Here’s a list of benefits and drawbacks of adopting a child. As a couple coping with infertility, we’re deciding between adoption and in vitro fertilization (IVF) – and my list of pros and cons might help you with your own decision!
“Adoption isn’t about finding children for families…it’s about finding families for children.” – Joyce Maguire Pavao.
Connecting the right child with the right family takes a lot of energy and time – but the results can be miraculous. For more info about the adoptive process and adoptive parenting, click on The Complete Adoption Book: Everything You Need to Know to Adopt a Child. And, read on for my benefits and drawbacks of adoption…
The Benefits of Adoption
Guaranteed baby? If we went through a private adoption clinic, we’d more or less be guaranteed to take home a baby…wouldn’t we? The chances of bringing home a baby are higher than the chances of conceiving through in vitro fertilization (which for me are 50%, because I’m almost 40 years old). Adoption must have more than a 50% likelihood that we’ll bring home a baby.
Fewer health risks. If I went with in vitro fertilization, I’d first have to have a fibroid removed. It’s a big surgery – and it’s not necessary unless I want to try to get pregnant. I’m not into having surgeries or procedures unless they’re absolutely necessary…plus, waiting for the surgery, healing after the surgery, and the in vitro fertilization itself will all push conception back another nine months or so. But, an adoption could take years!
Opening our home. Birth mothers need loving homes for their babies…and we can provide that. A huge benefit of adoption is opening your heart and home to a baby who needs loving parents. And, as difficult as it is for the birth mother to give up her child, she’d know that he or she is living with parents who desperately want him/her.
The Drawbacks of Adoption
No pregnancy or childbirth. Although I don’t love the idea of going though childbirth (it sounds excruciating for some women), I would like to experience getting pregnant and having a baby. My husband would also like to experience having a pregnant wife…and a drawback of adoption is that you won’t experience childbirth.
No idea when the baby will come home. According to one adoption agency, once you’re approved it could talk a week to a few years for a birth mother to choose you. The birth mom goes through a binder of adoptive parents, and picks who she wants to raise her child. When you’re waiting to adopt, you could be cooling your heels for days…or years.
Possible health risks (for baby). You can’t control what the birth mom eats, drinks, or does during pregnancy. This is particularly interesting when you adopt a child whose birth mother was an addict or physically unhealthy somehow, or for overseas adoptions.
Expense. Adopting a child locally or overseas can cost upwards of $5,000. In our province, a private adoption costs $6,000 to $10,000. Adopting from an overseas orphanage or agency may be more expensive because of travel and government costs. We haven’t researched international adoptions; we’ll probably stick with a local agency.
Bonding. It seems like the majority of adoptive parents love the adopted child as they would their own biological child, but I wonder about bonding with an adopted child. Some biological mothers and fathers don’t bond well with their children, so doesn’t it seem logical that an adoptive parent may not bond with an adopted child? I expect normal bonding to occur…but I wonder how it feels to adopt a baby. Is the bonding natural and immediate? What if the “chemistry” doesn’t work?
If you’re coping with infertility and thinking about adoption or other ways to get pregnant – I’d love to hear from you below!