When Your Friends Are Pregnant and You Can’t Conceive

My friend just announced her pregnancy; I’m happy for her, but sad for us. Here’s how I deal with the sadness and frustration of not getting pregnant.

We can’t have babies, and aren’t pursuing fertility treatments. I’m usually okay with my childless life – I’m all about Blossoming in all seasons of life, after all! But sometimes it hurts.

I’ve already written articles on living with infertility, such as How to be Happy When You Can’t Have Kids. This post will focus more on why I’m sad that my friend is pregnant, instead of my usual encouragement towards happiness and acceptance.

Nothing has changed in my life – yesterday, I was perfectly happy. But today I’m sad. I am really, really happy for my pregnant friend – she is so excited because they’ve been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years. But I sorta feel left out, I guess.

When Your Friends Are Pregnant

Resilience – bouncing back from disappointing news – is sometimes easier if we know the root of the problem. Maybe it’s as simple as wanting to be pregnant, and not getting what we want. Or maybe it’s more complicated than that (which I think it is for me).

If you’re sad because all your friends seem to be announcing their pregnancies and you’re the only one who isn’t pregnant, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Here’s what is making me sad…

Raising Hope (yes, the TV show)

Bruce and I have been watching back-to-back episodes of Raising Hope on Netflix. It’s hilarious and I love that show, but that baby is SO cute! It makes me want to have one, even though I know having a new baby can’t be that easy. It’s just that the family seems to gather round the baby, and there is so much more love, joy, and connection in the family.

Pregnant student at grad school

One of my fellow students (I’m getting my Master’s of Social Work at UBC) is pregnant, and her baby bump is obvious now. Again, I am very happy for her…but it makes me sad to see her.

infertility friend is pregnant

Me and Bruce, in Costa Rica

Need encouragement? Get a beautiful FREE "She Blossoms" 2019 calendar when you sign up for my free weekly Blossom Tips!

One Blossom Tip a week. Short and sweet. You'll love it.

* indicates required

The more pregnant friends I have – the more pregnant women I see – the sadder I get. It’s not necessarily because I want a baby. I’ve made peace with not having kids, and I love my life. I love the freedom, independence, and perks. It’s just that I can see the pros and cons of both having kids and not having kids – and so many parents say that kids are the best thing that ever happened to them.

I guess I feel like I’m missing out on an important aspect of life.

Support group for couples who can’t get pregnant

For my group therapy class, I wrote a 10 page paper that described an awesome idea for a support group for couples who can’t have children. For some reason, writing out what would happen in each week’s meeting made me sad, even though the sessions are meant to help us embrace life without children.

The reason I’m sad that my friend is pregnant has a lot to do with the focus of my life lately. It’s all babies or infertility. If I was surrounded by happy childless couples, then I probably wouldn’t be so bothered by the pregnant women in my midst.

How to Cope With the No-Baby Blues

A few quick tips for overcoming the sadness of having pregnant friends:

  • Let yourself be sad. Today, I’ll gear down and take a “sad day.”
  • Re-evaluate the aspects of your life that may need to change. I won’t drop out of grad school, but maybe I should focus my activities on couples and women who don’t have kids, and who don’t want to get pregnant.
  • Be grateful for what you have, because you have more than you realize.
  • Look at other ways to make life meaningful. I’m a Big Sister, and I love it! Recently, I’ve been thinking about starting or joining a support group for teens in foster care. I recently got the message that I should “Gather orphans” (from God)…maybe it’s time to figure out what that means to me.

Are you sad because a friend announced a pregnancy and you can’t conceive? Sometimes it helps to write it down. I know it helps me. Feel free to share your experience below.


Are you unhappy in your relationship? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage and FREE relationship advice from Mort Fertel, founder of the Marriage Fitness Program.

Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books

Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back - to help you walk through loss into a new season of life. I share glimpses into my life with a schizophrenic mother, living in foster homes, teaching in Africa, and coping with infertility. Woven through the book are practical, encouraging Blossom Tips to help you grow and flourish!

How to Let Go of Someone You Love She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

How to Let Go of Someone You Love - Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart After a Breakup. Do you feel like you'll never get over your broken heart? This ebook - available immediately - will help you heal. It's time to let go of what was, and embrace what will be.

When You Miss Him Like Crazy She Blossoms Laurie Pawlik

When You Miss Him Like Crazy - 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup! You miss him desperately right now, but you won't always feel this way. This warm, comforting ebook will give you the tools, encouragement and strength you need to move through the pain and start blossoming - today!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

One thought on “When Your Friends Are Pregnant and You Can’t Conceive

  • m90

    hey, first i’m sorry for my english.. i feel so sad ! all my friends have a babies and get pregnant and they looks so happy with it, but i can’t … it’s so hurt !!! sometimes i feel so angry for no reason *heartbroken* …….. and you feel like lifes goes on but your not !!!!