Are you ready to be a single mother? These suggestions are inspired by one of my Blossom readers. “I want a baby so badly,” Lisa says. “But I’m single. What do I do?”
In Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide, Mikki Morrissette addresses the most common questions and concerns of women who want to have a baby but are still single. Here are some of the topics she discusses:
- Can I afford to do this?
- Should I wait longer to see if life turns a new corner?
- How will I handle the stress of being a single mother?
- What does research say about growing up in a single-parent household?
- How will I answer my child’s “daddy” questions?
- What do I need to know about adoption, anonymous donor insemination, and finding a known sperm donor?
Here’s my reader’s dilemma – which you might be facing, as well. “I just turned 31 and I’ve been single all my life. No man wants me. I just really want to have a baby, what should I do? Sometimes I think about being a single mother but know it’s not easy. Should I wait for a husband or follow my dream of being a mom?”
That’s a big question, and there aren’t any easy answers.
But, I do have a few thoughts for her, and for all women who are wondering if being a single mother is the road to take. Whether you’re getting pregnant in your 40s or 20s, the bottom line is that your maternal clock is ticking.
I’m Single and I Want a Baby
You are the only person who can decide if being a single mother is the best choice. There so many factors to consider, so many unknowns, so many fears and “what if’s”!
But ultimately you need to make a decision. If you don’t, then the decision is made: you’ve chosen not to have a baby. If you’ve been thinking about having a baby and being a single mother for a long time, then don’t put it off. Start looking at your options now.
Here are a few random thoughts for you to consider…
Learn from single mothers
I was raised by a single mother, and one of my closest friends is a single mom. It’s hard. Parenting is hard enough when there are two parents, but being a single mother is its own brand of difficult. It’s rewarding, too, and there are lots of benefits to raising a child alone. Before you decide if you want a baby bad enough to be a single mother, do your research. Get informed.
Find single moms who are willing to share both the highs and the lows of raising a child alone. Talk to several other single mothers before you decide what to do about your “I want a baby” yearnings. Remember that having a baby isn’t all booties and cuddles, and raising a child isn’t as simple as getting a sperm donor or getting IVF (in vitro fertilization) treatments.
Do your fertility research – or talk to a fertility doctor
Do you have the money to pay for fertility treatments? A sperm donor through a fertility clinic may be the cleanest way to get pregnant for single women.
By “cleanest”, I mean anonymous and hassle-free. You can choose to have an open “adoption” whereby the sperm donor has the option to meet your child in the future. I believe the policies on sperm donation depend on the clinic, so you’d have to check with them.
If you’re considering IVF, read 5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails to Result in Pregnancy.
Fertility treatments such as intra uterine insemination (IUI) and IVF are very expensive. And they’re not guaranteed to help you have a baby. But, if you have thousands of dollars and you’re consumed with “I want a baby” yearnings, then maybe this is your route.
Keep the faith that you won’t be single forever
I didn’t get married until I was 35. Granted, I was never overcome with wanting to have a baby, but I would’ve happily accept the news that I was pregnant! That would’ve been awesome, but it just didn’t happen. I want a baby now, but I’m 45. The time has come and gone.
Whether you’re in your late 20s or early 40s; don’t lose hope that you’ll find your life partner! Yes, it’s taking a long time. No, you won’t be able to have a baby when you’re in your late 40s. But it might be worth the wait. Maybe it’s too soon to be thinking about being a single mother. Maybe you need to step back, trust God, and wait for the right timing in your life.
Consider asking a friend to be a sperm donor
“I want a baby,” says Cincy on Asking a Friend to Donate Sperm – The Pros and Cons. “I am 20 years old and just ended a long relationship with my boyfriend because he doesn’t want to have children yet. I’m ready to be a single mother and I want to ask my ex-boyfriend to be the sperm donor because we’re still good friends. There would be a contract drawn up so he wouldn’t have to pay child support or anything. We’re talking to a lawyer and I think it’s the right thing to do because I want to have a baby.”
I asked a friend to be a sperm donor when my husband and I found out we couldn’t have kids (he has azoospermia). He said no, and I understood why. But I wasn’t consumed with longing – I wanted a baby, but I wasn’t willing to try in vitro fertilization to have one.
Lift your eyes to the Heavens above
How do you feel when you close your eyes, bow your head, and get silent before God? Take a moment to share your deepest longings and hurts and disappointments with Him. Just be yourself. Don’t worry about what you’ve done in the past or who you think Jesus is.
Just get real with God, and tell Him what’s in your heart. Tell Him you want a baby but you don’t know if you should be a single mother. Ask Him for wisdom, guidance, and faith. Ask Him to show you want to do, and to help you cope with your ‘I want a baby’ yearnings. Thank Him for the blessings He’s given you, and for the blessings yet to come.
One of my most popular articles is How to Pray for a Baby. You’ll see from the comments section that you’re not alone! All those readers are saying how much they want to have a baby, and their prayers reflect their wishes.
Are you obsessed with “I want a baby” thoughts? Share below. I can’t offer advice for single mothers, but it may help you to express your emotions in writing.