Why You Can’t Let Go of Your First Love – and How to Be Free

Learning why you can’t let go of your first love ( who is part of your “emotional memories”) will help you find freedom and healing from the past. The first time you fall in love is more precious and enchanting than all your other loves put together! You never forget your first love because it has a special resonance in your actual physical cells and DNA.

First love is intense and vulnerable, heady and scary – and that’s why it’s so difficult to let go of a past relationship. Your first love is part of who you are, who you were, and who you thought you would become. Your first love is encoded into your cells and heart, mind and soul.

Below is the story of Roy and Nora. Roy is a man who is engaged to marry his first love, Nora, 72 years after he proposed to her. During their 72 years apart they married other people, they lost their spouses, and yet they never let go of their first love for each other. Instead of trying to figure out why they couldn’t let go of their first loves, Roy and Nora simply moved forward with life. Their first love was always in their hearts and souls…and that love returned to them.

Learning their story will help you understand why you can’t let go of your own first love. Those emotional memories are part of who you are and how you see yourself, life, and others! But memories don’t have the power to haunt you forever. Unless, of course, you let give them that power.

I urge you to write your “first love story” in your personal journal or even the comments section below. Writing is a healthy way to process your emotions and experiences, and can give you personal and practical insight into why you can’t let go of the past. The act of writing is one of the ways time heals a broken heart because it forces us to slow down and relive our emotions. This releases and frees us from the past.

Why Can’t You Let Go of Your First Love?

Can’t Let Go of Your First Love
Why You Can’t Let Go of Your First Love

Take hope. You may never be able to reconnect with or even marry your first love the way Roy and Nora did, but you can find a place in your heart and life for your first love. That’s the healthiest solution, it’s the best tip on what to do when you can’t let go of your first love: allow it to live in your heart without trying to quell or kill it.

If that doesn’t work for you, the practical research below will help you learn how to cope with emotional memories that are unbearable.

Why Roy and Nora “waited” 72 years to get married

In D-Day hero set to marry first love, 72 years after he first proposed to her, reporter Allison Lynch describes how Roy and Nora fell in love and got engaged in 1944. They were both 18 years old; it was a week before Roy went to fight in the D-Day Landings in Normandy.

Roy was shot and wounded during the Allied Invasion of Germany in 1945. He was hit with a bad case of shell shock (today, we call it post traumatic stress disorder); after he got back to England, his emotional struggles led to a breakup with Nora.

Both Roy and Nora moved on with their lives – even though they never forgot their first love. They married other people. They had children and grandchildren. They both eventually became widowed in later years. Nora thought about Roy occasionally, but she thought she’d never see him again. “I did think about him over the years,” she said. “In fact I dreamed about him a few times.”

After 70 years passed, Roy tracked his first love down. He found Nora – and he didn’t even know if she was married or not! This is the part that surprises me; he simply wanted to give her a bunch of flowers and apologize for the way their relationship ended.

But Nora wouldn’t let him leave. “I knew him straight away,” she says. “It was a shock to see him because it had been such a long time, but it was lovely. It was just like old times.”

Roy proposed to Nora a second time – 72 years after his first proposal. This time, he proposed during his 90th birthday celebrations. The best part? She has the ORIGINAL ENGAGEMENT RING back on her finger – it’s the same ring Roy bought for £100 from 72 years earlier!

“I didn’t go down on one knee because I wouldn’t get up again,” Roy said. “But we had the first dance.”

Ain’t first love grand? Maybe you shouldn’t be searching for what to do when you can’t let go of your first love. Maybe you should let your life unfold naturally…because a surprise may be in store. In 4 Reasons to Wait Until You’re 35 to Get Married, I share why my husband and I waited for 17 years before we got engaged. It wasn’t a romantic first love situation like Roy and Nora, but it’s definitely true love. We are meant to be together, and I am grateful it took us 17 years to get married.

Why you can’t let go of your first love

Research provides clear evidence that your brain’s emotional center interacts with emotional memories differently than other types of memories. Emotional memories engage different brain structures than do “normal” memories, according to researchers at Duke University.

eThis research will help you understand the basic neural mechanisms underlying emotional memory formation.

This might help you know what to do when memories of your first love rise to haunt you.

In a study of emotional memories, Duke University researchers first exposed volunteer subjects to pictures that evoked both positive and negative emotions, and those that were neutral. Emotional pictures depicted such negative events as aggressive acts or injured people, as well as positive events such as as romantic scenes or sporting triumphs. Neutral pictures included such subjects as buildings or scenes of routine shopping.

letting go first love

While viewing the emotional and neutral pictures, the research participants’ brains were scanned using functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). After the scan, the volunteers’ brains were tested.

The results showed that the memories of emotional images were more strongly encoded in the participants’ brains than the neutral ones. Further, those emotional memories created activity in the amygdala as well as the medial temporal lobe memory structures of the brain.

This means that the emotional memories of your first love are stronger than, say, your memories of assemblies at school or going to class every day. The emotional and memory regions of your brain are intereacting systematically and consistently to form emotional memories; this doesn’t happen when you form neutral or normal memories. To learn more about this study from Duke, read How Brain Gives Special Resonance to Emotional Memories.

Emotions enhance memories. This is why you can’t let go of your first love: your brain has glommed on to the experience, and those neural grooves run deep.

What to do about emotional memories that haunt you

Painful, emotional memories – including the experiences and people that you most want to forget – are actually the toughest to leave behind. Cognitive research from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill shows that when those memories are created through visual cues (eg, your first love giving you a teddy bear or peck on the cheek at the movie theater), they are even more difficult to forget.

Ok, so now you know why it’s so hard to let go of the first person you ever fell in love with. What now?

2 options when you can’t let go of your first love: 

  1. Allow yourself to live with your first love in your heart
  2. Actively work towards grieving, healing, and forgetting

Which option you choose depends on your situation, personality, lifestyle, first love experience, current relationships, other emotional health issues, and spirituality.

1. Allow your first love to take residence in your heart

Can you reserve a small space in your heart for the person you loved and lost? You may not be able to force yourself to forget an emotional memory, but you can learn how to live in peace with the past. You CAN be happy and you CAN love someone new even if your first love is living in a small part of your heart. Maybe your first love can help you love better in your new relationship.

The truth is that we never truly, fully recover from the loss of a loved one. We grieve and heal, we move forward, and we learn how to be happy and laugh again…but the heartbreak of losing someone we love never goes away.

We can choose how our lost loved ones live in our hearts. Do we live in pain, or acceptance? Misery, or surrender to life as it is? Faith is key. I love God and trust that He is allowing my life to unfold this way for a purpose. He is the source of my joy, peace, forgiveness, and freedom. He doesn’t protect me from loss, pain, sickness, or grieve…but He does carry me through.

2. Actively work towards grieving, healing, and forgetting

how to let go of someone you love

Read my ebook – I share 3 secrets and 75 tips for letting go – it’s called How to Let Go of Someone You Love. I wrote it when I lost my sister. It was so hard to let her go, but I did. And I feel light and free – but it does take time. And effort.

Those two options on letting go of your first love can work together. If you still need to grieve and heal, then you need to actively process your loss. The ebook will help, and so will a counselor if you need support. After the worst of the grief is over, you might be in a better frame of mind. And then, you might be able to live happily with your first love in a small space of oyur heart.

A reminder for you: write your “first love story” in your personal journal or even the comments section below. Writing is such a healthy way to process your emotions and experiences, and can give you personal and practical insight into why you can’t let go of your first love.

How are you doing? Feel free to comment below. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of losing the first person you ever loved.

For more tips on letting go, read How to Fill the Emptiness When You Miss Your Ex.


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27 thoughts on “Why You Can’t Let Go of Your First Love – and How to Be Free”

  1. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you, and you know that. I have come a long way in my healing, but I have much more to do. I’m not sure that I will ever love and care about someone again like I loved and cared about you in our relationship. I still love and care about you, and your daughter. I wish I could undo the damage I did in our relationship, the worst memory I have is bad mouthing your ex wife to your daughter and hearing/seeing her cry. That memory will always haunt me, but I have to let go of it. I have been thinking of you frequently because I am going through a divorce right now. When he proposed to me last year, I struggled with internal conflict. I wish it had been you on one knee telling me how you felt about me. I wanted to spend my life with you. I try to focus on the fond memories of you bringing me flowers in college, coffee at work and breakfast in bed. I think about how passionate our love was, how vulnerable I was with you at times. When I told you about my trauma years ago, and you held me when you sobbed. Sometimes I wonder if we are meant to be with each other, I married last year and will be divorced soon. You spoke to me last year, and said you had dated a couple girls, but nothing serious, nothing long term like myself. You reminded me who I was when I wasn’t mentally well. I’ve told friends and family you’re a professional reference of mine, but deep down I want you back in my life. I want to be in your life, I want to spend time you. I want to be close with you again. When we last spoke in text and I shared good news of passing one of my certification exams, and doing well in life you told me to take my time to heal. You told me to be the best me. Why did you tell me that? Because you’re waiting for me? Are you waiting for me? For now I will let go of these thoughts, heal, and continue to progress in my life. I want you to know that I will always love and care about you, and your daughter. Lastly I want you to know that although you broke my heart, it was difficult to interact with your ex wife, and be somewhat of a role model/coparent to your daughter, I would do it all over again for you because you did love me, and I pushed you away. I’m sorry, I hope someday you can forgive me.


  2. I met my first love halfway through sophomore year of high school. We were both 15 and met in P.E. class. He had moved from Louisiana just a couple days before we met, and we hit it off instantly. 4 days after we met, we went on our first date. As people say, the rest was history. He was my perfect person, and I thought he was the one. He made me so happy and really did change my life. We were both convinced we were going to get married one day and live “happily ever after”. 2 years went by and it was college decision time. I decided to go to school in Ohio and he decided to go to school in Oklahoma. We dated 2.5 years and decided to break up because of distance. With that being said, we still loved each other very much and had a plan that when our 4 years of school were done we would move in together wherever I decided to go to grad school. We kept in touch very regularly, called, and attempted to make plans to visit each other. Even though we were not doing long distance it felt like we were. Time went by and communication went downhill. I tried so hard to stay in touch but it felt like he was trying to distance himself from me. About a week ago I found out that he has feelings for his best friend at college and they are now a “thing”. Just 2 weeks prior to this happening he said he knew he would never love someone the way he loves me. Hearing that he has such deep feelings for another girl broke my heart and came as a complete shock. I decided to end things and say goodbye. For my own sanity I need to try and move on because it just was not working. We are currently not talking at all because space is what is going to help me move on. Not only have I lost my best friend, but I have also lost the person that I thought was the “one”. The saddest part is that he is not part of my life anymore. Saying goodbye broke my heart into a million pieces but only time can heal the most unbearable wounds.

  3. Firstly, thank you for your post. It was reassuring to hear that I could love someone new even if I did leave a little space for love in my heart for my first love.

    It’s been eight years. The night we met, I was out with my work friends. We were dancing in a circle formation, and out of nowhere a hand appeared in front of my eyes, followed by the words ‘Do you want to dance?’ You were handsome and tall, and I thought sure! We danced joyously, closely, and we tried to make small conversation over the loud music. I found out it was your 21st birthday. Never thinking I would ever be with someone younger, I lied about my age and you guessed that my nationality was Italian and because it was loud, because you were a stranger, I didn’t bother to correct you. We kept on dancing, and you asked me to go with you and get out of the place. I couldn’t. I came from a strong cultural background – I was so sure you’d want nothing to do with me once you found out that complicated part of my life. We exchanged numbers, but I didn’t think much of it, especially as I was leaving for Europe in 2 weeks.

    David, no one has ever quite loved me the way you did. We had no reason to end our relationship, except that I was too afraid to stand up against my family for you. I didn’t know if I was ‘in-love’ enough. I made the best choice I could. Thank you for your love. When I told you I’d always love you, I think it stuck with me. I believe I meant it, and a part of you imprinted yourself on my heart. Because through all these years, even though I have loved another, you still visit me in my dreams. I still feel connected to you.

  4. We had our first kiss as teenagers, dated off and on till I was 18, grew apart he married and I was in a ten year relationship, both having kids of our on, reconnected ended up married for the first time to him, I will never forget the day I married him, we were walking near the creek at his grandmothers together and hundreds of yellow butterflies in mid may were flying around us, I will always hold that dear. I wasn’t sure of how hard marriage was and although it took time I realized he struggled with substance abuse and alcoholism it robbed me of my peace and I stood by him for almost five years praying, pleading and begging for him to change, I still will always love him, I don’t know how to stop but you can’t change someone and it will always haunt me but I smile because the little girl who had cried in her pillows over him had finally got to marry him and even though love is never enough I do and will always pray that he get his demons in control and be happy. But I will always think of the butterflies he gave me when he kissed me, even in adulthood he always did that and for the lessons it taught me about my strength and my faults I will forever be in debt. Regardless everything happens for a reason it’s made to shape us and mold us in good times and bad. I tried marriage lol, I didn’t like it but who else was better to have tried it with. I still and always will cherish the good times we had and how well he did know me, I know I’m my heart he feels the same way, but if I can get thru failing at loving him, I can get thru anything❤️

  5. I lost my first love yesterday. I’m 24, he’s 23. We were each other’s first, we spent 3,5 years together. It wasn’t puppy love, we wanted to spend our life together.
    I had my ups and downs and he tried his best to support me, but he said he got tired. He couldn’t take my pain anymore, he couldn’t love with the thought that he can’t make me happy.
    I can’t believe he’s gone. And it’s all my fault. How am I supposed to live with myself?! How am I gonna get over him? I begged him to stay but he said no.
    Our break was emotionally devastating for both of us. He barely ever cries but he cried so much yesterday. We left each other with a hug and the promise to keep in touch.

    1. Hi… I saw your comment after reading the article and I found it very relatable. I’m not a certified advisor or anything but I would like to share a thing or two. I was with my guy for about 5 years since we were 17 years old. Similar to you, we wanted to spend our lives together and talked about our future and marriage and all that. Until a couple of months ago after our first year at university, he said he was tired of dealing with me and he told me he unloved me. I was crushed and broken (until now). It hurt more because I still love him dearly. He cut contact entirely and I haven’t heard from him since. It was hard… because he was also my best friend.

      I went through a phase of self-blame and I thought it was all my fault. What if I did things differently? Would he have stayed? For months I questioned everything and eventually slipped into depression. Anyway, that’s another story. The thing I want to highlight is that I think it is common for us to blame ourselves. And while we did have our faults, there were surely things that the other person did as well. Remember that a relationship is always a balance between the two people. Nobody is perfect and blaming yourself won’t solve things. If you did something you thought was “terribly wrong” then you can apologise but you have to be prepared if he doesn’t respond.

      Eventually, you’ll learn that they need space too and constantly texting and contacting him won’t help. Give it some time. I know its hard, i cried so so much for the first few months and i still do now but i can control it a little better. You will go through a phase where you will be constantly looking for ways to heal and distract yourself. Don’t be discouraged if something doesn’t work. With all the articles out there on the internet, it’s so easy to get confused about what you “should” be doing. But in all honesty, it all comes down to what works for you. Remember that those articles and advice are just guidelines to help you find your way around.

      The last thing I would say is… have faith. If you still love him and you think he still loves you, then hold on to it. As long as it does not consume your life entirely. Since it was still fresh, give yourself time to grieve. I made a mistake by not doing this. Heartbreak is immensely painful and our brains can’t seem to separate it from physical pain. I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through it. Yet it does happen to a lot of us. Always remember you’re not alone in this! It’s going to be a rough journey but you’ll learn and grow so much along the way, I promise you that. Don’t lose hope!

  6. I fell in love for the first time when I was 16 and he was 18. He meant everything to me but I was too young and far too emotional to deal with it. He broke my heart and I don’t think I’ve ever got over it. That was 22 years ago.

    I ran into him at a wedding about 8 years ago and it knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t stop staring at him, even though my boyfriend at the time was standing next to me. I still felt everything I’d ever felt for him.

    We stayed in touch for a while, but it’s really painful. He’s married with 2 sons and I’m still single at 38. I will never love anyone the way I loved him. I only hope he’ll come back into my life someday – I’m not hoping for their marriage to fail, but I hope I get to see him again someday. Love you Adam – always have. Always will.

  7. I am glad to read this article and other research synopsis like this. After 45 years of painful separation from my first love, I am not understanding and accepting what happened and why I can never forget her. We met when we were adolescents. Our breakup was due to external factors — her mother’s rejection of her daughter’s affections and of me personally. Besides, at 16-years old I discovered alcohol. Alcohol quickly became my new love. My first love went her way. 12 years later, I was on the brink of death, homeless, and desperate. I found recovery. Soon, I found a new love. We had a baby and married. I was happy. But the memory of my first love dogged me. In the 90s, the Internet allowed me to track down my first love. She was/is married with children. I had an address and phone number. But for a variety of reasons I stayed away. I did not want to interrupt her life or detract from mine. Besides, I thought she likely forgot about me. However, recently, the thoughts of her and the relationship are ever consuming. Much like when we first met. Yesterday, I send a card with a note. 350 words that started out as an amends letter but looks very much like a love letter. I want to be free of the guilt and sorry of losing my first love. I asked her forgiveness. I did not leave a return number or address. I asked her to tell God in her prayers and I will hear. I feel better having attempted contact. I want her to know that I have not forgotten our promises, I still love her, and I wish her peace and happiness.

  8. Mine goes back 32 years, I was a Sophomore in high school, My first Love was a year ahead, We hit it off from the start, and our Life was intense. We shared many of lifes “First Time Events” and for nearly 18 Months, life was so beautiful, every day I would rush to Her, we could not wait to see eachother, to look into each others eyes and just get lost. We even vacationed together, going to Florida to visit My Sister for a few weeks over the 4th of July, those days on the Beach were truly the happiest I’ve ever been. Well, the pressures of Her being a year older, getting ready for College a year before I, 7 hours away I guess became too much for Her, and, one night after making Love, directly after still laying in My arms, She informed Me of Her decision to break up now, instead of letting the miles and time apart tear us apart. A few weeks later, She decided to have a whirl wind “Summer Thing” with a guy We went to school with, and I had to endure seeing that, after about two weeks of seeing Her walking with another guy, hand in hand be same far too much to deal with. I stopped going to school, I could not bear the pain, I went back the follwong Year, and finished high school a year late. From My standpoint, I had met the end all be all, the Woman I was destined to be with. She was the reason God put Me on Earth, and without Her, I would never have a purpose, or meaning again. We were to become Man and Wife, have a life, children, and grow old togther, and that was all ripped away from Me at an age that I was far too Young to cope with that kind of loss. She has haunted Me my entire adult life, and I still cant let go of what My Life was supposed to Be, and grieve over what it has become. How do I get better. I have a Wife, whom I Love deeply, that I just celebrated our 22nd anniversary with, 4 great kids, 2 with special needs. So, I do have a full life, I just feel there is a hole in My heart and soul, and I’m just oh so tired of the pain that has silently defined Me. How????

  9. I fell in love at 14, and he broke my heart. It took me 3 yrs to get over him, but when reading my journal, I realize we ended up together a lot. I met someone else that I fell for, thought I was in love, and got over my first love. I went to his wedding, which was awkward. I married my new “Love”, who was my boss and 10 yrs older. I was barely 19. We separated a few months before 3 yrs of marriage, long ugly divorce, two great kids. Dated on man off and on for a year, couldn’t fall in love. Met my husband on a blind date, and in just under 5 months, I had fallen in love with him and we were married. I had felt like a kid again when he would kiss me goodnight before he went home. I remember thinking I couldn’t believe I was married to him, because I was so in love with him….I think I kind of felt like the things I wanted most, I couldn’t have. We have been married 31 years with 11 children, we escvh had 2, then we had 7 together. I have dreamed about my first love from Junior High periodically over the years. Usually I was still wanting him back and he didn’t want me. One time I dreamed he wanted me back….and it made me angry in my dream. I have gone back to the old dream of trying to get him back. Recently, I dreamed he wanted me to go somewhere with him, then he had a girlfriend or wife and kids, and she wanted me to go with them, also. I read my journal from Jr High and High School shortly after that dream. When I was done reading it, I felt weird, not a positive feeling. I think I dreamed about him again, but don’t remember it. I just vaguely remember thinking I dreamed about him. I fell for him 42 years ago. I haven’t seen or talked to him for probably more than 20 years, and I only talked to him for a short time, twice, maybe 3 times. It had probably been at least 10 or more years since I had seen him when I ran into him a couple of random times. I love my husband, our marriage hasn’t always been easy, but I feel like I periodically fall in love with him all over again. I cannot figure out why I have had dreams about my junior high boyfriend periodically over the years, especially since I have only seen him a couple of times. It was fun to see him and talk to him, but it did not stir up any old romantic feelings for him, 20+ years ago. I have tried to find him a few times over the years, but never found any type of contact information. I do think he lives within about 10 miles of me, but don’t know if I would even recognize him anymore. Is there a way to stop having these dreams?

  10. I first fell in love when i was 15. He was my best friend. He was there for me at one of the hardest times in my life. I was depressed but when he kept me company i didnt feel lonely anymore.. i felt happy. He was so loving. He would carry my bags and walk me home all the time and always made sure i ate. He was a great guy and very mature for his age. We were together as a couple for 3 years and we had lots of ups and downs. We were one but there were times we didnt understand eachother. He knew me better than anyone had ever known me but when we graduated high school we started working and becoming distant but he was still dedicated. I got lead away by the world. I wanted the chance of being with a well off guy and living a wild life before i settled down. I ended up distancing myself and openly hooking up with other guys.. i broke his heart. We ended things. And for the next year i did as i wanted all to relaize that what i had before was perfect. He was perfect. He genuinely loved and cared for me. And i treated him like sh*t in the end. Over the next 2 years i was plagued with guilt often crying over my actions and how much i hurt him and the fact that i eneded our commitment. He has since moved on with his life and we live in different cities now and im still trying to forgive myself but i will always believe he was an amazing guy who deserves the best love and i hope he finds happiness.

  11. The love I can’t forget was actually my second love. We had a relationship for 5 years. During which he repeatedly told me that this had no future cause he intended to go back to his country to work as doctor. He feared that I couldnd live there and my doubts grew. I believed in him , I adored him and I thought he didnt need me at all and so I chose the only possible way to leave him by cheating on him. The brakeup was dramatic and painful and took severeal month. We were both hurt. I never forgot him and after seven years of no contact we managed to speak. I was a mother of two children and he had become a well known surgeon. We telephoned now and then but we would never get to personal. He respected my relationship. I dreamed of him and would tell him my dreams. 25 years after the brakeup we met at a wedding of a friend and during the feast I suddenly had the feeling he was calling me though he wasnt in the room. I found him outside were he immediatly turned to me to tell me that the time with me wss the best time of his life and that he his greatful for having met me. Its hard to describe my emotions but it turned my world upside down. What did he want? He was married and quite satisfied he told me later when we met. Was it judted an outburst of emotions he couldnd share with nobody but me? One year after the wedding we met and made some confessions. Actually I talked and he agreed. I said : You are the person I feel the most guilty for. Me too. This is my biggest pain . Mine too i needed 20 years to get over it he answered. He added that he regretted it. So what shall we do about this? He said we should teach our children that they wont commit the same errors. Well , we sometimes meet like once a year and spent some hours together. After that I need several days to calm down . I cry and talk to myself and ask him ( not being there) why on earth did you let me go and when will we finally come together and be at home were we belong.

  12. Letting go is such a battle we can never imagine, but inviting divine intervention is the best way to dealing with it. The pain is so huge and many are experiencing it with no proper direction to healing. May God heal the so many bruised hearts out there.

  13. Hi. I lost my first real love when i was 13 years old. We both came from a childhood full of drugs, alcohol and bad parenting. I had a tough time at that time, got bullied at School and he was the only light in my life. We did everything together and promised we always would stay together. It’s Been 8 years now, and I Can still feel his touch. We actually Met after some years but it had turned out that he had becomed a member of a Club and was doing a lot of drugs just like our parents did. Of course it didn’t work. I never moved on, and I never felt in love again like I did with him. In my dreams I still hope that some day we can find our way back together if it’s meant to be. I’m afraid that My heart always will be broken. Thank you for listening.

  14. It was like a week since my family first moved in the city from where we really lived. So as the days go by, it was the first day of class so my mom chose the outfit that I was going to wear on that day. Maybe it was for a few days. But I remembered what I wore on one of those days It was a white ruffled top and a skirt. It was beacuse of our school regulations. So I met my classmates and there is this old student that introduced me to his group of friends and that was the first time I met my first love. But after like a week he confessed to me that he had a crush on me so I got flattered and overjoyed and my classmates asked me if I liked him and I admitted. So sometime we have some moments to ourselves and I wrote I love you on a paper to him but there was this one accident so I accidentally hurt him so he kind of physically hurt me too but he realized afterwards that what he did was wrong so he just accepted what happened I haven’t had the chance that it was only just an accident because at that time I did not know what I was really doing. But before the school year finished I told him that he should do his best in school it was just some goodbye message to him because I was going to transfer to another school at that time but we became distant to one another. We were 11 turning 12 at that time. Ryt now im 16 I was almost over him but because he kind of keeps reminding me about him because we were following each other’s instagram through the years. I still want him in my life I hope we will be together sometime.

  15. I dated my first love 9 years ago when we were just graduating college. We were only together 6 months and both of us knew that we would be separating later (moving away for jobs/ further education). I haven’t met him since then but we have been in touch sporadically. I got married 2013 to someone else, and I know he has been dating someone for a few years. But I still find it so hard to forget him. I don’t want us to be together – our lives have progressed too far since then – but I love him so deeply. I think I’ll always love him. I just hope to see him again one day. It hurts to think about him sometimes but sometimes I also feel blessed to have such a deep connection with another human being. I used to look at the night sky and just be grateful that we were looking at the same stars. At least our spirits will always be connected, even if our bodies are far apart.

  16. I fell in love with a guy that I started working with at my landscaping job. It was really love at first site. I was 19, and he was 29. My parents married 20 years apart, so 10 years difference didn’t mean much to me. I fell in love with his wonderful personality, his charm, his sculpted face, his looming silhouette. I was scared though, that he liked me because I was not a priced package. My hair was unkept, and I had a very rough looking face. Not maniquered like most girls. ( now it is and I cut my hair short, black, and I wax my face and put make up on regularly. Lol, looks quite refined now)But, I only new him a month but everyone at work wanted us together. We got to know each other quite well, and went on a date. The date was messed up…..because I didn’t want it to be a date but everyone at work told him it was. Went terrible. But, he was so romantic at the same time. Next day we confirmed we were dating. He said he had kids and a house to worry about. But he was still in the process of getting a divorce. I told him I would support him know matter what. And then he said I’m too young to be with him, and I shouldn’t have to take on such things. We broke up two days after the first date and he said he’s sorry. Once a month I’d text him back, and come this January, we broke up in June, he texted me back in a flirty kind of way. I was so mad at him I told him off and even sent him a evil card telling him off. I loved him so much and I doubt he’s ever loved someone that way. I remember everything that month we dated, hung out, talked about God and his word and how it can help our lives. I miss him. But, I guess he can stay tucked in a corner of my heart. Thanks for listening.

  17. I met my first love when I was 13. I became very reliant of him emotionally over the next 4 years of my life. Our relationship was either emotionally unbalanced or it was good. We did not have troubles with trust or us befriending the opposite sex but we did have the problem of over thinking in a negative aspect, that lead to our official break ups. Our relationship had officially been ruined when he had planned to move away. He over thought the situation. And when he didn’t move but stayed in town instead, Over the course of months and he would look for me or I would look for him but one thing lead to another and we broke up once again. Recently I messaged him but he told me off, said he was trying to move on that he had found something better. That hurt like hell and I’m still hurting like hell.

  18. Trust that even though your heart is broken – and even though it feels like you can’t let go of your first love – you will heal. You’ll always remember your first love with joy and a twinge of heartache. You’ll always remember your first love with longing and yearning, with a mixture of joy and sadness.

    If you believe that you and your first love are meant to be together, you will find your way back. Have faith in the power of love. Trust that if you and your first love aren’t meant to be together, then you will not find your way back — and it will be better this way.

    Sometimes relationships end, and we are wracked with pain…but the truth is that some relationships weren’t meant to be.

    Trust that if you and your first love were meant to be, you will be together.

    Choose peace. Pursue wisdom. Experience joy.

  19. I was dating him since a year.We both mutually decided to let our parents know about it. The day I confessed about it to my parents was the beginning of them being in a denial. I thought they would be happy to know this as my parents already knew him but it turned the other way round. I tried a lot of times but they never tried to accept him. They made excuses for their disliking and my boyfriend tried to resolve the issues they had. One of the reason being his profession. My parents took me to several counselors so that I break up with him. But I was very emotionally dependent on him. I always wanted his attention and his time. Every time he hurt me, his punishment was to take out a day for me and we would spend a day together. He always kept his phone aside when he was with me. Whenever there was something that troubled him or hurt him, he would call me up and felt better. I was there with him when he was low on life or even stressed. We were together through thick and thin. All the emotional stress that the counselor caused me was relieved by him. I would talk to him and he would cheer me up. His silly romantic actions made me feel special. Our day never ended if we dint talk even once. On somedays he would come to see me at night in my balcony or we would video chat. Having achieved what my father wanted, he tried to convince him and my father was in denial again. All his self-esteem was put to shame and he abruptly called me to say its over. We had planned our life ahead. I still wait for his text. I still hope he will come back to me. And, I’ve started to hate my parents. I oppose everything they say. They are the reason why I am so lonely today.

  20. My First love, I met him when I was 13 years old. I can remember when I first saw him it was weird the feeling. I met him at the summer school I had failed science that your so I had to go to summer school. I thought he was the cutest thing I had ever seen lol. One day during summer school we went to the park they had a store there and we all wanted to get something. I got in line and was waiting to get something he was in line behind me. I heard him said to say he wanted something so I bought him some M&M’s and gave them to him. We never dated that year I started dating someone else but he was always in my heart. I didn’t see him again for another two years when I saw I didn’t realize it was him he had matured so much. I can remember going up to him and says Damion he was like yeah with a deep voice. That summer we were working for the summer school we didn’t date that year but I still had that crush on him. I knew had it on me but I started dating someone else. During the school year I saw him at the basketball game and I went and said hello he didn’t say much. The year went on and another summer came around and I saw him again. We would talk to each other he let me use his headphones and would walk by the classroom I worked and look through the window lol. It was so cute. This was the miracle year we started dating I remember he had written his number down on a piece of paper it was like he waiting to give it to me. He told me to call him. I called him as soon as I got home and that when we became on separatable. From that day on we spend every day together. When school started back we didn’t go to the same school so we decided to join a trade school and we were able to see each other every day. We knew then that we wanted to spend the rest of our life together. My parents didn’t like the thought of us being together so much they said wasn’t healthy for us to be so close. They told us we were too you young to be so serious, but I knew I love him so much. Our senior year was come around and we were trying to decided what we wanted to do. We decided to go to college together. My parents didn’t like that so at the end of our sophomore year. My parents told us that they couldn’t keep helping him like had so he had to think about doing something else like maybe going to the army. My parents said after I graduate I can go with him where he was stationed and get married. I can remember when I took him to leave for the army. I told him my parents got what they wanted. You are leaving I knew it was going to be it. He said no I love that would never happen. I cried so hard that day my heart was broken. After he left he call me and I would write letters to him every day. He told me he was going to be graduating basic training he wanted me to come but my parents said no. They told me that they would disown me if I married him. I was so afraid because I didn’t know what I would do without my parents. Then he would call and say that he knew I had someone else. I didn’t I love him soooooooooo much. He told me how he would get stacks of letters from me. I was so stressed that I almost failed out of school I was so afraid of losing him. I got tired of him saying that I was cheating so I did. I told him I did. We broke up for a few months then we got back together he came back for a month and we spend the month together. When he left everything seems to be ok but then he started again. I loved that man, GOD, I loved him. Then out the blue one day he called me and asked me to marry him but I told him no because something happened that I rather not say. Then that was it. It was over. We still stay in contact all these year matter a fact I just talk to him yesterday. Why do I still I love him.

  21. This is the story of my first love. .Mike and I were together for 1.5 years in high school. I loved him so very much
    We dated and broke up after graduation (his doing ) I was devastated beyond words. Eventually I met and married although I always carried Mike in my heart. After 30 years of marriage my husband passed away. I (foolishly ) contacted Mike. He had been married 3 times . The last marriage produced 2 children. I have 3. Mike and I rekindled our love. We currently live together. .but I’m angry that he didn’t choose me. Crazy huh? I know it’s wrong but I can’t let it go. I don’t even want to visit with his children. On occasion I have had to be in the company of his ex. Funny she doesn’t bother me as much as his kids. I think it’s because that’s what I wanted with him. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children. I just can’t help feeling this way. Please help.

  22. My first love have been off and on together for a few months now. I met him at 18 and now I’m almost 20. We lived together basically the entire time we were together, and I feel so emotionally and spiritually close to him. I know that we truly see and love each others souls, because I have never in my life met someone who has made me felt so understood. I’m close with his family as well and know in my heart that no matter what happens I will always love him, but at this point in my life I know I need to let him go. I’ve been living abroad for a little while, and we skype nearly every day chatting, watching movies together, making music, playing games… but four months ago he slept with his ex. She broke up with him a while before he and I met. Apparently they only cared about sex, and soon after she got a new boyfriend and cut most communication with my boyfriend. I do feel guilty not being physically there for him since he is an extremely sexual person. For four months I’ve been trying to let go of my anger and resent and forgive, but I don’t have much trust in him anymore. He has begged for forgiveness, and sometimes I can forgive, but I am too full of fear to let myself be vulnerable with him like how we used to be. Both of us are pretty young (he’s 22), so we don’t want to create a bunch of expectations in our relationship about getting married etc., but we also both want to fix our relationship. I’m scared to be intimate with him again and let myself be vulnerable after getting hurt like I did, but I also don’t want to lose him completely. Like I said, we will always love each other, but how do I detach while still healing from this infidelity and while still wanting to be with him? I’m such a romantic, so how do I accept that even though we feel so natural and right that we may not end up together? I want to enjoy this time we have. It seems stupid to end such a great relationship based on fear and “probably not ending up together.” I just don’t want to get hurt again…

  23. I’m sorry you can’t let go of your first love, Danankah. It’s hard when someone you love leaves – and it’s especially difficult when you know it’s for your own good, but you can’t stop yourself from stalking and begging!

    What would happen if you stopped begging him to come back, and started focusing on letting go? What would it feel like to accept that this is the way this relationship has to end, and start healing and moving forward in your life?

  24. Hi, just lost they greatest love I’ve experienced. Dream come true kind of love. He left for both our good. But I can’t seem to let go. It’s absolutely unbearable at times. It’s been over 4 months now. And I’ve stalked and begged. Unbelievable. Help!!

  25. I just had my first serious relationship of 6 months ended 2 weeks ago. We are in the same class for uni and both are 20. It was her first relationship as well (I was her first boyfriend, when she’s my first serious girlfriend). I truly had the best time of my life so far when being with her. Unfortunately, it all ended when we both headed home (in different cities) for the summer holiday. I have given her everything, especially my heart. However, she couldn’t see us working out in the future, so she decided to break up over the phone, 5 days before I was due to fly to see her. She told me that she has had enough with holding in her grudges during the time when we were together, whereas I told her everything I wasn’t happy about during the relationship. I was just disappointed of the lack of communication coming from her. I thought all these ‘grudges’ could have been avoided if she told me how she felt when they happened. However, she always blamed me for trying to “change” her. I only wanted her to know how I feel. In the end, she claims that its our difference in personality that ended the relationship. Whilst her being my first serious girlfriend, I was truly heart broken. Although in the end of the break up, we became ‘friends’. But 2 weeks after, during a night when I was trying to delete our messages on social media, I accidentally saw one of her posts. Although the original content was harmless, I overreacted and called her and accused her of being unthoughful, both to our relationship and to myself. We had one last argument, and by the end, I told her that we could no longer be friends. That hurt me, but in the end, I feel that the last hope of reconciling has disappeared, hence giving the closure I’ve always wanted. I have not cheated during the relationship, always confess my love to her. I may have sometimes got angry and silent treated her. That is something I should change in the future. But she also said to me that I didn’t take her out enough, whereas I always loved eating food that she cooked for me, because they are filled with ingredients of love. We also go out for dinners at least twice/ 3 times a week. She said she wants a more mature man in the relationship. I may have acted childish at times when unhappy. But most of the time, I’ve been considerate to her and truly cared for her. I always felt we could get back together. But after the last argument, I have truly lost her. But in the end, the saying of ‘You cannot be friends with an ex as long as you still love her.’ I think this argument truly gave me a full closure and an ending for this otherwise happy relationship.

  26. Thanks for making sense of this phenomenon… I thought I was weird and unique… Turns out just another bozo on the bus….