she is feeling now…
      It’s been 2 year since your post. I would like to know how things went on from that point. How do you feel towards him now after 2 year ? What worked and what didn’t work?

  8. I m in worst phase f my married at 17.1st husband expired in one year f marriage giving a son. After 10yrs gap married sending time n Left as he is sadist after 2yrs f marriage. Knowing all this a colleague loved me. So I too love him more like nothing is imp to me than him in this world even my child. V are like husband n wife only.he is younger to me. Now his parents are looking for a girl for him. He is not able to leave me n not able to accept that girl. I m unable to take this up. He is saying he will b for me though he gets marry. I don’t understand how to react. I want to die. Y all happens to me only? Unable to care my child even with these thoughts. Suggest me what to do

  9. Trust that God knows what he is doing. There is a very good reason that your boyfriend is marrying someone else – and one day you’ll be so grateful! You will find another man, and you will love him in a whole different and beautiful way.

    Heal your heart. Work on letting him go. Get emotionally and spiritually healthy, and have faith that you were created to love someone…it’s just that you haven’t found the man you were meant to be with yet.

    But you will! In the meantime, read:

    How to Stop Thinking About Someone


  10. I’m in the same Youth Church for 3 years now. He was there from the beginning, he had a gf who cheated on him. He then was single for about 8 months. We started to conect (I’m very shy and don’t talk much) . He seemed to like me, he was jealous of me having a bf (was only online, Things didn’t work out in the end). But I didn’t like him in the same way.

    I went to another province for work but came back after a month. The first time we saw eachother again, there was something special .

    After a few months I went away again for about 3 months. After that I dreamed about him, I thought its just a sign that I should go back to that youth church. So I did.

    When I saw him again there was this unexplainable, strong, awesome feeling between us, like I’ve never felt before, I know he felt it too.
    But then I descovered he now has a girlfriend of 3 months. But he still gave signs that he loved me. So oneday I just had to tell him how I felt and ask how he feels or if he ever did like me. He answered he never liked me. But I could feel it wasn’t true. But I said he’s gf is nice, I hope they’ll be happy and wished them all the best.
    I woke up at 1 am to see he’s now engaged to her. Its now 3am and I can’t sleep. I still love him very much even though I know I should stop.

  11. Hi, im under same situtation i loved a guy very truely since five year and he is getting married on 23rd june im unable to forget him because he s very special to me and i cant imagine him with other girl i feel suffocated but he still everyday calls me in phone and msg me but im unable to talk to him as before and as soon as i here his voice my eyes start tear i feel like die in this situtation and im unable to concentrate on other things .

  12. Thank you for sharing your story – it takes so much courage to be honest about your life! Your story will help hundreds of women who are coping when the men they love are marring other women…you are not alone.

    There are no easy solutions or quick tips on how to move on after such a heartbreak. Acceptance and surrender to your boyfriend’s decision is the healthiest thing to do…and the hardest.

    7 Healthy Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love

    It’s time to move on, and start the healing process.

  13. Lonz, my bf and I are both from Ghana and same ethnic group. we started dating around 2011,but the relationshop continued to break up intermittently coz he is quick tempered and co I wasn’t giving in to his sexual desire. I wanted that to happen after marriage but he wouldn’t agree so becos of that we kept on hvg series of misunderstanding. all along I thought my refusal to.giv in to the desire was the cos of the break up only to realized that he was going out with girl whose father wasn’t in agreement to their relationship because he felt the guy wasn’t highly educated as in possessing of a degree just like his daughter hence he was playing hide and seek with me. he neither wanted to leave the girl.neither did he wants me to leave.
    iv been crying since yesterday mng till now, I don’t want to loose him cos I just can’t let go, is he seeing someone else or trying to get back to this ex. awww I felt my world crushing down plsssss and plssss I need yr help how do.I get him talk cos he has already told his God father abt me and asked I informed my mum to abt our plans of getting married. I can’t face the shame in front of my mum, and his God father if don’t get married pls help me out I can no.longer bear the pain

  14. I am too going through the exact same situation. I met him at work and have been together for 2 years knowing that it would never be possible to be together. Neither my parents nor his family would let us be together.Since we were living in a totally different country from our family we were able to be with each other. There were times where I felt my life was complete because he was there for me. Day and day out I feel like I needed him more than he would ever need me. Now for the sake of his mother he is getting married to the girl that she has picked out. Still he hangs around with me while we make the most of our last days together. Some days it doesn’t affect me as much but some days it hurts like no tomorrow. I cry and cry and cry and just don’t want to exist to feel this pain anymore. I feel like I gave my all to him that I will not be able to regain myself to be with someone again like I was with him. I don’t know why I just can’t see past him. I know that once he gets married and comes back to work so much would change. Change is something that affects me really badly and I am incapable to function. It is why I have even decided to leave my current work and move back to my hometown with my family. It kills and it will kill me whenever I will sit and remember him. I get this rage within me when I see him texting his fiance. I wish I could take him and just run away from the world. I just need strength to see this before me and smile for him. I didn’t know I had the ability to love someone this much and to care about someone to this level. I do wish that his life is easy going and he gets all the happiness in the world. I feel like i’m a dead soul on the inside. I am however going to start going to the gym to have an activity that I could look forward to besides work. I am so used to having him in my life constantly since I am currently living alone. I just wish we all could be happy in what gave us happiness and didn’t have to worry about these cultures and sects issues.

    1. I’m going through the same situation as you, the man I love is marrying someone else. he is going to marry the girl which his mother has decided on july 10th. we work in same office same team and same floor . when he got engaged and he used to text that girl every day in office, when ever i hear his ringtone or message tone, i feel like i am dying. he started avoiding me totally after the engagement .now when he returns after marriage, i dont know what should i do. i could not see the changes in him. help me with tips. should i leave my work and go to hometown, or how to behave that it doesn’t bother me or really how to come out of this.

  15. Like many of you I am totally suffering from a broken heart right now.

    I met the guy of my dreams back 12 years ago when I was only 19yrs. We had an awesome dating experience, but couldn’t go any further because he didn’t belong to my community and therefore I didn’t have permission to marry him. So after dating for 4 years I had to make the decision to leave him and not my community. We both knew it was against our wishes to do so.

    He told me at the time he’d always be there for me.

    I grieved for 2 years and then tried to replace him for 4 years and then realised I’d never gotten over him and contacted him again 7 months ago.

    It quickly became clear we still felt the same way for each other and he confided that no other girl has ever made him feel the way I feel. That he’d held on to all the memories and items from the time we had and had requested that the stuff I’d given him should go with him when he dies. He was also incredibly affectionate physically and I know he was actually holding back from how far he wanted to go.

    However he is now living with someone else. He talked, messaged and met me a bit and just last week he told me that we’ve got to stop because even though he wants me more than her, he just doesn’t want to devastate her. She has emotional issues and he’s helped to make her strong. He told me he was proud of me for being strong which I think is one reason he chose to leave me and not her.

    He also said he’s not going to leave her and he’s going to marry her – which completely killed my heart.

    I am just hurting so bad, and I can’t tell a soul because my community would be mad at me for even wanting him in the first place. So I’m barely getting any time to grieve or anyone to reach out to for support. Despite living with my family I can’t show them that I’m even upset.

    Although I look a strong person outwardly I do actually suffer a bit from depression and I’m just crippled with it currently.

    He’s also asked me not to hate him for what he’s done and promised he’d get in touch if his situation changed. I so want to cling on to dreams and pray that his situation does change because I know I’ll never find anyone like him in our community.

    While I don’t want to hate him, because he is the kindest person out and hates hurting people, I feel I can’t move on if I don’t. Whilst a part of me feels that maybe we weren’t meant to be together because our communities are different, I was still prepared to make the best of whatever the circumstances turned out to be. You might say it’s my fault because we had to part company before and that I should have returned to him earlier and now I so wish I had.

    Hoping that by pouring this out here it might help to give me some relief.

    1. Just because you are strong does not mean that you shouldn’t have your feelings considered. You are worthy of mire than being a back up plan for a man who does not place you first.

    2. Oh my gosh its like you are taking words out of my mouth.. Everything u have mentioned is my current situation.. Makes me feel like I’m not alone in thus, this post was really helpful

  16. Hi. I don’t usually do this. Let me admit that this is my first time reading articles like this.. This time I can say my life is currently down.. Here’s the case I met this man last year.. We became friends then soon lovers.. I envision everything with him,. marrying him and building a happy family with him is one of those.. About December last year he go back to our country to renew his passport.. (we’re both working in other countries by the way) The moment he’s in our country he had sex with his ex.. and I found out in social media. I was shock, I was in pain, I’m a girl and I couldn’t help it. I broke up with him.. He tried to win me back but that time my thinking is to love myself first and let time heals my heart. Coz that time I wasn’t sure if I can still trust him, and a relationship without trust is nothing.. He choose not to go back here and stay in our Hi. I don’t usually do this. Let me admit that this is my first time reading articles like this.. This time I can say my life is currently down.. Here’s the case I met this man last year.. We became friends then soon lovers.. I envision everything with him,. marrying him and building a happy family with him is one of those.. About December last year he go back to our country to renew his passport.. (we’re both working in other countries by the way) The moment he’s in our country he has sex with his ex.. and I found out in social media. I was shock, I was in pain, I’m a girl and I couldn’t help it. I broke up with him.. He tried to win me back but that time my thinking is to love myself first and let time heals my heart. Coz that time I wasn’t sure if I can still trust him, and a relationship without trust is nothing.. He choose not to go back here and stay in our country, Few days back, I go back to my country… and he make me feel that his love for me is more than enough.
    I and him was very happy. The same night he asked me something, he asked me if no matter what happen would I still love and accept him.. Well I said yes with confidence because I really do.. the next day he haven’t contact me at all and I was shocked with what I saw, He just get married.. yes he is.. A pregnant lady with a wedding gown and him with his tuxedo. technically he’s been with me the night and day before his marriage and I never knew it.. I never noticed it with his actions all the way.. I felt it unfair on my side.. he can always explains to me and we can decide what to do.. but he never did, all he did was show me that he loves me,. but if he does? why he marry someone else? Is it because she is carrying his son/daughter? but why he make me feel loved at all. why he did everything to make me happy? why even on the day of his wedding he was with me? a lot of questions are unanswered. I got more than millions of questions to him.. but does this questions even matters now.. He’s married. He is Married.. and there’s no way I can change that.. but I can’t help it. I feel like I’m dying.. I’m dying in pain and sadness.. I know what to do, but I dont know how to do it.. I dont know how to start, coz all I am doing now is staring their wedding pictures and cry…

    1. Hazel be strong..these situations are sentimentally killing for gals..boys never ever think about our feeling..Its very difficult to come out of it.We being really in love when they come next and give justification for our questions we just go in the flow.This is what happened with me also.But some stage we have to be strong and give them back and show them where they stand.It will take time ..yes ..still we can do it..Be brave..Be selfish..Start loving yourself..Life is beautiful..There is long way to go

    2. Hazel, I feel your pain. I went through the same thing almost similar. My ex bf and I met early 2011, but didn’t really became a couple until early 2012. Thongs were great, we lived together for almost 2 years until he was moved to TX for his job in March of 2015. He called and we talked almost everyday after he left. I went to see him twice and he came home to see me once. Last time I saw him was Sept on the week of my birthday last year. We had a fabulous time, and did a lot of fun things there. didn’t really notice anything, he was very affectionate like he always was, though I did notice he was quieter than usual, but he said he was just tired. I left and life went on until he stopped calling (last time he called was Nov 2). I texted him and he didn’t respond. I finally called and left him a message and when he finally texted me back , all he said was “I don’t want to talk”.

      To make a long story short , I found out that shortly before we started dating, he just came back from a trip to the Philippines and was recently engaged to a girl from there, which incidentally is also my birth country (what were the chances, right?). The girl finally came to the US early January, and they were married in March. He stopped calling and dumped me when he found out she was coming to the country. I mean how did I not know any of it? I felt so stupid and naive!

      It has been a struggle since. I still cry almost everyday and lost a lot of weight from not eating and sleeping, but I keep telling myself I need to let go and move on. I love him so much, and every time I think about the two of them together, I feel so bitter, jealous and hurt!

      Last week, I received a messenger attachment/message from someone I didn’t know, photos of them together (one of their wedding, one on Valentines day with her holding flowers, and the other one was during a vacation in CA with his family). There was no other message, but I knew right away who sent it. I did not respond because didn’t want to cause trouble. I have no idea how she found out about me. Today, I received another attachment that says: “A woman who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will never leave you!”. Meaning, even after finding out that he lied and cheated on her while they were engaged, it will not change a thing. She will stick by him no matter what. I am so tempted to respond, but what for? I am exhausted and tired of being tired. I prayed like I never prayed before, for HIM to take the pain away from my heart. I don’t know if I can ever forgive hm for deceiving (and using) me all those years. I am even having a hard time forgiving myself…..

  17. yes we have bn hurt, at some point in my life i contemplated suicide bt hey let us not make e devil win all he is dng is play tricks with our minds e lord wants us to be happy lets do that worship and worship all us broken hearted pple one day he will rember us jus lke he did Haggai,Hannah, Sarah even if he doesnt know at least we wld hv dne wat he wants us to bt with faith i know he will rmbr us for he says he shall not forsake us

      1. It’s not worth it. There’s a lot of pain now but it will subcide. I felt like that a few years back. It will get better. You have people who love you and knows your worth.

      2. Hi Rose,
        Just wanted to say God Is Good And that’s not the plan he has for your life. When my ex dumped me, I felt the same way. It was painful and took me a while to get over it but now I know how much God Loves me and nobody can take your joy! Ask God to get you through this and he will! Get on your knees and pray about it!
        I Love You!

      3. Now he is married..before 2 days he got married…still cnt stop thinking about him bcz its was 7 yrs of relationship..due to his family pressure he left me alone..i don’t knw hw to stop thinking abt him, evn my frndz are busy in their own life..n i feel so lonely..i luved him truely then why he left me alone..i m jst thinking may god give me i ll accept it happily.
        Its not easy to forget to whom i hv trust more then myself..all future plans n drmz evthng is broken.

      4. Hello rose…i dont normally post comment on online threads, however i just felt a need to do, somehow to let you know that GOD loves you! I feel your pain and understand what you’re going through. Reading your post was like reading my own story. there is no certain words that can make us feel totally better in this time..but it doesn’t mean this struggles and pain won’t end. Be strong rose, you and the rest of us here will be in my prayers… We will all overcome this painful battle by GODs grace in HIS own perfect time.
        Heres my email incase you need someone to talk to or to listen to you.?

  18. This is my current predicament. I met a guy a few months ago. And everything in my life felt perfect. He is literally the man I want and I finally thought he was my last bus stop. I’m ready to be his wife. But I recently found out he has been engaged to a girl for over a year now. This broke me. I wish I never found out. I spoke to him about it and he said he was tied down with pressure to marry her. He didn’t love her and he wasn’t happy. He said I was the best thing to ever happen to him and he kept saying how much he loves me. I don’t even know what to do with all of that. They are getting married in a month. He said I was supposed to be the reason he wasn’t going to go ahead with the marriage. I’m lost. I want to leave him. But I can’t. I fear I’ll loose my mind if I do. I’m afraid of what my life would be without him in it. I love him so much it’s hurting me. I wish I knew what to do. He had asked me to marry him. I had already started restructuring my life so I could be with him for ever. Now this. I don’t know what to do. I need help.

  19. Dear girls,stop playing with your live.Boys are too strong mentally to move one in their lives with some other girl. Here we girls believe them foolishly and boys do things which wil hurt us and cover up that in their parents names. Stop trusting such guys.when needed they will just leave you without a second thought. Plz beware and dont fall prey for all these.

  20. Hi mybf is getting married on 7 feb . I was in bad phase of my life when We met in 2013.. He made evry possible thing to make me feel special. He proposed me .. We came closer with the passing time and made love ..But now he is getting married to someone else .we still talks on phn ,whatsapp each other .. He wants to continue with me as it was before…m happy for him but deep down it’s killing me ..someone else will touch him, will take care of him ..with every passing minute m dying ..never had friends to share these things what I hd him only ..sometimes I feel like killing myself I also written his name on my b**b .. It’s becoming impossible for me to leave him..I wish I could do something to make him mine forever .. :'(

  21. help me too. same situation. hindu muslim case. the guy is muslim. we earlier knew things may not work between us but we promised each other we cnt marry we would have relationship for life and not get married. but now over past one year he was advicing me to move on not because he did not love me but because he wanted to see me settled. but i cud not do dat. its been seven years. for over a year his mom is in pain and sufferring and suddenly she asked him to get married as her wish. thinking that would make his mom better he agreed to it. its been a month that his marriage is fixed with a random girl. he did not accept the girl yet says m doing only for family. for his mom. but how can he not think of me once . i have been with him for 7 years now. i have been crying day and night. we also stay near by so meet. we have still not cut ties as he says he wants me to be in touch as he loves me. marriage is planned next year. what should i do? i tried talking to him to cancel it. marriage is for life. i will lose him or did i already? chosing any random girl over your love is justified? i havr a year. should i keep hope? i am unable to stay away from him or cut ties either.

    1. Hello Pari,
      I am in a similar situation. The guy is a Muslim we have been together for 8 years. He tried fighting at home to convince his father who did not agree. And my guy will never ho against his parents and religion. The sad part is we lived close to each other (same society) for 8 years and now is shifting to another city. Very soon his father will look for a girl for him. He is heart broken but will never go against his parents. Am I being a fool? We love each other but it looks like he can move on and I will still be here lonely and thinking about him.

  22. I have had 2failed marriages where my besties slept with my husbands. Total time married over 20 yrs. I was in the process of divorcing my 2nd husband when I decided 2make myself happy. Find a male friend who couldn’t slept with my “future” husband (whenever I found him). This guy was perfect (my soon 2be friend), he was extremely young and very taken. Needless to say he’s my best friend. But I’m nothing but a piece of A** 2him. I’ve never been in love til now. I got pregnant and aborted his baby because he didn’t want a child with me. He didn’t know me and his fiancé had been with him for 6yrs. He owed it to her to see things through with her. He liked me but could not love me but as just a friend. I’ve been in 2abusive marriages n this guy has been the nicest to me. Very kind; but I know this is also abuse. I feel sorry for him, make excuses for him and I hurt myself greatly. He’s bought her a new car, a new house and they are planning their wedding for next summer. They have also been planning to get pregnant. How do I stop myself from always being victimized. I have no friends and he was the closest person I was to.

  23. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to cope when the man you love is marrying another woman! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better.

    Giving advice isn’t my strength, so unfortunately I can’t tell you what you should do. However, I have written about this type of problem in the past. You might find this helpful:

    How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About

    And, here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community
    Phone Number: 800-969-NMHA (6642)

    National Alliance on Mental Illness – Provides support, information, and referrals
    Phone Number: 800-950-NAMI (6264)

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    National Sexual Assault Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-656-HOPE (4673)

    National Suicide Prevention Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-273-TALK (8255)

    Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
    Phone Number: 800-826-3632

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.


  24. We meet 5 years ago. I was in a bad place and so was he. We started talking and it felt so right. He told me he had a gf that he was having problems with. I know that should have been my que to stop talking to him. I should have, I could have …. but he drew me closer and closer, until he was too close I could no longer see clearly. People started talking but we did not care. For 5 years I was the mistress. We both shared a secret that none of us were able to talk about. It felt so real when we were together but everything would scatter into smoke as soon as we are apart.
    He is getting married very soon and I am expected to be there during the wedding. I am suppose to do my hair, make up and put something nice to wear. I am expected to go and dance with him and his new wife. I am happy for him, but deep down I am hurting and it’s killing and destroying me … I do not know what to do.

    1. I met this guy at the beginning of the year. He is everything i need in a man and we started spending time together. He is a very beautiful man both inside and out. We were sneaking inside and out and we got so close that i couldnt detach myself from him. Sleeping with him was the worst mistake i made (he told me he was a virgin and i think i believe him). We spent most of our times getting more and more close and the sex was great. The sneaking around was great it felt naughty. He was new at this. He has only ever had one girl in his life (they met in 2009) he would tell me that he is detaching from her because of being attached to me. We’d spend hours talking on facetime. He live next door so he would come by and we’d sit and talk all night. I fell so madly in love with him i couldnt breathe the day we fight, i couldnt live through the day we do not talk. I knew the day would come because he told me about her and how he promised he would come back for her (she lives about 4000km away) but a few days ago he travelled there to propose to her. They are getting married. Im expected to smile and be happy while he walks away. I knew the day would come but i dont think i’ll be happy for a long time. So i understand your story. Such things we put ourselves through and the people who claim to love us do not protect us. Women are emotional and easily atteched.i expected him to protect me, to have walked away the moment he realised i was falling madly in love with him. Instead he fueled me and would make me believe he is happier when he is with me than when he thinks of her. Im in a situation. We go to the same church (where we have to see each other 5times a week so if he was to get married i’d have to be there, i’d have to love through the pain of seeing them seated next to each other all the 5days of the week). Is it even possible?

  25. Lucifer's pénélope

    Dear all,
    Where do I start with? I totally know that we all have faced such situations in our lives and that we have went through all the bads.
    I’ve been into a relationship with a guy for 5 years. It was initially an open relationship from his end to which I had accepted coz I really liked this guy. Let’s call it my first crush ever in 20 years of my life. After 2 years of us being together he for the first time said an “I love you” to me. I kept asking him if he loves me the same way as I loved him and he always said a “yes”. He started acting like a full fledged boyfriend of mine and got jealous and every small detailed act that a boyfriend would do. When asked he told me that he was my days past he started getting possessive of me and I liked it. There were few nights that he wqieI am the perfect girl to get married to etc..
    Undoubtedly he was an amazing guy that I ever met but he definitely was a liar.
    Suddenly one day he almost stops talking to me and everything of his fades in me. He was getting married he said. He tells me that it’s an arrange by his family and that he met this girl a week before when the fact was he knew her from past couple of months and spoke to each other. I still let go off that and continued to be with him till he was married.
    One fine day I go to his place as usual and I caught him with his ex girlfriend to which he’d told me that they weren’t even talking to each other. He lied! This lie of his led me to be suspecious and in some way I found out that he was with more 4 to 5 girls when he was with me(excluding his ex and n number of f**k buddies)
    I was shattered!!!
    I was completely inappropriated by him all these 5 years. Now the question rises how did yu not know that he had so many girls in his life? The answer is I TRUSTEd HIm , I DID! Never stopped , questioned or disallow him for anything. It started with being an open relationship then why he had to make it so serious if he wasn’t???
    This was that all..
    After that he got married.
    I’m still over it. I couldn’t move on yet but one day I’m sure I will. Coz that day I’m off of him and it’ll be his turn to regret and be shattered.

  26. We were together for 4 years. It was a perfect relationship. He is the best man a girl can have, i am sure about. Respected me a lot, loved me crazily. Wanted to marry me but my parents weren’t ready. He waited quite a long. But then his mother started to fall ill. He is 6 yrs elder to me. My parents wanted time and actually didn’t give him an answer for almost 1.5 yrs. He started to get a tough family pressure of getting Married. He then finally took a decision of moving on as he wasn’t getting any answer from my parents. I tried my best to convince them. Fought hundred times. And now, he’s getting married in the first week of December and I’m in such a bad phase. I cant sleep. I miss him so much. Her was the best thing happened to me. How do I handle this situation. I love him a lot but l feel helpless today. Really helpless. I wish l could change anything.

    1. Hi Shweta. I am in a similar situation. We are colleagues and in a relationship since 1 year. he got engaged in september and now getting married in feb. i have to see him everyday. the worst part is he is so damn normal even after the engagement that it kills me. we are still together. i cry my lungs out and he hasn’t been upset even for a minute. no feelings at all. how do i deal with it? he talks to his fiance since he HAS to. he keeps me away from her messages and all. we still get closer. he says he loves me but will love her from next month. i mean how heartless could he get and decide when to love her. he wants me to stay friends with him and attend his wedding. he is so damn normal and that is so unexpected and killing me. please help me

    2. Hi are you going now? I’m struggling at the moment with him getting married. Not coping…its jan now, so was wondering how you are coping post your ex’s wedding?

  27. I am stuck in this situation where i am in love with a guy who is 27 and i am 21. He is an amazing person and we hav spent some good time with eachother. Its been few months since we are together and yesterday he told me that he cant marry me because his parents would probably accept someone from the same caste and not me.
    he is very devoted to his family but still he wants to continue with me still not sure about the marriage.
    i am a vey emotional person and i get attatched very quickly.
    i dont know what to do i want to hold upon him i really want to be with him.
    he is very loving and respects me alot but whenever i am talkng about marriage he ignores me change the topic or just simply says “u knw baby i cant marry you”.. i feel so broken and aline sometimes. What should i do about it?

    1. If he doesn’t even wanna try, i would suggest you to leave him. Otherwise later you would be make it worse for you to move on. I am goin through the same these days. And u see, its 4.30 am and i cant sleep.

      1. Thanx shweta.. yes i also think you are right because in these past few days i hav tried my level best. I even changed myself and after my hours of crying he agreed upon talkng to his mother about me bt now he seems to be so cautious about everything.. he is not even saying that he loves me..
        i guess i should move on.. and suggest same for you..we are holding upon someone who dont want to be in connection anymore.. and when the person on the other end is strong enough to let us go then i think we should be strong enough to just let it go.. whats not ours can never be ours.. despite of repeated efforts when nothing seems to work i think we should leave it the way it is..
        So be strong.. this is not about giving up.. this is about starting a new chapter n staying happy because thats the most important thing.. tc.

        1. I do have the same story..after a long relationship of 5 yrs which was with full dedication and love, my bf is getting engaged with some1 else. He tried convincing his family so that they shud accept me but instead of understanding his feelings, his family forced him to get engaged. Now he have accepted evrything and is behaving very normal. We just have 2 options either to leave him completely or continue with him till he gets married. Friends please suggets me. Shud I leave him or continue with him as we both love each other. Specially its me who is not under control and always get the thot of committing suicide.
          I am feeling helpless and evn his situation is such dat he cannot do anything now. I cannot see him with some1 else..

  28. my marriage is fixed, it is in march 6th 2015 after 2 years relation, but the sad part is that he told me he do not want to be physical with me for a year aftr mrg as we had intimate rltn before and until he gains trust on me that I am a good girl, and had not hidden anything about my past relation or my x-bf, like if I have dated or a virgin yet, he also told me he do not like me anymore , just marrying just for deep rltn, he is vexed at me and I shl hv to stay with his parents most time, I am so much depressed, can not express my feelings and take any decision of breaking up as he is never telling that he wants to broke up.He is just behaving rudely so blame does nt come upon him as all marriage preparations are already taken.On the other side it is really hard to forget our romantics moments and tell no as he is not telling no for marriage.Since being a girl,my emotion is so strong.I have done from a reputed college and did not searched job in private since he told to not to do it,he now and then insults me I am not good looking as I am not fair and good in studies, he wants better girls and etc, please help me, can not take decisions…

    1. You need to break up and don’t marry him! He doesn’t respect you now, he will never respect you and it will only get worse. He will cheat on you too probably. You don’t deserve to be treated like that and insulted. Get out of the marriage NOW!!!

  29. My story is also similar where my guy getting married in few months.Actually we came together when I was going on a stress while getting legally separated from my hubby.I never thought these two years will bring me so close to him.But now when he has opted to marry other gal I feel I am lost completely.He still says till he gets married will be together.When I asked him to marry me he says he never promised me that he will marry me.Still I consider him my best friend and we r together.But don’t know how will face it once he gets married.Just few more months left for his marriage and completely getting myself lost.

    1. My situation is very similar. He is getting married first week in december. He wants to see me until then. But I knew he was engaged when we got together. It just happened, neither one of us meant to fall in love. Just curious, is he african? And was he already engaged when you got with him?

      1. Life teaches lessons to us. And time keep teaching how to come over all these hurdles. I went to meet my guy for the last time in the weekend. We spent one of our best time ever . just tried to have best time to cherish for my life time. In spite of controlling could not control my tears. Finally am out of control. Cried out to the core like never before. He was still there holding me in his arms. Consoling me will be there as a friend for ever. These boys never understand the sentiments of gal.he has called me for his marriage. Since he is our family friend even my uncle and cusines are planning to join for marriage. It’s in the first week of December. I am trying my best to be strong and come over this relationship even though it is very difficult to forget him even for a moment. I am planning to attend his marriage as well. Don’t know to what extent I can make my self strong to face all these things.

      2. Amanda he is Indian.We are of different cast.One of his reason when I asked why he cant marry me is how will I communicate with his family.He was not engaged when we both met.He is younger than me for eight years.He lied to me saying he is some three years younger to me which he doesn’t look like.And he always had in his mind that I still look younger than him.There were many reasons from his side not to marry me for which I was helpless.

        1. leave him, leave that guy for sure and stay away from him forever for two reasons.. 1) He is a liar, so you cannot trust him at all. 2) It looks like he never wanted to be with you, he just wants you to have some pleasure. I know it’s really hard you know what, I am also an Indian and I have faced similar situation.I too had crush on a guy 9 years older than me. We were good friends and it was impossible for me imagine my life without him. But then one day I came to know he is going to be married, and it was like a disaster to me. I was totally broken and thought I would never recover., but then I thought, what is the use of lamenting for someone who never cared for you, I started believing that it was him who do not deserves me.. And now I am totally recovered and Happy.. :).. Good luck Avni,.. just give yourself sometime, and I swear you will soon get a much better guy than him. :)

          1. Thanks Sarah.. For your good wishes and suggestions. I am recovered a lot now. Trying to keep my self busy with my work and higher studies. Life should go on.. With hopes of having better days with better and trust worthy person.

  30. To all the broken hearted girls! Move on! Dont think about him, hes not worth your time and energy. Be strong, Be happy and trust in Gods plan. Everything happens for a reason. Surround yourself around people who love you. And remember if it doesnt happen, it wasnt meant to be! Please take good care of yourselves and enjoy your life! Keep smiling :)

  31. Dea lilly i undrstnd d pain ur undergoin its very very difficult when the man you love is marrying someone else bt still u need 2 let it go ul gt a bttr guy fr u once trust is brokn it can nva b the same agn….. In your free tym read the bible which wil mak u feel mch bttr n closer 2 god….. Cling 2 him n he wil shw u d way….. Me n my bf hd a brkup cz of my fmly membrs n it took 8 mnths fr me 2 recovr frm it n i ws under medication i can jus say trust in d lord n he wil guide uu… Hop so ul recovr frm dis pain n agony soon
    Luv vinolia

  32. My first true love we dated for three years……we had awesome time of our lives but then two months ago he told me he was leaving soon …..warning me that he had to marry someone else to help his brother for papers……..I offered to do it but he like no to not get involve in it…..the lady is old women who 35 and he 23 ……she called me one day and texted me what I was for Douglas and I said his gf and he warned to not answer random texts ……she has him controlled…..when she found out the truth ……she changed his number…and when I found out the truth I was crying and dying still am in the inside…… recently he would email me but suddenly he stopped……I was gonna work where he was and I demand answers as to why he doing it and he just said u know what I told you….I was feeling bad in my first day of new job and he kept asking if I’m okay…..he offered me food….and gave me hug out of nowhere when our coworkers weren’t looking…..he also called me by our nickname when noone heard as and offered to help me with the trash….he also made me be later to wash trays just to see me I guess…then I quit that job recently bc I thought of it that it better to move on …….then his email stopped working ….I guess the lady found out….. I don’t even know if he really loved me or not…..I have doubts in my mind why would you hurt the person you loved the most???…..I’m still getting used to the idea that I’m alone…..I sometimes don’t want talk to anyone …..but it helps to relief the pain …. the pain of seeing someone with someone else …..also that women send me pictures and we three way called ……..and she threat him to came and he knows why……I just know that the lady is the issue to everything of our problems …….it hard to move on and realize they might have not loved you at all….:(:(:(

  33. the same problem, I am suffering from. After a cheating( my first love . I was cheated just for a bet) in college time, when I was in pain He(My hero) Took care of me. I was in dream-world. World’s happiest girl. I thought at last after a bad dream I found my hero with whom I was dying to spend my life. I did everything for him as much as I could do. after 3 years of relationship,Our wedding was almost fixed. Both families were happy . I was busy in my wedding’s shoppings,n suddenly he said ” i don’t love You, m in love with someone else. I want to marry her not you” I was shocked, speechless. I tried a lot to make him remember each n every good moment we spent. All the sorrows n laughter we shared. I msged that girl ,i reqsted her to leave him coz he was mine bt she also ignored. All the memories related with me were vanished from his mind. M just crying from these 3 months.nothing to do , that girl has taken my place. She is living my dream. M just crying , don’t want to live. It is very difficult to live without him. From that day he never ever try to contact me. M in depression now. Doctors told me to recover soon. What should I do? Plz help me.

  34. Hi
    I have been in relationship for past 6 years. Most of it in live in. I loved my man with my while heart. Did everything for him what a man would deserve from his wife. I am a Hindu and he is a christian. All of a sudden on Christmas this year he went home and said yes to a girl of his parents choice. He asked me to run away from my house. I did not agree for that coz I wanted to talk to his family and my family and take their blessings and running away would have meant taking his parents curse and living with it for the rest of my life. I told him that I would talk to both set of parents but he said he will have to face wrath of his entire family. Prior to this home visit everything was perfect between us. Our life was moving on very smoothly. No insecurities no complaints. He got engaged to that girl immediately the next month. I have been crying each day for the last 5 months each day now. We work in same office and I see him daily behaving as if their was never a thing between us nicely chatting and bluahing . I am told each time that I dint give him assurance that I’ll marry him thats why he did this. Where he never tried to persuade his parents. Dint let me do mine, neither even once said that he will talk to my parents. Rather said he never knew talking to my parents was ever an option. I am reminded that in any case he will.not marry me and it’s over. I am 27 and he is 32. I am in too much pain. No matter how much I try not to think about him I still do. I cry. I was united with him in flesh n soul and I don’t understand how did he move on so casually without any guilt. I need help girls. I have been depressed to an extent where I want to end my life. My colleagues at work told me to msg that girl on FB and tell her everything but if I do that its not going to bring him back to me and lord Jesus says we should forgive one another as he forgives us. If I do such thing in revenge same thing will happen to me. I am trying but no matter how much I try I still cry. I am tired of hoping and waiting and crying. I don’t want to die coz I know that will leave many people who love me behind me hurt. But its very difficult to see him.behave this way and still live with it. I don’t know what should I do. I prayed each day to Jesus to give h back to me but nothing in this world works against his will. I need your inputs ladies coz I have given more than what I could. But this guilt has burdened my heart so much that I have lost the zeal to live. I just keep on thinking about him each time. Will he be missing me. Will he be remembering me.

    1. We have the same story, the man I love is marrying someone else. I dont know how to cope up from this situation. Im a roman catholic and he is a muslim. He’s going to leave me soon back to egypt and He said his family fixed a marriage for him. Im loosing my mind. I dont know what to do too. We work in the same place i dont know how am i react when i see him back at work. I feel so helpless. May God strengthen us on this situation.

    2. Same story here, a little different. I am american, he is african from ghana. We work together. In july we started talking as friends. I knew he was getting married, it is an arranged marriage. He has never met the girl just talked on the phone. Even tho i knew he was getting married he invited me to his house on 4th of july, just as friends. One thing led to another. He told me he loved me and i fell hard for him. He says that if he wasn’t already engaged he would want to marry me. But if he breaks up with this girl his family will disown him and he will never be allowed to go back to his country again. He gets married in december, just 2 months from now. After he gets married the girl has to wait like 9 months before she can come here. He says he will still see me until she comes. He had been engaged to her almost a year before we started our thing, and i am the only girl that he has been with or even been in his apartment since he got engaged. He says he didn’t plan on being with anybody but something about me carried him away. I know it sounds like bs but he has been honest with me the whole time, he has never said he wasn’t going to get married, he has maintained the whole time that he has to get married but that doesn’t change the way he feels about me. But stupid me fell for him. It’s so hard cuz i have never loved anybody the way i love him. He is such a good guy, he treats me with respect, the way a man should. I dont know how i am goibg to be able to see him at work without breaking down. I love him so much. It takes everything in me not to break down every day, knowing in two months he will leave me and be with somebody else. Dont know what to do.

    3. Hi Neha,
      I can understand your pain dear..just keep in mind Everything happens for reason. God is with you. Just let him go.. He have cheated himself. Just live your life, there are so many frnds, who loves you, your parents, siblings are only responsible for your own happiness and yeah if u want to feel better then just call him and get married and go to hell.There are many deserving guys are waiting for you. You have to first love urself dear and forgive him. Actually i feel pity for those loosers who cheat there partners bcoz they are so confused with there own feelings. Its better u are saved on time or else it would have disaster after marriage. Infact Thanks god that u are saved. And yeah why do you want such man who cannot take stand for their girl.i knw its not easy to forget but you have to move on for yourself and for your loved ones. They cant see you in this way.

    4. Neha, your story is heartbreaking. You sound like a lovely girl, so believe me, you are his loss. He is not yours. You need to pull yourself out of this place of wishful thinking. The what if feeling is only going to make you feel worse and prevent you from moving on. It is my belief that no amount of praying is going to bring a man back to you if he is not the one for you, in the eyes of God. God will unite you with the right man, in the right time. Try to keep yourself as distracted as possible and realise that you deserve someone who has no doubts about you being the one for you. My relationship of over 8 years fell apart and I have tried really hard to focus on the fact that God knows what is best for me and my life is in the best hands. Stay strong love, and don’t try to twist fate. What is yours will always be yours.

      1. I have been in a relationship past 3 years the guy who I loved is a muslim n im a christian… I did all the possible things which made him happy.. helped him financially everythin…. Nw all of a sudden he ignored me N in his houz dey are lookin out for a girl 2 get him married… Nw he says tat he cant go against his mother .. Feelin so left out

  35. Hi all……
    I was in relationship with my boyfriend from past 8.5 years and then he got married to someone else…… After very first day of marriage he called me and told about this…… From that day we voboth are fighting….. The girlTheir went to her home after 3 days and now after 2 months she has come to know about all this….. Now she is also fighting about all this. …… Now my boyfriend has said that he will give divorce to her n marry me….. It’s been 2 months of his marriage….. I am really confused….

    1. Probably its too late to answer Priyanka(its also my sisters name :-)) but i would say once a cheater always a cheater . Sorry for what you had to go through but these douchebags are not worth our time. You might feel good that he is coming back to you but if he really loved you he would not do that in the first place and what if you did the same with him ? would he accept you after your divorce? There are many fishes in the pond. You have already wasted enough of your time in this and he he dint even think twice before moving with someone else. I have gone through something like that too..we lived in for 2 years while were studying in US and after we broke up i came back to india and it dint even take him a month to get engaged. thats how insensitive assholes we loved. But trust me sister its all for good.
      God Bless you
      Take care

  36. We kept our relationship a secret. It was hard.
    It wasn’t as hard when I was happily seeing him but when I was left unwanted, alone, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I met a friend. Her husband cheated on her and she was on the other side. Listening to her helped me from disturbing his marriage. I hung out with this friend until I realized that she was subconsciously placing me as the other women and herself as the victim whenever she saw me. She demanded update on my conversations and interactions with him. Even though I knew it was because she was partially concerned for my sadness and loss, she wanted to hear about the other side….the missing part from her story that she can’t get. She did say that she tried to befriend the actual ‘the other woman’ and told me that I am very different, but I can’t help feeling that she’s wanting information from me to gain insight, to control me. She does eventually tell me to do this or that and I follow her directions because I somehow indirectly feel bad towards her even though it’s not her husband that I want.

    I just wish that he felt bad for approaching me and disposing me as he pleased.

    He seems so happy all the time. I don’t see an ounce of regret or sadness from him.

    1. I am tired of hearing ‘it’s not time yet. ‘
      I waited eight years until this fool came along and ruined my life.
      How much longer do I need to wait?
      I am so tired of waiting.
      I do better in life when I am in a good relationship
      I know myself and that I will get over all of this once I meet someone better

      Question is how? When?

  37. When i was 26 i fall head over kills in Love with a man , i am now 57 , part of me will always care about him, i just got over him a few years ago… i finally got over him , only to find myself in love again with a another man ,we’v been friends for 6 years , we know everything about one another and we share so much in common , BUT ? he married another girl about 4 years ago… He didn’t want to merry her But he did, He said” he had promised her a year ago if she would quite using drugs , & prostituting ,he would marry her, Dumb promise , as he said… well they married , come to find out she ‘lied’ ,she NEVER stopped using ! He is very unhappy , needless to say,,, He told me he loves me and thinks i am the greatest woman in the world, amazing sweet and wonderful, one in a million, and if he wasn’t messed up with his current wife , he would marry me in a heart beat ! WHAT TO DO ?


  38. He acted as if he loved me, he totally made me get addicted and finally He is telling me to marry someone else. I said that guy how much I love him. He is my first love. He is all I need. I don’t know wat to do.. I feel so broken from the day he stopped speaking to me. I hate my life. I love him with all my heart. He never understands .

    1. I know it is easy to say… but forget him…. i lost my first love recently… but until i let go of the feeling i cannot really liberate myself from the pain…. the pain in ur heart kills u… tears are nothing but wasted over this… Dont be alone.. try and find the new you without him…. Every addiction needs a wearing off period… take it slow.. one day at a time… one hour at a time… wen u feel like crying just cry… but then make a hot cup of tea and try something new that u have never done before and practice to make sure you do it like a professional. This will give u a new aim everyday… it will keep you busy, occupied and it will also develop u. This is what i did. Mainly because i did not feel like talking to anyone… i felt like i had nothing left in my life that was me… everything in my life had him… still has to an extent… i am learning to live with that ghost… let go off that person forgive him so you don’t have to think about him… hating yourself or him… blaming yourself or anyone is only going to cause you more pain. LET GO… find the person in you whom you will love… and when you are out of all this then find another man whom you can connect and fall in love with. It will be beautiful sensible and true. All the best. I hope this really helps.

    2. Amy ? i was reading the last comment, and clearly the person has Never been IN LOVE … Believe me , you can NOT just forget the man you are in love with , honey you will always remember him, you learn to deal -with- it , so to say, the tears will stop in time, and the hurt will ease , i still remember my first love , i can smile now when i think of him :) it takes time…. just work and care for your self ,and when you lease expect it , LOVE will find you ! comforting hugs ….

  39. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how difficult it is to cope when the man you love marries someone else! It’s so painful, to lose someone you love.

    May you find peace and healing in your life. Look for people, resources, and books to help you see how to find the purpose of your life. Find ways to bring meaning to your life – other than this relationship. You are valuable, unique, and wonderfully made! You will find someone to share your life with – and you will heal from this disappointing breakup.


  40. I started seeing a guy when my son was 4months old, he happens to be the 1st cousin of my sisters then boyfriend (now husband) we had known each other 5 years prior to us seeing each other, but I never entertained an idea of a relationship with him as he is 6 years older then me. We officially got together when I was 20, he was 26 & my son was 1.. My son doesn’t know his biological father as he was abusive & cheated on me & got another girl pregnant when I was pregnant.
    Entering this new relationship was like a breath of fresh air, he was completely different from my ex, our relationship was so strong because before anything else he was my best friend. We broke up after a year together. 5 months later we got back together. The next 17months were up & down.. He changed, he had the capacity to be a great boyfriend, then when we would get into a huge argument he would leave.. End of last year he convinced me things would be different.. I came into this year insecure because I felt like I was walking on egg shells because he was able to make me feel I was the cause of any issues 9/10. If I would say I wanted to leave he would call me a coward & that I should stay & sort things out instead of leaving the relationship. Beginning of this month we had a big blow up a couple days before my sisters wedding. I was maid of honour & he was a groomsmen, we saw each other but we didn’t speak. The day after we spoke & decided we were gonna make this work, start over & put past issues to bed. That same day I then heard he was seeing his ex fiancé, I asked him & he denied, the next day I asked again as I has heard more stuff, he denied that also, but got angry with me & told me I was “drama” & wanted nothing to do with me. I spoke to him a week&half after that.. He denied her again, but said he thought it was best if we drew a line under our relationship. I didn’t want to, but I had to respect his feelings. Only to hear this week that he proposed to his ex fiancé. This is the same fiancé that made him have trust issues with me over as she slept with his uncle & got pregnant for him & had an abortion. I was always willing to over compensate because I understood what it was like to not trust someone.
    So how did he go back to her & marry her after all I did?? How is it possible? How is it only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he loved me & wanted to marry me etc? He hasn’t even called/msgd me to explain, apologise or nothing. I feel so betrayed, broken, disgusted. I haven’t stopped crying. My son keeps asking for him, I feel so guilty. I don’t even want him back, I just feel like how am I supposed to move on!

  41. It was 30 long years since I made a huge mistake and chose another man over my ex. The other guy turned out to be abusive, heartless, domineering etc. My ex was a kind and gentle man. How could I have been so blind? At the time my parents didn’t welcome my ex because of him being biracial. My mother told me not to take a ring from him. Like a fool, I listened to her. She told me they would not pay for my wedding. I lost any respect I had for either of them right there and then. Two weeks after my mothers comment I was presented with a beautiful diamond ring and a promise to be loved for ever. I turned him down. To this day I have regretted my decision. I am in a good relationship now and not with Mr. Abusive. I went to visit the man I tossed into the fray’s mom. I loved her dearly. We got along wonderfully. She told me he had gotten married. She showed me pictures of his wedding. I almost threw up from being so heart sick. The man I loved now was someone else’s. It turned out his new bride was pregnant with his child. That’s why he married her. We tried to have a baby but I couldn’t conceive. She had my man and now about to have his child. God… What have I done. I sunk into a deep depression that lasted for months until I knew I had to move on and let him go from my mind. 30 years later I was cruising in Facebook and low and behold there he was. I would know his face anywhere. My heart skipped a beat… Well several…. I sent him a message and told him of my mothers passing. He responded. I almost fainted. He gave me his cell number and I contacted him. We made arrangements to meet up for coffee and chat about old times. I met up with him. I was so nervous I could hardly breath. One look into his gorgeous brown eyes and that was it. He hugged me and it felt so good to be in his arms again. We talked about old times, his mom who has recently passed
    on. He kissed me and sparks flew. It was like a lightning bolt of passion all over again. But he is married….!! To someone else.. He told me his marriage was miserable. He has two grown kids and is now a grandfather. I made arrangement to visit a friend and ended up spending the night with him in a hotel. I loved every minute of his touch, kisses and warmth. But come morning he left to join his family. I watched him drive away and felt cheap for what had happened. He’s not mine, but hers. I found a picture of him and his family. I was outraged when I saw his wife. She wasn’t pretty. He had the chance to come after me when I chose another man over him, but he didn’t. I wished he would have. He told me he never stopped loving me and told me he stayed with his wife for the kids. Bad choice… I have met up with him about 5 times now. No sleeping together just to talk. He told me he wants to eventually marry me. I want to believe his intensions are hoberable but I know he is another’s man. I want to end this before it becomes a full blown affair. I love his company but it’s not healthy for either of us. To much time has passed and we are different people now. I never had children. I’m glad in a way I did this because now I know. I have taken a few more glances at his family picture before I deleted it for good. I sent him a very nasty text telling him of how he could’t come after me, but could make a baby with her… Oh well…. My heart will mend, I hope…
    This is for all the gals who made a bad choice and lived to regret it…
    Love to all…….

    1. Linda, I have the same exact story as you. What a small world. I’m also currently experiencing that pain especially while looking at pictures of his wife.

  42. I still find myself having an affair with my ex after he left me to marry someother person.We never made love while dating.

  43. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Vicky,

    I know it seems like your world is falling apart because your boyfriend is marrying someone else. It is terrible, heartbreaking, so painfully sad. It is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You are in shock, and you’re grieving the loss of the man you love. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

    But you have to accept reality. You can’t change his mind — and why do you want to? He wants to leave you and marry another woman. It’s wrong and sad, I hate that it’s happening to you, but you have to face the facts. You are stronger than this, better than this, and healthier than this! You WILL rise above this, you WILL heal, and you will find yourself in this mess of emotions and grief.

    My prayer for you – and for all women who are coping when the man they love is marrying another woman – is for strength and courage. May you dig deep into the bottom of your soul and find a resilience and hope you never thought possible. May you pull yourself together for your child’s sake, and for your own sake. You are a survivor – and you need to let this man go. Let him go. Take a deep breath, and accept that he is not meant for you. Know that there is a reason for this, even if you never learn why you’re not in this relationship.

    I pray for healing of your heart and soul. I pray that you find supportive friends, and that you don’t let this breakup ruin your life….or your child’s.


  44. I have the same problem as Rosie. Me and him we been together for over 5 years we have beautiful baby girll together which she looks just like him. We been livjng together since her birth, and yesterday he told me he will marry someone else and leave us. I cant cope with him leave in trying to do everything I can for him to stay. I cant live with tahr fact that hes gonna marry somebody else that he dont even know. Ill die if he marries her. I cant even think how hes gonna be with her, when they got married and they start living together and sleeping in the same bed, doing things that we use to do, that hes going to come home from work like he use to come to me. I cant live with thag i wont be able to hold him and say i love you or kiss him. It kills me inside, I been crying since yesterday Im really depressed my baby dosnt know whats going on with me. I have to stop him somehome please someone help me. I cant lose him I love him so much please :'(

    1. Honey, let him go. You will be better off without him. There is another wonderful man out there for you and your beautiful baby. If he can do this now, what would he do in the future? The man I loved married another woman also. You will get through this… I’m still trying…
      Dry your eyes my dear, take an aspirin for the head ache you are sure to have. Pack up his stuff, give it to him and embrace your new life..
      Love to you and your baby…

  45. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Rosie,

    My prayer for you is that you find the strength and courage you need to accept that the man you love is marrying another woman. Acceptance and surrender to his marriage will bring you peace. Peace will bring you joy, and joy will make you strong and happy!

    I also pray that you find the strength that I know is within you to let go of this man. May you hold on to your self-respect and dignity, and not engage in a relationship with him after he marries the other woman. May you respect his marriage, his wife, and his family. May you be courageous enough to let him go, strong enough to act in honorable ways, and smart enough to know that if you continue seeing him after he’s married, you will hate yourself.

    May you find healing. May you grieve the end of this relationship, and may you begin the process of letting go, healing, and moving on with your life. I pray that you find the help and resources you need in people, books, websites, and even support groups. You ARE strong enough to rise above this breakup and move forward in your life. You WILL find another man to love, if you accept that this man is marrying another woman and there is no room in his life for you. I pray for acceptance and healing.


  46. My boyfriend of three and half years is entering into an arranged marriage he’s family have organized and although he told me from the start that this was going to happen one day l went ahead and we both fell deeply inlove .Its been one week since he told me about the girl they have found he has also shown me a pic of her ,lm devasastated all l do is cry l can’t function and although this site is telling me to let go l can’t .He has promised me that we will still be together after his marriage .I have agreed but will he still love me like before when at night he’s in bed with her,will he think of me when she’s doing things for him that l did for him before will he compare his wife with me .Hes indian and so is she l know that he has done this for his family and religion and to not bring shame in marrying outside culture and not pick the girl of his choise he just agreed .There is an age difference between us of 18 years but l don’t care lm older it’s never bothered him even still.Can someone please tell me how to go after he marries and won’t be next to me and will he be thinking of me on his wedding night .Loving me so much and lying next to someone he hardly knows help .

    1. Hi sweetheart. I belong from india. I can heart your pain. Been in this phase in my life. Loved a guy. Though still loves him. He himself dragged me in relationship. Made me fall in love with him . And left me. He also promised he would keep contact. He won’t be able to forget me. But you know what. Just after his marriage he forgot everything. He wiped me off. Please stop expecting anything. May God bless you.

    2. Just reading what you have written has bought tears to me eyes…its hasnt been long since my Boyfriend for 2.5 years has just done that to me,
      We’ve known each other since we were 12 years of age and have both gone through so much in life.. We moved away from each other for 7 years, while I was abroad studying and the both of us have been in some long time relationships too with other peo-ple..My first relationship lasted 6 years with another guy – my first love you can say. During which we even got engaged and stayed engaged for 2 years.Eventually, things didnt work out for us, we both realised we wanted different things in our we parted ways.At the time, it felt like the end of the world for me.Only to later learn that it was what Life was all about.Now this friend of mine (who later became my boyfriend) was there for me through thick and thin, he helped me out of the misery i was going through and at the time we never would have imagined we’ would one day be a couple.
      Everytime I came home for the holidays, we just got closer and closer, our bond became stronger (still as a friend) and We always knew we had each other no matter which part of the world we were in. We both always had each other.
      During the last 6 months before returning from abroad, It just hit me one day – that I was In love with him. I was so sure about it. I knew he was the one for me.After all thats happend in our lives – he had to be the one for me.After returning back,I got a job in the same company as him…I was so excited because..all signs were directing me to just one thing…being closer to him!
      Finally the day came when he asked me out…I remember later we were in the cab going home and I just couldnt stop smiling.I was ecstatic!!!I couldnt believe what had just happened and I could see he felt the same way too.I felt God was doing all this for a real good and strong reason!- We were meant to be.
      Things just got better after that..we travelled and experienced soo many things together as a couple and in my mind and soul he was already my Husband.
      We both came from different religions but similar cultures.And there was always this fear that our parents would never allow us to be together. But then the irony was that, his brother had married a girl from another religion, which bought his family alot of shame and they lost their reputation in the soceity, while the same thing happend in my family, My sister married the love of her life who was also from a different religion and my parents had initially disowned her. Now both couples are fine, even though the parents still talk about it, they have finally come to terms with their kids and their other halves.
      After all these coincidences….I knew for sure that these were all signs from GOD!I had such a strong Faith in this relationship and tried to stay as strong as I could.I tried to be his pillar when he went weak.
      2 weeks ago, he travelled back home to visit his parents for a cultural festivity, prior to that his mother had been pressurizing him for marriage- to which he kept saying NO – since he wasnt ready.
      He had spoken to his parents about me earlier – a couple of time and they obviously never agreed to it,- saying that how could he do this to them especially after knowing waht the first son had done.
      He was visiting only for a week- litreally just 1 week.-and for some reason I kept stopping him from going at the time telling him it didnt feel right.
      As the week progressed, he updated me on what was going on in the house with his folks and hopw the pressure was coming along-I sat and prayed day and night and so did he…Finally, on a Thursday I called him when I got to work to ask him how he was doing, I had previously spoken to him that morning and he sounded just fine anjd kept telling me how his parents were ignoring what hes been saying to them and are still going ahead with this marriage deal, since they already found and confirmed a girl for him.In the last few days he prayed so hard that he left it up to God to decide …later that evening when I woke up and called him, I could sense something wasnt right…He finally broke the news to me that He had just gotten married!….My world came crashing down…I was numb…I fell to my feet in the middle of the street and burst out screaming!…(just typing it gives my goosebumps)….
      I shouted at him,, screamed..cried…did everything I could…I hadnt slept properly all week because of the stress and that night I just lay still and numb and staired at the ceiling…..I couldnt move…couldnt function…didnt end up going to work.. and just laid in silence…
      When he returned after a few days- I could tell from his face that he had been crying too..I hit him and yelled and screamed..everything I felt at the time.We both cried…we cried together…He now tells me that He will always love me…and he that when that (his marriage) happened he was numb!- how can someone be so numb to let all that happen ?? he did this to keep his parents reputation in the society? I have so many questions in my head and I cant even start to comprehend whats happened to me!
      I dont want to listen to anybody,nor do i want to talk anf get any advise at this stage.
      He wants to be there for me and now after these 2.5 years he tells me he has realised the value of my love for him!!!! where was this realization when we were together… what has become of my life….along with losing him..I have lost my dreams and hopes…my Faith that I had held on it — all came crashing down!
      And after all this …instead of hating him I was still able to tell him how much I love him!

  47. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here D, and sharing how you’re coping when the man you love is marrying another woman. It sounds like you went through a rough time with it, but you’re starting to accept that he isn’t the one for you.

    I pray for strength and hope, courage and faith as you move forward in your life. May you find healing and inspiration, and love and joy in ways you never expected! I wish you peace, and a renewed connection with both your own self and with God. Amen.


  48. I found this article to be very helpful. The guy I love is about to marry someone else in about 3 months. We are also very good friends so It is so painful to watch and I started to notice that I was starting to get crazy and stalk him with blasting him with all kinds of text messages and emails. I was driving him crazy. I realized my behavior was way out of line and stopped with the stalking text messages. I think the hurt and pain was making me do that. This article is right on and is helping me cope. I’m buying the book as well. I just need to come to grips that I was just not meant to be with him.

  49. Acceptance is the only way to cope when the man you’re in love with chooses to marry another woman. What else can you do, but trust that this was not the man for you. If he WAS the man for you, you’d be together.

  50. My bf of 5 yrs did the same thing to me. He offered me marriage but told him to wait as i hv to consider things since he’s a muslim & i’m catholic. When i decided that i was ready to be a muslim & was going to the mosque it was then that he married someonelse from his culture, ghana africa without telling me. He threw me out of his haus so his new wife can come in. I feel betrayed & hurting so badly & he still keeps on saying that it will be us in the end…how? I am filled w/anger, jealousy, pain etc…