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How to Overcome Setbacks When You’re Trying to Conceive

These five “Blossom Tips” for overcoming setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant are inspired by a reader. He and his wife are struggling to conceive a baby; he commented on one of my most popular fertility articles…

“My wife and I have been trying to have a baby, in the last year we have both undergone fertility tests,” writes Mike on Find Out Why You Can’t Get Pregnant – 4 Fertility Checklists. “She has taken medication, fertility supplements, done acupuncture and we’re seeing a fertility doctor regularly but we are still not having any luck, we can’t get pregnant. She’s now 35 and we’re feeling discouraged about the continuous setbacks. How can I keep encouraging her, how do couples cope with setbacks when they’re trying to conceive?”

The Blossom Tip: Expect setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant — they’re normal, natural, and even healthy. Sometimes, our bodies just aren’t ready to conceive yet. It’s difficult and painful, I know. But if you expect to face setbacks when you’re trying to conceive, then overcoming them won’t be as difficult.

One of the best tips for overcoming setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant is to look at other setbacks in your life. How did you cope with disappointments, failures, and heartaches in the past?

Take time to think through what worked for you before, especially if you’ve faced setbacks as a couple. Did you face opposition to your relationship, perhaps, or difficulty buying a house, moving across country, or finding work? How you dealt with those setbacks as a couple will help you cope with problems getting pregnant. Find what works for you, and keep doing it.

5 Ways to Overcome Setbacks When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant

My “She Blossoms” articles are broken up into five different categories, or Blossom Tips. This ensures I cover everything: spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. And, the separate Blossom Tips will help you choose the tip that works for you. Overcoming setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant is different for everyone, which is why you need to do a little exploration as a couple.

For instance, maybe you need a little spiritual TLC (tender loving care) — so the first tip will inspire your faith. Maybe you need emotional or psychological healing (Heart Blossoms) or creative fire (Soul Blossoms). Or maybe you need a physical push! That’s the Body Blossoms tip, for a physical push. And finally…your brain. Maybe you need to consider cognitive tips for overcoming setbacks when you’re trying to conceive.

1. Spirit Blossoms – Take a Deep Breath

In A Pregnancy Prayer to Calm Your Body, Mind, and Heart, I share spiritual tips for overcoming obstacles in the journey to making a family. Prayer can calm your mind and revive your soul, keeping you strong and inspired to face whatever will come next.

Remember that praying doesn’t guarantee God will give you a baby! Praying isn’t about getting what you want, even if what you want is good and pure — such as getting pregnant. Prayer is about aligning yourself with God’s will for your life, for deepening your relationship with Jesus, and filling yourself with the Holy Spirit. Prayer is my favorite tip on how to overcome setbacks when you’re trying to conceive, because it’s healthy on every level: emotionally, spiritually, physically, and intellectually.

2. Heart Blossoms – Allow Yourself Not to Be Your Best Self

Sometimes we just need to have a bad day, or even a bad week. Overcoming the disappointment of getting your period again, especially after months or years trying to conceive, is heartbreaking. Give yourself permission to sulk, cry, whine and rage. Get the emotions out by expressing them in healthy ways, with safe people you trust.

Avoid swallowing or suppressing your pain. Learning how to overcome setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant isn’t just about thinking positive or trying again next time. It’s about grieving the huge loss and disappointment of having to try again, for another month. Grief isn’t just for the death of a loved one, it’s for the death of our hopes and dreams. And, getting your period month after month is a type of death. Grieving will help you overcome it.

3. Soul Blossoms – Create a Jar of Blossoms

A “Jar of Blossoms” is your container of big blessings and little joys, beautiful gifts and cute giggles. When something good happens to you — whether it’s a surprise phone call from your husband or a decision to try a new fertility clinic or doctor — write it on a slip of paper. Plant it in your Jar of Blossoms. No need to get fancy; your container can be a pickle jar, a wide-mouthed vase, a shoebox.

Every morning, pluck a Blossom from your jar. Every evening, plant a seed in it. The more you focus on beautiful, positive and amazing things in your life, the easier it’ll be to overcome the setback of not being pregnant this month. This is a surprisingly powerful way to lift your mood when you’re struggling to conceive a baby, and may even help you enjoy this “trying to get pregnant” time in your life.

4. Body Blossoms – Improve Your Overall Health

5 Ways to Overcome Setbacks When You’re Trying to ConceivePhysically, one of the biggest “forgotten factors” for couples trying to conceive is the man’s physical health. Sperm goes through three-month cycles, and illnesses — even colds and the flu — affect a man’s sperm health. In Foods to Help You Recover Sperm Health, Count, and Motility, I describe how nutritious vegetables, fruits and proteins increase male fertility.

How well do you take care of your body? You know you’re supposed to get enough sleep, deal with stress, get a good amount of exercise, and improve your relationships so you feel better overall. But do you actually put these health tips into action? If you’re not taking care of your basic health and wellness, you’ll struggle to overcome setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant.

5. Brainy Blossoms – Control What You Can

This tip for overcoming setbacks when you’re struggling to conceive is one of my favorites because I love to think, read, and organize myself! If you’re a thinker, you’ve already gone through all the cognitive tips on how to overcome setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant: think positive, tell yourself that it’ll happen when it’s time, and take the next step with the fertility doctor or clinic.

Here’s another cognitive tip for overcoming setbacks in your journey: don’t compare yourself to other couples, families, or individuals. When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, I often asked mothers how long it took them to conceive, how they overcame setbacks, what “worked” to secure a healthy pregnancy — on and on. That’s because I’m a thinker! But it backfired, because I kept comparing my body and pregnancy journey to other womens.’

Control what you can. When you find yourself comparing your pregnancy journey to other couples’, distract yourself with something productive and positive.

How do you cope with setbacks when you’re faced with negative pregnancy tests — or your period — month after month? 

The Blossom Tip: Expect setbacks when you’re trying to get pregnant — they’re normal and even healthy. I’m sorry you’re struggling to start a family; I know how difficult and painful it is. May you find hope, health and encouragement as you keep moving forward…and may you accept whatever God allows into your life with grace and peace.

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