How to Attract a Man Without Losing Yourself

How do you enchant a man without feeling superficial or fake? These tips aren’t just about enchanting a guy or “making” him fall in love with you. Rather, they’re about you becoming the happiest, healthiest, best version of yourself. The more genuine and authentic you are, the more enchanting you will be. If you learn how be your true self without fear or apology, you won’t just enchant a man. You’ll enchant yourself. And that is the beginning of all good relationships.

Becoming an enchanting woman is not about spells, seduction techniques or flirty tips. Those are, in fact, the worst ways to enchant a man. Why? Because if enchantment “spells” actually work (which they don’t), then he isn’t really attracted to or enchanted by who you are. If you fall into the trap of trying enchant a man by anything other than being your truest and healthiest self, you’ll never know if he ever loved or even liked you for yourself.

Being an attractive, appealing, beautiful woman no matter what you look like is about enchanting or falling in love with yourself first of all. If you enchant yourself, men will easily be enchanted by you. And it’ll be easy to be genuine and honest with yourself and him. This is a win-win situation and possibly the start of a happy, healthy relationship!

If you’re looking for tips on how to trick or fool a man into falling in love with you, you’re in the wrong place. If you’re looking for ideas on how to become the best, brightest you that you can be, then yay! You’ve found the right article and I’m glad you’re here :-) The best part is that the happier and healthier you are, the more enchanting you are – not just to the man you want to attract, but to the world.

6 Healthy Ways to Enchant a Man

Before we get into my tips on how to enchant a man without losing self-respect, stop for a moment. Consider this question: how secure are you? How do you feel about yourself? What do you believe and know about who you are as a person, a child of God, an amazing creation? How you feel about yourself changes how you think and act in the world.

How you feel and what you think about yourself also changes how you interact with others and the world. Healthy, happy women are naturally enchanting. They can’t help it!

Ask yourself: How secure do I feel in this world? In relationships with others?

Ways to Enchant a Man Without Losing Your Self-Respect

“Basically, secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving,” write Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. “Anxious people crave intimacy, are often preoccupied with their relationships, and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back; avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.”

If you’re worried, self-centered or anxious, you won’t be much fun be around. In fact you’ll be a drag to be around because people will pick up on your negative energy. You’ll make them feel uncomfortable – and they might not even know why. All they know is that they don’t feel good around you. This is the opposite of enchanting a man or being the best version of yourself.

Get emotionally and spiritually healthy

The more upbeat and cheerful you are (without pretending, overdoing it or being superficial), the more enchanted a man will be. Talk about positive events, memories, and feelings – such as your last vacation, a funny memory or story, or something good that happened to you recently. Focus on the positive aspects of your life while being honest about the negative. Adopt an “everything belongs” perspective; it’s enchanting because it’s light and easy breezy.

Interesting side note: According to a research study from Albion College, the more television you watch, the less happy you’ll be in your long-term relationship or marriage. The research also reveals that the more an individual believed in the television romance, the higher people believed their relationship costs were. “Relationship costs” include a person’s loss of personal freedom, loss of time, or their partner’s unattractive qualities. The takeaway? Watching TV decreases your emotional and spiritual health, which will make you less enchanting to a man.

Be compassionate with yourself and others

“It is very important that you be compassionate with yourself,” write Levine and Heller in Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. “The worse you feel about yourself, the more you’ll want to go back to the false safety of the bad relationship you were in. Your attachment system gets activated more when you feel bad about yourself.”

What is compassion? A compassionate person goes out of her way to help, support or be kind to others. If you treat yourself with compassion, you’re gentle and loving when you make mistakes or remember past regrets. The more kind and loving you are toward yourself, the kinder and more loving you will be to others. This isn’t a tip or trick on how to enchant a man! Rather, it’s a way of being that changes how you relate to yourself and others. Compassion changes how you see the world.

Focus on building a friendship with him

What do you have in common this man you want to enchant? What do you both enjoy doing, discussing, watching, being involved in? You won’t have to worry about spells or losing self-respect if you learn who he is as a person. Find your areas of mutual interest and common perspectives. You’re an enchanting woman when you are genuinely being yourself and sincerely interested in what he’s interested in.

Read How to Be Yourself in Your Relationship if you don’t feel good enough to be friends with a man you’re attracted to.

Smile and enjoy your life – but don’t fake it

6 Ways to Enchant a Man Without Losing Your Self-Respect
How Do You Enchant a Man?

Do you love your life? The more in love you are with even the boring parts of daily life, the more enchanting you are. A pleasant, happy life makes you more attractive, and makes you approachable and friendly. To keep your face open and happy, think positive thoughts! Be grateful for small mercies (eg, a day without a headache or stomachache) and the luxuries you’re accustomed to (eg, easy access to free articles on making men fall in love with you!). Make it a habit to recall your last vacation, a funny joke, or last night’s episode of Two and a Half Men.

Here’s a practical tip on how to enchant a man that will also make you feel and smell great: Psychological research from Northwestern University shows that a light lemon smell increases likeability without people even being aware of it. You don’t have to smell like a lemon, orange, or lime tree to be enchanting; any pleasant, barely perceptible scent will make you appear more attractive. Choose a scent you like, and your mood will immediately improve. You will feel enchanted by yourself, which – you guessed it – will make you enchanting to a man.

Be honest about your mistakes

Research also shows that people who make mistakes are more likeable than those who seem perfect. People who make mistakes are seen as more approachable and less judgmental than “perfect” people – so don’t be afraid to share your imperfect personality traits or your mistakes! Being authentic and real increases your “attractiveness quotient” and shows your boyfriend that you’re normal and fallible…just like they are. It’s enchanting to men when women are real.

Who or what have you been most enchanted by in your life? What qualities do they have, what makes them so endearing and interesting? Don’t copy them. Instead, be aware of the most enchanting characteristics of people you’ve met. Don’t forget animals! I’m enchanted by my neighbor’s dog. Her name is Bella; she is the sweetest, kindest, more endearing animal I have ever met. I feel calm and settled in her presence – and she certainly didn’t have to cast a spell to enchant me. She is simply her best self.

Are you trying to enchant a man who is reluctant to be in a relationship? Read When You’re in Love With Someone Who is Scared to Love You Back.


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2 thoughts on “How to Attract a Man Without Losing Yourself”

  1. Ella the Enchanted

    I thought my last breakup made me less likable (or “enchanting” as you say Laurie :-) ) but it turned out to make me a better person!

    Here’s what I learned: A determination, born of fear, to make a long-failing marriage/partnership ‘work’ means we end up clinging to a cliff edge. When you’re clinging by your fingernails, there’s no room for movement – it feels as though any kind of change will loosen your grip and send you plummeting to the foot of the cliff! So what do you do?

    Let go. It’s as simple as that. Instead of waiting till circumstances loosen your grip and you feel like you’re falling, let go. You won’t fall. You’ll fly.

    All the relationships we live through, especially the difficult ones, imbue us with emotional depth, wisdom, self-awareness and great mental strength. Any woman who has had to bring up children against the backdrop of a destructively non-functional relationship will find independent life beyond that relationship a relief, a joyful release, a place in which to explore what’s been gained and find out how to use it to make herself happy. And be more enchanting to herself and others. Not just men.

    We all deserve to be happy. And to get to that place, all we have to do is find a way to stop making ourselves miserable. There are no ‘have to’s’ about relationships. What we do, and with whom is always a matter of personal choice (free will, if you like).

    So this goes out to anyone who is tempted to believe they aren’t enchanting and can’t get a good man. Embrace the propect of change, start talking (even to yourself!)about your alternative future, allow yourself to take pleasure in this, start behaving as you will once you have your independence, start to slowly work it out. Because you can. And you will.

    Ella the Enchanted :-)

  2. A big part of me thinks you can’t make a man fall in love with you. You can be funny, enchanting, authentic, and friendly….but love happens for reasons we often can’t pinpoint. It’s chemistry, or a past life, or hormones. We can’t manipulate love, or control people and make them love us.