Feel Better About Infertility – 6 Tips for Coping With Childlessnesss

feel better about infertilityNothing I can say can make you feel all better about infertility, but these tips for coping with childlessness may help you deal with the grief, heartache, and depression that infertility brings.

The sadness of letting go your dream of having children may never go away completely…but you can find other ways to live a happy, fulfilling life.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” ~ Buddha.

Compassion, self-love, and self-care can help you move from despair to acceptance of a childless life. If you’re facing a life without biological children, you might find Childfree After Infertility: Moving From Childlessness to a Joyous Life helpful.

And, here are my six tips for coping with not having biological children…

6 Tips for Coping With Childlessness

1. Talk to a counselor who specializes in infertility and childfree living. If you feel guilty or responsible for not being able to get pregnant — or if you can’t get summon enthusiasm about life, your marriage, or your career — I encourage you to get professional help. Talk to a counselor who specializes in infertility depression. Don’t live in a shadow of childlessness! Get help — because you can overcome the sadness that infertility brings.

2. Connect with other couples who are coping with infertility. One of the best ways to cope with childlessness is to associate with people who are in the same boat. Join an infertility support group, such as No Kidding. Make friends with childfree couples who have accepted and are happy with their lives.

3. Explore your other life goals, dreams, and plans. What do you want to do with your life (besides being a mother or father!). Who do you want to be? To feel better about infertility, you need to take charge of your life by pursuing goals not related to having biological children. What do you love to do — what could you spend hours on, and not even notice the time has flown by? Explore your life goals, passions, and dreams.

If you’re coping with childlessness as a couple read, you may find 5 Ways to Be Happy as a Childless Couple helpful.

4. Find ways to relieve stress, anxiety, and depression. These tips for coping with childlessness are useless if you’re burdened with stress, anxiety, or sadness. Get emotionally healthy by practicing “self-care” — which simply means taking care of yourself. Take a day off from work, book a massage, or lay on the couch with a good book. Do the things you love regularly, without guilt and without apology.

5. Relax, and stabilize your emotions and moods. Trying to feel better about infertility won’t work if you can’t relax! There are many ways to relieve stress, ranging from exercise to hobbies to going on vacation. And, some gadgets — such as the  emWave Personal Stress Reliever — are effective ways to control feelings of depression or anxiety.

6. Focus the blessings in your life; feel grateful. I know it’s hard to let go of the disappointment and pain of not getting pregnant…but focusing on the positives and reminding yourself of everything you have to be thankful for can be very therapeutic. Make a list of the things you are grateful for, such as your spouse, community, job, or family. Keep this list somewhere where you can see it, such as your refrigerator, your bathroom or in another location that will be a daily reminder of those things for which you have to be thankful.

To learn how other women feel better about infertility, read Starting Over After Infertility – A New Beginning.

How are you coping with childlessness, and do these tips help you feel better about infertility? I welcome your comments below….

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11 thoughts on “Feel Better About Infertility – 6 Tips for Coping With Childlessnesss”

  1. Yes, I think sharing your thoughts, expressing your emotions, and connecting with other women who are coping with infertility can help you feel better. I also think that in person connections are more meaningful than online ones…do you have anyone one in your life who is going through the same thing as you?

    I am starting a group for couples who cannot have kids. I want us to meet monthly, and do things together. I am hoping we connect and find understanding in our meetings.

    Would a group like this help you feel better about infertility? If you live in Vancouver, let me know! Or, think about starting your own group for couples coping with infertility…..

  2. Due to endometriosis and Pcos. I having trouble conceiving. I am looking for ladies going thru the same hopelessness and deep depression. I cry and have angry moments. Maybe talking to others may help.

  3. I’m having a meltdown moment about not being able to have children. I’m trying to keep a positive mental attitude but the depression is overwhelming. After reading this short list & some of the posted commens I realized I need to be honest about my feelings. I’m angry and hurt. Entertained the thought of playing a video game to shoot stuff to feel better and the next thing I know my imagination is taking off. Instead of telling myself what I should be doing/feeling I just let my anger get carried away with my imagination. Most would be horrified by the images in my mind & the morbid story plot where all babies are born as zombies. But I feel really good now. I guess you have to let your emotions have their voice.

  4. being childless to me is the most terrible thing,ive known for years that i could not have a child,but the pain is still at times unbearable,i still suffer terrible depression and have been on anti depressants for a long time.i still cannot pass mothercare without feeling as though i want to scream.just typing in this,i have a lump in my throat.i look forward to the day when my suffering is over.

  5. what an utterly patronising article written with little or no sensitivity. and an advertisment for ovulation kits at the top of the page just about sums up your complete lack of understanding on the subject.

  6. Hi Bambhie,

    It takes most couples a year on average to get pregnant, so I wouldn’t give up hope if I were you!

    Can your husband get a sperm test? That’s what we should’ve done right away, when we couldn’t get pregnant after 6 or 8 months of trying. You don’t need a urologist or fertility doctor to get a sperm test, I don’t think.

    If I were you, I’d call the doctor and ask how to get a sperm test. It’s a good idea to repeat the test in 3 months, because a man’s sperm does change every month.

    Good luck, let me know how it goes!


  7. I just got married last February and still not yet pregnant, I went to an OB-GYN to consult and maybe find a solution. I’m so scared that I might not bear a child, every 16 -18 of month is always like an academic exam to me, it’s nerve wrecking. I took pain killers for almost a year in 2011 until early this year because of too much because of muscle strain and now omeprazole because of my GERD which I think I developed because of the pain killers I took. I’m depressed every month. I don’t know what to do…what to feel… especially when I hear a good news from one of my friends that she is already pregnant… It hurts…sometimes I feel hopeless. My OB-GYN told me that I’m ovulating and there’s nothing to worry about…I’m cleared how about my husband? We have to wait til one year before we could consult an infertility doctor for my husband. I’m so much depress…Sorry for the long read, I just want to vent out my feelings. Please bear with me or pray for us. We really want to have a baby soon.

  8. I don’t think it’s possible to ever feel better about infertility. I’m okay with not having children, yet I feel a wave of sadness several times a day! It’s such a strong drive, a natural instinct, and it’s so difficult to cope with not having kids.

    It’s a lifelong process, coping with childlessness.

  9. Hi Rebecca and Karen,

    I am also feeling the same… very depressed at not having a child… a dream I cherished for 10 years.
    So I understand how bad you are feeling.
    I am going to a phychiatrist and a psychologist regularly to cope with the depression .The medicine is working but I am still feeling very sad and lonely.
    But you know what ,I am feeling much better when I am writing this … to MY FRIENDS (both of you) who are dealing with the same problem of childlessness.

  10. My husband and i have been married 30 years and have known for 29 that we cannot have children. We have been told by our “christian” friends, co-workers, relatives, you name it – that we must have committed some terrible sin for God to curse us like this. . . we’ve had preachers and other people say and do very hurtful things. . . even yesterday on “Mothers” day at church i was reminded that i could not participate in the drawing because “you didn’t have any babies”. My husband was in an accident as a child and not treated and now has no sperm. . . we have sought many other avenues – all have failed. We’ve tried to focus on the good, but our families aren’t close. They all have children and we’ve been told “not to come to the hospital” when their kids are born or simply not included. Same with our “friends”. I have made blankets and booties as gifts for my pregnant friends and relatives. You name it – we’ve tried it and are still left out and empty. Recently we both lost our jobs – consequently our home and our cars – so much for thinking of things to be thankful for. I feel as isolated 30 years later as I did when it all started. I feel abandoned by God and feel there’s really no purpose to my life at all. I don’t know if there’s anything that can really help – it is what it is, and most days it just sucks. I’m learning not to share my thoughts or feelings with anyone because they honestly don’t care. I’ve prayed until there are no prayers left. We’ve lost everything – even our hope.