What can you do to help her through in fertility treatments? These tips for helping women cope with in vitro fertilization (IVF) are inspired by a mom who wants to see her daughter get pregnant.
Here’s what she says:
“My 30 year old daughter had two IVF procedures,” says D. on Why Didn’t IVF Work? 5 Reasons In Vitro Fertilization Fails. “The first one was “successful”, even though the embryo died not long after seeing the heart beat. The second IVF treatment didn’t work. My daughter has problem with her eggs maturing. This time they used a procedure to help the embryos hatch. Her uterine lining was perfect, all her hormones were perfect, and her embryos “Grade A.” They implanted two embryos, and nothing…the pregnancy test was negative. Why does this happen? Needless to say I have a devastated daughter, and she has a very sad mom and dad, we don’t know what to say or do for our daughter.”
In Why Didn’t IVF Work?, I list five reasons in vitro fertilization doesn’t result in a pregnancy.
If you’re a husband whose wife is having a hard time getting pregnant or is coping with the disappointment of failed IVF treatments, read What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility!
And here are a few tips for helping a loved one go through in vitro fertilization procedures…
How to Help a Woman Cope With IVF Fertility Treatments
First, you need to know what in vitro fertilization is! If you aren’t sure, read What is In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) Fertility Treatment?
You may also be interested in Does In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) Work? What the Research Shows.
Remember that you can’t make her feel better about not getting pregnant
“I suffered through six IVF failures and have NO family support,” says Pam, a reader who is devastated about infertility. “There is nothing you can say, but you can be there for her and give her hugs. She’ll need them and will feel very alone as she copes with in vitro fertilization procedures. Infertility has been the hardest, most painful experience of my life.”
Don’t expect more from yourself than you can give. Sometimes the best way to help her go through IVF is to just be there – don’t say anything, don’t try to make her feel better, and don’t look on the bright side. Just hold her.
Don’t give her advice or tips on getting pregnant, unless…
If she asks for your opinion on how to get pregnant through in vitro fertilization, tell her what you’ve learned! But if she doesn’t ask, then don’t share your tips.
At the beginning of our infertility journey, I was very interested in hearing how other women conceived – from in vitro fertilization procedures to turkey basters! But now that I’m 95% sure we won’t be getting pregnant unless God performs a miracle (which is possible), I’m not so interested in listening to pregnancy stories.
I don’t know where your loved one is in terms of fertility treatments, but it’s safe to say that you should offer her advice unless she asks.
Ask her what she needs from you
Different women cope with in vitro fertilization procedures – and infertility – in different ways. Me, I like to be asked why we don’t have kids, if we ever considered adopting, how the IVF treatments went, and how we feel about not getting pregnant. Other women are sad, hurt, disappointed, angry, frustrated, and even bitter that they don’t have children.
How does your loved one, friend, or family member want to be helped through fertility treatments? Ask her. Ask if she wants to be asked how the IVF procedure is going (and if she’s pregnant), or if she wants you to wait for her to update you. Ask if she wants to talk about it.
Tell her you’re there for her
One of the best things my husband said to me: “I don’t know how to help you through the in vitro fertilization, but I’m here for you. Tell me how to help you.”
Sometimes that’s all you need to say: you’re there to help her cope. You love her, you want the best for her, and you’ll do whatever you can to help her through this.
Expect good and bad days
Some days I’m perfectly fine with not having children; other days I’m sad about it. These mood swings are normal in women who AREN’T pumped full of hormones – and a woman going through IVF procedures will be extra sensitive, emotional, and even unpredictable. Hormones can wreak havoc on our physical bodies and emotions. Your loved one may be positive and optimistic about in vitro fertilization one minute, and negative and brooding about it the next.
Part of helping her cope with IVF fertility treatments is letting her flow through her moods without judging or even mentioning her feelings.
Again, the effects and results of IVF are different for every woman. If your loved one isn’t part of an infertility support group, encourage her to join one. Being with other women going through fertility treatments may help her cope better, and give her a perspective you can’t.
For more fertility treatment tips, read Success Rates of Getting Pregnant With In Vitro Fertilization.
And if you have any thoughts on helping a woman cope with in vitro fertilization, please comment below…