How do you know if he’s the right guy for you? These three signs will help you decide if you should stop dating him. You don’t have to be critical or pick apart everything he says and does…you just have to pay attention to your intuition.
The most important thing is to know yourself. If, for instance, you’re staying in an unfulfilling relationship because you feel scared you’ll never be loved, that’s a sign you shouldn’t be dating him. Or perhaps you’re in a healthy, positive relationship that has potential to be permanent – and yet you’re anxious, restless and unsettled. Is this a sign you should stop dating him, or a remnant of your past?
It’s so important to know yourself! These signs you should or shouldn’t stop dating a guy are meaningless if you aren’t self-aware. You’re picking up on clues, signs and messages from people all the time…but if you don’t trust yourself, then you can’t make good decisions.
“I have been going out with my boyfriend for 10 months and I don’t know why, but I feel like I’m always doubting him,” says Jill. on How to Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore. “I don’t know how honest he is with me. I feel like I want to stop dating him. What should I do?”
The first thing to do is figure out why you’re always doubting him. What’s going on with that? What specific messages or behaviors make you think he isn’t being honest with you? You’re doubting him for a reason…and even if you don’t know why, you need to trust your intuition. It will help you see the signs you should stop dating him. The tricky thing after that is to make a decision and move forward with confidence!
Should You Stop Dating Him?
If you can’t decide if you should or shouldn’t take him, consider taking a week or two away. Go away by yourself or with a close friend. Traveling somewhere different can give you a different perspective – especially if you do something like a silent retreat or women’s conference.
Whether or not you can get away, pay attention to these warning signs of a bad relationship:
1. Your instincts are ringing alarm bells
You know how you know something, but don’t know why or how you know it? That’s your intuition or your gut instincts. Your “Spidey senses” are often more reliable and wise than all your billions of conscious thoughts put together. The problem is we don’t trust our gut instincts for a variety of reasons. We get confused, anxious and even scared.
I explain how important your instincts or intuition are in When You Have a Bad Gut Feeling About Your Marriage. Those red flags don’t just disappear unless they are addressed and dealt with in some way. If you’re uncertain about the guy you’re dating – if something is telling you that he isn’t right for you – it’s crucial that you honor yourself. Your intuition is picking up on something that you may not even be conscious of.
2. You’re trying too hard
Here’s more of Jill’s comment: “I’m cute and lovey dovey with my boyfriend cuz that’s just how I am. But this always makes him say to ‘stop with the corny stuff.’ So I try to pull back and stop myself from touching or even patting his back. I’m trying hard to be the girlfriend he wants.”
Another big sign you should stop dating him is your inability to be yourself. If you can’t be yourself with your boyfriend, then who can you be real with? He is one of the most important people in your life! Suppressing your personality and natural self is lying to yourself, to him, and to the world. If you’re trying too hard to be who he wants, then you’re not being authentic. And that false self will slowly kill your spirit and soul.
3. You’re not being honest with yourself
“The thing that really annoys me is that he’d rather hang with his friends,” says Jill. “He texts them all the time, but only when I can’t see what he’s texting. Occasionally he’ll show me a message from one of his buddies. I don’t know if I should suspect this as being unusual behavior or if I’m just paranoid.”
It does seem odd that her boyfriend doesn’t want her to see his texts. I’d be curious, too! And probably a little suspicious. Of course he doesn’t want her hanging over his shoulder, reading every text message…but if he’s secretive about the messages he’s sending, then he might be hiding something. It could just be that he’s embarrassed about the nature of the texts (maybe he and his friends talk about online games or stuff he thinks she’ll think is stupid). So it may be a sign she should stop dating him, or it could be nothing important. She needs to find out for herself.
Back to you: Are you feeling doubtful and insecure about your relationship? Try to get to the root of your feelings. Even more important, what is holding you back from acting on your feelings – especially if you know you should stop dating him?
Feel free to share your thoughts below. Sometimes writing can help you see your relationship and yourself more clearly. This in turn can help you decide what to do.
All good things,
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
Need encouragement? Sign up for my weekly "Echoes of Joy" email - it's free, short, and energizing. Like me!