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How to Stay Positive When You Can’t Get Pregnant

Here are several tips for staying positive when you can’t get pregnant. It can be tempting to slide into a downward spiral of frustration and impatience – but this will decrease your chances of conceiving and harm your relationship with your husband.

How to Stay Positive When You're Trying to Conceive

How to Stay Positive When You’re Trying to Conceive

“Me and my hubby are trying to get pregnant and have a baby for past two years,” writes Dakota on How to Pray for a Baby. “Still, we haven’t received good news about starting a new family together. Now my periods have been delayed for 10 days, but I don’t have any pregnancy symptoms. I’m scared I can’t get pregnant, but still I’m hoping to have good news… I trust Lord Jesus, that He will surely bless me with a baby very soon. But while I’m trusting, can you tell me how to stay positive when you can’t get pregnant?”

Not giving up hope when you’re trying to conceive is one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do as a couple. Here are a few tips for staying positive, for couples who believe in God – and for couples who don’t necessarily believe, but who know there is a Higher Power watching over them. Stay hopeful and positive, for giving in to despair will create a downward spiral of depression and fear.

“It will never rain roses,” said George Eliot. “When we want to have more roses, we must plant more roses.”

One of the best ways to plant roses is to get as much support as you can – especially if you’re dealing with infertility. Reading books like the Infertility Survival Handbook by Elizabeth Swire-Falker can be very helpful.

How to Stay Positive When You Can’t Get Pregnant

Be aware of your energy levels and attitude toward other people. This means not jumping to conclusions or judging other people – including doctors, fertility specialists, your husband or family. Hold on to positive feelings and energy, and remember that negative energy focuses on other people’s mistakes and weaknesses. Negative energy is critical and demeaning, so it’s important to try and shake it off when you can’t get pregnant.

Acknowledge your pain, but stay focused on hope and faith

Staying positive involves the willingness to reach for healing and strength. Positive energy is about moving forward and growing, even when you’re a couple coping with infertility. Be aware of your feelings of frustration and discouragement, but don’t let them swallow you up.

Know that you are loved deeply, and you are here for a purpose. This stage of your life is happening for a reason, and it will be over soon. Don’t give up the hope and faith you had when you first started trying to get pregnant. Hold on, take heart, and be strong.

Get enough sound sleep, exercise, and nutritious food

Take care of your body, mind, and spirit. One of the best tips on how to stay positive when you can’t get pregnant is to focus on a lifestyle that increases your energy and strength! You might even try being grateful for the positive aspects of trying to get pregnant, such as your loving husband and family.

Relax into this stage of your life. Refuse to allow your self worth to be affected by this journey, and remember that pregnancy doesn’t make you a better woman.

Feel compassion towards yourself and the world

To stay positive when you’re scared you can’t get pregnant, remember that everyone is doing the best they can. Your husband, the fertility doctors, the nurses and clinic staff, your family…they really are trying to help you. Listen to – and try to understand – other perspectives, regardless of how different or even offensive they are. Remember that positive energy is open-minded and curious, not close-minded or stubborn.

Be open to all possibilities

A positive mindset allows you to express your true self in your thoughts and actions, to be gentle and honest. Being positive also allows you to accept the true actions and thoughts of other people. Positive energy is honest and available – even when you don’t feel like it.

How are you and God doing these days? One of the best tips for staying positive is to lean on Him with all your mind, soul, and strength. Trust that He will give you a baby if a baby is the best thing for you and your husband. Know that He is working together all things for your good, and for the good of your family as a whole. Turn to Him if you’ve turned away.

Celebrate the success and happiness of others

Here’s an unexpected tip for how to stay positive when you can’t get pregnant: appreciate the success of others, and doesn’t let jealousy or comparisons overwhelm the joy that exists.

Negativity resents the successes and joys of others. People with positive energy don’t focus on “should have” or idealized, perfect expectations that are impossible to live up to.

Read Tips for Not Resenting Pregnant Friends if you find yourself consumed by grief or pain when you hear of another woman’s pregnancy.

Don’t let other people’s moods and energy dictate your moods and energy levels

How to Stay Positive When You Can't Get Pregnant

How to Stay Positive When You Can’t Get Pregnant

Avoid negative people who don’t help you fell strong and hopeful. Be true to yourself, and don’t allow negativity into any aspect of your life. Staying positive when you can’t get pregnant means staying in touch with your own heart and soul.

Create your own mood and energy level by holding on to your hope. Instead of focusing on how to stay positive, concentrate on thoughts, images, and activities that lift your spirits. Whatever is true, pure, good, and beautiful…focus on that. Hold on to the good, shake off the bad.

Identify and meet your emotional and spiritual needs

What do you really need and want in your life? Trying to please people constantly and ignoring your own needs can lead to an ocean of negative energy. Don’t allow fear and cynicism to harden your heart and color your perspective. Negative energy revolves around fear and bitterness…so try not to go there.

Learn how to create your own adventure.

See the positive qualities in others

Staying positive when you can’t get pregnant involves appreciating the positive qualities in other people. Don’t try to change other people’s perspectives and opinions. Negative energy wants everyone to think the same, act the same, and be the same. If you’re having trouble communicating as a couple, read How Infertility Can Affect Your Marriage.

Keep lines of communication open, opt for discussion and connection – and be satisfied with “agreeing to disagree.” Failures and disagreements don’t faze people with positive energy, because they know that’s part of this life on earth.

What helps you learn how to stay positive when you can’t get pregnant? I welcome your thoughts below…

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5 thoughts on “How to Stay Positive When You Can’t Get Pregnant”

  1. Dear Francie,

    It is completely understandable and even natural to find it difficult to stay positive when you find out every month that you’re not pregnant! I remember being so disappointed and upset, it was like a neverending cycle of hopes up, hopes down…and then I’d try not to hope, but then feel sad because it was exciting to hope that I might be pregnant.

    I wrote this blog post for you:

    How to Deal With Anxiety When You Can’t Get Pregnant

    May you accept and surrender into this season of your life. May you find peace and love, joy and freedom even as you cope with the uncertainties that trying to conceive brings. May you experience love and a groundedness that surpasses all understanding.


  2. These are pretty good tips for how to stay positive when you can’t get pregnant, but I struggle with anxiety. I feel scared about not having a baby every time I get my period. My anxious feels are overwhelming, to the point of full-blown panic attacks. I’m scared that all this trying to conceive will lead us nowhere and my husband will leave. Or we’ll have an unhappy marriage because I can’t control my anxious feelings, depression, sadness about not getting pregnant. Help, how do I deal with anxiety??

  3. Yes, I have heard something similar – but each woman is different. Some women endure miscarriage after miscarriage, and never end up pregnant. But it helps us stay positive when we focus on the hope and faith that pregnancy might be ours one day!

  4. I believe that there must be good chances of becoming pregnant following a miscarriage. To increase my chances of becoming pregnant after a miscarriage, I started eating a healthy diet high in folic acid. Low level of folic acid before getting pregnant is associated with miscarriages. The fetus needs folic acid in the initial weeks of development. At this time, a woman may not know that she is pregnant. Hence, I took to taking my prenatal vitamin after experiencing the miscarriage and during the period between the loss of my fetus and trying again to increase my folic acid levels.