Here’s the best list of relationship questions I’ve gotten from a reader – plus my tips on finding the answers.
I am in a long distance relationship, and we’ve been together for only 4 months…sometimes doesn’t reply to my messages (his mom died a few months ago), and he is supposed to visit me in a month. But I am worried. Does he really want to come? How am I supposed to act if he comes? Am I a bother to him? What should I do? Should I let him know my feelings? He said if I return back with him, he won’t be sad anymore. But I don’t know whether he means this, or if he’s finding excuses about the fact that he is cold towards me? Of course I still haven’t mention anything about his behaviour or how lonely I feel – should I do that? Let him know how ignored I feel?”
Wow – that’s a lot of relationship questions! Read the rest of her comment on my article about helping your boyfriend cope with loss. His mom’s death is complicating their long-distance, short-term relationship. He’s grieving, and trying to start something new. It’s a lot to handle!
Is he ready to fall in love and commit to her? Should she be honest with him about how she feels?
Here we go…
How Do You Find the Answers to Your Relationship Questions?
It depends on many factors, but I think the most important thing is to be yourself and trust your gut.
You may have a lot of relationship questions because you feel insecure and scared. You’re not sure how this relationship will unfold, and you don’t know how he feels about you. You’re uncertain about how much to reveal about your feelings, thoughts, and personality.
This is normal! It’s good to have lots of relationship questions, because it shows that you’re thoughtful and reflective.
It’s “bad” to have lots of relationship questions when they paralyze and control you. That is, if you’re a bundle of insecurity, anxiety, fear, and self-loathing…then finding the answers to your relationship questions is secondary to getting yourself as emotionally healthy as possible.
Long distance relationships are trickier, of course. If you don’t feel connected to your boyfriend, read Signs of Emotional Distance in a Love Relationship.
And the truth is…
Nobody can answer most of your questions about your relationship. I don’t know if your boyfriend really wants to visit you or how he really feels. Maybe he doesn’t know either. I don’t know how he’ll react if you tell him how you really feel and how lonely you are.
The only way to find out the truth is to be yourself and trust your gut. If you feel curious and uncertain about the future and/or how your boyfriend feels, then talk about it. The tricky part is balancing your insecurities and anxieties (which you need to work through on your own) with healthy discussions about your relationship (which you and your boyfriend need to talk about as a couple).
Are your fears holding you back from a healthy relationship? Here’s an article with tips for being more self-confident in love.
It’s important to learn how to live in uncertainty! Nobody has the answers to all the questions life brings. To be happy, you need to learn how to live with the questions.
Here’s a quotation about living with questions about love, relationships, and life:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke.
What do you think – can you live without finding the answers to your relationship questions?