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9 Signs It’s Time to Stop Trying to Get Pregnant

Are your hopes for having a baby healthy for your life, or should you stop trying to get pregnant because it’s causing anxiety and depression? Trying to conceive can be physically stressful and emotionally painful for many couples, and even have a negative effect on your marriage.

If it’s not the right time to get pregnant, then giving up your plans may be the right thing to do – in this season of your life. When you’re reading through these signs, remember that you’re not necessarily giving up on your dreams of having a family forever. It’s just that right now, in this stage of your life, it may be time to stop trying to get pregnant.

Giving up on your dream of pregnancy might be right for you and your husband. It may be time to take a break from trying to conceive, and perhaps even consider different strategies. If you’ve been trying to conceive for over a year, you may want to explore fertility treatments such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), intrauterine insemination (IUI), or even donor eggs. It really depends on why you can’t get pregnant.


Share these signs it’s time to stop trying to get pregnant with your husband. Talk about them; do they fit your and his emotional state? Are you trying to conceive a baby for the “right” reasons (an unhealthy reason would be to save your marriage or ensure you’re taken care of in your old age). Are you being foolish about getting pregnant – or are you simply persevering and trying everything you can, as all couples coping with infertility must do? These signs it’s time to give up on getting pregnant may help you re-evaluate your hopes and baby dreams, or even set new life goals altogether.

Should You Stop Trying to Get Pregnant?

Persistence is admirable – especially when you think of women who got pregnant at age 45 or 50, or after 10 years of struggling with infertility! Some infertile couples beat all odds to achieve their goal of getting pregnant.

Should You Stop Trying to Get Pregnant?
Should You Stop Trying to Get Pregnant?

We often see people accomplish superhuman tasks – such as running a marathon after doctors say they’ll never walk again – and we think those achievements are possible for everyone.

Remarkable accomplishments do happen, but they’re not the norm, says Dana S. Dunn, Professor of Social Psychology at the Moravian College in Pennsylvania and author of Research Methods for Social Psychology. “We tend to overgeneralize from a handful of instances in which people do amazing things,” he says. “The danger of looking at people who succeeded against all odds is that we don’t know how they got there. We don’t necessarily know the steps they took, their background, or the support they had.”

But, research shows that dogged determination can lead to depression, helplessness, and a weakened immune system. Ironically, your determination to get pregnant may be compromising your health and preventing you from conceiving a baby.

9 Signs It’s Time to Stop Trying to Get Pregnant

There are many reasons couples coping with infertility – or a woman who can’t get pregnant no matter what fertility treatments she tries – might decide it’s time to stop trying.

These signs do not mean you should stop trying to conceive. They’re just things to think about…especially if you’re asking, “Should I stop trying to get pregnant?” The fact that you’re wondering about giving up on pregnancy means that perhaps it’s time to take a break. For now, anyway!

Couples may decide to stop trying to conceive when they:

  1. Have lost their joy and passion for having a baby. Instead, they feel depressed, anxious, and unhappy most of the time.
  2. Realize their marriage is suffering. Their attempts to overcome infertility issues might lead to divorce.
  3. Keep talking about how badly they want to have a baby, but don’t research fertility clinics, consult fertility specialists, or even get basic medical tests done through their family doctor.
  4. Spend more time searching the internet and reading pregnancy forums than creating a healthy, happy life apart from getting pregnant.
  5. Are pursuing goals or even falling into addictions that don’t match their stated desire of starting a family.
  6. Realize that their pregnancy goals – and the process of achieving those goals and creating a family-friend home environment – don’t resonate with who they are.
  7. Dread the thought of finally getting pregnant!
  8. Resent the time and energy it takes to try to conceive a baby, undergo fertility treatments, and consult with fertility doctors.
  9. Refuse to try different ways to get pregnant, such as learning how to ask God for help having a baby or consulting a naturopathic doctor about different problems that lead to infertility.

What do you think of these signs it’s time to stop trying to get pregnant? Are the obstacles and problems ruining the joy and hope you feel about conceiving a baby? If the negative parts or shadow side of getting pregnant overcomes your healthy enthusiasm, then maybe it’s time to give up for now. Take a rest. Set it aside and let your body, mind, soul and spirit recover.

3 healthy ways to let go of your pregnancy plans

1. If you do decide to stop trying to conceive, give yourself time to grieve and move forward. Even if you’re just planning to take a break for a short time, you’ll still feel sad and disappointed. This is normal, and even healthy. Grieve the fact that your life has changed, even if it’s only for a season.


2. Remember that your decision to take a break won’t settle on you overnight. For me, deciding to stop trying to get pregnant was a process of slowly accepting the idea of living without my own biological children. I learned how to embrace and enjoy the good parts of my life. I became truly, deeply grateful for the gifts God has given me, and trust that my life was not meant to unfold without children.

3. Allow your husband to feel different than you do. Maybe he’ll be relieved or happy to stop trying to get pregnant…or maybe he’ll be disappointed or even angry. Let your husband feel the way he feels. Let yourself feel the way you feel, too. Talk about the signs it’s time to stop trying to get pregnant; are you both on the exact same page? Of course not! In fact, you yourself may have a different answer tomorrow than you do today. That’s okay. Let it be.

If you decide it’s not time to give up on your dream of getting pregnant, read this book…

Signs It’s Time to Stop Trying to Get Pregnant

In It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF, Rebecca Fett provides a comprehensive program for improving egg quality in three months, with specific advice tailored to a variety of fertility challenges — including endometriosis, unexplained infertility, diminished ovarian reserve, PCOS, and recurrent miscarriage.

This book describes concrete fertility and pregnancy strategies, such as minimizing exposure to common environmental toxins, choosing the right vitamins and supplements to safeguard developing eggs, and harnessing nutritional advice shown to boost IVF success rates. It Starts With the Egg offers practical solutions that will help you get pregnant faster and deliver a healthy baby.

If you’re not ready to give up on your goal of pregnancy yet, read How to Stop Feeling Hopeless When You’re TTC.

Your thoughts — big and little — are welcome below! Read through the other readers’ comments. You’ll see you’re not alone, and perhaps even find ways to “give up” on your goal of getting pregnant with less grief and heartache than you expect.


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19 thoughts on “9 Signs It’s Time to Stop Trying to Get Pregnant”

  1. I have been trying for over two years now and as much as my partner says he wants one I don’t feel he is emotionally bothered at all he doesn’t understand how hard it is and if I try talk he says fine book me in the doctors IL go but he only says that when I say something Asif I’m pressuring him I think if he was bothered he would of gone him self so I have decided it’s time to give up and go back on the implant before I loose my mind

  2. TTC for seven years, we’ve decided that after the spring of this year we will be done trying and accept our lives and blessings as they are. I’m not ready to give up until then, it oddly helps me to have a time set because it’ll be a relief even though it’ll be heartbreaking at first. Thank you for this article it really helped me

  3. I struggled for 3 yr with ttc I’m beginning to realise that maybe I have a different path to follow, maybe this is in God’s plan for my hubby and I. I think like yourself I’m ready to live the way we are.

  4. Ive been struggling with infertility for 10 years now. 2 rounds of unsuccessfull insimination, 4 miscarriages and many rounds of blood work, u/s and procedures to say the few. Im now 35 (Iknow its really young) my husbant is asking for a vasecromy ;( Deep down I think I also want it too since our sex life is soaring, I want to reconnect and find ourselves again. Adoption or serrogate is not an option for us, so I have to make the difficult decision to call it quits and move on. What a hard decision!!

  5. “Are ‘talking the talk’ but not ‘walking the walk’ (eg, talking about how much they want to have a baby, but refusing to visit fertility clinics or adoption agencies).” This one is a unfair. These are not realistic options for many, if for no other reason than the cost. It’s seems unnecessarily critical (i.e. “You don’t really want a baby if you aren’t willing to spend upwards of $10K a pop for fertility treatment.”)

  6. My thoughts exactly. Fertility is our birthright. We have every right to be angry. Anyone would lose their energy for these treatments. For heaven’s sake!

  7. Recently , A few days before 48th birthday I had my first positive pregnancy test – twice. A week later I bled heavily for a day and a half….guess this was a chemical pregnancy. Had my first settled relationship in my 40’s . So at the moment thinking is it worth thinking there is still hope…. I don’t know anyone my age in this / or have been in this situation. 🙁

  8. After 27 Ivf cycles, 3 chemical pregnancies and one miscarriage I will be giving up on this dream of getting pregnant. It is unachievable for me. The signs are too much time, money, research, emotions invested without a glimmer of hope.

  9. 4 years. 7 miscarriages. No answers. No hope. My husband and I can’t afford any further treatments and we’ve made the decision this week to stop trying to get pregnant. We don’t have the emotional strength to keep on like this anymore. For sanity’s sake, we need to let go and try to move on.

  10. Acceptance is one of the healthiest ways to cope with any goal – whether you’re trying to get pregnant or adopting a child. Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up or you passively wait, it just means you accept this present moment the way it is right now, and you keep moving forward in pursuit of what you want to achieve in your life.

    It’s also so healthy to accept other people’s opinions and thoughts on these signs it’s time to give up your goal of getting pregnant, and not call them names.

  11. Are you kidding me? We are willing to pay thousands each month in medications, have my blood drawn and transvaginal ultrasounds every 3 days for 2 weeks out of each month for the past 1.5 years of seeing a fertility specialist, suffer 2 miscarriages and yet you think if I’m not creating a vision board then I’m not exercising all options and should give up? A vision board?!!!??!

    Give me a break. This is written by some fool who has no actual experience.

  12. My husband and I so want a baby. Could you pray for us? We have gone through two unsuccessful IVFs and are out of money to try again. If God could provide a miracle and let me get pregnant with a healthy child, that would be so wonderful. I can’t imagine how happy we would be.

  13. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how it feels to think about giving up on your dream of getting pregnant and having your own biological baby. It is a heartbreaking dream to let go of, and nothing could ever replace it.

    My prayer for all women who have given up on their goal of getting pregnant is for peace and acceptance. Nothing could ever take the place of conceiving and bearing our own children, but I pray we find other ways to lead fulfilling, meaningful, joyful lives. May we find spiritual strength and emotional resilience. May we meet people who fill our lives with love, hope, joy, and meaning. I pray for a sense of purpose for our lives, and that our hearts and souls are filled to overflowing with a peace and love that surpasses all understanding. Amen.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  14. I see this is an old article but just finding it now. I think you have to figure out what you can live with in the end.
    This life is yours with or without children.
    I had to let go of my dream and figure out what would make me happy in life. Infertility sucks. The discussion never ends and I imagine it will continue when I am elderly and in my last days. But I hope to find a way to answer the questions and hope they get easier with time.

  15. I should add that some points you make are right on with how I feel. This isn’t how I wanted to create a child but it was all I had available . I have tried . My heart is broken Nobody here to help heal it. How do I move on? Well, thanks again for your words.

  16. I have wondered for a while if I should give up. I am single with donor inseminations and not having any success. I’m depressed and giving up on everything. I don’t know if I will be happy stopping as I am alone and this is all I have ever wanted in life. I’ve worked and saved for it. I am so sad. I’ve wondered if moving on was healthier but the idea of quitting leaves my soul so empty. Thanks for your article.

  17. Dear Steffi,

    I’m glad these signs it’s time to give up on your goal of getting pregnant resonated with you! Thank you for taking the time to comment – and may God bless you with resources and people who can help you find other ways to bring kidlets into your life 🙂

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  18. Hi Laurie, thank you so much for writing this article. I have in the last week let go of my dream to get pregnant myself, and I’m happier than I have been throughout my TTC process. I’m now looking into other ways of bringing the pitter patter of tiny feet into our family and this is definitely the right path for me. Thank you for bringing this issue up, it’s something that’s so hard to discuss but knowing other people have been in the same position as me has made things a lot easier

  19. Giving up is the first step to healing the pain of infertility. Move on and know that despite failing, you are not a failure .