Maybe you’ve been praying to get pregnant for months or even years…and nothing! Or maybe you’ve had failed pregnancy attempts, miscarriages, even stillbirths. Your heart is broken; you’ve been asking God for a baby for so long and the answer is always no. How do you keep your hopes up and your faith alive?
I wrote Prayers for Women Who Are Trying to Get Pregnant when my husband and I were hoping and praying for a child. We started trying to conceive when I was 39 and he was 42, never dreaming that we’d soon be coping with an infertility diagnosis. We never expected to go to fertility clinics, get infertility tests, or consider adoption because we couldn’t get pregnant. We never stopped asking God for a baby…and we never did conceive a child.
But wait, there’s good news! These five tips on how to ask God for a baby are what I wished I knew when we were trying to conceive. And even though we didn’t have children I am happier, more peaceful and more fulfilled than ever. I love my life, and live with deep gratitude and joy. And that’s my prayer for you. I pray that no matter when or how your family starts, you find peace and joy as God’s will unfolds in your life.
This blog post is also inspired by bestselling author Iyanla Vanzant’s tips for asking for what you want in an ancient issue of Oprah magazine. She’s also an ordained minister who offers hope and encouragement to women in all stages of life. Her tips weren’t specifically about asking God for a baby, but they fit perfectly. And they really are what I wish I knew when I was trying to get pregnant as a 40 year old woman.
5 Tips for Asking God for a Baby
You may have heard that old cliche, “them that don’t ask, don’t get.” Or maybe you’re familiar with Jesus’s words in Matthew 7:7: “Ask and it shall be given unto you.” Asking God for a baby is healthy and good — and it might even improve your relationship with both Jesus and your husband. Especially if you and your husband pray together, because prayer is more powerful than you can even imagine.
“In my deepest, darkest moments, what really got me through was a prayer,” says Iyanla Vanzant, author of Get Over It! Thought Therapy for Healing the Hard Stuff. “Sometimes my prayer was ‘Help me.’ Sometimes a prayer was ‘Thank you.’ What I’ve discovered is that intimate connection and communication with my creator will always get me through because I know my support, my help, is just a prayer away.”
1. Consider what you’re asking for
Before you ask God for a baby, ask yourself a few questions first. How much does it mean to you to have a baby? Are you trying to get pregnant for your husband’s or mother’s sake? Are you hoping a family — or even one child — will secure your future or keep your marriage intact? The motives of your heart matter. Maybe you’re asking God for a baby when you really need security, love, hope or comfort.
It may seem simple: “I’m asking God for a baby because I want to start a family.” But if you can dig a little deeper and discover your true needs and wants, you’ll be a healthier and happier mother. Women want babies for a variety of reasons, some surprising! Some selfish, or even shocking. Some women think they’re not fulfilled until they have children, or feel pushed into starting a family before they’re even ready. Get clear on why you’re asking God to answer your prayers for a baby. Know what you need. Understand why you need it. Consider how your pregnancy will affect your life, your husband’s life, the rest of your family. This really will make you a better, healthier, stronger and happier wife and mother.
2. Accept that getting pregnant will cost you something
“Every request comes with a cost—there is no free lunch,” says Iyanla Vanzant, author of Trust: Mastering the Four Essential Trusts: Trust in Self, Trust in God, Trust in Others, Trust in Life. “For instance, asking for a raise may mean a tense conversation with your boss—and if you’re successful, nine times out of then the raise will come with additional responsibilities. That’s the cost: You have to be willing to do what’s required. We cannot enjoy the benefit if we can’t accept the price.”
You won’t have to pay a price to God, but there will be a cost to having a baby. When you’re praying to get pregnant, expect discomfort in all stages of your journey. You’ll run into challenges or even serious problems when you’re trying to conceive, waiting to find out if you’re pregnant, going for medical test results, getting bloodwork, etc. If you’ve had miscarriages or stillborn babies (I’m so sorry, by the way, if you’ve lost a child), you know that getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term isn’t always easy. Don’t let paranoia or fear rule you, but prepare for anything.
3. Ask God for a baby without fear
Don’t succumb to fear or anxiety, even though trying to conceive and carrying a baby to term may bring problems you never anticipated. I learned that firsthand when we found out we couldn’t have kids! Learn how to pray for healing, hope and help so you can trust God with a whole heart and open mind. Admit and accept that it’s scary to ask God for a baby and not know how He will answer or how your life will unfold…and ask anyway.
“Fear is an obstacle that blocks your capacity to receive,” says Iyanla, author of Peace From Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through. “I’m not just talking about the fear of making your voice heard. “I’m also talking about the fear of getting what you want and realizing it’s not all you’d hoped it would be, the fear of the responsibility that will come with it, the fear of losing it, and the fear of what will happen if you don’t get it. These are all common fears, and they can get in the way of asking for the things you yearn for.”
4. Ask God for a baby with faith, trust, and curiosity
Getting pregnant is one good, healthy part of marriage and life. But, it’s not the only answer to a life of peace, joy, meaning and fulfillment. Trust God through the whole process. Know that He loves you, He create you for a purpose, and He will give you what you need — even if you don’t understand what’s going on. You may feel confused, hurt, disappointed and even heartbroken. Trying to conceive can become a painful experience, and even negatively affect your marriage and other relationships.
Put your faith in God. Give the Holy Spirit space and freedom in your life, to move and guide and give you what you need. Let God respond to your prayers without judging, criticizing or condemning Him or others. Give yourself the same gift: the freedom and space to feel how you feel. Don’t judge, criticize or condemn yourself. Learn how to accept yourself, how to live with your body, and how to be grateful no matter how many children you have.
5. Ask God for a baby with an open heart and willing spirit
“When you want something, you may be required to ask more than once—and you can’t get too attached to the manner through which you receive it,” says Iyanla, who also wrote Living Through the Meantime: Learning to Break the Patterns of the Past and Begin the Healing Process. “If you want love, ask for it—but know that it might take awhile and may not come from the partner you expect. If you want a fulfilling career, understand that you may get it, but perhaps not in the field, position, or time frame you anticipate. Asking for and receiving what you want means keeping the faith that you will get it, even if the outcome doesn’t look the way you thought it would.”
That’s my favorite lesson for learning how to ask God for a baby: Be open, bold and clear about what you want and need…but don’t expect one specific outcome from God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. Be open and willing to accept how your life unfolds. Trust that God really does love you and want the best for you, and that there are blessings in the “no’s” and challenges in the “yes’s.”
What do you think? Your big and little comments are welcome below. You might also want to share your prayers here. Ask God for a baby. You might even write your reasons for wanting to get pregnant, and thank Jesus for the work He’s already done in your life. He’s brought you this far, and He will never abandon you.
With His love,
P.S. If you’e been trying to conceive for months or even years, read Find Out Why You Can’t Get Pregnant! 4 Fertility Checklists.