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Dr Phil’s Tips for Women Obsessed With Getting Pregnant

If you really want to have a baby – or if you’re obsessed with getting pregnant – read Dr Phil’s tips. He talked to three women who can’t think of anything but having a baby.

Obsessed With Getting PregnantThe Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant by Jean M. Twenge might help you get pregnant faster, depending on the reasons you haven’t conceived yet.

About being obsessed with getting pregnant: I watched Dr Phil’s show on women obsessed with having a baby so I could share his tips — which I thought would be helpful I also was curious about what his guest speaker (a top fertility doctor) would say.


But halfway through the show, I was infuriated with Dr Phil’s advice to couples obsessed with having a baby! And I was mad at the fertility doctor, who kept telling the couples that they should go to his fertility clinic, that they’re good candidates for in vitro fertilization, and that fertility treatments are expensive but worth it. Sheesh. I hoped for more well-rounded, balanced advice!

Dr Phil encouraged all three couples to have kids no matter what the cost. Even if one partner was lukewarm about having kids (the husband in all three cases, for various reasons), he should keep trying to get her pregnant, keep trying to make her happy, and keep trying to fulfill her dreams of having children.

I think this is wrong. I think there’s a point where we have to stop trying — stop obsessing about getting pregnant! That’s why I recommend books like Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again – to help women find joy in other ways.

If you’re obsessed with getting pregnant but doing nothing productive about it, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health. It’s been the bestselling book on getting pregnant for a long, long time.

Here’s why Dr Phil’s tips for women obsessed with having a baby weren’t helpful at all — and perhaps even damaging.

Dr Phil’s Tips for Women Obsessed With Getting Pregnant

Dr Phil had one tip for women who want to have a child: do everything you can to get pregnant.

I thought this show would cover a variety of options for infertile couples…but the words in vitro fertilization, intrauterine insemination, and predicting ovulation were barely mentioned. They certainly weren’t defined or described! Nothing about adoption, fostering kids, or surrogate motherhood was mentioned.

The fertility doctor was advertising his services on Dr Phil. Every time the doctor was asked for his opinion, he talked about how great the chances of success for in vitro fertilization were, how he can help them get pregnant, and how simple infertility treatments are. I understand that Dr Phil’s experts have their own agendas…but this was the first time that I felt that an expert was trolling for business. This doctor didn’t offer any tips to help women obsessed with having a baby – he just wanted their business at his fertility clinic.

The central message was that life is all about getting pregnant. I thought for sure Dr Phil would help these women see that there is more to life than having children! Sure, getting pregnant and having kids is exciting and fills a deep yearning for many women. Yes, I’d love to have a baby. But a woman’s life can’t revolve around having kids to the exclusion of all else! If a woman can’t get pregnant, she has to move beyond her desire for children.

And, I think she has to be open to the possibility of accepting a childfree life even while she’s trying infertility treatments and praying hard for a baby.


 

The roots of the women’s obsession to have a baby were not considered. Being obsessed with anything – getting pregnant, buying a bigger better house, advancing your career – isn’t a sign of emotional health.

obsessed with getting pregnant

Dr Phil’s Tips for Women Obsessed With Getting Pregnant

I’m obsessed with writing and building my blogs…and if I went on the Dr Phil show and he told my husband to buy me more laptops and do everything in his power to make sure I fulfill my dream of earning six figures as a web writer, then Dr Phil would be called an enabler. Millions of viewers would write in, shocked and appalled.

I tuned in to Dr Phil today because I was sure I’d hear about how women cope with fertility problems in positive, healthy ways. I thought I’d hear from women who tried everything to get pregnant and wanted to share what they learned.

Instead, all I heard was “do everything in your power to get pregnant, no matter how much it costs.” The message this sends to men and women is that getting pregnant is the most important thing in life. Forget about different, healthy ways to cope with infertility: focus on fertility treatments and having babies at all costs.

If all you want with all your heart is to get pregnant but you can’t, read 12 Common Causes of Fertility Problems.

What do you think of Dr Phil’s tips for women obsessed with getting pregnant? I’d love to hear from you below…


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27 thoughts on “Dr Phil’s Tips for Women Obsessed With Getting Pregnant”

  1. I am happy childfree because I don’t want kids, as much as I love children! 🙂 I was actually looking for blogs on people who are purposely not wanting children. You really can have a fantastic life without kids, there are other ways to live and think! I am also a big advocate for childrens rights and wellbeing.

    I have many reasons I don’t want kids, the lifestyle, the environmental implications (overpopulation & environmental issues) and ethical aspects of it, to bring another child into the world when there are already so many unloved and abandoned children in the world. Speaking from experience in my work.

    I wish potential parents would stop for a moment and open their minds to a bigger world out there, beyond their own desires. I wish they would consider loving the children that are already here – adopt and foster if they are genuinely serious about having children. Go and work with children that need care, love and educating.

    I though I’d drop you a comment and some thoughts…

    I discovered this wasn’t the kind of lifestyle I wanted for myself. As much as I love kids, when I come home from work I like the peace and quiet and time for myself, my family and friends, to socialise, pamper/me time, I love to write, travel etc. I am extremely independent and love my freedom. I am extremely happy, fulfilled and have no incling or desire to have children.

    Its sad that women (and men) are seen as incomplete without children, thats why I use the term childfree and not childless, which implies “less” that something is missing, absolutely nothing is missing 🙂

    I often see at work the baby obessed, often it is due to hormonal imbalance or a very unhealthy mindset or emotional state, influenced by the TV idea of family or social pressures/influences, often to fit in. Its a very sad illusion they have fallen into…

    Often childfree people are the biggest contributors to society, they are free to dedicate their time, they are sorely needed. I am seeing more and more women choosing this around me, this gives me a big sigh of relief. I’m a big advocate of choosing not to have kids, I want a better world and future for the children who are already here. I have sadly heard people who choose to be childfree called selfish by people who have had kids; but actually the opposite is true 🙂 They are often the most unselfish people you will ever meet.

    I’m a nursery teacher/childrens counsellor (I’m in Scotland)

    I sadly see so many kids unloved and genuinely unwanted. Potential parents have starry eyes, they sadly only think of their own desires, not that of the actual future child, their partners or the rest of humanity and the future of this planet. We are sadly losing our green spaces and wildlife due to overpopulation & crowding. Hiking and being in nature is so important to me, It’s my refuge, I want to protect this planet at all costs! :-))

    They have bought into a dream of having a baby and the “family” scene. Sadly this isn’t a reality, the dream is often an illusion. I have worked in the Uk, US & Ireland. I’d say 80% of the starry eyes parents I have seen are now divorced or extremely unhappy after having a child. They have no education on how to take care of, rear or educate a child. They decide to get pregnant often for the attention and praise of others, they buy into the romantic notion of having a baby. Dreaming, scheming and obessing. They haven’t taken time to work on their own self-esteem and simply can’t love themselves and believe this baby will bring them joy, love and happiness, again is sadly an illusion for a majority. The baby when born brings out the parents issues and creates broken homes and sadly child abuse, through either ignorance, not knowing how to take care of a child or emotional issues projected on to the child x

    I’ve seen it time and time again, they are unhappy after the first baby, once its older, they get the pangs for another child, enter the baby obession once again bringing another child onto the scene, to create more “joy” which causes more unhappiness. It is often an empty or short lived sense of joy. Its not true joy. Joy has to be an natural espression within, a child shouldn’t be used as a tool for joy. I see this happening and it is accepted. Imagine carrying that burden as a child.

    The potential parents have unicorns, kittens and rainbows in their minds. Its the children I empathise with. They are the ones who are sadly shouldering the choices of their parents.

    I have seen women who have been told they may die if they have a child, or nearly lose their lives in childbirth, to go on to desire a second child and justify dying for this new potential baby. They see it as selfless to have a child. Its really unhealthy thinking. The reality – they are leaving behind their partner, their first child who will be without a mother and their family/loved ones/friends. The obession takes it to a place that will hurt the people around them, create loss, pain and heartache.

    I often wish potential parents would volunteer a full day in a nursery/day care facility and not let the starry eyes dream cloud their common sense. I have seen over my career, women obessed with babies only to have the eventual baby and later regret their choice, its a common reality and it’s a sad thing to see.

    I’m a big advocate for women making educated and informed choices, to think about the bigger picture, use their common sense and work on themselves first. If they are then still serious about kids – adopt. Make a difference x

    Ladies start filling your wombs with joy through self-care, self love and informed choices! (Not babies)

    This was a long comment, anyway, thanks for reading :-)))
    Kind regards
    Mary Kate

  2. I came on here trying to find ways how to stop obsessing over wanting a baby. What I see here, I’m better off obsessing. There’s nothing wrong with wanting kids, or starting a family. Nobody said they stop living their lives or merely unhappy without a baby. I have 2 wonderful healthy boys. I love children. My mom had 12. I don’t agree with the whole spend all your money theory to make it happen by any means necessary. However I don’t agree with crushing a man or woman’s dream of having children. I was blessed enough to have 2 maybe I should be more grateful cause some women can’t have any. Sometimes we pass judgment without ever being able to see ourselves in someone else situation. My prayers go up to those who want children and struggling to have them.

  3. I was obsessed with having a baby, just like Dr Phil said. My heart is broken that I can’t get pregnant but I’m learning to live in peace with this part of my life. I want to have my own children. However, I can’t. And I have to stop being obsessed with getting pregnant!! Most days I am able to let it go but some days like today I still feel my obsession creepign up. Thank you for writing this and helping me see I’m not alone.

  4. Hello:

    I saw the episode that you are speaking above re: women obsessed to get pregnant. I was furious at Dr. Phil for missing the boat and would have fired him today. First of all, the first couple (lady that is a nurse who works around babies) is psychologically unstable. You can look at her body language, energies, etc. She has problems….I would not allow her to work with babies at this time in fear she “breaks” and decides to take one and take off and not be found.

    All the women are trying to fill a void. They all need help in ways other than infertility. Dr. Phil kept saying that getting your wife pregnant is the best gift you can give her. I disagree. I think that was a “good ole boy” mentality and he needs to set aside his testosterone for a minute and look at the psychological aspects of these women.

    I would love to have an update on these women to see if they did get pregnant…or divorced. By the way, I do not support procreation in multiple numbers at this time in the world. You are leaving your children behind in a disasterous mess…how selfish can you be. There is far more to life than having children. Wake up ladies and find out what your true journey is before it is too late.

  5. A reader left an interesting comment on one of my other articles – she said that women obsessed with having a baby don’t realize what they’re obsessed about. That is, they don’t know how difficult having a baby really is. Many women get pregnant, have kids, and hate being mothers….so, women obsessed with getting pregnant are obsessed with something not real, that they have no experience with.

  6. I know this is an old article but it seems there is still denial about babies and pregnancy being an obsession. I am appalled but in some ways not surprised at Dr.Phil’s reaction. It is typical. He said the very thing you are not suppose to tell those who are struggling with fertility: try harder. It is also not wise to mention adoption. An infertile couple wants their baby not an adopted child. You have to jump thru some many hoops and you could end up disappointed. It isn’t to say they may never adopt but it should be something considered carefully. A child should be adopted to benefit the child not because of an obsession. I think Dr.Phil may be the one needing help.

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