Marriage Tips for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant


These marriage tips for couples coping with not getting pregnant will help you deal with infertility and other reproductive problems. Unfortunately, infertility isn’t just heartbreaking for you as a woman or man, it’s hard on your marriage.

Before the tips, here’s what actress Reese Witherspoon says about being pregnant:

“I was surprised when the ultrasound revealed that I was having a girl. I was convinced I was having a boy,” says Witherspoon. “And I was completely confounded by the fact that I wasn’t in control of the situation; that I was being introduced to a different individual coming into my life.”

If you’ve been trying to get pregnant for awhile, or if you’re coping with infertility, then you know all about not being in control of the situation! For help with infertility, read Iris Waichler’s Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to Educate And Inspire.

And, here are five marriage tips for couples…

Marriage Tips for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant

1. Accept different styles of coping. “Although few people see divorce as a consequence of infertility, many couples report increased hostility and anger,” writes Waichler in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster. “This fighting is usually about the other person’s feelings or attitude…couples argue about feelings because they make assumptions about what the other person’s feelings mean.” Two partners probably won’t cope with or feel the same way about not getting pregnant – and expecting each other to cope with infertility the exact same way is just asking for trouble!

2. Listen to how infertility is affecting your spouse. “If necessary, couples can set aside a specific amount of time each day (10-30 minutes) to talk about feelings,” writes Waichler. “Some may set a timer and stop when the time is over. Of course, this routine is not to be used on a day when the couple gets especially discouraging news.”

Have you seen a specialist about why you’re not getting pregnant? Read 5 Signs You Should See a Fertility Doctor.

3. Take responsibility for your feelings. “Only you can determine what kind of support you need and when and from whom you need it. Likewise, feeling responsible for taking away a spouse’s pain is fruitless,” writes Waichler. “One can only listen and be supportive.” Don’t expect your partner to read your mind and offer exactly the type of support you need when you need it. Do you need a hug, a little distance, a bottle of wine, a foot massage, or a vacation in Hawaii? When you’re coping with not getting pregnant, figure out what you want and be honest with your partner.

4. Share with others. “Couples must share with others and ask for what they need from them,” writes Waichler in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster. “They must widen support systems and broaden their bases of information.” If you’re part of a couple coping with not getting pregnant, reach out to your family and friends.

5. Nurture your marriage. “Learn to live for what is present and not for what is missing in your relationship,” writes Waichler. She recommends going on dates and talking about the love you feel for each other. “Having fun and creating a balance between the stress of infertility and the joy of being married lessens the burden.”



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These tips, though published in Riding the Infertility Roller Coaster: A Guide to Educate And Inspire, are originally from an article by Dr. Patricia Mahlstedt called “The Psychological Component of Infertility.”

If you’re actively trying to conceive, read What to Eat to Get Pregnant.

If you have any thoughts or questions on these tips for couples coping with not getting pregnant? I welcome your comments below…


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2 thoughts on “Marriage Tips for Couples Coping With Not Getting Pregnant

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    You’re welcome, Iris!

    I really enjoyed your book, and think it offers valuable advice on getting pregnant, and coping with not getting pregnant.

  • Iris Waichler

    Hi Laurie:
    Just wanted to thank you for sharing the information from my book on coping with infertility. I think it is particularly timely in the summer where it just seems there are more mom’s and babies out and about. I appreciate your mentioning my book. Thanks also for your excellent blog. The information you offer is great and I am sure it really gives your readers valuable information and insights.
    Warm regards,
    Iris