Here’s Dr Phil’s response to a letter in Oprah Magazine from a woman who is childfree. She never got pregnant not because of infertility, but by choice, and her friend insulted her for not having kids.
“You need to listen to your body because your body is listening to you,” says Dr Phil.
If your body is telling you it’s depressed because you can’t get pregnant, read How to Deal With Depression When You Can’t Get Pregnant. You need to take care of yourself, so your body can take care of you!
I’m sharing Dr Phil’s response to a reader’s letter here, because he gave great advice about coping with other people’s responses to not having kids – whether it’s an issue of infertility or a choice to be childfree.
A couple months ago, a woman who can’t get pregnant and is coping with infertility told me that her ovaries are evil. I felt so sad for her, that she could label a part of her body so cruelly, because I think her body can hear her thoughts. And it responds.
It’s so important to have a good relationship with your body. To heal your relationship with your body, click on the book cover of Energy Medicine for Women: Aligning Your Body’s Energies to Boost Your Health and Vitality by Donna Eden, David Feinstein, and Christine Northrup. And, read on for Dr Phil’s response to an insult about being childfree.
Dr Phil’s Response to Being Childfree
Here’s the reader’s letter in Oprah Magazine:
Dear Dr Phil,
I am 45 years old, and I don’t have children. I wanted them (and was physically able to have them), but my husband didn’t. Our marriage finally failed. My problem now is that people seem to feel they can make judgments about me simply because I don’t have kids.
Recently, a friend and I were discussing the importance of the presidential transition when she said that, being childless, I couldn’t possibly grasp the concept of looking toward the future! It was a cutting remark that ended our friendship. Just because I haven’t experienced parental attachment doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy. I can’t be the only woman who gets harassed by parents for not being a parent herself.
How do I deal with this?
Dr Phil’s Response
When you were growing up, you were probably told that if someone said something mean to you, you should “consider the source,” and then you might not be as bothered or hurt. It’s been decades since your schoolyard days, but that’s exactly what I’m telling you now.
The world is full of self-important people, and it sounds like she fits the bill. Any “friend” that would make that kind of comment is not much of a friend, so you need to know how asinine that remark was.
But this isn’t just about confrontation. The less secure you are, the more sensitive you’ll be to what other people tell you about yourself. You need to achieve peace with yourself so someone else can’t redefine or threaten you.
Mourn the children you never had, and be your own best friend. I phrase it that way because if somebody had made the same comment to your best friend, you’d probably be horrified that a person could be ignorant enough to say such as thing. You should afford yourself the same courtesy.
If you want to have children, read How to Increase Your Chances of Getting Pregnant.
I welcome your comments on Dr Phil’s response below. I can’t offer advice, but it may help you to share your experience.
Source: Oprah Magazine, February, 2009.