It’s Mother’s Day, You’re Still Not a Mom, and You’re Not OK


If you’re still not pregnant or a mom on Mother’s Day, do you feel heartbroken, frustrated, angry, indifferent, or defeated? If you’re like me, you experience all those feelings in an hour…and it’s anything but OK.

I’ve rounded up a few responses to infertility on Mother’s Day, ranging from “I’m heartbroken” to “we need to celebrate Infertility Survival Day.”

Here’s what one readers says:

“What I’ve done in the past to deal not being a mom on Mother’s Day is have a good cry, and then do something really fun with my gay friends,” says Lauren on Coping With Infertility on Mother’s Day.

One of my favorite ways to cope with pain, heartache, loss, and disease is to read  – Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen. It’s my absolute, hands down favorite book about healing, getting stronger, bouncing back from pain and heartache, and being broken. If you think you can’t survive infertility, you gotta get some kitchen table wisdom!

Here are several responses to “celebrating” Mother’s Day when you desperately want to be a mom and you’re not OK with another childless year and all you want to do is have a baby…

Hang out with people who hate Mother’s Day

“…I am not a mother, and I hate it when people wish me a Happy Mothers Day,” comments S. on I hate Mother’s Day and I don’t think I’m the only one by Chicky Chicky Baby. “I’ve never appreciated it, and now that I have been struggling with infertility for the past several months, it’s actually painful to hear. Down with Mothers Day! It hurts many, mothers and non-mothers.”

Look forward to being a mom

“I’m sure you’ve heard of infertile women complaining about how difficult the holiday is and how they just want to stay home and hide under a blanket,” writes Melanie Blodgett in Myth: All Infertile Women Hate Mother’s Day. “While I completely understand those feelings and admit that I have been less than enthused in the past, this year I’ve decided to approach the day with a more positive attitude….while Mother’s Day can be a hard day for some, it’s still one of the most important celebrations all year. As a future mother–who happens to be dealing with infertility – I look forward to celebrating motherhood.”

Laugh at infertility with Naomi

“What are you doing this Mother’s Day?” writes infertileNaomi in You Have a Fertility Appointment on Mother’s Day. “A nice brunch? A spa day out with mom? Nope. You will be putting your legs up in stirrups and enjoying a transvaginal wand appointment. No doubt, you are dreading Mother’s Day (also recognized as National Infertiles Worst Nightmare Day). This is the day where all your mommy friends will be posting photos of their Mother’s Day on Facebook, every Facebook status update will say “Cherish being a Mother today,” and your uterus and ovaries will be secretly laughing at you.”

Know that fertility treatments work! Keep the faith you’ll be a mom

“Swanni Rivera tried to get pregnant for years. When nothing worked, she turned to in vitro fertilization, and now she will celebrate Mother’s Day with her 4-month-old twins.

“It was a difficult journey. It caused me a lot of tears, a lot of pain,” Swanni Rivera said.



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In America, 12% of couples face fertility problems. Like many others, the Riveras went for help to get pregnant. After a surgery and 3 in vitro fertilization cycles, the twins were conceived. Maria Bustillo, a doctor at the South Florida Institute for Reproductive Medicine, where the Riveras went for help, said the solution for infertility depends on the problem. IVF was the option for the Riveras because Swanni, 37, suffers from severe endometriosis and has a fallopian tube block.” ~ from Mom excited for Mother’s Day after infertility battle on WALB News.

Celebrate National Infertility Survival Day on Mother’s Day

On the first Sunday in May, we celebrate and honor couples who are desperately trying to become parents. National Infertility Survival Day was founded by Beverly Barna in 2004. “I hope National Infertility Survival Day will lift their spirits and give them the impetus to celebrate themselves and that which they do have,” says Barna, author of Infertility Sucks! (Keeping it all together when sperm and egg stubbornly remain apart). “This is not to negate the very real despair they may be facing. Rather, it’s an opportune time to stop and smell the Chanel, and also to blunt the emotional pummeling that can occur leading up to, on and around Mother’s Day. And it’s also a vehicle through which those close to them can provide meaningful, creative, and fun support.”

Don’t feel like celebrating not being a mom on Mother’s Day?

“Some women may feel silly celebrating when they feel they have nothing to celebrate,” writes Rachel Gurevich in National Infertility Survival Day: A Day for Self-Care and Celebration. “Our society puts so much emphasis on celebrating after we’ve accomplished a goal. It’s not uncommon for women coping with infertility to feel like failures. But you are not a failure. With infertility, your accomplishment is the effort you’ve already put towards becoming a parent. You’re celebrating your strength and your efforts. You may not be able to hold these types of accomplishments in your hand, but they are just as real and deserve to be celebrated.”

Do you struggle with fear and doubt? Read I’m Scared I’ll Never Get Pregnant – Coping With Fertility Fears.

How are you doing this Mother’s Day – are you heartbroken or healing?


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One thought on “It’s Mother’s Day, You’re Still Not a Mom, and You’re Not OK

  • Faith Sampson

    I like your website. I am currently looking for additional information on female infertility, and am glad I found your tips for Mother’s Day and not having children.