Conceiving a baby happens fast for some, while others find themselves saying “I want to get pregnant” for months, sometimes years. Here’s hope for women who want to get pregnant, inspired by The Parable of the Maiden’s Horse.
The Clearblue Digital Ovulation Test is a good place to start if you’re hoping to get pregnant, but haven’t done any formal testing. An ovulation predictor kit tells you when you’re most fertile. That’s the best time to have sex with your partner, because your egg will be receptive to the sperm. Then your “I want to get pregnant” will become “Honey, guess what? We’re pregnant!”
Yesterday a reader emailed me, saying she is suffering from infertility due to a blocked fallopian tube. She has been trying to conceive for four years, and is starting to get depressed. She isn’t hopeful about getting pregnant. She has prayed for years for a child and feels it’s the only thing that can complete her. ‘I want to get pregnant’ she says – she’s engaged and about to be married but feels she shouldn’t because she’s scared she can’t have children. She feels God has deserted her, and she’s dying inside.
Another reader who also wants to get pregnant has hope her – and for you! On Reasons IVF Didn’t Work she says, “I’ve had three failed IUIs and two failed IVFs and it’s been difficult to get support. Thanks for your encouragement and to all the women out there who feel like they will not take another step into the treatment room and are done with fertility treatments, I want to say that you are not a failure and it’s not your fault. Be positive and strong in heart and spirit, and live life to the full.”
If you don’t think you can be positive and strong – all you can think of is I want to get pregnant – take time to read The Parable of the Maiden’s Horse.
The Parable of the Maiden’s Horse
Once upon a time, there once was a poor maiden who owned a beautiful white horse. Whenever noblemen passed through the village, they always noticed her horse and offered handsome sums of money for the stallion. The maiden always declined their offers, saying, “This horse is my friend. How can I sell my friend?”
One morning she awoke to find the horse was gone. The village people gathered and said, “Maiden, you were a fool not to sell the horse – you could have been rich! Now it has been stolen, and you have nothing. What a great misfortune!”
“I wouldn’t say that,” replied the maiden. “Whether the horse was stolen or not, or whether it is a misfortune or a blessing, is unknown. All we know is that the horse is not in the stable.”
Some days later the stallion came home, bringing several beautiful wild mares. The village people said, “You were right, fair young maiden! The horse was not stolen, and it was not a misfortune. It was a blessing, and now you have many fine horses!”
“I wouldn’t say that,” said the maiden. “We don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that my horse is back. Whether it is a blessing or a misfortune remains to be seen.”
Some days later the maiden’s fiancé began to train the wild mares, but he was thrown and trampled. One of his legs was badly broken. The village people were saddened. “Oh poor young maiden, you were right! It was not a blessing but a great misfortune, and now your fiancé is lame!”
“My dear friends, all we know right now is that my fiancé has a broken,” said the maiden. “Whether it is a blessing or a misfortune is unknown.”
A few weeks later the country went to war, and all the able bodied young men were conscripted to serve in the military. Only the maiden’s fiancé was passed over, because his leg was broken. The whole village was crying and weeping, for they believed their sons would be killed. “You were right o fair maiden, your fiancé’s is a blessing. He may have a broken leg but he is with you. Our sons are gone forever!”
The maiden shook her head. “We don’t know if it’s good or bad that my fiancé is here, and your sons have been forced into the military. We have to wait and see.”
And on it goes.
The moral of this parable? Sometimes you don’t know your good luck from your bad luck for years to come.
I Want to Get Pregnant
The Parable of the Maiden’s Horse is one of my favorites; I used a different version on my article for women who are discouraged because they can’t get pregnant. Why? Because we need that nothing in and of itself is good or bad – not even not being able to get pregnant. We must learn how to balance acceptance with action. How? Like this…
Balance action and acceptance of reality
The reality of your body – or your husband’s body – is that getting pregnant isn’t easy. It’s crucial to be at peace with your body, with your life the way it is right now, and with your hope for a future family. The more you struggle against the present moment, the more frustrated, stressed, and depressed you’ll feel. And the worse you feel, the lower your chances of conceiving a baby. Accepting and surrendering doesn’t mean you give up hope of ever getting pregnant…it just means you stop struggling and fighting.
Hold your desire to get pregnant with open hands
There’s a difference between holding your “I want to get pregnant” hope in your heart and soul versus clinging to it desperately. If your hope of getting pregnant is the thing that defines you, then you will never be anything else. Don’t give it that power! If you’re like my reader who believes the only thing that can complete her is having a child, then you put yourself in a little box. Why do that to yourself? Many women feel that if they can’t get pregnant, then they can’t be fulfilled as a woman.
Find other ways to define yourself as a woman
Getting pregnant won’t make you a stronger, healthier, happier, or better woman. Remember the farmer: anything that happens in your life could be good or it could be bad. Probably, it’ll be a bit of both. Your desire for a baby is one part of who you are. Give it the measure of importance it deserves: something you would love to see happen, but not something that can destroy you. If you are obsessed with your yearning – if all you can think is I want to get pregnant – then maybe you need to look at where that obsession comes from.
If you’re depressed about not getting pregnant, read How to Overcome Infertility Depression. More importantly, talk to a counselor who has experience helping women cope with infertility. Don’t live with the hopelessness of not getting pregnant for the rest of your life – find ways to be fulfilled and happy despite anything and everything.
Take action towards conceiving a baby – for action brings hope
Reasons You Can’t Get Pregnant – A Fertility Checklist is a good place to start taking action towards fulfilling your hopes and dreams of conceiving a baby. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get pregnant and working towards conceiving a baby! Fertility doctors, fertility tests for both you and your partner, ovulation predictor kits, pregnancy tests, blogs about getting pregnant, fertility websites, pregnancy calendars – those are all part of hoping to get pregnant.
I encourage you to put your dreams of pregnancy in perspective. Take actions towards getting pregnant, stay hopeful, and be open to all possibilities. Don’t plan on magic and miracles – but leave room for them, too.
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Your thoughts on these tips for women who want to get pregnant are welcome below. I can’t offer health advice or emotional counseling, but I’d love to hear how you’re coping.