These tips for fixing a broken heart are from relationship coach and psychologist Jan Hoistad, who has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years.
“Know that a breakup is really letting go of a dream you had, more than letting go of a particular person,” says Dr Jan. “You will eventually set new goals and find a new love relationship.” If you’re dealing with getting divorced, read How to Take Care of Yourself After a Divorce.
1. Avoid going from one love relationship to another too quickly. Take some time to mend your heart – which means no dating and no sex for a number of months.
2. Take this opportunity to learn about yourself, your part in the breakup, and about healthy love relationships in general. We often learn the most when we are in great pain. A broken heart can motivate us toward change if we don’t wallow in it or in self-pity.
3. Journal. I’m a firm believer in Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages in The Artist’s Way. Get your thoughts down on paper. Just three pages. No more, no less. Then go to work or go for a walk or do the dishes.
4. Keep moving. Exercise, walk, run, do Yoga. Change also needs to come through the body, so physical movement is important. This tip for mending a broken heart will keep the emotions flowing and release the sadness and anger. And, it will help you set new life and love goals (this breakup advice might motivate you to make some big changes in your life!).
5. Write down your values and goals. Create a mantra that’s in the present moment, which you can say as you walk or bike or exercise to bring in the new energy. Gradually it will become a part of you.
6. Limit your rants and your crying/sad times to a time limit. Give yourself 10 or 20 or 60 minutes and then go on to something else. Even if it’s cleaning the bathroom or decluttering your closet (this will give you time to do things you haven’t had time to do before)! Fixing a broken heart is about distracting yourself from the heartache.
7. Eat healthy food, and make sure you eat enough if you tend to lose weight during relationship breakups. Don’t fall into the emotional eating trap.
8. Try to get enough rest. If you are not sleeping well at night, take a nap during the day. Exercise will help you sleep better; both sleep and exercise will help you avoid depression. Taking care of yourself physically will help you stay strong emotionally, which will help you heal.
9. Don’t avoid feelings of sadness. I’d rather have you sad than depressed. Depression is a wet blanket and induces a state of lethargy and apathy. These tips for mending a broken heart will allow you to feel your pain, and feeling sad is normal.
10. Don’t indulge in self-doubt or self-recrimination. A good relationship coach or counselor can talk through what happened and where you want to grow will help you fix your broken heart and move on.
Do you want to reunite with your ex? Read Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back? 16 Questions to Ask Yourself.
11. Learn about anxiety. It’s a cue that something in a love relationship is “off.” Relationship anxiety can mean a partner is disconnecting, disengaging, not as interested, not really seeing you…..etc.
12. Have good friends who won’t coddle you, but also get a counselor or life coach who can help you grow from this experience, and who can give you solid breakup advice. That’s what life is about – growing, learning, becoming conscious from our experiences.
13. Remember: your ex isn’t the last good man on the planet.
14. Remember: you are a good woman. Desiring a healthy love relationship is what’s important.
15. When you start dating again, move ’em in and move ’em out more quickly if they are not right and you have a tendency to hang on too long. (Kind of like letting go of old clothes in your closet, when they no longer fit or fit who you are now, let them go to make room for the new.)
16. Learn about your love relationship patterns. Do you hang on too long? What were the first signs (often on the first date!) that he wasn’t available or had issues that would cause problems later? Red flags in relationships don’t necessarily mean it won’t work out, but it is important to go in with eyes wide open and not take anything too personally for the first nine months or so.
17. Think about your patterns in love. Do you go too fast in relationships, do you hang on too long? Focus on your part in the relationship and breakup, because it will help you next time. What were the first signs….did you deny them….why…..what were you telling yourself at the time and how could you do it differently next time?
18. Learn about healthy patterns in love relationships. Rehearse new behaviors even in small tidbits with brief encounters while you are mending your broken heart.
19. Focus on mending and healing your broken heart. Trust that when you are ready and healed you will move on, but with greater wisdom and insight.
20. Stay busy, but give yourself time to self-reflect. This breakup advice on how to make yourself feel better is about finding the right balance.
21. Learn about healthy love relationships with a relationship coach or wise counselor. Learn about the stages of love, what to expect, where to focus on your needs, how to know if you or the other person are really connecting, etc.
22. Don’t kick yourself while you are down. Acknowledge what you did well in your relationship and what you learned from the breakup. What you are learning as you move forward?
23. Be tenacious about self-recovery. Don’t give up on your journey to healing; grab your life and hang onto it.
24. Congratulate yourself and acknowledge the positives you did or brought to your love relationship.
25. Vow not to make the same mistakes in your next love relationship!
For more break up help, read Can’t Get Over the Break Up? How to Move Through the Pain.