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How Women Cope With Infertility and Never Getting Pregnant

How Different Women Cope With Being InfertileFour different women share how they cope with infertility and never getting pregnant. You’ll find inspiration and hope here – learn about the possibilities after infertility!

First, a quip about not stressing about infertility:

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering,” says Pooh in Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, which was inspired by A.A. Milne.

One way to cope with infertility is to let go and accept whatever that comes…it’s both easy and difficult to just let go of your fears and concerns.

For more in-depth info on female infertility, read I Am More Than My Infertility by Marina Lombardo and Linda Parker.

And read on to learn four ways women can cope with infertility…

How Women Cope With Infertility and Never Getting Pregnant

1. Exercise and acupuncture for fertility. Linda says, “As someone who went through fertility treatments for three years after trying on our own for two years, I’m not sure there is any way to “cope.” My infertility was deemed unexplained until I hit 42 and my hormones began changing. I think the doctor was relieved to have a reason why I couldn’t get pregnant then.

The stress reliever that worked for me at the time was acupuncture and exercise. I tried everything else….special diets, feng shui, meditation, hypnosis, psychics, praying, reading, chiropractic treatments, yoga. You name it, I did it. What ultimately made us give up was money. Our insurance didn’t cover a dime of the treatments and after three years we had emptied our bank account.  Now 44, I find I’m still unable to give up even with the help of organizations like Resolve. I imagine it will just take time — or menopause — to accept the truth. I also believe every person is different and there can’t be one way of coping.” – Linda Verdon

2. Distractions. Kelly says, “We pretty much withdrew from the world during much of this time. Only our closest friends knew what we were going through, but even they couldn’t understand the pain we were experiencing. I got good at protecting myself and not putting myself in situations where I would suffer-like baby showers. My husband and I tried to see the humor in things, and watched a lot of movies. I read a lot. Basically I looked for ways to distract myself from the pain we were in. Did it help? A little. But that time in my life just basically sucked on most levels.” – Kelly James-Enger, coauthor of The Belated Baby: A Guide to Parenting After Infertility. Kelly and her husband adopted a child after coping with infertility.

3. Support Groups. Nicole says, “I was 31 years old and had been married for one month when I found out that I couldn’t get pregnant.  I am a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome and one side effect of that is Diminished Ovarian Reserve.  I remember clearly sitting alone across the desk from the doctor, at the one appointment that my husband, Chris, couldn’t attend.  The Dr. said, “Nicole, you have less than a ½ of 1% chance of ever having a biological child.”  Now, you would think that that would sound pretty close to zero.  But, Chris and I decided that we had to try at least one time.  We started immediately with an IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle which was a spectacular failure.  After the first check at Day 7, the nurse called me and said that my body just wasn’t responding at all.  Nothing.

After that, Chris and I decided to move forward with an egg donor and now have two incredible children.  We couldn’t have done it without our two support groups – one being a large, general infertility support group.  The other was a small group focused on egg donor recipients.  We made some lifelong friends in the smaller group.” – Nicole Witt, Executive Director of The Adoption Consultancy.

4. Never lose hope. Elise says, “When I first started experiencing infertility, I was 35 and I already had one child. I had become pregnant easily the first time, so I wasn’t expecting any problems the second time.  My husband and I ended up trying for 4 years to have another child, and after 5 pregnancy losses, I finally sought the help of a reproductive endocrinologist. The way I coped during those years was to never lose hope that I would have another child, and to remind myself how lucky I was to have my daughter.  It wasn’t always easy; it seemed everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women. Then I would feel sad and depressed and wonder why it wasn’t me who was pregnant–and yet, I was determined that we would have another child.

After one failed attempt at IVF (in vitro fertilization), we ended up adopting a baby girl from China.  A year before we traveled to China, I started working at Village Fertility Pharmacy. I understand first-hand what our patients are experiencing, and it is very rewarding to help other women realize their dream of becoming a parent.” – Elise Varkonyi.

If you still hope you’ll get pregnant, read Taking Too Long to Get Pregnant? 5 Baby Making Tips.

For my story, read Childlessness and Happiness – Why I’m OK With Being Childless.

Are you trying to get pregnant? Fairhaven Health's Hormone Balance Bundle improves egg quality, encourages cycle regularity, and helps your body ovulate regularly.

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What do you think of these ways different women cope with infertility? I welcome your thoughts below…

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4 thoughts on “How Women Cope With Infertility and Never Getting Pregnant”

  1. Mel, I’m right there with you. I’m raising my husbands daughter, I guess in a way it helps elevate some of the pain, but I’m not her mom. Her mom who is there maybe MAYBE 4 days a month. However, I’ll never be “mom”. I work In pediatrics, and do you know how many times I’m asked if I have kids? like if I didn’t I wouldn’t be worth their conversation? What I hate moste is the people who know me that keep asking me when I’m going to have a baby. Especially the ones I’ve told more than once that I can’t. Wine helps.

  2. I cope with infertility by focusing on the dreams and goals I can pursue, now that I know we won’t have children. I’m going to grad school, playing my flute in an orchestra, volunteering as a Big Sister, and working on my blogs.

    And, I always remind myself that having children may not have been what I expected – and it may not have been the best thing for me and my husband.

  3. Dear Mel,

    I can’t believe I missed your comment! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with infertility.

    Our lives will never be in vain and worth nothing, simply because we are decent, hardworking people. Having children does not guarantee that our mark on the world will be good, passionate, or valuable.


  4. So, here I am, only 40 years old and resigned now to being childless.

    I cannot and will not ever be able to have a child of my own — both because I cannot conceive and I cannot afford adoption. There are days that I move forward with no thought on the matter and other days it cuts me to my core. I once had a woman absolutely and totally stop talking to me once she learned I do not have children. As a college professor, I’ve had students tell me I would change my values (as I haven’t had TV since 1996 in my home) if I had kids and refuse to acknowledge that my life is worth something to future generations because I do not have a child. My mother even said once, “I don’t understand. I went through so much to have you. What is my purpose in life if you cannot have children?” I know the question was more about her struggles to have babies, but at the time I felt like she did not value me or see I could have any impact on the world even though I’m an educator and have taught over 1000 children in my lifetime.

    As far as “trying” to conceive, I have never been in an income bracket to afford treatments, and several years ago I needed an emergency hysterectomy (which I made $100 a month payments on for over a year, even with “good” insurance). As a result, all options were gone for me forever at that moment. I got a life — my own — and that is all I can hope for. I wish desperately that adoption was inexpensive for those like me who are good people (I have a master’s degree, honors for citizenship and community work, not so much as a speeding ticket) but I’ve been told because I’m a Jew and my husband is an agnostic that most private agencies do not want to give us a child (because they want the child brought up in a religious household and they believe my husband would never agree with me, no matter what we say).

    So, here I am, only 40 years old and resigned now to being childless. One artist friend said, “We say ‘childfree’ because we didn’t ever want children.” Oh, how I wish I never wanted a little one to share my loved ones with and pass my family’s love, history and stories onto. I do not want our lives to be in vain and be worth nothing to the future of the world, because we are decent, hard working people who believe in equality, education and kindness for all (regardless of whatever is popular in some religious and political circles). Wouldn’t it be better to have more children in the world who were taught this way?