Relationship Tips > Coping With Infertility > Discouraged Because You Can’t Get Pregnant?

Discouraged Because You Can’t Get Pregnant?

These tips on how to stay hopeful when you’re discouraged because you can’t get pregnant are inspired by the Parable of the Zen Farmer. It’s so discouraging to keep getting your period every month, so heartbreaking to ride the roller coaster of hope and disappointment.

Discouraged Cant Get PregnantI don’t know if you’re eating foods for fertility, but  – which you should be if you’re trying to get pregnant! In Beautiful Babies: Nutrition for Fertility, Pregnancy, Breast-feeding, and Baby’s First Foods, nutrition educator Kristen Michaelis shares many interesting tips about diet and pregnancy. For instance, did you know that simple changes in your diet could increase your fertility by 60%? That what you eat when you’re pregnant could affect whether your child will need to wear glasses or braces? Plus, increasing your intake of certain nutrients before you get pregnant could radically decrease your chances of suffering from morning sickness. One way to fight discouragement over not getting pregnant is to learn as much as you can about fertility and conception.

On Is Your Marriage Suffering Because You Can’t Get Pregnant?, a reader asked how he can support his wife through the discouragement of not getting pregnant. This article is intended to give him and his wife hope and faith, as well as encouragement to accept whatever happens as they try conceive a baby…

Parable of the Zen Farmer

A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, who was still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!”

To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

When You’re Discouraged Because You Can’t Get Pregnant

What does this Parable of the Zen Farmer say to you? To me, it says that even if it’s taking a long time to conceive a baby, there may be blessings in the wait.

Trust in God’s timing

You may never know why you haven’t gotten pregnant yet, or maybe something will happen in the future that makes you see the good fortune in the wait. Maybe you’re encouraging other couples coping with infertility, and your strength and perseverance is helping women who are trying to get pregnant. Maybe you’re learning and growing in ways you couldn’t if you had a baby. Maybe you and your spouse are developing in maturity or connecting more deeply as a couple. Trust that God knows what He is doing, and that your future is in His hands. He loves you and cares for you, and only wants the best for you.

If your relationship with God is suffering because you’re so discouraged about not getting pregnant, read Keeping the Faith When You’re Trying to Get Pregnant.

Keep learning about how to get pregnant

Some women know why they can’t get pregnant – perhaps they have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) or endometriosis. Some men know why they can’t achieve a pregnancy; my husband has a genetic marker that prevents him from creating sperm. Some couples have no idea why they can’t get pregnant, which can be most discouraging of all! There seems to be no solution if you can’t get pregnant because of unexplained infertility. One way to fight discouragement when you can’t conceive right away is to get a fertility checklist, and systematically go through each issue that affects your ability to get pregnant. Use the resources on this fertility blog. Explore different ways to increase your fertility, and cope with health issues that prevent pregnancy.

Be open to the possibility that maybe not getting pregnant is a blessing

Discouraged Because You Cant Get Pregnant

Discouraged Because You Can’t Get Pregnant?

My husband and I tried to conceive for a few years. We never did get pregnant, and I didn’t want to go through the emotional and financial stress of in vitro fertilization or other fertility treatments (though we did try IUI or intrauterine insemination for six months). I believe that God allowed infertility into our lives for a reason. Maybe it’s so I could blog about couples coping with infertility, or maybe it’s because God is protecting us from a really bad experience as parents. I don’t know why we couldn’t have kids, but I trust God. I believe we’re not meant to be parents, and we can use our time and energy in other ways.

Use this time of trying to get pregnant in positive ways

How has your discouragement about not getting pregnant affected your view of God, or yourself, or your marriage? Maybe you could use this time of waiting and hoping to conceive. Use it to grow emotionally and spiritually healthy, and to nurture your marriage so you’re connected as a couple. Use this time of waiting for the results of a positive pregnancy test in good ways, so you can be a healthy and happy parent to your child.

I welcome your comments about being discouraged because you can’t get pregnant – and this Parable of the Zen Farmer. I can’t offer counseling or advice for couples coping with infertility, but it may help you to share your experience here. Writing can bring clarity and insight, and show others they’re not alone.

My prayer for you is for faith, peace, trust, and hope. If you’re discouraged because you can’t get pregnant, I pray for strength and encouragement. May God open the eyes of your heart, and help you relax into His goodness and love for you. May you see and accept that whatever He has in store for you and your family is good, and that He is walking alongside you even when you feel alone and discouraged. Amen.

If you’re stressed about not conceiving a baby, read How Stress Affects Fertility and Getting Pregnant. It’s so important to slow down, take a deep breath, and allow your body to conceive when it’s ready.

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4 thoughts on “Discouraged Because You Can’t Get Pregnant?”

  1. I so want to cry and tear away at the fact that I can’t get pregnant it going on 7 years on marriage for us. But what I realize is that yeah there are so many people before me family, friends, ppl younger than me who hasn’t struggled as I felt me and my husband has to have a baby. I cry so hard wanting this gift , but God’s will for me is for a greater purpose and I trust it no matter what . I don’t want to envy anyone who ever God gives the opportunity to have a baby. It hits home when it’s your own family who hasn’t tried so hard and bam there pregnant . Discouraged no , sad yes.

  2. Excellent encouragement for couples discouraged because they can’t get pregnant! It’s a tough road because it feels like time clicks faster when you’re so wanting something. There’s a LOT of good info out for techniques and mindset for getting pregnant so keep hope! God’s delays aren’t necessarily denials.

  3. Thanks for being here, Sarah, and sharing your discouragement because you couldn’t get pregnant. It sounds like you really wanted to conceive a baby….my prayer is that you found healing and fulfillment in other aspects of your life if you couldn’t get pregnant. I couldn’t tell from your comment if you actually got pregnant, or if you started a family another way….but I hope you are happy, peaceful, and joyful in your life.


  4. I remember asking myself this same question month after month, I was so discouraged that I wasn’t getting pregnant. I thought I was doing everything right, I tried relaxing more, not thinking about it so much, exercised more, saw experts and yet I could not get pregnant. Each month would end in heartbreak; the tears would flood down no matter how hard I tried to stop them, no matter how much I tried to be positive about the new month ahead. I’d spend two weeks every month imagining that every little twinge my body made was different to the last month, that they were signs that I was pregnant, that this month was my month… only to have the month end in devastation. Not one to give up easily and certainly not one to take someone’s word for things, I set about digging up everything I could about getting pregnant.