Coping With Infertility on Mother’s Day


Dealing with the disappointment of not getting pregnant is hard, but coping with infertility on Mother’s Day is devastating.

Here are five ways to deal with sadness because you can’t get pregnant, on this day in May.

Before the tips, here’s a quick quip:

“Remember sadness is always temporary,” said Chuck T. Falcon. “This, too, shall pass.”

Infertility may or may not pass – but your feelings of sadness or depression will. One of the most important things is to be kind to yourself. I don’t know what works for you, but pampering myself make me fall a lot better about life. If you need a gift basket, check out the Tranquil Delights Lavender Spa Bath and Body Tote.

And, these tips may help you cope…

To cope on Mother’s Day, acknowledge and share your feelings

“Recent findings show that when we are able to identify and label how we are feeling, we activate other parts of the brain with very healthy and positive effects,” says Dr George Pratt, Ph. D., of Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla. “Science shows us that if you label your feelings and, ideally, express them to someone else, both your mood and your immune system benefit.”

Choose how you’ll spend the day

Give yourself permission to say no if you can’t handle a big family dinner with all your sisters, brothers, their kids, and the extended relatives. I’m not a fan of wallowing in sadness, but I think if we’re coping with infertility on Mother’s Day, we need to prioritize who we want to be around and how we spend our time.

Pamper yourself

This is where the gift basket comes in! Spend the day honoring your body and improving your self-image. If you know that won’t help, then treat yourself to something you love to do: go on a weekend road trip, watch movies in the afternoon, or cook a gourmet meal with your partner. Indulge yourself in the things you love.

Avoid destructive habits

I’m coping with infertility on Mother’s Day, and I can see myself sinking into the greasy fast food, potato chips, and chocolate chip cookies! I’ve got lots of unhealthy ways to deal with stress, anxiety, and sadness – but I feel fabulous when I don’t succumb to my cravings and bad habits. To avoid destructive habits, tell your partner, best friend, or family member that you’re struggling. Ask him/her to help you overcome your compulsion and stay healthy.

Get help if you need it

“If you’re still feeling sad in spite of making efforts to improve your mood, or if you are losing sleep, feeling irritable or hopeless, or having trouble getting through daily activities, call your psychologist or physician,” says Dr Pratt. “You may need therapy, medication or a combination of the two to start feeling better.” Don’t ignore feelings of despair or depression due to infertility.



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Are you struggling to cope with infertility on Mother’s Day? Comments welcome below…


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8 thoughts on “Coping With Infertility on Mother’s Day

  • Paula

    This is only my second mother’s day since we found out that I don’t ovulate and my husband’s sperm count is way below what is considered “low.” Last year it was hard to cope on mother’s day but I was still hopeful that within the year we’d be pregnant. Well another year has now come and gone…and I can’t believe how much harder this year is. I called my mom and wished her a happy mother’s day and managed to keep it together…but I can’t seem to call either of my sisters…is that beyond selfish of me? I don’t want to be a bad family member, but I have to listen to one sister constantly yell at her 4 children, and the other sister constantly complain about her 2nd pregnancy 364 days of the year…is it wrong of me to want to take this one day and just cry? They make me feel guilty for not being able to just “get over it” and move on.

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    I know — I feel exactly the same way. It doesn’t seem fair when some women get pregnant at the drop of a hat (or a sperm!) and others are stuck dealing with infertility on Mother’s Day and every day of the week.

  • almost30

    Thank you for posting about this. I am not actively trying to conceive, but I know I will have problems. It just makes me so sad to watch everyone around me have “oops” babies and be blessed, while I’m waiting a little bit longer for the right time. Can’t help but feel jealous!

  • Laurie PK

    I’d love to interview you about your experience, Vanessa. I’ve never talked to someone who was a surrogate….if you’re interested in answering a few questions about being a surrogate mother, I know other couples coping with infertility would be interested too!

  • Vanessa

    There is also surrogacy!! Ive been a GS for a gay couple and it was a great experience. I’d do it again in a heartbeat!!

  • Laurie PK

    Thanks Lauren, I love the idea of hanging out with gay friends. But, do they ever get depressed that they can’t have kids?

    And, I agree with you, Jamie! Adoption doesn’t take away the biological pull to have your own child. I know many couples who adopt say that they love their kids as if they’d given birth to them…but the whole conceiving a baby, being pregnant, and delivering must give you a different bond to your kid! Not better necessarily, just different.

    Anyway, thanks for your comments — and if you get depressed on Mother’s Day because of infertility, I’ll be here! 🙂

  • Lauren

    This is an excellent article! What I’ve done in the past to deal with this situation is have a good cry, and then do something really fun with my gay friends.

  • jamie

    Thank you for posting this!!!! People have such a negative opinion of infertility. Many act like it’s chosen and that “Just Adopting” will cure it. I wish I had the luxury of being that ignorant.