After a break up, the worst thing you can do is hold on to the past. Here are ten tips for moving on after breaking up, to help you move into a new chapter of your life.
How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life by Howard Bronson and Mike Riley will show you how and why to cry ’til dry. You’ll also learn good ways to beat loneliness, why it pays to forgive your ex, and how to let go of old memories and resentments.
It may feel like nothing can comfort you or bring you peace, but these tips may help. They’re from a reader who left them on my article about letting go of someone you love. She says:
I just wanted to encourage you all! Almost three months ago I found myself writing about moving on after a break up when the love of my life walked out on me without any warning. There are things that can help you move on after breaking up, so you don’t find yourself still pining and being miserable in three months, six months, two years, ten years.
10 Tips for Moving On After Breaking Up
1. Let time heal. Time really does heal everything if you let it.
2. Keep looking forwards to your future, not backwards. It is so easy to remember what was, but that isn’t what IS. Focus not only on what was great about your relationship but remember that it is not what your relationship is anymore. Be grateful for the good times you had and look forward to potentially finding someone else to share good times with (you won’t want to hear this right now, but trust me if you keep looking forward you will keep moving and its a true blessing!).
3: Cry long, cry loud, cry often! Get it ALL OUT but make sure you pick yourself back up again! Even if it’s six times a day, get back up, wipe your face and keep your head held high. That’s one of the best ways to move on and find peace after a break up.
4. PRAY. It doesn’t matter what you believe in, but praying and connecting with your spirituality really does help. You may feel silly at first but keep at it!
5. Exercise and eat properly. You really won’t want to. All you will want to do is cry, and sob and moan and lay in bed. The thought of getting out into daylight is horrid and all you want is to crawl up again and die. Sleep feels like it makes everything easier because when you are asleep, you can forget for five minutes the reality of the situation. Right? Trust me! Get outside! Join a gym! Join a karate club or a knitting club for all it matters! Do something for yourself that you’ve always wanted to do and get that blood pumping! And eat well! Remember that comfort foods (sugar, chocolate, ice-cream…Mmmmmm) will cause your blood sugar levels to peak, spike and drop which will make your moods roller coaster. Alcohol and other substances will only numb the pain briefly and again will make your moods swing like a yo yo! You need to face the reality of the break up and moving on HEAD ON. Nourish your body, be good to it.
6. Ask yourself how many people have to move on after a break up. The honest answer? Hundreds! It’s so easy to think you are alone and no-one has ever felt like this after breaking up. The reality of moving on after a break up is there are many, many, MANY people around the world who are going through the exact same thing as you are! Feeling exactly the same (Rotten!). You are NOT alone! You WILL get past this!!
7. Be kind to those around you. This is sOOOOoooo hard when everyone is either telling you to get over the break up, or telling you it will be ok or even if they are sick of listening to you re-hash every single event of the relationship leading up to the break up. Yes, you deserve to be able to grieve. Yes, you have a right and an entitlement to be sad. Yes, healing and moving on after a break up takes time. But remember, the people closest to you are trying to ease your pain and they love you and want to help you.
8. Cut all contact with your ex for at LEAST three months! If you’re wondering if you should stay friends with your ex, the answer is NO. Phone, Facebook, emails, texts, Skype, instagram. Whatever it is wherever you are contactable at. But won’t this drive them away? Hun, they are already GONE! If the fact that you are taking much needed time for yourself away from them after the breakup causes them to flee further or get angry with you, then what are you worried about in the first place? Obviously they don’t respect you or your boundaries and the need to grieve so why would you want to bother? Three months (90 days) gives you adequate time to process through the emotional stages of grief, figure out where your head is at and start to put some emotional strategies in place.
9. See a counsellor or a psychologist. It doesn’t have to be forever, it may only be one or two sessions but they will give you some really good tools and insight to pop into your tool belt that will help you move forward and start to take care of yourself. This is a healthy way to move on after a break up.
10. Be kind to yourself! Do not beat yourself up over your relatinship, what is and what could have been. Love yourself. The best bits, the worst bits. Commit to being in a relationship with yourself first and foremost and watch your healing begin. This is another healthy tip for moving on after breaking up, because it’s about being emotionally stable.
I hope this helps. I am speaking only from personal experience, and of course everyone else’s “breaking up” experience is different. This is my fourth serious breakup and each time I have applied the above tips for moving on. They truly do help mend and heal. I send you all an amazing, blessed and love filled day!
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For more ways to move on after a break up, read How to Get Over Your Ex When You’ve Tried Everything.