Infertility Help > In Vitro Fertilization IVF > 5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails to Result in Pregnancy

5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails to Result in Pregnancy

Here are the most common reasons in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments don’t work, ranging from embryos that didn’t implant to a botched transfer process. As advanced as fertility treatments are, the specialists don’t have all the answers.

reasons ivf does not workIf you’re struggling with the same disappointment and wondering why your in vitro fertilization didn’t work, consider trying the IVF & IUI Mind & Body Program by Circle and Bloom. You can’t control whether or not your IVF works, but you can take good care of your body, mind, and soul.

The most common answer to the “Why didn’t IVF work?” is the doctor doesn’t know. Fertility medicine has come a long way, but fertility specialists definitely don’t have all the answers. If you’re trying in vitro fertilization, your doctor is probably helping you determine when you ovulate. If you don’t have an ovulation predictor kit, get the One Step Ovulation (LH) Test Strips. They’ll help narrow down the best time to conceive a baby.

And, here are five reasons you didn’t get pregnant if you tried IVF…

Why In Vitro Fertilization Doesn’t Work

I researched the reasons IVF doesn’t work in response to a reader. She said, “My embryos looked perfect. My uterine lining looks great, and I did everything I was supposed to do to get pregnant, to make this in vitro fertilization work. What went wrong? Why did my IVF fail?”

Of course I don’t know exactly why her in vitro fertilization treatment didn’t work, but here are a few possibilities…

The embryos didn’t implant

“The most common reason for embryos not implanting is that their development stopped prior to reaching the implantation stage,” write Perkins and Meyers-Thompson in Infertility for Dummies. “The older you are, the more likely this is to happen, but the cessation of embryo development is thought to be the most common cause of lack of pregnancy at any age, and in fact, even during natural conception.”

A woman’s age affects her chances of getting pregnant, whether or not infertility treatments are involved.

The embryos started to implant…and then stopped

If the embryos have abnormal chromosomes, they won’t implant. “The only way to tell whether embryos have the right chromosomes is to do preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD), a procedure in which one cell is removed from the embryo before implantation and its DNA is analyzed for abnormalities,” write these authors.

This is an expensive medical procedure (not surprising, since all infertility and fertility treatments seem to cost a lot of money!). And it may not be worth the cost, since PGD hasn’t been shown to improve overall pregnancy rates.

The embryos were damaged, so the IVF didn’t work

Another reason the in vitro fertilization may have failed is because of damage either during the embryos’ growth in the lab or the transfer to the uterus. “Man-made processes are never going to be as effective as nature intended, and occasionally, a bad batch of medium, which is used to nurture the embryos before transfer, causes the embryo not to grow the way it should.

There is a problem with your uterus

IVF may not work if the uterine lining wasn’t healthy or ready for the implantation. Fibroids, polyps, or polycystic ovarian syndrome can make getting pregnant more difficult. According to Perkins and Meyers-Thompson, there isn’t any way to test the endometrium or uterine lining during the actual cycle because a biopsy might prevent implantation.

The embryo transfer process went poorly

If there is bleeding or cramping (or both) during the in vitro fertilization procedure, the chances of getting pregnant are decreased. If the uterus cramps, the embryos might be moved to a spot where they can’t or are less likely to implant…and the IVF will fail.

“Fertility is a numbers game, under the best of circumstances,” write the authors in Infertility For Dummies. “If doctors knew exactly why it all worked or didn’t work, they would save you and themselves a lot of time and make a lot more money, Unfortunately, medicine doesn’t have all the answers, for anything…including fertility.”

If you want to try conceiving naturally (without fertility treatments), read 13 Tips for Getting Pregnant Without Fertility Drugs.

New research says a woman’s weight may be why IVF didn’t work

A new study published in the Endocrine Society’s Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism (JCEM) shows that obese women may need a different dose of medication than normal weight women in order to successfully have their eggs harvested for in vitro fertilization (IVF).

reasons in vitro fertilization does not work

“5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails to Result in Pregnancy” image by kashiyahh via DeviantArt

IVF is a type of assisted reproductive technology used to help women become pregnant. More than 1 percent of all infants born in the United States each year are conceived using assisted reproductive technology, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. IVF involves mixing sperm with an egg outside the body and then transferring the resulting embryo into the uterus. The goal is to harvest many eggs to ensure a successful IVF cycle.

As part of the egg harvesting process, women receive a medication called a GnRH antagonist to prevent the brain from giving the ovulation signal too early and ruining the egg harvest. “If the GnRH antagonist clears from a woman’s body too quickly, there is a risk that the brain will signal the body to discharge the eggs from the ovaries too early,” said one of the study’s authors, Nanette Santoro, MD, of the University of Colorado at Denver. “We were surprised to find obese women were more likely to experience this, and it may be one reason why overweight and obese women have a higher rate of unsuccessful IVF cycles than normal weight women do.”

The interventional study examined the rate of medication absorption in 10 obese and 10 normal-weight women. Researchers gave each participant a dose of a GnRH antagonist used in IVF procedures. To determine how quickly the medication was absorbed, the participants had their blood frequently sampled for six hours, beginning eight hours after the medication was first administered. The study found the GnRH antagonist cleared out of the obese women’s systems more quickly than the normal-weight women. In addition, half of the obese women had a rebound of luteinizing hormone – the hormone that causes the body to release eggs – during the 14-hour monitoring period.

“Our findings indicate obese women may need a different or increased dosing regimen to improve fertility treatment outcomes,” Santoro said. “Given the cost of IVF and stress of infertility, it is important to maximize each woman’s chances of conceiving a child.”

If you’re anxious or scared of the IVF process, read How Fear of Infertility Treatments Affects Getting Pregnant.

Do you have any thoughts about why vitro fertilization doesn’t always work? Please comment below. I can’t offer medical advice or reasons why your IVF failed to result in pregnancy, but sometimes it helps to share your thoughts.


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39 thoughts on “5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails to Result in Pregnancy”

  1. Thank you for all of your comments! I am 38 y/0. My partner (female) and I have been trying to conceive for over 2 years at this point and I’ve had everything done from a saline sono to 2 hsg tests to a laparoscopy where 2 polyps and scar tissue were removed. Beyond the aforementioned procedures which set my journey back further, I have undergone 9 iris (2 resulted in pregnancies but 1 was supposedly ectopic so I had to take methotrexate, a cancer drug, to terminate the pregnancy and the other was a “chemical pregnancy.” I have had 3 egg retrievals. The first two resulted in just 1 healthy chromosomally normal embryo and the third with 3 normal embryos. I have had 2 FETs since I decided to go through PGD testing with each retrieval. That also set things back further. My first transfer didn’t work. I just had my second transfer yesterday. I was feeling the procedure went really smoothly but then last night I just broke down and couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t sleep because of this abundance of anxiety I was experiencing from fear that this time didn’t work as well. It’s so hard to remain positive throughout the 2 week wait. I scrutinize every move I make and everything I eat and every supplement that I take. It’s really a crazy way to have to live and achieve a healthy and happy pregnancy. Infertility, for me, like I read above from so many others, has been the hardest, most painful experience of my life. It is the one part of my life where I feel I have a total loss of control despite doing everything as prescribed by the dr and acupuncturist. I am hoping and praying that this time will be a positive pregnancy test and will end in the delivery of a healthy baby. The whole process just infuriates me, though! It’s so expensive and no guarantees! I just wanted to share my story and let all your others out there who are going through the same daily stress that I’m here too and so are so many others and we are here to support one another! Sending thoughts and prayers in all of your directions…May we all be mamas soon!

    1. Sweetie, I know you are stressed and anxious when you don’t get pregnant by in vitro fertilization, but the best thing you can do is relax. I know, easier said than done. I really pray everything turns out well for you and your partner, and that you have a happy healthy pregnancy.

  2. Hi im new here im 28 about to be 29 in a month and iv been trying for a baby now for 7 years started clomid got pregnant and had a miscarriage it was devastating for me sence iv been wanting a baby i feel like thats the only blessing im missing in my life to feel complite and i want to do the ivf procedure and hoping that god gives me the privilege of becoming a mother does anyone know if there is any payment plans available i dont have the money required but i have heared the older you get the harder it is please help me and wishing everyone blessings to a bundle of join in yours and my life. Thank you

    1. We used the package place so through “Attain IVF”, a national organization that many fertility clinics are a part of. It can save you a lot of money

  3. Different Shores

    Sometimes it’s hard to say no to IVF clinics even when you feel it’s hopeless, or have done the research about why in vitro fertilization fails to result in pregnancy. Please trusts your instincts and your brain.

  4. Hi everyone.
    I first want to thank all of you for sharing your personal experiences.
    I’m a 40 year old woman who decided to try IUI and IVF since my partner is also a woman.
    I consider myself a very healthy individual. I’m a athlete, I work out weekly, I’ve never smoked, I don’t like to get drunk and I’ve never done drugs.
    When I decided to finally get pregnant, I went to a very well known fertility center and after some tests, I tried IUI. I got pregnant right away but had a miscarriage due to a missing Chromosone. My doctor suggested to try IVF since my ovarian reserve is very good for my age and my eggs are of good quality. There was only one hesitation…the cost. My insurance told me they cannot cover my treatment because “you need to be marry to a man”. Lawsuit? Maybe but my concern was to get pregnant not to fight for justice.
    Therefore, I decided to use my own money and paid for the treatment myself.
    When the nurse is explaining you the entire process, you don’t think of the emotional process this procedure entails. Your life changes the moment you begin the process. You begin to be more cautious about everything you do to your body, you change your eating habits (even though they were already healthy), you change your daily routine because you have to give yourself the injections and your sex drive disappears because you subconsciously want to protect every part of your organs so things can work perfectly. On top of all this, there is the waiting period. Waiting to find out if all the blood work is ok for you to begin the injections. Waiting to see how many eggs you ovulate. Waiting to see how many of them fertilized. Waiting to see if the cell test is good. Waiting to see if after all this waiting your embryo survives and implants. No one can prepare you for all this. I found out yesterday that my embryo didn’t implant and it has been the most disappointing factor in my life. It has made me confused and extremely sad. I question myself, the doctors and the procedure. I know now why people say it’s a miracle to have a baby. There’s no way for doctors to know why the embryo didn’t implant. There’s also no guarantee that if you try IVF it will work.
    I commend all of the women who have tried IVF more than once, specially without success. It takes a toll on your body and mind. Plus, it takes a toll on your relationship as well. I don’t know if I will try it again but at this moment I need to recuperate my body, mind and soul.

    I wish all of you the best in life.

  5. Hi, my first ivf on August cycle was failure. We are supposed to do ivf as my hubby was affected with leukemia and cured. Before chemo, his semen was freezed. But only one sample was collected and they were splitted into three tubes and stored. One among them was used and that was failure. So left with only two more samples. I got only 3 healthy embryos last cycle , so embryo freezing was also not done. Now Dr expects more eggs to be produced during next ivf , so that extra embryos can be freezed.
    I’m confused if the implantation failed as the semen sample was collected when he was sick. And suggestions to improve egg quality..

  6. Hi… I´m 32, my husband 34. We started back in 2007 with test, 7 months on clomid, and after 2 years, a doctor said… lets get your husband tested… and BINGO… we have male and female factors. So… changed doctors, moved to Argentina, and started test once again… on a great fertility clinic…
    We decided to go for ICSI. 1st treatment in 2010, 27 eggs, 12 where good, only 6 embryos.
    transfered 3, BIG NEGATIVE…waited a year…
    and In june 2011 we got our +… a baby girl that is now 3 YO.

    This year we decided to go for another baby…
    we are now on a Beta Wait until September 4th we got a Crade A, and a Grade B embryos..

    Baby dust this way too!!!!!!!

  7. Hi i am almost 35. I had my first I’ve with Donnor eggs cause I was born with atrophic ovaries and have no eggs.
    We had our 1st Ivf a couple of weeks ago and the embryos didn’t implant. I didn’t tell my doctor that I had insulin resistance problems and I don’t know if that is what could have caused it. Also I have a high bmi of 32. Now my doctor gave me inofolic to help with the insulin resistance and we will try again in 3 months.

    I hope there is still hope for me

  8. l read those comment i weep because i felt the same way those women been 7 years i have been in this horrible situation..i don’t know what to do,sometimes feel like ending it all becuause i can imagine living out and we leave sad life he had a son 13 years old now.They operated of fiborids in 2010

  9. I just want to say hello to everyone. I’m a 35 y.o. man and my wife and I are awaiting our blood test following our first embryo transfer. The excitement and guarded optimism that we felt has given way to worry and a sense of impending letdown. She doesn’t “feel” pregnant. She blames herself for our troubles. It kills me to know that she feels such guilt. I love her in a way that words can’t describe and only want her to find peace.

  10. Hello Laurie, just stumbled on to your site and and am glad you have taken time for being open about the issues women face get that beautiful baby in our arms. Am a 35 year old African lady with 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs and its been hard and difficult to get support especially on the days when you wonder what next after the failed IVF Process. Thanks for your encouragement and to all the women out there who feel like they will not take another step into the treatment room and are done with Infertility treatments I want to tell them that they are not a failure and its not their fault, be positive and strong in heart and spirit, and live life to the full.

  11. Dear Kris,

    Thank you for being here. I know your thoughts and words will be read by other women who can relate. One of the most difficult things about infertility is the feeling of being alone when everyone in the world has babies.

  12. Thank you for being here, Hopeful. One of the reasons I hesitated to try in vitro fertilization was because it is so difficult and disappointing when it doesn’t work. I’m glad you’re still hopeful, and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Remember that it DOES happen for many women! And when it does, they are the happiest women on earth.

  13. Two days ago I received my third negative pregnancy test call from my fertility doctor….three transfers….a total of 6 embryo’s…most day 5’s. This last cycle we did PGD testing because the two previous unsuccessful implantations were unexplained. The single embryo we transferred was 99.9% competent. And it was “pretty” in terms of cell development, etc. My lining was perfect. I even requested a blood draw to confirm my levels were good….which they were. We have two embryo’s left and if you asked me today….I’m not sure I would tell you I will transfer them. I’m 39. We’ve only been at this for 3 years…but it’s been the longest three years of my life. We tried the natural way, did 3 rounds of clomid. Hysterosalpingogram(sp), laparoscopy & hysteroscopy to repair a septum in my uterus & discovered and removed massive endometriosis. Thought we’d cured the problem and wasted $3000 on an injectable cycle the old fashioned way. And now two IVF cycles in two years. It’s been awful. The hardest, most humiliating and lonely three years. I can relate to the other poster who never has sex with her husband…the romance of it has gone. My body is destroyed – a fate I happily took on, but realizing thus far it’s been for not is very difficult. My husband and I so badly want to be parents. We want to carry on his family name and watch our children grow in our small farm town. We want to know if our daughter would be as beautiful as our nieces or our son will be as smart as our nephew. We wanted to do all the things our parents & friends did wrong with their kids right. Instead, we’ve hocked the car, the house and a lot of our savings….for what? Maybe it was the hope that Laurie talks about. Today, I feel like it was for nothing. I wish this horrible sadness on no one. And I wish the very best luck to anyone in this journey. I wish it wasn’t such a secret society. I wish someone would come up with a line of Hallmark cards JUST for women like me on Mother’s Day. I wish no one would ever invite me to another baby shower. Of course, mostly I wish for a child. I know we will likely transfer the last of our embryo’s but no matter the result, it will be our last attempt. My husband and I have a very strong bond that has definitely been tested, but I know if it doesn’t work out for us that we will know we gave it everything we could. We will live a good life no matter what….it will always have a little something missing, but it will be good. In re-reading my post, I find that I’m all over the place, but I suppose that’s the point. If just one other woman reads my post and thinks “that is SO me!” Then I am okay with it. Again….best of luck to anyone on this journey.

    1. Hi, I’m 31 and have been through 2 failed IUIs and 1 failed ivf transferring 2 embryos.
      I finally feel a story like yours relates to me.
      We have one embryo left and if this one doesn’t work then we will be done on this journey of infertility.
      Possibly look into adoption.
      This has been mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting and I just can’t keep putting my body through this let alone financially.
      My husband and I have and will continue to stay strong in this journey we call Life.

  14. Still a little hopeful, but disillusioned

    Hope is a powerful emotion, wish, desire. I entered 2014 drained from the emotional and costly disappointing ivf procedure(s) undertaken during 2013. That’s right, I said procedure(s) as in 2 ivf cycles attempted both resulting in negative implantations. Two years ago, I was informed to possible consider IVF. The costly ordeal, the fear of the unknown, and believing I could do it on my own or with IUI prevented me from going for it. Fast forward 2 years with no pregnancy, acknowledgement of being 2 years older and quickly approaching 40, cemented my decision to try IVF. The 1st time was unsuccessful, but I experienced hope. Do you know that to a infertile woman, hope is worth the thousands of dollars? That hope is worth the invasive procedures? That hope is worth the injections, the time, the rearranging of work & activities for doctor visits? And when it was over, along with disappointment, sadness, guilt, anger, losing hope was shattering…Therefore, a couple of months of later, after having become to so close to possibly becoming a mother, I borrowed money from family, drained our savings, got us more into debt, to try a 2nd attempt. Hope. It’s what kept me going. It’s what kept me from losing my mind with the drugs, feelings of inferiority, and inability to reproduce. I wanted to become pregnant, but that opportunity was naturally taken from me from mother nature. The 2nd attempt also failed. Both times, neither gametes implemented. Hope. Worth the effort in my eyes. I enter 2014 paying back what I borrowed from beautiful family members, and creditors allowed. To me it was worth it…hope..without it, I feel disillusioned, but move forward anyways. Maybe someday I might try again one more time. It is hard to endure mother nature’s cruelest decision. I yearn to carry my baby in my womb, to see my husband’s and my genetic combination, to raise a little one in our loving home surrounded by cousins, grandparents, and family awaiting him/her.

  15. Dear Louise,

    I’m sorry about your ectopic pregnancy, and the removal of your Fallopian tube. It’s heartbreaking and stressful! Surgeries like that aren’t just difficult to undergo, they have huge effects on the rest of our lives (such as getting pregnant in the future, as you know).

    This wasn’t something you did to yourself; it’s just something that happened to your body. IVF and other fertility procedures aren’t easy or fun, but they can give you the outcome you want: a happy, healthy baby!

    Please take a deep breath. You’ve probably had time to get some sleep, and get used to the idea of in vitro fertilization treatments. I hope you’re feeling more comfortable with the idea, and that you feel better about what the future holds.

    Take it one day at a time, my friend. Let your body and spirit heal, and know that you ARE moving in the right direction. You and your husband will end up exactly where you’re supposed to be – you just need to keep taking deep cleansing breaths, and take it one hour at a time.

    I hope this helps, and hope you let us know how you’re doing.


  16. Reading these comments has had me in floods of tears. Just over three weeks ago I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and had to have my right Fallopian tube removed. After the surgery I was told I will need to have my left tube removed also as it too is damaged. The cause… No one knows. That only makes it worse. I feel so guilty as I feel I’ve caused this myself. Damage to the Fallopian tubes is usually done through an infection. I’m 29 yrs old and have been with my husband from the age of 17. I’ve never slept around like others I know. Apparently the good news is that my ovaries and womb look fine so my consultant has said once they remove my left tube I should (fingers crossed) be able to try IVF. But I’m so scared. I’m scared of waking up from the next operation to be told more bad news. And the whole ivf process seems so overwhelming. My friends and family seem to think conceiving a baby through IVF is as easy as buying a loaf of bread. My doctor has offered me counselling which I feel I’m going to need. Obviously because it’s 2:30am here in England, I can sleep and I’ve rambled on on your very informative blog. Sorry.

  17. Dear Neelu,

    According to WebMD, a laparoscopy is a surgery that uses a thin, lighted tube put through a cut (incision) in the belly to look at the abdominal organs or the female pelvic organs . Laparoscopy is used to find problems such as cysts, adhesions, fibroids , and infection. Tissue samples can be taken for biopsy through the tube (laparoscope).

    In many cases laparoscopy can be done instead of laparotomy surgery that uses a larger incision in the belly. Laparoscopy can be less stressful and may have less problems and lower costs than laparotomy for minor surgeries. It can often be done without needing to stay overnight in the hospital.

    This procedure might help your doctor figure out why the IVFs didn’t work, which may help you get pregnant in the future!

  18. I had 5 IVF cycles with 8 times embryo transfers totally 12 embryos were implanted. but all the time result was negative. my uterus, embryo quality is very good always but still didn’t get success. now Dr. said that might be there is infections in fallopian tube. so they will be going to do laparascopy to check infection in fallopian tubes. i am confused about this laparoscopy. can any one give me advise please??

  19. Thank you, honeydew, for sharing your experience with in vitro fertilization.

    Since I have not experienced ridicule or any negative feedback from my friends and family, I did not realize how devastating it can be. I admire and respect you for your positive and encouraging attitude, and for building yourself up despite your feelings of loss and disappointment.

    May God bless you in other ways, if He does not give you a child. I feel He has blessed me in other ways – if I focus on the good things in my life!


  20. I have been thru 3 failed ivfs first time I had 3 embryos transferred, it failed. 2nd time, day 3 transfer with 3 grade A embryos. another failure. 3rd time day five transfer with 2 blasts. still failed. I felt devastated and thought I had come to the end of life. being an African, a woman not able to have children has to endure a lot of ridicule. my husband and family have been very supportive and I am healing from the loss. but I am not giving up. Just want to concentrate on building up myself, physically and with God I know its not over for us. Ladies out there going thru the same thing, just hang in there. shake up and move on. many many hugs

  21. Dear Susan,

    I’m happy that the old fashioned way worked for you! And I’m glad you commented, because it’s important for women to see that even if in vitro fertilization didn’t work, there is still hope for getting pregnant other ways.

    And, adoption is a loving, compassionate, wonderful way to have a family. There are so many kids who need to be loved…maybe instead of spending all that time, effort, energy, and health on IVF, couples could consider adopting…I know not everyone wants to adopt, but it’s worth at least thinking about.

  22. PGD IVF failed me twice. As with all the comments above there was nothing I could do to change the results. Now I can’t relate to many because I was blessed with having 2 beautiful boys the old fashioned way – after successive miscarriages (with no obvious medical reasons) and one of the failed PDGs. I just had my second PGD IVF failure with the 2 remaining day 5 blasts. I’m finished. But I wouldn’t be finished if I was childless – I really wanted a family!

    Know the infertility route is not your only way. Adoption works – I know people with very complete and loving families because they opted for adoption – either because IVF failed them or they simply thought their advanced age wouldn’t produce results with IVF so they didn’t even go there.

    If you opt to adopt you’re not admitting to failure – you’re opening your heart and horizons to other avenues and if in the end you have a complete and loving family – isn’t it worth looking into? By the way there are many possibilities for domestic adoption today..

    Just remember IVF fails many wonderful competent women and men – don’t let it eat you up and suck out everything you and your partner have – if you need to create a family – please consider all your options – there are children out there right now who would love to have you as a mother!

  23. Dear Melanie Elliott,

    I’m sorry to hear about yours and your husband’s struggles. However, I believe that the extreme stress and the pressure your husband has been put upon himself has caused the issue. I believe it can be corrected with the help of therapy and the alternative medicine to bring his adrenal health back into balance. I’ve seen it work for different issues and I’m a big believer. The main thing is finding a good recommended acupuncturist/naturopath as well as the therapist for your husband and start the recovery process. One other suggestion, have you husband try taking DIM supplements. They help to bring estrogen/testesterone hormones into balance. Do your own research on it.
    I sincerely wish you all the best!

  24. Dear Mineli,

    I’m really sorry that your IVF failed yet again. You tried so hard to get pregnant with all those attempts at in vitro fertilization, and then you get disappointed over and over. It’s heartbreaking, and exhausting both physically and emotionally.

    My heart breaks for you. I wish IVF would have worked, and I’m sorry it didn’t. I hope you will heal, and be able to feel sincere joy and peace in your life.

    In sympathy,

  25. I’ve been married for 13yrs.(1999) Ever since we got married we have been trying to conceive. at the age of 29yrs was my very first IVF. because i was in the twenties doctor said we have a good chance even with me having endometriosis. that ivf was a failed ivf. we were crushed. then 1 yr later we did another ivf and again it failed. 6months later tried again and of course another failed ivf. my doctor simple just told me that we were just not lucky. we stop trying and hoping for a miracle.for ten yrs nothing happen that hope is not happening. instead every month my pain during my cycle is getting worst. until i did my 5th surgery and my doctor told me to consider hysterectomy. of course i said no hoping for miracle.with my pain every month i almost want to do what the doctor suggest. so this month sept 2012. we decide to do one more IVF. research and went to the best clinic in NYC. today result came out and it was negative 4 FAILED IVF. really losing that hope. always wondering what is really wrong. why its always a failed ivf what can be done to make a success procedure. i need to talk to doctor for once and for all cuz im really will do hysterectomy. i think i have to accept the part that we will never be a parent.

  26. I’ve been married for 10 yrs now..and “infertility” and “conceiving” have been the buzz words in my life. i hv gone in for IVF just once which failed and have decided never to go that way again. It was the most painful experience..physically, emotionally and spiritually too. I was too cut off from my family, my husband and even my God for that matter. I hated the sight of people, children even my own spouse cause everything reminded me of my failure, my inadequacy to be a normal child-bearing woman. Also it was heart-breaking to see the disappointment in the eyes of my entire family and those i loved. though later i realised tht they were hurting to see me in pain. But at that moment it was just too much for me. Its been 2 yrs since and i hv pretty much got over it. i think at such times, the family can help by just being there, not trying to over-analyse what happened or draw too much attention to it, just trying to divert attention to other family activities and just living as if nothing changed. Ofcourse prayers by family go a long way in setting the emotions and spirituality right.

  27. Dear Melanie,

    I’m sorry your in vitro fertilization didn’t work – it must be so frustrating and disheartening! But as you said, you’re ready to move on…and that’s very healthy of you. It’s important to mourn and grieve the fact that your IVF failed and you may never have kids. And then it’s equally important to realize and cherish the parts of your life that you feel grateful for.

    I wrote this article for you, to help you cope with your husband’s feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, and loss:

    We Never Have Sex – How Do We Increase Physical Intimacy in Marriage?

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts.


  28. My name is Melanie, I had two rounds of IVF. My embryos didn’t implant. I was completely broken. To this day I can’t believe that I’m not able to have a baby of my own. It’s like a reality that I can’t believe believe is my own. I’ve always been the care taker with my friends, always wanting to “take care” of them.

    It’s been 2 years since our second set of embryos didn’t implant….and it was also the last time my husband and I had sex.

    After a lot of grieving and feeling broken for a long time, I have eventually excepted the loss of our (5) embryos and have went on with life. Now that I’m ready for life to go “go back to normal”
    and have woken up from the hibernation loss…. There is still a problem…. My husband never feels “in the mood” Viagra wouldn’t work, not as if he would ever go to the DR and ask for them (he’s 37) but they don’t make a person “horny” Now I know what everyone must think, he’s cheating…. no the man is home every night, very loving, we became closer with not being able to get pregnant.
    But it cause my husband to have well… Erectile Dysfunction. My husband is an over achiever, and for the first time in his life, he feels like he failed at something he set out to do….Now his manhood is broken. He feels responsible.

    We talk about it and he feels very guilty and he gets upset that he can’t be a “complete” husband for me. He says he is just not in the mood and he’s gets stressed out about not being able to “get in the mood”. Every part of our relationship is strong and solid. But instead of having a family, IVF gave us a sexless marriage.

    Any thoughts?……Anyone?……


  29. I have gone through 2nd ICSI technique and went fail for twice. First time doctor transfered only one embryo 3 day (8 cell garade-1 embryo) and 2nd time doctor transfered two embryos (4 cell grade-1 and 3 cell geade-1). I want to know that despite taking proper rest and also taking treatment of ICSI with good doctor why I did not conceived.

  30. Your daughter is very lucky to have such supportive parents. I hope that things have improved since you posted this in October.

  31. Dear Pam,

    Thank you for sharing your experience with IVF. I’m so sorry it didn’t work for you – six times! I couldn’t stand the thought of trying in vitro fertilization once, much less six times.

    I don’t see our infertility as a curse. For us, it’s just a major disappointment. It’s like getting cancer or another other chronic disease: it’s painful and sad and regrettable and I wish with all my heart it wasn’t our burden to bear…but it is what it is.

    For me, it’s also like not having a dad growing up. I didn’t meet him until I was 27 years old, and I always wished I had a dad. I envied my friends who had dads, who weren’t raised by poor struggling single mothers. But some things are just mine to deal with, you know? We all have crap we have to struggle with…and I guess being infertile is just another painful experience that some of us have to go through.

    Also, I know that different women experience infertility in different ways. Some can shrug it off and go on their merry way, while others are completely destroyed.


  32. Dear Gen,

    I’m sorry to hear about your daughter’s in vitro fertilization procedures. That’s SO devastating, especially when everything seemed so positive.

    I guess the miracle of getting pregnant is STILL a miracle, even when all the scientific data and signs point to a successful pregnancy. When I was seeing fertility doctors, they all said that they don’t understand how it all works. They obviously understand how women get pregnant, and even how to do IVF successfully, but they often don’t know exactly why it doesn’t work.

    It must be even worse for you, as a mother. You’re seeing your daughter go through the pain of not conceiving, and not getting to see her dreams come true. That must be very difficult for you.

    My mother-in-law has a friend whose daughter can’t conceive, and the friend doesn’t have any grandchildren at all. She never will, now that her daughter can’t get pregnant. My mother-in-law has a special sympathy for mothers who will never be grandmothers. I don’t know if you’re one of those women, but I do know it’s an additional source of pain.

    Anyway, I wrote this article for you:

    How to Help a Woman Cope With IVF Fertility Treatments

    I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts there or here.


  33. All I can say after suffering repeated (6) IVF failures and having NO family support is that it is encouraging to me to see the love you have for your daughter. There is nothing you can say, but you can be there for her and give her hugs. She’ll need them and will feel very alone in this. Infertility has been the hardest, most painful experience of my life. It will never go away, and I have yet to see my life feel better…it is a dreadful, evil curse and my husband and I resent our bodies for letting us down. I wish her and her partner well and hope things will turn around for them.

  34. This is my 30 yr old daughters 2nd IVF procedure. The first one they called successful, even tho the embryo died not long after seeing the heart beat. the second, didn’t work at all. My son in law is fine, and my daughter has problem with her eggs maturing. This time they used a procedure to help the embryo’s hatch. We were all thrilled, her uterine lining was perfect, all her hormones were perfect, and her embryo’s they said were “GRADE A” they implanted 2, and nothing..a negative pregnancy test..why does this happen, when everything is supposed to be perfect? Needless to say I have a devastated daughter, and she has a very sad mom and dad, we don’t know what to say or do for our daughter.