Lillian and Dave Brummet don’t regret their decision not to try fertility treatments. They’ve gone beyond coping with infertility to writing books, hosting radio shows, and changing how people treat Mother Earth. Lillian and Dave Brummet will inspire you, even if you’re disappointed or depressed that you’re not getting pregnant naturally.
“We have a different way of looking at things, I guess,” says Lillian Brummet. “One has a choice, fight your life or accept it; embrace it and go forward. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Every one of us has a legacy to leave behind – let’s not be deceived – procreation is not always a legacy.”
For more info on two of their books, click on Trash Talk: An Inspirational Guide to Saving Time and Money Through Better Waste and Resource Management, or Towards Understanding: A Collection of 120 Poems on Society, The Environment and Overcoming Trauma. And, read on for Lillian Brummet’s info on not getting pregnant naturally and choosing not to try fertility treatments.
Not Getting Pregnant Naturally, and Choosing Not to Try Fertility Treatments
LPK: What made you decide against medical intervention?
LB: Dave and I tried to become pregnant naturally for about eight years (we’re celebrating our 19th anniversary in a few months). At first we were concerned, then we felt a little bit at a loss. It took a little while before we became comfortable and confident with a new view of our life. We had known couples who coped with infertility and went through grueling mental and physical upheaval for years at a time, wrenching their emotions and disrupting their lives…not to mention the incredible financial expenses (for fertility treatments). We just couldn’t see ourselves going through that.
LPK: What are the typical reactions you get from people, when they discover you don’t have kids?
LB: Shock, usually (laughs)! They have a hard time with the fact that we have accepted not getting pregnant and having children, and are fine with it. People get real nosey and ask a lot of personal questions; Who has the faulty parts (that cause infertility)? Why didn’t we adopt? Did we try EVERYTHING?
Some women suggested we are selfish, others were concerned that we’d have no one to look after us when we are old – which should never be the reason for having children. It’s kind of strange how our society has ingrained in the youth that procreation is so vital. One look at the size of earth’s population size and the impact this is having on this Earth and we might not wonder any longer why fertilization rates are decreasing.
We are taught from day one that there are stages in life we are meant to do: the husband, the kid, the house, the career… and then one day we wake up and realize that that is far from being what life is really about. Sure, spouses and children are wonderful things, but they do not make up the value of life itself. Baby Boomers and Empty Nesters are just realizing this; we feel lucky that we were taught this lesson early in life.
LPK: What advice do you have for couples coping with infertility?
LB: Relax. Not everyone is meant to get pregnant and have children. If you are meant to have your own kids, you will. If not, you always have the option of adopting if you really want to go on in that direction. Adopting children or rescuing animals is a great way to make a huge difference in the world. Alternatively, find a new outlet for the nurturing tendencies you may have – such as helping seniors, children or other community work. There is so much need in the world, simply look for other aspects of yourself to leave the legacy you desire.
LPK: Where did you focus your efforts and energy (instead of having kids)?
LB: It all started about 10 years ago with the Trash Talk column that was picked up internationally, and some of those articles continue to be picked up by publications around the world. That column was a way to inspire hope in individuals when it comes to the environment, helping them realize the value of their efforts and encouraging them to become more proactive in greening the world. This grew to creating the book Trash Talk, followed by two other non-fiction books. 30% of the royalties we receive from book sales are donated to charity (Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Canadian Wildlife Federation, Seeds of Diversity).
In May 2007 we were invited to host the Conscious Discussions talk radio show, which highlights proactive people all over the world to help our listeners realize that the hero society is seeking is no farther than our closest mirror. In support of the incredible change that the written word can bring, we also host Authors Read where authors come in to read excerpts from their work.
Our focus in life is changing the individual’s view from pointing fingers and looking for regulations to a mindset that leads to a more proactive, positive life. For us it is all about saluting people that are stepping up and doing the right things in life; celebrating those who are leaving a positive legacy behind and embracing the power of the individual to spark great change across the globe with conscious living.