These tips for women coping with disappointment of not getting pregnant after trying for months – or even years – are from two “real” women. They share how to stay positive when trying to conceive – one became pregnant against all odds, and the other is still hoping to get pregnant.
In The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant, gets to the heart of the emotional issues around getting pregnant, including how to prepare mentally and physically when thinking about conceiving; how to talk about it with family, friends, and your partner; and how to handle the great sadness of a miscarriage. Also covered is how to know when you’re ovulating, when to have sex, timing your pregnancy, maximizing your chances of getting pregnant, how to tilt the odds toward having a boy or a girl, and the best prenatal diet.
Before the tips on how to stay positive when you’re trying to conceive, here’s a quip: “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world.” ~ Helen Keller.
It’s healthy to express your negative feelings or depression if you’re disappointed that you’re not pregnant, but don’t succumb to feeling sorry for yourself, bitterness, or anger! Misery will just make life worse for you and your loved ones.
Tips for Staying Positive
Believe in miracles. “I didn’t get pregnant in an “unusual” way but my pregnancy was nothing short of miraculous!” says Patience. “Both my husband and I were diagnosed infertile. I don’t have fallopian tubes – they were removed last year – and I have diminished ovarian reserve. My husband has terrible sperm quality (low sperm count and low sperm motility). We actually had one fertility clinic “fire us” after a terrible round of in vitro fertilization (IVF)!
After four very high dose IVFs (with a drastic diet change), I got pregnant at 42 years old. Our miracle daughter is now four months old! We were a ‘couple coping with infertility’ poster children but we succeeded – even when we were told it was next to impossible.”
Feel bad – for a little while. “After I’m done wallowing in my pity party (when I find out I’m not pregnant) for about two days, I STOP,” says Kate. “It’s actually a meditation. I focus on everything good in my life – what I do have, not what I don’t have.” This is a healthy way to overcome infertility fatigue or infertility depression. You don’t want to wallow in self-pity, but you do need to express your feelings.
Appreciate what you do have. Kate says, “Then I focus on all the ways our lives are interesting and different in comparison to how we’d live if we had children. My final thought always ends with our dogs. Dogs are one of the biggest gifts we’ll ever have – whether we get lucky and finally conceive or not. And no, we’re not the kind of couple who dresses them up in fruffy baby-replacement outfits and carts them around in a baby-dog carriage (though we have been known to give over to baby talk once in a while). They simply are one of the greatest ways to enhance this human life.”
Indulge in a few of your favorite things. Kate loves coffee, sushi, soft cheese, and margaritas – but, she says, not all at once! “I’m not about to add insult to injury by making myself sick!” My favorite way to cope with infertility depression is to plan exciting vacations that I couldn’t take if I had kids. Turkey, Israel, and even Costa Rica are places my husband and I have explored as we wait and try to get pregnant…
For more tips on how to stay positive when you’re trying to conceive, read I’m Scared I’ll Never Get Pregnant – Coping With Fertility Fears.
If you have any questions or thoughts on staying positive when you’re trying to conceive a baby (TTC), please comment below…