The best reason to ask yourself, “Am I ready for a relationship?” is so you don’t race ahead blindly. These signs you’re ready to start dating again will help you avoid getting your heart broken – or breaking someone else’s heart.
Are you too picky when it comes to love? Read Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Lori Gottlieb describes how she was still single at nearly forty, and was facing the unthinkable: she’d wasted her best years chasing an elusive Prince Charming who might not even exist. Meanwhile, her friends who’d “settled” for Mr. Good Enough ended up married to excellent husbands and fathers. This is an eye-opening, funny, painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of modern relationships, and a wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right. I wish I had read this book when I was wondering if I was ready for a relationship.
It’s important to think about whether or not you’re ready for a new relationship before you actually meet someone you’re interested in. If you wait until a potential new partner is standing in front of you, then you may make the wrong decision because you’re not thinking with your brain. These five questions will help you answer the Am I Ready for a New Relationship? question – and help you determine how emotionally healthy you are.
Am I Ready for a Relationship?
“Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future,” said Robert Schuller. One of the most important questions about moving forward into a new relationship is how you’ve dealt with the past. If you’re still hurt, angry, insecure, or depressed about your last relationship, then you might want to think twice about starting something new with someone you’re interested in.
If you can answer Yes to the following five questions, then hooray! you might be ready for a new relationship. If you’re not sure about the answers to these questions, then take time to think and be. These are the questions I asked myself to determine if I was ready for a relationship…
Am I happy being single?
The most important sign that you’re ready for a new relationship is that you’re comfortable with living alone, being alone, and thinking about facing your future alone. You may WANT to be in a relationship because life is more meaningful and fulfilling when you share it with a partner, but you don’t NEED to be in a relationship.
If you’re happy and healthy being single, then you’ll bring happiness and health to your new relationship. If you’re miserable and unhealthy single, then you’ll bring misery and dis-ease into your new relationship. These questions will help you decide if you are ready for a relationship with someone new.
Have I (mostly) dealt with the pain of my last breakup?
In 5 Ways to Avoid Rebound Relationships, I describe how new relationships can be distractions that we create to avoid facing the pain of a breakup. It’s easier in the short run to jump too quickly into a new relationship, because new love is exciting and alluring and fun! But in the long run, if you haven’t dealt with the pain of the breakup then you’ll be setting yourself up for more pain in the future. You should definitely answer “no” to the Am I Ready for a Relationship? question if you’re still raw and hurt over a past breakup.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
If you’re thinking about your last relationship, read Signs You Are Ready to Fall in Love Again.
Do I know how to be in a relationship?
Before I got married, I went to a counselor for a year. I wasn’t dealing with anything specific or traumatic in my life. But, I grew up with a single mom who struggles with schizophrenia, and I was in and out of foster homes for most of my childhood. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship and eventually get married – and I also knew I didn’t have a clue what a healthy, solid, happy marriage looked like! I didn’t know how to be in a romantic relationship so I got counseling. And now I’ve been happily married for 10 years.
If you don’t feel comfortable at the thought of being in a relationship, think about getting counseling. Or, read books like .
Is my life fulfilling as it is right now?
A relationship shouldn’t “complete” you. Only God can do that! A relationship should be part of your life, and it should affect a piece of your heart. But it shouldn’t be the center of your life. Why? Because a man isn’t your identity or the meaning of your life. A man – and a relationship with a man – is one aspect of your life. This is one of the most important parts of the “Am I Ready for a Relationship?” question because if you expect a man to make you whole, then you’ll be struggling for the rest of your life.
If your life is dull, meaningless, and unfulfilling then you aren’t ready for a new relationship. You need to create an exciting life that brings you alive! Why? Because this will enhance your appeal to potential new partners and make your relationship more exciting.
Do you suspect you are not ready for a relationship? Read Questions to Ask Yourself Before Starting a New Relationship.
What does God say when I ask if I am ready for a relationship?
If you’re on speaking terms with God, what does He say when you ask “Am I ready for a relationship?”? If you haven’t talked to Him or prayed about your last relationship or dating someone new, then take time now. You will find freedom in His answer – even if He says you are not ready yet. A relationship is one of the biggest undertakings of your life, and you need to make sure that you are spiritually and emotionally ready to move forward. If you’re not, then you’re setting yourself (and your partner) up for a lot of unnecessary pain.
If you’re not on speaking terms with God, take time to resolve this rift and build a relationship with Him. This is the most important relationship in your life; it’s the foundation of all other relationships. You know He’s calling you because you’ve heard His voice and felt His tug. You know He loves you, even if you don’t understand why you’ve had to deal with painful situations. And you know He wants a relationship with you…are you ready for a relationship with Him?
Back to earthly relationships with men: you want to have a healthy, happy, long-term relationship with someone new – which means you need to go into that relationship as a healthy, happy woman who is secure in who she is and what she brings to the world. Now is the time to do that, to start creating a life that brings you joy, peace, and freedom. And you won’t have that without God.
I welcome your thoughts on these signs you are ready for a relationship, but I can’t offer advice or counseling. Sharing your experience might help you work out how you feel, though.
“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” – Lolly Daskal.