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How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend

You’ve been through a relationship breakup, and now you can’t control your obsessive thoughts about your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend! This breakup advice includes practical ways to stop obsessing about a lost love, based on a question from a reader.

Here’s what he said on my How to Let Go of Someone You Love article:

“I still seem to be obsessing about my ex. She crowds into my thoughts a dozen times a day. I’m trying my best to forget about her, but, despite what I’ve read and the advice I’ve gotten, I CAN’T GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD! I feel like I’m going through my days as half a person, with nothing ahead of me but regrets about what might have been….how do I stop my thoughts?”

Obsessing about your ex can be a normal part of breaking up – but if those thoughts are overpowering or overwhelming, then you need to find a way to take control. Below are six ways to stop obsessing about your ex.

How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex

Different people will find different ways to control obsessive thoughts effective…and the only way to learn what works for you is to try the one that most resonates with you first. If that doesn’t work after a couple of weeks, then try another technique.

Remember the dog-and-vomit analogy. I read There Is a Season by Patrick Lane, about his journey through addiction and recovery. He said thinking about terrible things in the past is like a dog returning to his own vomit (or something to that effect). I love this analogy, and use it when I start berating myself for something I regret doing. Instead of indulging in self-flagellation, I tell myself that I’m not a dog and I refuse to go back to my own vomit…and I then think “Eeewwww…” and I move on! This is a very practical, effective way to stop obsessing about a breakup. It can also work for addictive relationships.


The rest of this article has been moved to my new site, “How Love Blossoms”

Please read 5 Ways to Stop Obsessing About Him and Start Moving On


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2 thoughts on “How to Stop Obsessing About Your Ex-Girlfriend or Ex-Boyfriend”

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for your comment, Sam. I’m glad you’re not obsessing about your ex-girlfriend, but you’re still aware that it can happen.

  2. I just broke up with my girlfriend but don’t obsess about thinking about her. I think this article is a good thing to be aware of because obsessive thoughts can happen to anyone.