If you’re an “unpregnant woman” (months of trying, no conceiving a baby), you may resent your pregnant friends. Don’t worry – you’re normal!
Here are five tips for not resenting your pregnant friends — because when you can’t get pregnant or it’s taking too long to conceive, you may notice that your friends and family are especially fertile!
One of my friends is pregnant with her second child, another friend’s husband just had a vasectomy because three kids is enough, and a third just gave birth to her second son. We’re having trouble getting pregnant…and all my pregnant friends are depressing the hell out of me!
I struggle with not resenting them, especially right now. If you’re riding the same infertility roller coaster, here are five tips for not resenting the pregnant women in your life.
And, I’ve found the book The Infertility Cure: The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies very practical and inspiring. It hasn’t worked for me, but it is a bestselling fertility book on Amazon.
Do You Resent Your Pregnant Friends?
1. Remember that it’s not their fault. This is my husband’s tip for not resenting your pregnant friends: remember that it’s not their fault that you can’t get pregnant. Don’t let your disappointment, frustration, or depression taint your friendships. They didn’t get pregnant or have a vasectomy to make you feel bad – it’s just your friends living their own lives.
2. Put yourself in their shoes. Your pregnant friends may have been in your boat, and found it was taking too long for them to have a baby. They may have experienced miscarriages, abortions, or stillborn babies…and may finally be experiencing the joy of pregnancy. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, put yourself in their shoes and really be happy for them. They’ll be happy for you when you finally conceive a child!
3. Talk about your feelings with your pregnant friends. If your friendship is tight, share your feelings of resentment with your friend. Sometimes just expressing your thoughts can make them less burdensome. If you can, be honest with your loved ones – because bottling your feelings up makes them worse. Your best friends will love you all the more, and you’ll love them more if you’re honest.
4. Focus on how to get pregnant. I don’t know if it’s just taking too long to have a baby or if you know for use that you’re coping with infertility…but either way, focus on the possibilities of and hope for the future! If it’s simply taking too long to conceive, then get educated about how ovulation, fertility, and getting pregnant works. If you’re coping male or female infertility, then investigate the possibilities for a future pregnancy through a fertility clinic.
5. Focus on living a happily childfree life. If you’re not getting pregnant, can’t afford fertility clinics, have unsuccessfully tried fertility clinics, don’t want to adopt or foster a child, then focus on your other dreams and goals. Have you always wanted to be an airline pilot, doctor, lawyer, or missionary? Follow your heart, tune in to your passions…and don’t feed your resentment for your pregnant friends. Sure, you’re an unpregnant woman…but it could be worse, my friend.
If you can’t shake off your resentment, read Why Infertility Isn’t the Worst Thing to Happen to You.
And if you’ve already gotten pregnant once, you may find What to Do When You Can’t Get Pregnant With Your Second Child helpful.
What are your thoughts or questions about these tips for not resenting pregnant friends? I welcome your comments…